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Fan Fiction Friday: “Chen Stormstout Conquers Azeroth”


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?Today’s FFF comes to us from author Jessy, and sent to us from Topless Roboteer Charlotte. It stars Chen Stormspout, a panda-dude who is apparently a real character in World of Warcraft lore who look like the image to the right. Since this is a long story, please allow me to cut this into short and simply start bringing the pain:

Chen Stormstout took one step after another, his beady black eyes
locked on the delicious piece of Night Elven ass in front of him as she
led him towards her leader. Chen was a Pandaren, a race of Panda men
which hailed from Pandaria.

Holy shit, is that really what they and their country are called in WoW? That’s the stupidest fucking thing ever. Goddammit, “Pandaville” wouldn’t be any more dumb.

They were a rare race in Azeroth as the
Pandaren people generally kept to themselves on their island. Many
didn’t even believe they existed. However, he enjoyed travelling and
finding new ways to make different brews of alcohol.

Okay, I cn get behind that.

The Night Elves
were known more for their wine than their alcohol, but they were also
known for their women. He had fucked a girl of just about every race on
the planet, including Jaina Proudmoore, but for some reason he seemed to
have a fetish for purple girls who conveniently had an animal fetish.

Laugh if you want, but I happen to have a fetish for women who have a Rob Bricken fetish. Being purple is a plus, but by no means necessary.

Unlike the beautiful Night Elf guard in front of him who was clad in a
skimpy pair of near see-through panties and bra, Chen wore a black and
white robe with wooden sandals and a matching wood hat which cast a
shadow over his furred face.

What the hell is the elf guarding in that outfit, Victoria’s Secret?

He carried a filled keg under one arm, and a
bo, or staff, in the other. He would occasionally poke the light purple
ass of the guard in front of him as she escorted him to Shandris
Feathermoon, but she would only giggle or remain silent.

Grab your favorite bamboo stalk and meet me after the jump, okay?

When the two finally arrived at Shandris’ chambers the pretty guard
turned and left, but not before the Panda-man reached out to spank her
on the rear, making sure to roughly grip the flesh of her ass in his paw
before letting go.

WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK — SEXUAL ASSAULT EDITION

She didn’t protest, and silently stalked away as
soon as his hand lifted from her rear-end. Chen turned towards the
Sentinel leader’s chamber door and opened it, quickly stepping inside to
find a room covered in a blanket of darkness. The only light came from
the moon which shined in from various small holes in the walls. Chen
stepped further inside, his paw-foot cracking a layer of leaves on the
floor. Beady black eyes surveyed the room, curious as to why Shandris
seemed absent, until his eyes picked out to curious speckles of light
within the darkness. 

“I am glad you could make it Chen Stormstout,” the pair of eyes said, stepping out of the darkness and up to the Pandaren.

Not “the owner of the pair of eyes said”? Just “the pair of eyes” said? Sigh.

“I would not miss such an invitation,” he replied, bowing slightly.

“Night Elf legends speak words of your kind.”

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?Really? They speak words? These legends don’t speak Legos, or pastries or carburetors?

She was right in front of
him now, and he could see that her outfit was even more revealing than
the guard’s. She wore a bra and panties, both of which looked to be
formed from smooth vines, however the vines were not big or thick and
they did a terrible job at covering up the things underneath them. Her
dark purple nipples stood out on her pale-purple skin, as the vines
didn’t cover them, and even seemed to avoid them.

Wait. If they don’t cover or support anything, are they really a bra and panties? Doesn’t this elf just have green string draped around her naughty bits?

“All good words I hope.”

“Actually, the words were ‘Ling-Ling’ and ‘Kiki.’ We’re still trying to decipher their meaning.”

Shandris’ eyes flickered downwards and her tongue shot out to lick her lips.

“Definitely. Now why don’t I help you get out of that robe, you’re a guest and as such should feel welcomed and comfortable.”

“And fellated.”

