Ask Luke’s Mother-in-Law: Wolverine vs. Superman, Yak Milk and Crazy Cats

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Luke’s mother-in-law is former LAPD, a licensed property appraiser and a self-described crazy cat lady. None of which has prepared her for TR readers. All questions and answers are real.

Hello and Happy Thursday to you all. It’s really Wednesday, but this seems to post on Thursday – so Happy Thursday. Well, Tuesday night we had a Battle Royal at my house. During cat feeding time, one of my outdoor kitties (I have 5 at last nose count) ran into the house. For once, the 3 indoor cats did not seem to worried about it there was no hissing, growling etc. Frizzy was having a great time chasing it thru the halls. Boo and Felix just sat around. Anyway about 3 hours later and the living room totally upended I was able to get “Bangs” into a carrier. We call this one Bangs as it is white except for the head which is grey and it looks like straight bangs above the eyes. This morning I have the battle scars: 3 fingers were bitten and several good scratches around the wrists. Anyway, outdoor kitty is back out of the house and the world has been restored in the house.

So now as I start work on this week’s, I just got my cup of coffee, so I may be ready to tackle these. Each week I am trying to let you know a bit about me. Last week I mentioned that I like music. One of my biggest faves is showtunes – yes I’ll admit to that; anyone else? Raise of hands. When I was little we were always taking the train to New York to see a show. Then when we were transplanted to California it was into LA for shows. I passed this love of musical theater on to my daughter. At the age of 5 she started doing shows. At 5 she also got her first rejection as an actor (she is still acting and a SAG/AFTRA member now). She was beat out for Baby June in Gypsy by an older girl who could read better – that’s show biz.

I cut my teeth on the Beatles. I was allowed to stay up late to see them on Ed Sullivan when they hit New York. Love Iron Butterfly, Moody Blues, Carpenters, Crosby, Stills etc. I will also admit to Bobby Sherman and David Cassidy. Here is a funny story on Bobby Sherman: my boyfriend at the time’s older brother was in a back up band for Bobby, so I got to go to a couple of parties at his house (totally G-rated). Anyway, several years later I was standing at attention on the LAPD parade field, and who was a guest inspector that day but Bobby Sherman, in full uniform. Well a few minutes later he was in front of me and the next thing I heard was “I know you, where do I know you from”. My Sgt. became very interested in my answer, which was “Sir, parties at your house sir!” A very formal situation became very informal really quickly. So mom lesson for the day – always leave a good impression; you never know when someone may remember who you are.

Well, enough, I am sure you are all waiting for this week’s gaggle of geese, so here we go.

Kyle A: What’s the best fandom to become a part of if you want everyone to think you’re cool?

Well, to start with, I would not worry about everyone thinking that I am cool. You are cool no matter what others’ opinions are, and why be a sheep? Be an individual and a trail blazer. I find that it is best to be a fan of many things; never put all of your eggs in one basket. Multiples are better and you get to meet more people that way. For example, I have acting friends, music friends, football, books, magic, sci-fi, etc. and they don’t always cross over.

But for maybe the best is fans going to something like Comic-Con. Here you can be anything you want, and to any degree. To be a fan is to have a passion for something. Find your passion and that could be anything from being a great science student in school to loving something like Marvel, Star Trek, Hobbit, Harry Potter, etc. Be a fan of the world and being kind to others. Sometimes just being nice to the underdog can make people think you are really cool.

John M: Many of us nerds have a problem with knowing when and when not to share our geeky passions. Can you give advice on when it might be more appropriate to hold our tongues?

Yes, I am surrounded by geekdom in my house and with my family. Especially now when LYT comes for a visit. My dining room table is generally taken over by Topless Robot. We just eat around him and make sure he eats as he is generally very involved with getting things out to all of you.

Decorating your office cubby in action figures is a good place to draw the line, unless of course your job is to review the things. You should see LYT’s office: floor to ceiling of the stuff. But of course it’s his job, so okay for him but maybe not for your office.

Being out to dinner with people who may already think you are on the odd side – don’t open your mouth and confirm it.

Getting a traffic ticket. The cop does not care that you were playing Jedi fighter in the 25 mph residential zone and they don’t have stop signs in space.

When you start seeing the people you are around getting that glazed over look and they start to move away. Education on your passion is one thing, but diarrhea of the mouth is not good. This would generally be a good time to stop the geek and pick a more generic topic.

Remember, you can always let it rip when you are at a fan event or even when you are with your fellow geeks.

Kyle A: At what point in a fight with my hypothetical girlfriend is it ok for me to pull out the “Yeah? Well I wish you were Katee Sackhoff!” line and have it be appropriate?

