I know I’m screwing up my Google search results by posting two sex toys in a row, but holy shit this thing was too hideous not to share with you all. It’s after the jump because it is incredibly NSFW, and I say that having just posted a Doctor Who dildo on the front page without a care in the world.
Behold the Triple Pleasure Ultimate Onahole, for people who wish women would get rid of those unsightly arms, legs, stomachs, necks and craniums, and just give us the good parts. This is, without a doubt, the most awful sex aid I have ever seen for sale — which it is, here, for $104. It vibrates, you know, if you like your small pile of chunks of a woman’s body to shake a little. I’d have to think even cannibalistic serial killers would look at this thing and go, “Enh, actually, that’s kinda creepy.” Although, it also looks kind of like an NES Super Mario Bros. enemy, so I guess if you’re turned on by fictional 8bit monsters, this might be highly appealing. Using it for that would be far, far less disturbing than actually pretending this thing was a woman.