You Could Bang a Robot in Five Years


If you?ve been lying awake at night, fitfully masturbating to The Jetsons? Rosie the Robot (and who hasn?t?), there is good news. Make that great news: According to this MSNBC article, we could all be fucking robots in five short years. Better still, it won?t necessarily make us all perverts!

At first, sex with robots might be considered geeky, “but once you have a story like ‘I had sex with a robot, and it was great!’ appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I’d expect many people to jump on the bandwagon,’ [artificial intelligence researcher David]Levy said.

The gents responsible for making this pleasure happen are the Japanese (of course), who are trying as hard as they can to make humanoid robots with the appropriate joints (and orifices, assumably). According to this totally separate sex-with-robots news article, the Japanese have got a robot to flutter her eyelashes beguilingly and appear breathing, a common turn-on for most men. They also plan to grow real skin in petri dishes to coat the pleasure-bots of the near future, so you?re more like to be able to nail Jude Law?s pleasure-droid from Spielberg?s rather terrible A.I. movie than, say, the uncomfortably hard-edged Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.

It?s also worth remembering that the first major character to emerge from post-war Japan was Astro Boy, a small robot boy wearing nothing but tight, crotch-hugging shorts, so no one should really be surprised that Japan?s leading the way in robo-fucking technology.

And if you’re really interested in male/robot-relations, or at least getting a tax break for it, MSNBC says you’ll be able to marry your robot as well, although it’ll be an additional 45 after years after the sexing starts, and you’ll probably have to live in Massachusetts (natch). The idea of robo-marriage does raise the age-old question, however?why buy the cow when you can have sex with a robot? (Or something like that.) ? Rob