Super Terrific Japanese thing: SOM Hand Type Handjob Machine


If you can’t tell by the article title, this is one of those items that is technically safe for work but in all honesty is totally not safe for work because it would be far easier to explain away if your boss caught you looking at actual pornography. 


It can be adjusted from around 80 thrusts per minute to a mega 110, depending on the kind of handjob you want. Plus the height is also fully adjustable to allow for different sized bodies and angles. Just set the base down between your legs (you can rest your butt on the legs) or whatever you feel most comfortable, apply some gel and let the hand do the rest!


1) The only thing less more creepy than this machine is cutting the hand off a recently deceased corpse and using that to give yourself a handy.
2) Why is this dude wearing a diaper Is that an integral part of the process?
3) Anyone else think the “hand” is holding a flesh-colored warp pipe from Super Mario Bros.?
4) You can actually purchase this thing for $591 here (NSFW).
5) Honestly, the robot revolution could start at any minute at this point. When the robopocalypse comes, you do not want to be the dude with his dick stuck in a machine.