Kyle got a 2fer this week. Well, as she is a hypothetical girlfriend, why don’t you just hypothetically change her to Miss Sackhoff? Walowitz has a real girlfriend and he gets in the tub with Miss Sackhoff. I love that episode of Big Bang, especially when she and George Takei are trading comments. Now, if she is a real girlfriend, I would never use this line as you may not like the results. Keep in mind it is sometimes difficult for boy geeks to find girls who are either geeks themselves or who are willing to put up with a geek. Also if she has no reference to Battlestar or Big Bang she may think you have another lady on the side. This could lend a very, very bad result.

Mag L: Here is my question: At what point do you go from being a cat person to being a crazy cat person?

Well, this one required my second cup of coffee for the morning, a bagel and a hi-level consult with 3 experts in the field of crazy cat people. Let me introduce you to my 3 experts:


Frizzy is the baby of the group; he is in my TR picture.


Boo is the regal black one. We took her pic at Halloween.


Lastly is Miss Felix. After Felix the cat. She is the big lump in our home and the grand lady of the house.

I name the cats and kids in the family. My husband wanted to name one of our first cat Hemmorhoid so he could yell every night, “Here, Hemmorhoid!” (We had an uptight neighbor at the time.) He also wanted to name our daughter “Beauregard Buford” as “it sung.” Yeah, we nipped that one in the bud real fast. Hopefully Luke can get the photos into my answer. My cats all felt that we should answer this question in the style of Jeff Foxworthy and “you might be a redneck.” So here we go:

You try to remove the cats tail from the morning butter and you just let it go – you might be a crazy cat person.

You dress your cats in silly outfits, especially little hats – you might be a crazy cat person.

You ask them permission to do things – you might be a crazy cat person.

You explain to them at the door that you will be back from work soon, and then worry when you hear them crying on the other side of the door and think about not going to work – you might be a crazy cat person.

You spend tons of time on the floor digging out cat toys from under the furniture, and as soon as the toys are out, they are knocked back under and you dig them out again – you might be a crazy cat person.

The cat recognizes the stick you use to get the toys from under the furniture – you might be a crazy cat person.

They tell you when the cookie bowl is empty and you drop everything and respond like it is a national emergency, even though your cats would not starve if you did not feed them for a few days – you might be a crazy cat person.

They sit on your desk, computer, desk chair etc while you are trying to work – you might be a crazy cat person.

They take shifts at night time to make sure you are sleeping well, and of course they wake you up for a pat and cuddle – you might be a crazy cat person.

You carry each one to bed at night for night-night snuggle time – you might be a crazy cat person.

You talk to them and they answer back – you might be a crazy cat person.

Your cats came up with the answers to this question – you are a crazy cat person.

Greggory B: So if Wolverine’s adamantium claws are indestructible and Superman is also indestructible, what would happen if Wolverine tried to stab Superman with his claws? Also, does the emergence of nerd centered porn like Axel Braun’s super-hero “parodies” and that My Little Pony thing signify the evolution of porn or the degeneration of nerd culture?

Greggory, this is a 2 part question. This should work for 2 weeks worth for you. Part one: Woverine would need a manicure as his claws would just be a mess after trying to stab Superman. Indestructible does not mean that they can’t get slightly disfigured. Superman may be indestructible but not so sure about his snappy togs. Bet he might have to get a new outfit; spandex and claws do not mix well – oh, the runs in the fabric.

Part two: Mr. Braun has just about done all of the superhero porn movies over the last few years, and it appears Vivid Entertainment loves him. The dude even gets director awards. I have never seen Mr. Braun’s work, but we must keep in mind that porn is fantasy and most of geek/nerd culture is fantasy also. Everything has its place in the world. You can take almost anything and make porn out of it. I don’t think it is evolution of porn or the degeneration of nerd culture. I think it is smart marketing and a great way for someone to earn a buck.

Timely Tardis-Lego: Dear, whoever will answer this. Does me calling you dear mean we’re going steady?

Nope. It only means that you are polite and raised well by your parents. It is a proper opening for most correspondence. It is also a term of endearment that many older folks use. Such as would you please get me……dear. Lots of times they use the term when they can’t remember who the heck you are; it’s safer then calling you the wrong name.

Grunting: I really enjoy yak milk. Is there some way of milking a yak that doesn’t involve getting yak hair in the milk? I only ask because all this yak hair is giving me painful stool.

Well, as you can afford yak milk (as it is generally more expensive then plain old cow milk) then you should hire a good Tibetan yak milker. Of course this may be as difficult as housing the yak, depending on where you live. Yaks don’t care for a good shave before milking, but if you milk correctly the milk should go in a bucket as long as you watch were you are grabbing – don’t pull the hair. As yak milk is very high in fat it is generally processed into butter and yogurt. The processing should take out the hair. By the way, how is your cholesterol?

Well, that’s it for this week. I’m having lots of fun with your questions. I hope you are enjoying my answers. Even my cats are having a great time. Frizzy especially – he is getting to be a fame hog. A friend of mine who is an artist is doing a show in a few months and Frizzy is going to be in the show in oil. So until next week, be good to each other.

If you’d like to add your questions to the pile for Luke’s mother-in-law, leave them in comments below.