?Did you know there are apparently no pictures of Scotty standing next to Chekov from the 2009 Star Trek reboot movie? It’s not that interesting a fact, but I’d rather discuss my Google image search woes than start today’s FFF. Oh well, best get it over with.
“What is the matter with you?”
An excellent question that should be asked at least once during every FFF.
Pavel smiled sheepishly and started to blush. Normally he hated
blushing, but he also knew that Scotty found it adorably attractive, so
in this instance he thought it might work in his favor. And Pavel wasn’t
disappointed; the incredulous look on Scotty’s face instantly began to
“Oh, hey,” Scotty murmured, slipping an arm around Pavel’s narrow shoulders. “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”
“Is okay,” said Pavel, cuddling up to Scotty. “It was only a suggestion.
I know it is, uh, how you say unconventional, but …” He trailed off and
looked up into Scotty’s eyes from beneath his lashes. “Have you never
thought about it?”
Scotty fidgeted. “Er, well … it may have … crossed my mind once or twice.”
Remember — since this story from MadEyeMax is definitely set in the ’09-iverse, this means that for all intents and purposes, it stars Simon Pegg and Anton Yelchin. Not James Doohan and Walter Koenig. I want the images you’ll be desperately trying to get out of your head in a few minutes to be as accurate as possible.
Now Scotty was blushing. Of course Scotty had thought about it,
Pavel thought cockily. But this wasn’t the time to rub Scotty’s nose in
it. Pavel wanted to entice him, not embarrass him.
Is “rub Scotty’s nose in it” a bit of foreshadowing? I’m not telling.
“We could do it, you know, Scotty,” Pavel whispered, placing a hand on
Scotty’s chest and slowly lowering it to his belly. “You and me. It
could be like ritual for us.”
Remember you need to be reading all of Chekov’s dialogue in the accent. “Wee could do eet, you know, Skotti. You an mee. Eet could be like reetual for us.”
Scotty looked sidelong at him. “Ritual.”
“Yes. Is that the right word? You could … mark me, you know? Your territory. Your possession.”
“And den you kould pay taxes on mee.”
Scotty gulped. “Y-you’d like that, then, would ya?”
“Oh, yes. I think about it many times. Think it would be sexy. Intimate.
I am yours, you know, Scotty.” Pavel slipped his hand down a bit
further, his fingertips just skirting Scotty’s groin.
Scotty’s eyes darted. They weren’t alone. They were sitting in an
out-of-the-way corner in the mess hall, and Pavel was certain no one
could see what his hand was doing beneath the table, but he knew Scotty
would be nervous about getting caught. All the better to get Scotty to
take him back to his quarters.
Scotty took a breath. “So, what, we’d just go into the shower together and … then I’d …”
“Piss on me,” Pavel whispered right into Scotty’s ear. “Yes.”
“Peeze on mee, Skotti. Kover me wid your leequeed gold.”
Scotty gulped again and let out a puff of air as though he’d just gotten
the most universe-shattering news of his life. Pavel had him right
where he wanted him, and now to bring it on home. Pavel nudged his nose
against Scotty’s ear, his breath wafting gently over Scotty’s neck, and
he slowly inched his fingertips down, down, down toward the warm,
hardness that resided at Scotty’s crotch.
“MY PENIS CANNA TAKE MUCH MORE O’ THIS, CAPTAIN.” Sorry. That’s only traditional Trek phrase joke I’ll be using, promise.
Scotty shuddered and reached down to grab Pavel’s hand. He gripped it
tight and slowly met Pavel’s eyes. Pavel stared at him, his gaze steady
and sure. There could be no uncertainty in his eyes. Scotty would see
it, latch onto it and use it as an excuse to chicken out. Not that Pavel
was uncertain in any way. No, he definitely wanted this. And so did
Scotty; his eyes were positively smoldering.
I’d like to imagine that Scotty isn’t as much into peeing on people in general, and more into just peeing on Chekov in particular because he’s an annoying, gross little bastard.
“Let’s go, then,” Scotty said under his breath, and the two of them
proceeded to stand and exit out into the corridor. They walked as
quickly as possible to Scotty’s quarters.
* * *
This … was … just … what?
Also a valid question for any other FFF.
Scotty could hardly complain; things were never boring with Pavel. The
boy was endlessly energetic and imaginative. And it wasn’t so much that
Scotty had ever truly been shocked by anything Pavel had suggested;
Scotty had been around long enough, and was kinky enough, to keep up
with just about anyone in that regard. It was just … well, Scotty hated
to to admit it, but he supposed he’d underestimated Pavel’s kink factor.
He didn’t expect Pavel to be into half the things the boy had
Although the whole “doin’ it froggy-style” was something Scotty hoped to avoid in the future.
Now, as Scotty undressed and watched Pavel do the same, he wondered if
Pavel had been feeding him scotch all night on purpose. Yeah, he
probably had been. Not only did it have the effect of lowering
inhibitions, but Scotty’s bladder was now full to bursting.
So Chekov tells Scotty he wants to be pissed on, then keeps Scotty drinking liquid all night. Yeah, that’s a pretty cunning deception by him, Scotty. Sherlock Holmes would be envious of how you connected those dots.
