Super Terrific Japanese Thing: ????



?Sorry for the mystery. I know exactly what today’s Super Terrific Japanese Thing is, I just don’t want to put it the article title. The package for this item is pictured above, but let me assure you that the actual item — shown after the jump — is not only NSFW, it includes another NSFW pic of the above Japanese lady missing her top, but moreover, even the name of the item is NSFW (another reason I didn’t post it in the article title). This thing is just as scarring as the average FFF, so please, do not click if you’re not ready for something truly awful and horrible. I would also suggest waiting at least an hour after you’ve eaten, just to be safe. Remember: If you hit the link, this is not my fault.

Ladies and gentlemen You poor bastards and bastardettes, may I present to you The Great Virgin Pussy. It’s obvious one of those masturbatory aids, helpfully shaped like the Japanese porn star Chirio Aoi’s nether-regions. But unlike so many other fake vaginas, this one comes with Authentic Hymen Action — and red lotion to simulate Authentic Hymen Breaking Action as well. Wanna see?


?If that didn’t scar you enough, you can import this into the U.S. for your own recreational or educational use through JList for a mere $95. And if the Hymen doesn’t grab you (so to speak), don’t you worry — it has an anus! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa aaaaauuuugghghhhhhahahaaAAAAAUAUUUUUGHGHGHHGGHGGG

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.