I’m really sorry to do this to you immediately after FFF, but news like this just can’t wait for us to recover emotionally — there’s a robot at the University of Phoenix Medical Center that has given birth to a robot baby. The robot’s name is Noelle, and… well, admittedly, she was programmed to give birth, but I think we can all agree this is super-fucked up. From Medgadget:

The Associated Press is announcing the arrival of NOELLE?, a birthing simulator conceived by Florida-based Gaumard Scientific Company.
This medical simulator system, the product of long and difficult labor,
is a “pregnant robot used in increasing numbers of medical schools and
hospital maternity wards.” Supplied with four umbilical cords, four
dilating cervices, two umbilical clamps and three vulva for postpartum
suturing (no less!), the device’s S560 model really delivers.

Zing! Here’s the really terrifying bit — in order to simulate labor, Noelle actually screams, cries, bleeds and pees while pushing tiny robo-baby Hal (!!!) out of her robo-vagina. From the Phoenix New Times:

Now the trio are […] are helping an average of 20 medical students a week diagnose all sorts of birth complications like cesareans and breach births. Noelle can even hemorrhage, all while screaming in pain and yelling things like “don’t touch me” at the medical students.

And let’s not forget little Hal, who can change colors, ranging from healthy pink to blue to simulate asphyxiation, so medical students can practice diagnostic techniques.

First of all, robots with vaginas are scary enough. But a robot with a vagina that can scream at you and pee on you simultaneously? That is the fucking scariest thing ever. (Via Geekologie)