Pavel stepped out of his underwear. He straightened back up and stood
before Scotty, naked and hard, his eyes focused intensely on Scotty’s.
Pavel’s words echoed in Scotty’s head: “I am yours, you know, Scotty … Your possession … You could mark me.” Scotty’s dick twitched.
Do they not have magic markers in the 24th century? Because that would be a much easier, cleaner marking alternative here.
Pavel stepped toward him, eyes focused on his, and reached out to take
Scotty’s hand. Scotty gave it to him and let Pavel lead him to the
bathroom. Scotty’s heart was pounding. They were really going to do
this. Of course he’d thought about it before, but never seriously. It
was just a silly, kinky fantasy, and not even one Scotty had ever really
wanted. It was just one of those dirty things that flitted through his
mind as he neared climax or when his mind wandered to sex during the
more mundane tasks of the day. He was never even going to bring it up.
Yeah, we all think of silly things like pissing on our sexual partners during climax. Right? …right?
Pavel glanced back at him as they stepped toward the shower. His eyes
were bright and happy, big and trusting, and he smiled at Scotty. He
didn’t look like someone who was about to get pissed on.
He looked like a
happy kid leading his friend onto a fun ride at an amusement park.
Like the “Log Flume,” I suppose.
released Scotty’s hand and stepped into the shower. He held Scotty’s
gaze as he lowered himself to his knees.
Scotty’s dick twitched some more.
Did Scotty’s dick get caught in a transporter accident or something?
“Do you want the water on?” Scotty asked.
Pavel shook his head. “After.”
Scotty nodded and began to feel terribly shaky as he stepped into the
shower too. He stood before Pavel at what he decided was an appropriate
distance for this and brought his hands to his dick.
The amount of forethought going into Scotty’s positioning for peeing — which obviously means the author has considered it himself, at some point or another — is upsettingly impressive.
immediately went down to look at it. His little pink mouth was slightly
open, his lower lip pouting a bit. He looked almost curious, as though
he’d never seen Scotty’s cock before, or as though he was seeing
In Chekov’s defense, Scotty had put his penis in a little fireman’s outfit for the occasion. It was kind of amazing.
Scotty had to hold back his own nervous snickering.
His cock was nothing amazing, but Pavel always looked at it like it was.
Sweet lad, God love him.
I’d like to imagine Simon Pegg, for some reason reading this tale, being upset that his character is pissing on another character, but then getting really upset that the author says Scotty’s penis is merely average. “No, Scotty’s cock is quite impressive, thank you very much!”
This was not supposed to be an activity that made one feel all warm and
fuzzy inside, but that was exactly what was happening.
And warm and gross on the outside!
Scotty was about
to use the kid as a toilet, for Christ sake! Scotty’s breathing picked
up a bit at the thought of how intimate this act really was. The fact
that they loved each other only made it that much sexier.
Sexiness of peeing on somebody = 0 Sexiness of peeing on somebody, multiplied by love between partners = 0 times X = Still 0
Scotty was still half-hard, but that wouldn’t be an issue. He displayed
his dick with one hand so Pavel could look at it, since the lad seemed
to enjoy doing that so much, and then reached out with his free hand to
caress Pavel’s face. Pavel looked up at him at that, his big eyes
looking even wider from this angle.
“You sure?” Scotty asked quietly, his thumb caressing Pavel’s rosy cheek.
Pavel nodded, and Scotty saw his prick give a little jerk. “I am ready,” he whispered.
Scotty took his hand away from Pavel’s face and Pavel focused his eyes
on Scotty’s dick again. Scotty took a shaky breath, widened his stance
and thrust his hips forward a bit as he began to relax his muscles,
trying to will the liquid out.
* * *
Pavel settled down on his knees, spreading them apart as much as he
comfortably could, and stared right at the little slit in Scotty’s
prick. He licked his lips and fidgeted a bit as he waited. He wanted to
lean forward and give Scotty a little lick, but he resisted. That would
probably not be conducive to what they were trying to do here.
And then it happened. Scotty had made sure to aim at Pavel’s chest
first, and the warm liquid hit him right between his nipples. Pavel
sucked in a little breath and his face broke out in a huge grin. It was
really happening. Scotty was peeing on him. Holy fucking shit!
He looked up and grinned at Scotty, a little gleeful laugh escaping him, and Scotty laughed too.
It’s funny because someone’s peeing on somebody!
“Enjoying yourself, then,” said Scotty.
Pavel nodded as he looked back down at Scotty’s prick. Scotty moved the
stream around, coating Pavel’s entire chest in piss, aimed at each of
Pavel’s nipples in turn, making Pavel shiver at the sensation. Pavel got
his hands in it, rubbed it all around on his skin, getting his biceps
wet with it too. He kept thinking to himself Scotty’s peeing on me. I’m playing in Scotty’s piss. He’s marking me, claiming me. I’m his.
Also: Thees ees really gross. Why deed I want thees again?
He thought these words over and over, not wanting to miss a moment of
this, not wanting his mind to wander for even a nanosecond.
