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Necronomidong ex Mortis, the Dildo of the Dead

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Are you a woman who wishes you could fuck Cthulhu or one of the Elder Gods? Are you a man who wishes you could be anally penetrated by an Alien? Or are you just someone who would enjoy a rotting zombie penis? Well, have I got good news for you.

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?Necronomicox is ready to meet your infinitely disturbing sexual needs with their line of “horror film inspired” dildos. From left to right, that’s the Xemomorph, the Mythos and the Zombi. They’re also over $150 dollars each, which makes them unspeakably evil on several levels!

Come on, ladies and gentlemen. If you really want to insert something evil in your bodies, the Twilight dildos are far, far cheaper. Thanks to my buddy Jacob for bringing these atrocities to my attention.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.