Tech

You Could Bang a Robot in Five Years

0

girl_robot.jpg

If you?ve been lying awake at night, fitfully masturbating to The Jetsons? Rosie the Robot (and who hasn?t?), there is good news. Make that great news: According to this MSNBC article, we could all be fucking robots in five short years. Better still, it won?t necessarily make us all perverts!

At first, sex with robots might be considered geeky, “but once you have a story like ‘I had sex with a robot, and it was great!’ appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I’d expect many people to jump on the bandwagon,’ [artificial intelligence researcher David]Levy said.

The gents responsible for making this pleasure happen are the Japanese (of course), who are trying as hard as they can to make humanoid robots with the appropriate joints (and orifices, assumably). According to this totally separate sex-with-robots news article, the Japanese have got a robot to flutter her eyelashes beguilingly and appear breathing, a common turn-on for most men. They also plan to grow real skin in petri dishes to coat the pleasure-bots of the near future, so you?re more like to be able to nail Jude Law?s pleasure-droid from Spielberg?s rather terrible A.I. movie than, say, the uncomfortably hard-edged Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.

It?s also worth remembering that the first major character to emerge from post-war Japan was Astro Boy, a small robot boy wearing nothing but tight, crotch-hugging shorts, so no one should really be surprised that Japan?s leading the way in robo-fucking technology.

And if you’re really interested in male/robot-relations, or at least getting a tax break for it, MSNBC says you’ll be able to marry your robot as well, although it’ll be an additional 45 after years after the sexing starts, and you’ll probably have to live in Massachusetts (natch). The idea of robo-marriage does raise the age-old question, however?why buy the cow when you can have sex with a robot? (Or something like that.) ? Rob

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.