I MUST PAY ATEENTSHEEN TO THE PEEZE
made his cock pulse, made him drop his head back for a moment, arch his
back and shut his eyes, showing off a bit for Scotty, showing Scotty how
much he liked this, showing Scotty that he, Pavel, did indeed belong to
him, that it was his right to use Pavel like this.
So he’s officially a Pavel-potty now, right?
Scotty aimed down at Pavel’s crotch, saturating his pubic hair, and then
he moved the stream back up again, slowly inching toward Pavel’s neck.
Pavel met his eyes again and saw the question right there in Scotty’s
blue-gray irises. Do you want it up higher? is what Scotty was asking. Pavel nodded instantly. Yes, he wanted that very much.
When two people are in love, and really want to urinate on each other, some times they can practically read each other’s minds — assuming they’re both thinking something related to urinating on each other. And that’s what love is truly all about, people.
* * *
And yet a third comment that applies to every single FFF. It’s like MadEyeMax is doing my job for me!
Pavel was practically squirming with delight at Scotty’s feet. Scotty
watched the liquid cascade over Pavel’s pale skin, watched it hit each
of Pavel’s very hard little nipples, watched it glide down in rivulets
over Pavel’s bony hips and down his thighs, watched it drain off the
underside of his balls and the end of his prick.
?Of all the many watersports fan fics I’ve posted in FFF, this is easily the most descriptive, and thus the most upsetting. Sigh. I never knew how much I didn’t want to imagine Simon Pegg peeing on Anton Yelchin’s nipples, but it turns out it was a lot.
He watched Pavel
watching it, the way he looked down at the liquid hitting his body, the
way he leaned back and thrust his hips forward so Scotty could aim for
his belly button.
Scotty could see how horny Pavel was, how his prick
pulsed with need when Scotty pissed on it, how he rubbed the liquid all
over himself. Pavel even began making horny little noises, little sighs
and groans, and he was even starting to pant.
And then Pavel raised his eyes to Scotty’s once more, and Scotty was
pissing on his collar bone, and it was obvious where Scotty wanted to go
next and he didn’t even have to ask. Pavel knew. Pavel nodded, a little
smile touching his pretty lips. And then Pavel shut his eyes and tilted
his face up.
Scotty gave him what he wanted, moving his hot stream up Pavel’s neck to
his chin, over his lips, which immediately parted to let the liquid in.
Scotty stopped there for a moment, partially filling Pavel’s mouth with
piss, and Pavel stuck out his tongue as the liquid streamed in. He then
shut his mouth and Scotty watched the boy’s Adam’s apple bob as he
Scotty was panting now. This was unlike anything he’d ever done with anyone. He’d never claimed
anyone like this before, and that was exactly what he felt he was
doing; he was marking Pavel, covering the boy with his scent, and, in
some fucked-up way, showing Pavel how much he loved him.
Unless Chekov never takes a shower, Scotty, all you’re doing is peeing on an underage boy. So sorry to disappoint you.
seemed completely bizarre, but that was how Scotty felt.
It probably seems completely bizarre because it is, Scotty.
And the fact
that Pavel was relishing in this as much, if not more than Scotty was,
just made Scotty feel even more possessive of him.
Great. Now you possess an underage boy who likes to drink urine. Congratulations.
Scotty pissed in Pavel’s hair next, watching his angelic curls darken
with the liquid. Pavel lowered his head and used his hands to help
distribute the liquid through his hair, and then the stream began to
ebb. It finally stopped altogether, and Pavel looked up at Scotty, wiped
the piss from his eyes and grinned the biggest, happiest grin Scotty
had ever seen.
Scotty returned his smile and reached out to take his hands to help him
up. Pavel took them, but before he stood he just had to lean in and give
the tip of Scotty’s prick a little cleansing lick.
Scotty pulled him up and took the boy in his arms, piss and all, and
kissed him deeply. He sucked Pavel’s tongue, tasting his own musky
flavor there, and it made him hold onto Pavel tighter.
?Do you people who like to piss on people also enjoy tasting their own piss? Because that seems wrong. More wrong, I guess. But I don’t know. Hell, maybe if you’re in for a pee-penny, you’re in for a pee-pound. So to speak.
“Mine,” Scotty growled against Pavel’s mouth, one arm snaked
possessively around Pavel’s waist. He opened his eyes and found Pavel
watching him, his eyes clouded with desire. Pavel nodded.
“Yours,” he whispered. Without breaking their intense gaze, Pavel
shifted a bit, getting Scotty’s right leg in between both of his own,
nudging his prick up against Scotty’s thigh. Scotty knew exactly what
Pavel was about to do before he did it, and sure enough he felt the hot,
wet stream of Pavel’s piss running down his leg. Pavel was marking him
too. Scotty had never been so turned on in his life.
Is it wrong that I still feel slightly scandalized on behalf of Scotty here? Sure, since he just seconds ago peed on Chekov, it’s probably true that he wouldn’t mind being peed on in return, but isn’t that the sort of thing you shouldn’t assume? That you should make abundantly clear with your sexual partner before doing it?
Scotty took Pavel’s mouth again, kissing him deeply and slowly as Pavel emptied his bladder.
Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.