sugar daddy ken.jpg?
Forget everything else. There’s only one subject worth discussing in the national consciousness, and that, of course, is Mattel’s Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken. Some of you doubted that the figure — which we now know to come with the above accessories, including bermuda shorts — to be real, just because Mattel doesn’t update its Barbie site for shit. Well, a Mattel spokeswoman has indeed confirmed the doll as 100% authentic, and, in addition, explained the horrible, depraved story behind the toy’s name to the New York Post:

“The ‘Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken’ is actually part of the adult
Barbie Collector Line,” the spokeswoman said. “It is targeted toward

And before anyone thinks the “Sugar Daddy” title
refers to an older man with a younger lover, Mattel says that there’s a
much more innocent explanation.

“The little dog’s name is
actually Sugar,” said the Mattel spokeswoman. “That’s where the name
comes from. He’s Sugar’s daddy, as a reference to the dog.”

Obviously, instead of giving money to teenage girls for sex like a normal sugar daddy, Palm Beach Ken has gone the more twisted route of fucking a dog and then raising the resulting puppy as his own. As twisted as that is, the most deviant aspect is that he calls the dog “Sugar.” No wonder Barbie never seems to hang around him anymore. (Via Geek Girl Diva)

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.