The She-Hulk’s 10 Greatest Sexual Conquests

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?Just because you’re a super-strong working woman with green skin doesn’t mean you don’t like get a little action every now and then. Jennifer Walters lives a double life as a top NYC attorney and as the (formerly) Savage She-Hulk. With great legal and gamma radiation powers come great connections, and She-Hulk’s been part of the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, Heroes for Hire, the Defenders, and more since she debuted in 1980– basically, she’s been all over the Marvel universe. And Shulkie’s made use of the famous faces she’s come in contact with. Sexual use.

You might say she’s easy. You might say she’s simply asserting her sexual identity. In either case, the best parts of the Marvel Universe have seen the best parts of Jennifer Walters. Here are ten Marvel characters — not all of them superheroes — who have played on the green, so to speak. Although we imagine Shulkie would do some serious smashing if she heard any of her guy pals use the term.

10) Hawkeye

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?Of course, not the 616 universe. This coupling took place in the alt-reality of Battleworld, the Beyonder’s planet, after the Beyonder’s death. With the omnipotent gaming being dead, numerous heroes were stranded on Battleworld, that led to some Jen Walters sexin’. Hawkeye and She-Hulk paired off and the result was the not-at-all-gay-sounding hero Mustang. If it happened in the alt universe, we all have to look at Clint and Jen a little closer whenever they’re in the same room…

9) Clay Quartermain

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?Clay was a SHIELD agent (dead now), who was assigned to a team with Shulkie. While they were talking nonchalantly about Jen’s ended marriage, signals were sent and they ended up knocking boots on the Helicarrier. That’s how things work in the fast-paced world of the future, I guess.

8) Hercules

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?They did it on a couch.

7) Tony Stark

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?The question really is, “Who, aside from possibly Jarvis, hasn’t had sex with Tony Stark?” I bet half the women reading this list have had sex with Tony Stark, and even a few of the dudes. And even if the dudes haven’t, they’ve written fan fiction saying otherwise. In reality, I suspect that Tony’s heart is just fine, the chestplate just feeds power to his robot penis.

6) Wyatt Wingfoot

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?While 80% of this list has just had one-nighters with Shulkie, Wyatt at least tried to make an honest woman out of her. The two were engaged for a while in the pages of Fantastic Four and the She-Hulk solo title, which means the Hulky woman and hulky Native American boinked quite a bit. I mean, it was the liberated ’80s, after all. According to the soft-core porn from that era, there was an awful lot of sex going on amongst engaged and non-engaged couples.


5) Starfox

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?Ah, if it was only the plucky pilot from the SNES game. Instead, he’s an Eternal from Titan with the sex drive of Ron Jeremy circa 1978. The two of them hooked up during his brief time in the Avengers, but their short relationship came back to haunt her when Starfox was on trial for sexual assault. Turns out Starfox didn’t have to use his sexual control powers to bed Jen, they just felt like doing it. If you can’t be with the one you love, bang the Eternal you’re with.

4) Luke Cage

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?Did they? Didn’t they? The relationship was brief, but Carol Danvers more or less spilled the beans to Luke’s wife over lunch one time. In the comics, there was some dating, yes, during the Heroes for Hire era, but was there sex? Ms. Marvel seems to think so. And it’s a couple that is more or less unbreakable, so that had to be a fun weekend.

3) Hulk

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?Cousin-humpin’! It’s evil. And icky. And it happens, in the future. When the Hulk wants to reproduce, who does he go to? Someone he knows is biologically compatible and can take the strain of his highly muscled offspring. Turns out that someone is his poor cousin, Jennifer Walters, who was probably less happy about it than in the fan art above. This happened during the Old Man Logan storyline, which is insanely nihilistic, so don’t expect it to become canon, but points to Mark Millar for going there.

2) Man-Wolf

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?The lucky man-wolf who married the jade giantess (do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with different words for “She-Hulk” and “sex?”). The love affair between John Jameson and Jennifer Walters made up a good chunk of the latest She-Hulk series, culminating with a Las Vegas wedding. And there was LOTS of sex, almost too much. It got annoying, really. Then they found out that the aforementioned Starfox was shooting them full of endorphins, and when he stopped, well, the magic was over.

1) Juggernaut

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?Don’t listen to Dan Slott, who said this was an alternate universe She-Hulk. The fans wanted it to happen and it was AWESOME. They broke the bed. They broke the floor. And Dan Slott broke our hearts when he said it didn’t happen.