Miscellaneous

Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Shobon 2ch Onahole

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HOLY SHIT PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO PUT THEIR PENIS INTO THIS.

The textboard forum 2ch (2channel) is a founding influence on the Japanese web, spawning whole online subcultures and controversies. It has also given birth to mascots and characters, one of which is the minimal Shobon, created only out of simplistic emoticons. The ASCII character is used when users want to express feeling shy.

Shy?! Shy is not the emotion I’d think would be most appropriate for this sex toy. Horror, maybe? Crippling embarrassment? Extreme psychosexual confusion? Is extreme psychosexual confusion an emotion?

The unusual toy takes Shobon and turns the character into an onahole!

As a professional internet worker, let me assure you all the day someone manufactures something you’re supposed to put your dick in bearing the words WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS is the day I quit and hang myself.
This unique round ball masturbator features a tight hole on the back. Plunge inside to feel the curving nubs and stimulating lines stroke you. If you are feeling as cheeky and shy as “Shobon”, then this is the perfect way to express your inner emotions!
Call me old-fashioned, but I’m a tiny bit skeptical that putting your dick into a small plastic ball with an emoticon face is the perfect way to express any emotion, let alone shyness. And frankly, you’re feeling shy and you start fucking the online Japanese icon of shyness… wouldn’t you just feel more shy? You can’t possibly be fucking your shyness away in this scenario. And what happens you you get back online and see people actually using the face in conversations? Sexual confusion followed instantly by more shyness, that’s what happens. All I’m saying is sticking your penis is this thing is a lot more trouble than it’s worth. Of course, if you really want to, the NSFW product page is here.

About Author

Robert Bricken is one of the original co-founders of the site formerly known as Topless Robot, and its first editor-in-chief, serving from 2008-12. He brought the site to prominence with “nerd news, humor and self-loathing” as its motto, raising it from total internet obscurity to a readership in the millions, with help from his savage “FAQ” movie reviews and Fan Fiction Fridays. Under his tenure Topless Robot was covered by Gawker, Wired, Defamer, New York magazine, ABC News, and others, and his articles have been praised by Roger Ebert, Avengers actor Clark Gregg, comedian and The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, the stars of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax, and others. He is currently the managing editor of io9.com. Despite decades as both an amateur and professional nerd, he continues to be completely unprepared for either the zombie apocalypse or the robot uprising.