7 Reasons That a Hasbro-Based Cinematic Universe Actually Isn’t a Terrible Idea

4. Be the First to a Cinematic Multiverse.

Yes, the DC TV shows have a Multiverse now, but none of the big cinematic franchises do…yet. Given the potential for spinoffs and ancillary merchandise, it’s inevitable that someone will. Why not Hasbro?

Transformers reinvents itself constantly, to the point where they’ve basically just said “everything counts,” from gorilla-styled Optimus Primal to Kiss Players‘ penis-tongues, to Bay-Bumblebee pissing coolant. All of it has happened, but in different realities (as you can see above, there’s even a game that reconciles at least two of them). My Little Pony has the other dimension of the Equestria Girls. G.I. Joe had G.I. Joe Extreme and Sgt. Savage.

Sure, Transformers is currently in the midst of becoming its own movie-verse of spin-offs, but why can’t one of them create a multiverse, and have G1-style bots come to Earth in the mid-’80s to buddy up with Duke, Snake-Eyes and the gang?

5. Phase 2 Will Be Amazing.

The credits fade out. We see Dwayne Johnson’s Roadblock at his desk aboard the U.S.S. Flagg, finally in charge of a much larger team. But something’s not right. Someone is behind him.

Roadblock: “Where the hell you been?”

Mysterious Man, still in shadow: “Off the grid. A secret raider, so to speak.”

Roadblock: “You got a lot of nerve coming back here after last time, Trakker.”

The man steps out of the shadows, and it’s, like. Aaron Eckhart or somebody like that with a blond buzzcut. He’s Matt Trakker.

Trakker: “I had to come to warn you about a new threat. Before Cobra went down, they launched the VENOM initiative. We’ve been taking them on, but we can’t do it alone.”

Roadblock: “So what is it you’d like me to do for you, cupcake?”

Trakker: “We have to go back…to Boulder Hill.”

Now, there was already talk that Matt Trakker would have a cameo in a potential third G.I. Joe movie, but that alone won’t do it. We need a full-on G.I. Joe Meets M.A.S.K. flick, and then…guess how the Mobile Armored Strike Kommand turns out to have gotten their transforming tech? The motherfuckin’ Allspark. This is also going to be about the time that that horrible 51N3RG.Y robot gets turned into T-BOB, who is still horribly annoying but at least canonical.

6. Phase 3 Could Be Even Better.

Look at how Marvel did it. Once they established goodwill with Thor, Iron Man, Cap and the gang, they greenlit Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man. Then Dr. Strange and Black Panther. Once you reach that level of success with a shared universe, it no longer matters whether the general public is familiar with a given character or not.

In Hasbro’s case, that could mean you bring in the Visionaries. The Bone Age. Air Raiders. Shadow Strikers. And my own personal favorite dream toyline-to-movie: C.O.P.S. and Crooks. Who cares if they inhabited separate universes? They played together in your childhood toy box, didn’t they? If you could come up with something then – and it was probably more coherent and less nine-eleveny than anything Bob Orci and Alex Kurtzman have ever written – somebody can do the same now.

But of course, I think we all know the real ultimate endgame here….


Bad idea, or BEST idea? Make it like Walking With Dinosaurs, where you shoot live-action sets and CG Ponies. The theatrical grosses might be disappointing at first, but once you make it available on Blu-ray, viewable in the privacy of one’s own basement, possibly sold in a deluxe collector’s jar, many magical friendships between man and hand will flourish.

Just PLEASE let them kick the Care Bears’ asses in the crossover sequel, because fuck those things.