Shandris’ hands were nearly a blur as she undid the tie preventing the
robe from coming undone, and she had gotten the black robe on the ground
before he could even protest. 

“Oh my, you could have warned me that you didn’t have anything
underneath your robe on,” she said,

“Lady, I’m a panda. You should consider it a miracle I’m wearing any clothes at all.”

in feigned surprise. However her
words and tone contradicted her actions, as she was on her knees in a
flash, the Pandaren man still in front of the doorway he had came in.
The Night Elf woman wrapped her hands around his already hardening
shaft, admiring its girth and caressing it like a lover. Her soft purple
hands glided over it’s surface until it was fully erect and at full
mast, her lips yearning to wrap around it.

“It’s beautiful,” she murmured, before bowing her head down and preparing to lick it.

“Tsk, what a compromising position you’ve gotten yourself into
Shandris.” A strong voice rang out through the room, startling the both
of them and causing Shandris’ tongue to retreat back into her mouth
before it could even touch the cock in front of it.

Anyone else hear a slide whistle noise in their heads when the elf’s tongue flapped back in her mouth?

“You always butt in unannounced. That’s a very rude thing to do in most cultures, mother.” 

“Well we are very different than most cultures, Shandris.” 

A tall Night Elf woman with pure purple skin stepped up to the two,
dark purple lips curving into a smile. Her hair was midnight blue, and
it trailed down onto her chest, coming to a stop ontop of each of her
breasts. She was clad in her usual white dress, except this one was
different from her normal one, as it was see-through. Her bounteous set
of cleavage was completely visible, except for the nipples which were
covered by strands of silky blue hair.

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?“Bounteous set of cleavage”? 

Even as her unnaturally firm pair
of tits spilled out the sides of her dress, her oddly shaven pussy
begged for attention.

She’d shaved it into a little motel “Vacancy” sign.

Her dark blue pubic hair had been shaved and
formed into the perfect image of a tiny frostsaber head. Chen looked up
and down her body eagerly, ignoring the piercing light emanating from
her eyes and drinking in her curvaceous body.

I had to look this up, but apparently a Frostsaber is a kind white tiger that lives in the frozen wastelands of the world of Warcraft. So this is like getting to third base with a girl and discovering her pubic hair has been trimmed to resemble a cat’s head. Anyone else find that creally reepy? Although it would be even creepier if it was of a cat she actually owned, I guess.

“It’s not everyday you get to see a Pandaren, and it isn’t very elven-like of you to hog him my dear.”

Tyrande stepped forward and looked at Chen.

“Do you like my dress?” she asked, turning slowly until her back was
facing towards him and his stil erect cock. The see-through dress did
nothing at all to hide the soft purple skin of her curved rump, and the
Pandaren stared at it in awe.

The panda stared in awe at her bounteous set of ass.

It was like staring into a moonwell on a
clear starry night, and he didn’t take his black eyes off of it until
the Night Elf woman turned back around.

Really? Her ass was like a well? I don’t think that’s as alluring as you think it is, fan fic author. Asses shouldn’t look like you can put buckets in them and draw out water.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

The Pandaren’s eyes had immediately locked onto her breasts when the
woman turned around, but her statement caused him to snap out of his
reverie.

“Y-yes, of course High Priestess Tyrande, you have great taste. Much better than your usual dress if I may say.”

Her usual dress is a slanket.

“Well thank you, but you don’t need to be so formal. In fact, by the
end of the day I hope to be on a very friendly basis with you,” she
replied, stepping up next to Shandris who was still on her knees in
front of Chen’s impressive manhood and busy lapping at the head like a
puppy.

GODDAMN IT PUPPIES ARE NOT EROTIC IMAGERY, PEOPLE

“You see, us Night Elves are very hospitable to our guests, especially the big ones.” She kept talking even as she got onto her knees next to her daughter. 

