The Scariest Teddy Bear of All Time

Monday, June 16, 2014 at 3:47 pm

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I'm not even talking about that face, above, which is nightmare fueling enough.

No...this thing has an action feature that, once seen, will never be unetched from your retinas. This toy makes McFarlane Toys look like Fisher Price Little People. And it just sold for $712.

This is a true test of self-loathing, folks. Do you want to see the toy in action? Then proceed...

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6-9-14 Weekend Hangover: 17 Stories You Might Have Missed

Monday, June 9, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Be honest, you miss her as Mary Jane...

It's the stories you might have missed last week and over the weekend! Compiled with the aid of Kyle LeClair, this week's list includes stories on sushi dating, Beavis and Butt-head, Ant-Man, giant ancient crocodiles, Spider-Man erections and more.

Tips submitted by the likes of troi, SlyDante777, Citrus_King, rkwsuperstar, Dr.Gonzo82, GreggoryBasore, NOT.DrAbraxas, andre_morelo, skrag2112, Gallen_Dugall.

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The 10 Biggest Revelations in America's Zombie Defense Plan (and Their Real-World Implications)

Tuesday, May 20, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Late last week, the Pentagon released to the public, CONPLAN 8888-11: Counter-Zombie Dominance Operations, Basic Plan. It highlights US military response to a hypothetical zombie uprising on American soil or abroad. According to US Strategic Command Media Relations Officer Lieutenant Colonel Stephanie Bounds, the document was the result of a training exercise meant for officers to build an operations plan for an absurd situation. The use of zombies as an antagonist allowed for out-of-the-box and creative thinking, rather than strict, by-the-book planning. She was very quick to stress that the document is not an official plan for use in any anti-undead action, but was rather just the result of some creative, unknown officers brainstorming a unique response to an apocalyptic scenario.

Regardless of its origin, CONPLAN 8888 provides a stunning look into the minds that protect this country from all enemies foreign and domestic. As fantastic as it may be, its measures for zombie defense could easily be applied to other, more realistic threats like viral pandemics or even cyber warfare. It also give a frightening look into what potential responses could be used during times of crisis that lead to times of desperation. Here are ten surprising things you may not know about what could be our nation's zombie response. Set us at ZOMBIECON 1.

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"Steadfast Stanley" - Dog Seeks Boy in the Zombie Apocalypse

Tuesday, May 6, 2014 at 10:00 am

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Though his master is dragged away when the world goes to hell, Stanley is as single-minded as only a dog can be, with just one thought - get the light-up sneaker back to his master.

But we've all seen The Walking Dead. What are the odds that the kid's even alive? If you shed a tear for Seymour and Fry in Futurama, you'll want to see what happens next...

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See Trains in the Membranes; Electrodes in the Brain!

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 at 10:00 am

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You know how in movies and cheap-gag commercials, doctors doing cranial surgery can poke parts of a guy's brain, and he'll see himself being somewhere completely different?

Yep. It's a real thing now.

First he described seeing a railway station in the neighbourhood where he lives. Stimulation of a nearby area elicited another hallucination, this time of a staircase and a blue closet in his home. When stimulation of these areas was repeated, the same scenes arose.
Once they find the part of the brain recalling the last time you had a good lapdance, I'm guessing people will pay to own a remote control for the necessary electrode implantation.

h/t Gallen_Dugall

Exclusive Clip From Lucky McKee & Chris Sivertson's All Cheerleaders Die

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 at 8:00 am

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My history with this movie is longer than you might believe.

In my senior year of college, McKee and Sivertson lived a few doors down from me in university apartment housing. They were always doing things a little differently; for one, they were the only people I knew in my whole college career who pulled their beds out into the living room so that their bedroom could become a more private screening room of sorts.

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Blu-ray Today: Gamera, Hercules, Devil Baby and Naked Nuns

Tuesday, April 29, 2014 at 8:00 am

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Gamera: Ultimate Collection Vol 1 and 2 - Godzilla may be all the rage right now - so much so that even the animated series based on the Roland Emmerich version (there were 40 episodes??? Really???) is getting a DVD release - but Mystery Science Theater 3000's most favoritest kaiju will not be ignored.

You might say Gamera is what Michael Bay wished the Ninja Turtles were - a giant tortoise who smashes cities, and jet propels his shell into the air when needed. Like his precursor, Gamera began as a metaphor for nuclear fears, continued as a monster who fights other monsters, and has been rebooted a couple of times - the eight movies being released in these disc sets represent the original Daiei Studios films (in their original Japanese cuts) and end with the big guy's death, but don't worry - he's returned quite a few times since.

The Legend of Hercules 3D - Dear, dear Renny Harlin, what the hell happened to you? Was Cutthroat Island really that soul-shattering? Is it that you didn't think to cast Johnny Depp in your pirate movie? Whatever the case, rushing out a cheapie Hercules movie with Kellan Lutz to beat Dwayne Johnson and Brett Ratner to the multiplex feels like a desperation move. Harlin's take, from what I hear, hews closer to a low-budget 300 rip-off than actual Greek mythology, but my guess is most people renting this title will be doing so for the abs. And abs it has.

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TV Trifecta: Jason Voorhees, Blackbeard and Michael Bay

Thursday, April 24, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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"What is 'Three People Who've Ruined Childhoods,' Alex?"

-Friday the 13th was a series once before, but weirdly, it had nothing whatsoever to do with the movies besides the name, as it focused on the finding of haunted antiques. This time around, Friday the 13th is taking a page out of the books of Hannibal and Bates Motel, focusing on the Voorhees family and the people of Crystal Lake in multiple time periods. Just in case you don't get your fix of hockey masks, blood and guts from, y'know, actual hockey.

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The 7 Coolest Things About Ayumi Seto's J-POP Appearance at San Francisco's Cherry Blossom Festival

Tuesday, April 15, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Street fair season in San Francisco kicked off this this past weekend with the 47th annual Cherry Blossom Festival in Japantown. It tends to focus more on traditional Japanese culture - I arrived just as a Taiko drumming performance was ending - but it's also a precursor to one of my most favorite festivals, also happening in Japantown, later this summer: the J-POP SUMMIT Festival. As the name implies, J-POP is a celebration of all things related to Japanese pop culture - as they put it, "the latest in Japanese music, film, art, fashion, games, anime, food, as well as" (my personal favorite) "niche subcultures" -- and we got a preview in the form of an autograph and photo session with Ayumi Seto. She's a Harajuku Kawaii model turned Aomoji-kei fashion designer, and I spoke with her about just what Aomoji-kei fashion is, as well as about the nerdy influences in her new clothing line, "Aymmy in the batty girls," which takes most of its inspiration from American pop culture. (There are aliens and zombies involved.)

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Weekend Hangover: Superhero Furries, Spider-Politician, Sharknado 2 and More

Monday, April 14, 2014 at 10:00 am

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While I am certain - not - that most of you were either partying at Coachella or gettin' down to the MTV Movie Awards, many of your fellow readers were scaring up the usual mess o' stories that we didn't have room for last week. Compiled from the weekend thread with the help of Kyle LeClair, here are your weekend highlights of hilariousness.

Tipsters include: donnaryoko, Anyone00, SlyDante777, Dr.Gonzo82, Gallen_Dugall, Citrus_King, troi, andre_morello

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