Move Over, Seth MacFarlane: Official Fifty Shades of Grey Teddy Bear Has Yours Beat (Literally)


This is a real thing, not made by some pervy sex store, but by the Vermont Teddy Bear Company, one of the largest sellers of teddy bears in the world. Here’s their description:

If you want to dominate Valentine’s Day, skip the roses and send the limited-edition Fifty Shades of Grey Bear. Inspired by the best-selling book, the adult gift is specially designed for fans obsessed with Grey, biting their lips with anticipation over the movie. He features smoldering gray eyes, a suit and satin tie, mask – even mini handcuffs.

It’s described as “not suitable for children” – not because it’s based on porny S&M Twilight fan fiction, but because it contains small parts and is a choking hazard.

MacFarlane’s Ted just masturbates. Amateur hour compared to this dude, who will do scarier things to your My Little Ponies than just The Jar.

h/t Greg Greene