Return to the Planet of the Apes Franchise

I actually like the Planet of the Apes franchise more than the average nerd, mostly because in addition to the first movie, I love the fourth flick: Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, where the ape Caesar and his funky monkey army takes over the planet. It’s disturbingly violent and 100% awesome, so when I heard that a new PotA prequel was going to be made, called Caesar, my nerd-o-meter went off the chart.

But since no nerd is allowed to ever be truly happy, I fell deep into nerd despair when I read the synopsis of the film via /Film:

At first it was rumored that the film would be a remake of Conquest of the Apes or a new film called Genesis: Apes, but according to Chud that is not the case. The project is going under the working title “Caesar”. Fox’s Tom
Rothman says that it is “a kind of prequel story before the first
story, with a return to the social thematics that mark the first one,
but with an entirely contemporary setting – Earth 2009.” The film won’t
have talking monkeys and will not end with chimps taking over Earth.
Instead the film will be a hard science fiction film about humans that use science to create hyper-intelligent chimpanzees.

No thank you, Hollywood. I prefer my world-conquering apes to talk, hold rifles, and bitterly hate humans. and while I’m glad it’s not technically part of the old or new PotA franchise, I’m pissed they’re calling it Caesar.

You know, fan should be able to vote on the titles of these nerd films–since these are our franchises, it’s the least we should get. That way Hollywood can make whatever dumb-ass movie it wants, but we get to decide if its worthy of the name. So instead of Transformers, it could have been more accurately titled Michael Bay’s Giant Peeing Robots. G.I. Joe could be called Combat Douchebags. And the Star Wars prequels could be called The Movies That Necessitated the Phrase “Raped My Childhood.”