Now nobody here would ever think of hating on Slave Leia. She’s a force of nature — an icon of nerd sexuality. Whether she’s hawking perfume, washing our cars, or making various young starlets seem geek friendly, she’ll always have a place in our hearts (and regions southward).
Indeed, the classic bronze bikini top/harem skirt designed by ROTJ costume designers Aggie Guerard Rodgers and Nilo Rodis-Jamero, inspired by artist Frank Frazzetta’s Egyptian Queen, and worn by Carrie Fisher at the peak of her hotness has become Nerddom’s french maid outfit.
But there’s much more to geek fetishism than just enslaved princesses with Hutt drool on them — and it’s worth remembering there are plenty of other sexy/nerdy costumes for nerdy girls to wear (and nerdy boys to gawk at). So join us, intrepid friends, as we examine 10 more sexy nerd ensembles that are just as impressively attractive as Leia’s metal bikini.
And thanks to Wookieepedia for the Slave Leia costume trivia. [Editor’s Note: Yes, there will be a Hottest Nerd Costumes for Guys list. Probably in a couple of weeks. So there. Nyah.]
The “Princess of Power” might not possess the kind of raw, nerdy sexuality one would expect from such a list — but she makes up for that with the powerful feelings of nostalgia she elicits from the children of the Reagan Era. Her show was the first so-called “girly” cartoon that young boys in the ’80s could admit to liking without fear of peer reprisal. Sure she was a horrible, cootie-infested girl, but she had an awesome magical sword, and she beat the shit out of Hordak on a daily basis — a villain so incredibly badass he even made Skeletor his bitch.
?Let’s be honest; Milla Jovovich could make a hazmat suit look sexy. But when an insane Frenchman wrapped ace bandages ’round her naughty bits, gave her bright orange-red hair, and proceeded to have her kick copious amounts of really gnarly alien ass in The Fifth Element, the stuff of the wettest, nerdiest dreams came into being. That the insane Frenchman was director Luc Besson, husband of Ms. Jovovich, is only slightly weird.
8) Seven of 9
?Were it not for the addition of this busty Borg, Star Trek: Voyager would’ve gone down in history as “The One That Doesn’t Suck as Hard as Enterprise”, rather than its current exalted status as “The One with Seven of 9.” One of the simpler ensembles on this list, the lovely Jeri Lynn Ryan stopped interstellar traffic in nothing more than a skintight silver jumpsuit and just enough cybernetic accents to be sexy, but not so many as to make one feel they’re spanking it to an issue of Popular Mechanics. Seven would’ve been ranked higher, but the pics testify to the difficulty of pulling this look off — spandex is a cruel and unforgiving mistress.
7) Lara Croft
Ass-kickin’, cap poppin’, Tomb Raidin’ hottie Lara Croft has been with us for the better part of two decades. And with each new iteration she just gets rounder and bouncier as the puddle of drool at the collective feet of male Nerddom grows wider and deeper(ok, that was kinda gross). There’s not a whole lot to this one — just a halter top and black shorts, really. However, as any woman will tell you, even the most basic outfit can become something special with the right accessories — like heavy caliber pistols strapped to bare legs, a few grenades, a boot knife, and a groovy pair of round sunglasses. Not even Indiana Jones could make so many nerds consider a career in Archaeology.
6) Poison Ivy
Despite the best efforts of Joel Schumacher, DC’s sexiest eco-terrorist remains an object of geek affection and a favorite of cosplayers (really, how does one manage to make both Uma Thurman as an actress, and Poison Ivy as a character completely physically unappealing?).
Thought: If people who get their jollies from animal costumes are “Furries”, does that mean people who like dressing up as anthromorphic plants are “Leafies?”
Chun-Li will be forever enshrined in the annals of nerd-dom. For the first time, boys didn’t have to feel like a repulsive deviant for being attracted a popular videogame. Sure, her legs made up 80% of her height and 90% of her body weight, but she was still basically woman-shaped. Plus, she had a move set designed specifically to give her opponent a detailed view of her nether regions(a very distracting strategy in the real world, we’d wager). The Street Fighting Siren has become nothing less than a cosplay institution, and the closest costume on this list to challenge Slave Leia’s throne.
?Believe it or not, the Thundercats’ resident ho Cheetara wasn’t on the first draft of this list. We were operating under an unspoken assumption that the list would be strictly humans only. Then we saw the cosplayers, and the fact that she went from unranked to #4 speaks for itself. There’s a nerd legend that says every male geek who gives his life in the defense of nerd-dom (like wearing a dynamite vest to the set of Transformers 3) has a pair of twin Cheetaras waiting for him in Nerd Heaven.
3) Wonder Woman
?America’s favorite Amazon is the world’s most well-known comic heroine, and her trademark star-spangled bustier is one of the few outfits on this list that you needn’t be a nerdess to wear. It’s not uncommon to find a Wonder Woman at any normal, mundane costume party (and unlike some of the ensembles on this list, no one in the world would need to ask her: “What the hell are you supposed to be?”). So with such popularity why, you might ask, isn’t she #1? Well, like the title says, this is a list of nerd fantasy costumes, and WW, while still beloved by millions in the community, isn’t really ours anymore. She’s a pop culture icon and belongs to the world. Not to mention the still simmering debate: Is she nothing more than the manifestation of chauvinistic, adolescent fantasies? Or is she a bold, empowered paragon of womanhood unafraid to celebrate her sexuality? But we digress.
Ah, our dear Baroness! Cold, cruel, devious, brilliant, and four-alarm hot. Cobra Commander may have been “in charge,” Serpentor might’ve had the DNA of history’s greatest conquerors, but Destro smokes both these losers — why? Because while the illustrious Commander is heating up a Hot Pocket and downloading snake porn, D-Man’s drinking champagne out of Baroness’ navel.
This outfit is a boon to bespectacled cosplayers, since they don’t have to sacrifice their vision while rocking the ‘con in black vinyl.
It’s damn near impossible not to look good in a Catwoman costume. Whether it’s Julie Newmar in painted-on feline leotards, or Michelle Pfeiffer’s corseted DIY vinyl fetish gear, the look made famous by Batman’s hottest semi-moral nemesis/love interest slinks into the top spot of our list. Much as we adore Slave Leia, she’s merely a costume — Catwoman is an attitude. The meekest shrinking violet will strut her stuff like a runway walker in this ensemble — and without being obvious or vulgar.
Congratulations, Miss Kyle — may your desire for anonymity continue to feed nerd fantasies forever.