Sir Terry Pratchett, Total Badass




ENGLISH fantasy author Sir Terry Pratchett says he was so excited
after being knighted by the Queen that he decided to make his own sword
to equip himself for his new status.

It was not enough, however, simply to find some metal and get a blacksmith to bash it into shape.

believing the sword would not truly be his own unless it was made from
metal he had produced, found a field with deposits of iron ore near his
home in Wiltshire, west of London.

He gathered the deposits and smelted the iron ore himself.

author, 62, who has sold about 65 million copies of his books, which
include the Discworld series, said: “Most of my life I’ve been producing
stuff which is intangible and so it’s amazing the achievement you feel
when you have made something which is really real.”

With help from
his friend Jake Keen — an expert on ancient metal-making techniques —
the author dug up 81kg of ore and smelted it in the grounds of his
house, using a makeshift kiln built from clay and hay and fuelled with
damp sheep manure.

Pratchett, who has Alzheimer’s disease, also said he had thrown in
“several pieces of meteorites — thunderbolt iron, you see — highly
magical, you’ve got to chuck that stuff in whether you believe in it or

After days of hammering the metal into bars, he took it to a
blacksmith, whom he helped to shape it into a blade, which was finished
with silverwork.

Pratchett has stored the sword, which he
completed last year, in a secret location, apparently concerned about
the authorities taking an interest in it.

He said: “It annoys me that knights aren’t allowed to carry their swords. That would be knife crime.”

To recap: Terry Pratchett — author of the wonderful Discworld books, member of the Order of the British Empire, sufferer of Alzheimer’s — made himself a sword. This would be incredible enough — the dude smelted his own goddamn weapon! — but then he also made his own sword out of fucking meteorites.

Nerdy ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have a new god. Thanks to everyone who sent this in. (Via Obvious Winner)