I have just discovered something about Japan: When they make things like videogame controllers you play with your dick, I am no longer bothered. Sure, I was bothered yesterday, but that’s until Great White Snark posted this video of a Japanese TV show getting three incredibly small children to believe they’re being attacked by a zombie. It is one of the most horrifically cruel tricks I’ve ever seen, and I have no idea how it doesn’t constitute child abuse. On the plus side, if you stick past the kids’ initial terror, they do turn into an elite and adorable zombie fighting force. If it had been me, I would have pissed myself with terror and never stopped crying. I wouldn’t have fought, that’s for sure, unless you count having a total emotion breakdown some kind of attack. Then I’d be traumatized for life. I hope one of these kids grows up to be a lawyer and sues the bejeezus out of everyone involved in this thing.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.