“I just hope that…” Tyrande shoved Shandris out of the way. “My
daughter’s inexperience…” The High Priestess opened her gaping maw and
engulfed the Pandaren’s stiff rod, taking all of it in until her face
ground against his furry crotch. She wiggled her head and wrapped her
wet tongue around it, smooth purple lips stretched tightly around his
girth. Withdrawing off of his cock, she left a trail of saliva coating
the massive pole. The priestess slowly flicked her tongue out to lick
around her mouth in a circle, catching a string of saliva and pre-cum
which trailed from Chen’s cock to her lips.

“Doesn’t rub you the wrong way.” Tyrande Whisperwind grinned and puffed
her chest out, rocking slightly to help mesmerize the Pandaren
Brewmaster.

“Bandu Thoribas*,” Shandris muttered, puffing out her own large bust.

I absolutely refuse to look the meaning of this saying up, but I’m going to assume that it means “You are a huge slut, and I say that as someone who was just giving a blowjob to an animal I met less than five minutes ago.”

The Sentinel leader shoved Tyrande aside and wrapped her lips around
Chen’s cock head, her tongue immediately coming forward to wrap around
it. She slithered it around the bulbous head whilst her mouth sucked on
it as if it was a large pink straw.

…and there was a delicious McDonald’s milkshake inside, if only she could suck hard enough!

Her eyes locked on his as she sucked
and slurped away, the ancient orbs adding to the Pandaren’s lust. The
cock head in her mouth leaked pre-cum like a stream, and she swallowed
it all, giving off little moans for the sake of his own pleasure.

GODDAMN IT, FAN FIC AUTHORS, PENISES ARE NOT FAUCETS. THEY DON’T RELEASE CONSTANT STREAMS OF PRE-SEMINAL FLUID. CHANCES ARE YOU HAVE A PENIS. IF YOU MUST WRITE EROTIC FAN FICTION, PAY ATTENTION TO IT. MAKE NOTES. STOP MAKING SHIT UP ABOUT HUMAN GENITALIA BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT WHILE YOU’RE ALREADY MAKING YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A PERVERT.

Shandris abruptly pulled off of his cock, but extended her tongue out to
it’s eye and pressed the tip of her tongue against it. She wiggled it
into the little hole as best as she could, and when she removed it a
little shot of pre-cum squirted out of it and onto her chin.

And then the Panda smacked her as hard as he could, because the chances of him wanting something shoved in his urethra was very low, and chances of it being remarkably uncomfortable, if not actually painful, was very, very high.

“I see you’ve been practicing,” Tyrande remarked, reaching out her
purple hands to take hold of the cock in front of the two girls. Her
hands were glowing a faint white light which engulfed the Pandaren’s
shaft when her hands touched it.

The Priestess continued on, stroking his shaft and playing with his
furred balls, and as time passed the light got more intense. It seemed
to give off a soothing heat. Not enough to burn, but just enough to
stimulate pleasure, and it showed.

An elf is microwaving a panda’s testicles. I just want to make sure that’s abundantly clear.

Chen Stormstout’s fists were clenched
and soft groans escaped his lips as Tyrande worked away at his cock.
She didn’t stop until his cock was dry of saliva deposited from the two
girls minutes before, and she used her tongue to catch any pre-cum
leaked out of his thick dick head. Retreating her hands from his cock,
the glow surrounding it followed her. Tyrande’s bright eyes shifted
towards Shandris and she winked. 

Wait a second. The elf sucked the panda’s dick dry? She, using her mouth — a mouth full saliva — managed to suck all the saliva off the panda’s dick? All right, this is just ridiculous. I fucking refuse to believe this story was written by a mammal.

“Your turn, daughter.”

Shandris huffed. “That isn’t fair.”

“Suck it up.” 

Shandris pondered her mother’s idea for a moment. “Thanks for the
suggestion, but I think I’ll go a different route,” she replied.

An impish grin crossed the Sentinel’s beautiful countenance as she
removed her bra and allowed it to drop to the ground. The bra did not
cover much to begin with, but now that it was off the Pandaren finally
got a chance to see her supple mammaries in all of their purple glory.

Yeah, I’m sure her set of big, bouncing “cleavage” is just great.

Chen’s body clenched when he felt the smooth lavendar skin of Shandris’
boobs press against him. The woman had inched close to his shaft and
was now using her well endowed chest to get him off. She wasn’t rocking
back and forth. Not yet. Instead she resorted to simply squishing her
breasts against his shaft and occasionally licking the head which was
streaming pre-cum. The juices covered both Shandris’ rack and Chen’s
pole, and made it all the more easy for Shandris to start rocking her
wet tits up and down on his cock.

Okay, maybe the panda has some kind of horrible medical condition that makes his penis leak fluid constantly. Put a fucking cork in it, dude, and go see a goddamned doctor.

She went slow and gentle, her hands
focused on squeezing her boobs against the cock that was fucking them.
The Pandaren had started to thrust up into them, causing little spats of
pre-cum to fly off his cock and onto Shandris’ awaiting face or tongue.

All I can imagine at this point is some kind of sentient snake writing this down. “Well, mammals are chock full of fluids — spit, blood, cum, piss — they probably can barely move without some of sloshing out. So it stands to reason the mammlian penis is pretty much constantly shooting out liquid, like a child’s sprinkler toy.” 

As Chen thrusted into her valley of cleavage, she stuck her tongue out
to lick the cock sliding in and out of her tits, her hands still
pressing her breasts against the cock. Her fingers pinched her hard
nipples as she held them in place, little moans escaping her full,
cocksucking lips. She looked up at Chen and bit her lip seductively,
giving off a moan saturated in pleasure. Chen’s cock twitched as he saw
this, and soon his dick transformed into a spout, shooting cum up onto
Shandris’ face, neck, and tits. The Night Elf woman backed off of his
cock and proceeded to clean the gooey cum off of her using her tongue,
and also used her hands to scoop up cum from her face and tits.

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?Seriously, the old Water Willy is all I can think of.

“You’re lucky you got the cream filling,” Tyrande remarked, “but next
time I will.” The Night Elf leader smiled, and the soft glow once in her
hands returned in her bare feet as she made to lay down. The glow was
dim – for now – but it’s effect was made clear when Tyrande’s petite
feet enclosed around the Pandaren’s semi-hard cock. His shaft fit
perfectly within the cozy arches of her violet feet, and the cum coating
the panda’s manhood made it all the easier for her to slide her feet up
and down on his cock. She slid up and down it slowly, using her curled
toes to massage the sensitive skin of his stiff pole.

An elf is giving a panda a footjob. Excuse me for a second, I really need to get a drink.

As time passed,
the Priestess of the Moon increased the intensity of Elune’s light
radiating from her busy feet. Soon Chen Stormstout’s erect shaft was
bathed in a pool of white light which acted as both a stimulant and a
heat source.

The dude is really, really into having his dick heated up. Warning: Never use the microwave in this guy’s house.

When the light was finally warm and intense enough, Tyrande
increased her pace, rubbing up and down the thick pink dick in an
almost frantic way. Her little feet glided up and down the pole they
were intertwined around. Up and down, back and forth. They massaged,
stroked, and caressed, and the Night Elf woman knew that Chen wouldn’t
be able to hold his cum in. Her lips curved into a smile as she reached
her left foot out to play with the Pandaren’s balls. The glow from her
left foot spread to the furred sack, and that was all it took. The cock
Tyrande was working on spit out goblets of cum like a machine gun,
spraying her right foot and various parts of her body, splattering as it
landed. 

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?“spit out goblets of cum like a machine gun”
… which I assume surprised both elves immensely, as goblets are drinking vessels that are not normally known to come flying out of penises, panda or otherwise.

Tyrande Whisperwind was soon on her knees again next to her
daughter who had her arms crossed under her over sized plum-like
breasts.

Plum? Goblets? Set of cleavage? Are we doing another FFF Mad Libs again?

The queen reached out a finger and scooped a goblet of cum from
her tummy before bringing it to her mouth and licking it clean.

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?

“Well that was easy,” she remarked.

“Now we better clean up all these goblets.”

“Why don’t we get a little more serious,” Shandris replied, shedding her panties and revealing a perfectly smooth cunt.

So… she had no genitalia whatsoever, like a Barbie doll. Got it.

“Fine with me.” 

Both of the girls turned around and dropped onto their hands and knees in front of the Pandaren. 

“Pick who you want to fuck first,” Shandris said, bumping her rump against her mother’s who bumped hers back in return.

You know, I can’t help but find this Kung Fu Panda sequel kind of inappropriate for kids.

“He’ll pick me, my skin tone is much more pleasing,” Tyrande remarked, wiggling her dark purple ass at Chen.

“Yea right, I’m tighter,” Shandris sassed back, wiggling her petite rear in a similar fashion as Tyrande.

Chen spoke for the first time in nearly half an hour.

“Your daughter is being a little bratty, but I think her punishment
needs to be more harsh than a simple spanking.” He stepped up behind
Shandris and squatted down, pressing the thick head of his cock against
the tight star of her asshole.

“Hey, hey, I don’t take it in there!”

Chen frowned. “Well I guess you won’t be getting any cock tonight
then,” he said, stepping up behind Tyrande Whisperwind and squatting
down behind her.

“Well la di da, you majesty! I didn’t realize you’d closed the drawbridge to your asshole!”
“I’m sure your mother isn’t stuck up enough to refuse a cock penetrating her asshole.”

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?

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?

“Of course n-Aaahhh.” Chen had thrust the entire length of his cock
into the Night Elf woman’s ass without warning. He was tired of foreplay
and just wanted to fuck the two women senseless. Tyrande shook a bit
from being impaled on the Pandarens cock, her bright eyes were wide and
soft  whimpers escaped her lips. Chen pulled out all the way before
thrusting his hips forward again. His pink shaft speared itself into the
Night Elf matriarch’s tight rump. Over and over, Chen wasted no time on
ravaging the purple ass beneath him. The Pandaren rammed himself into
her without regard for the pain it might cause her, furred hips smacking
against the cheeks of her ass and furred balls slapping against her wet
snatch. Tyrande responded to the Panda-man’s advances in her own
special way; with loud grunts and girlish squeals.

Shouldn’t everybody be leaking fluids from everywhere at this point?

“Fucking a girl- Ungh! -in the ass within the f-first 30 minutes of
meeting her. How- Ah! Ah! Ah! -romantic of you.” Chen gave her a trio of
jarring thrusts whilst she was in mid-sentence, followed by a hard
smack on the rear.  

“I’m not usually one to rush things but you girls make it hard to
continue that tendancy,” Chen replied. The Night Elf leader’s dress was
already ripped up from the Pandaren’s claws and her body bounced back
and forth onto the man’s shaft, purple ears wiggling in the wind.
Pristine nails dug into the ground, threatening to break, teeth as white
as the moon’s rays ground together, and a searingly pleasant aura of
light began to surround the purple elf woman. Chen either didn’t notice
or didn’t care, as he completely ignored the light and concentrated on
the purple hole his cock was lodged into. Furred hips rammed over and
over into the Priestess’ deliciously rounded ass, loud grunts from the
two partners permeating the air. 

Question for you guys: Why a panda? Why couldn’t this have been any other human character? Or hell, an elf or a dwarf or any of the less ridiculous humanoid races from WoW

Shandris watched in disdain as her guest drilled her mother from
behind, her lust for cock increasing every second her pussy was left
unattended to. She didn’t normally take it in the ass, but perhaps she
could make an exception just this once. She had to. She couldn’t let her
mother win this little game. Her eyes were fixated on the Pandaren’s
cock which disappeared constantly into Tyrande’s stretched asshole, her
body almost trembling in desire, her slim arms crossed under her
impressive bust, and her toes curling in anticipation. 

See, moms, what happens you have anal sex right in front of your daughters? You create self-esteem issues that could affect your daughters later in life. Like, 15-20 seconds later.

“Hurry up mother,” she murmured, a single drop of her pussy juices falling to a splashing demise upon the floor.

GODDAMN IT EITHER SOMEONE GET ME SOME SPACKLE OR CALL A GODDAMN MECHANIC BECAUSE I’M TIRED OF THESE IDIOTS LEAKING EVERYWHERE

As Shandris watched with barely held in jealously, Tyrande Whisperwind
was busy filling the room with a regalia of harmonic moans and wails of
pleasure. Her see-through dress was in tatters and her hair was a mess
from being bounced around on the Pandaren’s thick red cock. The flawless
Night Elf woman was getting tired, and her rump was sore from being
torn up by Chen, but judging by the Panda-man’s unfaltering thrusts, he
wasn’t even close to emptying his balls inside of her hole. Fortunately,
Tyrande could remedy that without too much effort. Elune knew of her
sexual escapades and was more than happy to help her. The light which
helped her so many times before began to expand until it encompassed
both Tyrande and Chen, its tingling warmth creeping it’s way across
their bodies and seeping into them. It wasn’t long before both of them
cried out, Tyrande’s girlish wail mixing with Chen’s own husky one as
they both came simultaneously. The warmth of Elune’s light caused their
bodies to shake and their juices to squirt out, the light flaring as
Tyrande came which only intensified their blissful pleasure. Tyrande
blacked out for half a minute, and came back to her senses as the
Pandaren’s recently deposited cum began to leak out of her ass.

I have no idea what happened and I absolutely refuse to look it up. I’m just going assume it’s the night elf’s magic microwave-sex-fairy and leave it at that.

“My turn.”

Tyrande flipped over onto her side, eyes locked on Shandris, a sneer on her face.

“Finally going to take a cock in your ass to beat mommy?”

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?

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?
Alas, no one told Shandris that the game of casual anal sex with strangers who may or may not be pandas was more akin to golf that basketball — the few points you scored, the more you technically were winning.

Shandris shot her mother a confident smile before dropping onto her
hands and knees, ready for the Panda’s cock to penetrate her rear-end.

“Nice butt,” Chen said from behind the purple elf woman.

Before Shandris could reply however, she was being lifted into the air
and when she landed a bolt of searing hot pain shot through her.

SAD TROMBONE NOISE

Her
eyes went wide and her voice cracked as she screamed, but what hurt most
was her delectable little rump. The Pandaren’s thick cock was lodged
inside of it, stretching her virgin hole to it’s limit. Shandris
trembled, and she soon felt herself being lifted again, causing the cock
to slide out of it’s new-found sheathe. She used that time to
recuperate, but she didn’t have long. Feeling herself being brought down
again, she screamed, and Chen Stormstout’s impressive manhood soon
impaled itself within Shandris Feathermoon’s petite purple ass.

She cried out, loud and laced with pain, her voice filled the room and
penetrated through the rest of the building. The cock lodged inside of
her rear-end felt like a searing pole, and she desperately wished to get
off of it. Shandris had experienced pain before though, and there was
no way she was going to let her more experienced mother beat her at this
little game they were playing. She started to give off little moans.
They were fake, but it was a start, and the pain was even beginning to
subside, albeit at a dreadfully slow pace. Chen was already thrusting in
and out of her, causing the little Night Elf to grit her teeth and
gasp, her ass still burning with a sharp pain. Unlike with Tyrande
however, the Pandaren went slow as if to give her time to acclimate to
being fucking anally.

Some men hold doors open for women. Chen fucks women in the ass slowly when they’re screaming in pain and agony. Who says chivalry is dead?

