Things Dr. Doom Would Say While on a Unicorn: And the Results Are…

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Before we start the many, many Honorable Mentions and five (5!) winners, I’d just like to thank Mighty Fine for sponsoring this week’s contest and giving away five (I said 5!) of their amazing Doom on a Unicorn shirts. That, and I just wanted one more excuse to post the pic again. On with the glory!

Extra Honorable Mentions this week. Once you see the results, you’ll know why.

AfterGlow said:

Try to upstage me this time, Richards!

Jedisilk said:

“I don’t want to sound like a queer or nothing but I think unicorns are kickass!” (Thank you Orgasmo!)

Kiefziel said:

NOW WHO IS THE FANTASTIC ONE?

Muad’Dib said:

“Behold!!! The power to ride over rainbows while drinking cotton candy flavored waterfalls from a unicorn penis is MINE!!!”

Mech5 said:

“Fear not, horned horse! I shall invest in a mask for you soon enough. Then we…WILL MATCH!”

ThePirateStar said:

“Fly Sparkles, fly! Our dreams are just over the rainbow!”

Mordrun said:

Behold the impale horse, and his name that sat on him was Doom, and Hell followed with him.

P3anut said:

WITH THIS MIGHTY STEED I CAN FINALLY GET MY REVENGE AGAINST SQUIRREL-GIRL.

Kenshiro said:

HOW DID DOOM GET IN ANOTHER STEPHEN KING NOVEL??

Boojangles said:

‘Behold lesser beings…the POWER COSMIC!’

Blueman of Steel said:

So Richards, WHERE’S YOUR PRECIOUS SCIENCE NOW?!

Monkey boy said:

“RICHARRRRRDS!!!!!!!!! I…I love you.”

Count Spatula said:

“Saving myself for after marriage has had unforeseen benefits.”

mrm1138 said:

“Doom commands you to convey him to the home of Julian McMahon, mythical beast! He shall learn the price of his folly for his inaccurate portrayal of my greatness!”

McRo said:

Taste the Rainbow, FEAR the rainbow!

flippant said:

“Thus will all little girls bow to the will of DOOM!”

Boredlizzie said:

When the last Doombot self destructs over the last Latverian mountain
And Reed Richards breathes his last along with Roger Corman
In the shadow of von Doom though he may be old and worn
They will stare unbelieving at the Last Doomicorn!

mickey stabs said:

Were you expecting Robocop?

louieatrest said:

“Trust me, I’m a doctor.”

Marok said:

Taste the PAINbow!

zughammer said:

On second thought, let’s not go to Latveria. It is a silly place.

Puzzled Pagan said:

Visit Latveria, home of the majestic unicorn. SO DOOM COMMANDS. Also, WHEEEEE

Joe_Spence said:

CIRCULAR RAINBOW! WHAT DOES IT MEAN!?!

techbender said:

“I witnessed one of these kill Dolph Lundgren with a single breath, and that was just a child. Prepare for a most painful demise, Richards!”

filmbuffed77 said:

Hell! If Hulk can have a motorcycle and Spider-Man can have the Spidey-copter, why the hell can’t Doom have a unicorn?

Denjiro said:

Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight, with his doombots to help him fight, he is the one named Sailor Doom!

KingOfDoma said:

THIS WILL BE DOOM’S MOST EMBARRASSING VICTORY EVER!

A few more mentions and the winners are on the next page. DOOM TOTALLY COMMANDED THIS.

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LJSLarsson said:

“I warn you, Richards. This time, not even your delicious hostess pies will save you from Doom!”

Jareth said:

Now no one can stop me with this mighty horn between my legs! Also, I’m riding a unicorn.

AlgusUnderdunk said:

“CURSE YOU RICHARDS! MY BEING ON A UNICORN HAS NO BEARING ON YOU BEING A DICK!”

brando said:

MY OTHER RIDE IS SUE STORM !

Qrst1 said:

“CURSE THESE CONTINUITY CHANGES!!!

Clockwork Smurf said:

“Disney will in no way affect Marvel’s storytelling.”

MattgomeryScott said:

“DOOM! REGRETS!! NOTHING!!!… Except letting Latverian children design his new throne… Though it is comfy.”

Josh H said:

“DOOM COMMANDS THE OLD SPICE GUY TO ENVY HIS SECURE MASCULINITY!”

Evil Monkey Pope said:

“Doom is not overcompensating. Verily, it is Doom’s gelded steed who is the overcompensator.”

Factysatin said:

Come with me if you want to live.

ljdarten said:

THIS is what DOOM would do for a klondike bar!

PinkevilBob said:

DOOM KNOWS WHAT NPH WOULD DO!!!

WINNERS NOW. SO DOOM COMMANDS.

Krakes said:

Tremble before Doom’s awesome virginity!!!!

Truly, the best of the unicorn/virgin jokes. The idea that Doom has someone managed to weaponize the fact that he’s not had sex is silly but extremely Doom-like, and makes me giggle.

JohanTenma99 said:

Hello Sue, look at me, now look at your man, now look back at me. Does your man rule a nation? I’m on a unicorn.

The first of the Old Spice parodies, and the best. ‘Nuff said.

thelordofhell said:

“DECKARD IS A REPLICANT!!”

A very nice nerd in-joke, but — assuming Doom on a unicorn is some kind of fever dream vision — which is a pretty reasonable explanation, I think — it’s some thing that fever dream Doom might reasonably say.

Christian said:

This is Richards Fault!!! Don’t asky how or why, just accept the word of Doom on a Unicorn!!

And this is exactly what Doom would say if he found himself on a goddamn uniform.

Tentacore said:

You laugh, but this is a hundred times more comfortable then the leprechaun.

You see Doom riding on a unicorn. Now imagine Doom trying to ride a leprechaun. Dude gets a shirt.

The contest ends — SO DOOM COMMANDS. ALL PROBLEMS’ WITH CONTEST RESULTS ARE RICHARDS’ FAULT. Thanks to everyone for entering, and again to Mighty Fine for being so groovy.