Merchandise, Movies

George Lucas Invites You to Enjoy a Slurp Saber

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I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. Go-Gurt is running a promo with Star Wars for The Phantom Menace 3-D; the Go-Gurt tubes glow-in-the-dark like lightsabers, which is all well and good. What’s less well and good is THAT THEY’RE CALLING THEM SLURP SABERS.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Really? Really no one felt there was a double entendr? there? For a product that is already a long tube of yogurt? KIDS, SUCK HARD ENOUGH ON THAT SLURP SABER AND YOU’LL MAKE THE GO-GURT COME OUT! Dont squeeze too hard or you’ll make a mess! Don’t forget to play with the balls a little! Okay, that las one doesn’t quite work, but you get the idea. Honestly, I’m going to have a hard time finding an FFF as depraved as this.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.