Video Games

If You Were Gonna Buy Dragon Age II Jst for the Sex Scene, Don’t


Because here it is. And it’s significantly tamer than the Mass Effect sex scene that showed a tiny bit of alien bum and caused certain portions of the news media to lose their minds. Also, it’s terrible. Kotaku describes it as “two mailboxes clanging together,” which strikes me as pretty accurate. Also, for some reason the game gives the player the option to be incredibly needy, which is as much of a turn-off in the game as it is in real-life. The one good thing is that as far as I know, Hawke’s penis is actually the first “dragon” that shows up in the series, meaning the game is actually called “Penis Age.” Anyways, two other versions — i.e., where Hawke boinks other characters — are after the jump.

With Merrill the elf:

With Anders, a dude: