Denny’s Is Officially Offering Elevenses

…it’s just not called Elevenses. Denny’s, the best restaurant ever when you’re in college and drunk out of your mind at 4am and need something covered in grease to throw up later, is doing a tie-in menu with the Hobbit movie, where they will release Hobbit-themed meals, and by “Hobbit-themed meals” I mean “meals with dumb names.” These include:

? Gandalf’s Gobble Melt
? Hobbit Hole Breakfast
? Pumpkin Patch Pancakes
? Lonely Mountain Treasure
? Frodo’s Pot Roast Skillet
? Shire Sausage  
? Bilbo’s Berry Smoothies
? Radagast’s Red Velvet Pancake Puppies
? Seed Cake French Toast 
? Build Your Own Hobbit Slam
Ignoring the fact that almost all of these sound amazingly pornographic, I can’t fucking believe Denny’s isn’t actually calling this thing “Elevenses,” the traditional Hobbit meal between second breakfast and lunch. It actually hurts me that they’ve missed this obvious, brilliant opportunity slip through their greasy fingers. Almost as much as trying to figure out what the fuck a “pancake puppy” is.