With one large hand wrapped around her waist and
the other gently around her neck, he bounced her up and down on his
cock, relishing in the sensation. Tyrande Whisperwind’s ass had been
tight, but her daughter’s was even tighter. It seemed to milk his thick
red cock and he could feel the tight ring of her asshole squeezing
against his shaft. The woman may have been struggling because of the
pain, but he was struggling for an entirely different reason. He had
already came three times that day, and a fourth time was imminent. Might
as well have some fun before then.

Is this why we have such a difficult time making pandas mate in captivity? Because they’d rather be fucking non-panda women in the ass?

Chen tightened his grip around the Night Elf’s waist and neck before
increasing the pace of his thrusts dramatically. His furred balls were
like a blur and the sound of their fuck session spiked up, including the
moans outputted by the Sentinel leader. Shandris’ arms were limp and
nearly bouncing as much as her mounds of cleavage or hair. With teeth
gritted, eyes wide, and body strained the woman was not at all enjoying
the destructive treatment her ass was reluctantly receiving. 

Cleavage. Look it up, son. In a dictionary.

Why did I agree to this? I’m not going to be able to walk right for
the next few days. I won’t even be able to lead my troops into battle.

But you’ll be able to lead them into your anus. Surely that counts for something.

Her thoughts were cut short however after she felt claws dig into the
flesh of her waist and shoulder. She knew what was coming. Chen gave the
Night Elf a handful of lightning fast thrusts which caused her to cry
out with an embarrassingly pathetic squeal before ramming his
sausage-like cock deep into her asshole, all the way to the hilt.

The hilt of the sausage. Got it.

He
pulled her down onto his hips as he did this, and Shandris’ eyes rolled
back as the first trace of cum began to fill her hole. With eyes rolled
back, lips curcled, and teeth ground together in ecstasy, one might
think the woman actually liked the anal treatment she was receiving.

If one was a fucking moron devoid of any empathy.

“My turn yet?” Tyrande asked.

Chen lowered Shandris back onto her feet and stretched, tired from the
constant attention his cock had been receiving. He was exhausted, but he
couldn’t let the girls down, especially Tyrande. She had come all the
way from Teldrassil just to see him.

“How about I do you both at the same time?”

Mother and daughter looked at each other, not sure whether to giggle or acknowledge his ridiculous question.

“Look, Mr. Panda. We will happy blow you, titfuck you, masturbate you with our feet, and let you anally savage us, alternatingly, while sitting right next to each other. But having sex with you at the same time? That crosses the line, Mr. Panda.”

“Let me show you,” the Pandaren said, and in a flash he had split into
two different Panda-men. Both were smaller than his original form and
they were outfitted with different clothing as well.

“Us Brewmasters have the ability to split into three different
Pandaren, each representing an element of power. However since there are
only two of you I instead changed into two elements.”

WHAT

“I am Storm,” said the one in blue as he stepped up to Shandris and discarded his robe.

“I am Earth,” said the other man, throwing his brown robe onto the ground.

OH FUCK THIS.

Seriously, Fuck this. There’s another 1,000 words of the two slightly smaller panda-men fucking the elves vaginally, but I absolutely refuse to go any further. Feel free to read the rest yourself here, if you were patiently waiting for the regular sex — it’s just more of the same shit, including more shit-talking from mother and daughter while they’re being simultaneously plowed (they’re also looking at each other while talking and getting fucked, which strikes me as making it all slightly worse, but whatever). And then there’s this line:

She loved her mother deeply, but the two
had always been competitive when it came to fucking men, and, as Night
Elf tradition often held, animals. This time it was a cross between the
two.

And this, after Chen has finally toddled off:

“That was fun, mother. I’m glad you came.”

Tyrande nodded and scooped a glob of cum off of her daughter’s face
before bringing it to her mouth and smiling. “Let’s go wash up. Two
Night Elves of our rank can’t be seen drenched in Panda semen.”

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