The 8 Most Wretched Disney Movie Sequels

By Jackson Alpern

It?s human nature to want to know what happens after the credits roll in a favorite movie. That?s why stories used to end with, ?And they lived happily ever after.? That was the author?s way of saying, ?Nothing interesting ever happened to these people again, and there will be no sequel. Besides, I?m thinking of getting away from fairy tales in general and making my next story a kind of noir detective thing meets gothic romance. What do you think??

Unfortunately, the drive to know the next part of the story is so strong that even some stories where we know they live happily ever after eventually get sequels. Poorly animated, slap-dash, blatant cash-grab sequels full of voice actors who have absolutely no business being in them. These are known as Disney Direct-to-Video films, and they?re enough to make you spin in your grave, never mind Walt Disney. These are the worst offenders, and if you?re lucky you never knew they existed. Read on. If you?ve got a favorite Disney film and you?re saying to yourself, ?Well, surely they never made a sequel to that,? I can assure you that they probably did.

8) Bambi 2

Plot: Picking up directly after the best part of the original movie (Bambi?s mother getting shot), this movie actually falls in between scenes of the original, telling the story of Bambi?s long winter being raised by his emotionally distant dad.

Misguided Casting: None, shockingly. Someone must have missed the memo about including Johnny Knoxville as a wisecracking vole. The only real celebrity casting is spot-on: Patrick Stewart as the king of the forest, as seen in the following clip.

If we had to cast a regal deer, we?d cast Stewart. Even if it was a live-action film.

Worst Crime: Excessive winkiness. Since this takes place before large chunks of the original Bambi, there?s all sorts of ?aren?t we clever? call backs…or call forwards, as the case may be. Much as in the original movie, the owl declared Bambi ?twitterpated? when he?s around his girlfriend. When Bambi asks what that is, Owl says, ?I?ll tell you when you?re older.? Wah wah! One or two of these things are kind of cute. Three or four starts to get fairly tedious. See also: the Star Wars prequels. Or rather, don?t.

7) The Lion King 2: Simba?s Pride

Plot: Swaps the original?s half-assed Hamlet riff for a half-assed Romeo and Juliet riff, as Simba?s daughter falls in love with a lion from Scar?s pride and everyone gets all, ?Well I never!?

Misguided Casting: Six words that should never, ever be uttered together: Andy Dick in a Disney film. He plays a presumably bi-curious lion.

Worst Crime: Telegraphing its moral message in its fucking title. It?s a pun! Get it? Because a pride is a group of lions, and also?a?emotion?thing. That he?s feeling. Also, whereas the first movie ended with a regal shot of Simba assuming the throne and looking all kingly, we never spent any time with him inhabiting the role. Whereas when you?ve got a whole movie with Simba trying to be majestic, as in the following video, you quickly realize that Matthew Broderick is no James Earl Jones.

6) Lady and the Tramp 2: Scamp?s Adventure

Plot: The young son of Lady and the Tramp falls in love with a junkyard dog and proceeds to re-enact all the major scenes of his parents? movie.
Misguided Casting: Over-the-hill teen stars Scott Wolf and Alyssa Milano as two pre-pubescent puppies in love. Bronson Pinchot as a French Bulldog. Mickey Rooney as anything.

Worst Crime: Out and out grave robbing. Go ahead and watch this film clip.

Notice how Scamp and his love interest Angel manage to scamper past all of the landmarks from the original film. Now notice that, whereas in the original film Lady and the Tramp shared nothing more than a coy and accidental kiss while eating pasta, Scamp and Angel are licking each other?s feet and faces. Also notice that they appear to be approximately six years old (in human years). Now, notice how that?s fucking awful.

5) 101 Dalmations 2: Patch?s London adventure

Plot: Before Roger and Anita can ship their massive brood off to the country and their Dalmatian plantation (which, if you think about it, almost sounds like they?re going to be little puppy sharecroppers, surely a fate nearly worse than what Cruella De Vil had in store for them), puppy Patch escapes to go on a London adventure (as the title says) with his TV hero Thunderbolt.

Misguided Casting: Barry Bostwick as Thunderbolt. Not that there?s anything wrong with Bostwick, except that the presence of Brad from Rocky Horror makes you wonder why the hell Tim Curry?s never been a headliner in a Disney movie. He was in the Beauty and the Beast Christmas film, and he apparently provided ?additional voice? in The Little Mermaid, but come on. Someone give this guy a Disney villain to play! Since both Jason Alexander and Martin Short are veterans of ?real? Disney movies they get a pass?for now.

Worst Crime: Irrelevance. You might be confused by the plot description. Who?s this Thunderbolt fellow? Well, he was in the original movie for about two minutes. Now he?s the main friggin? character of the sequel. It?s obvious the Disney producers said, ?We have to take this story in new directions ? what are we gonna do, have Cruella chase them around for another movie?? Unfortunately, about mid-way through this new plot they run out of story and resort to having Cruella chase them around for another movie.

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4) Pooh?s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin

Plot: The animals of the 100 Acre Wood, being all of very little brain, misread a letter from Christopher Robin that says he?s gone to school as going to ?skull.? Hilarity, terror ensue.

Misguided Casting: None, unless you count the now standard casting of Peter Cullen as Eeyore. It?s not that he doesn?t do a good Eeyore, it?s just that he always sounds like a terminally bummed-out Optimus Prime.

Worst Crime: If you thought the Heffalumps and Woozles number was disturbing and out of place in the classic film, wait until you witness the spectacle of the Pooh gang entering a danger-fraught cave shaped like a skull.

Yes, someone got the bright idea to make the sequel to a preschooler?s favorite Disney film revolve around the head of a deceased human. Unfortunately we couldn?t find any of the scary clips online, but we did find this clip of Pooh beneath a stormy sky singing a song so gloomy it sounds like he?s contemplating suicide. It ends with him falling asleep and/or losing the will to live, and rabbit draping a blanket over him and shivering miserably. TTFN, cruel world!

3) The Fox and the Hound 2

Plot: See ?Worst Crime? section below.

Misguided Casting: We?d be tempted to call out Reba McEntire, Jeff Foxworthy, Vicki Lawrence and even Patrick Swayze, but when you consider that the original featured Mickey Rooney (again!), Kurt Russell and Corey freaking Feldman, it?s tough to fault them for anyone. Especially Swayze.

Worst Crime: Not actually a sequel to The Fox and the Hound, this film actually depicts a little-known chapter in their lives when their fates became intertwined with a group of country music-singing stray dogs who are trying to make it to the Grand Ole Opry. Yeahbuhwha?!?

The titular fox and hound become second bananas at best in a power struggle between the Swayze dog and the Reba dog in their quest for country glory. It?s like Walk the Line crossed with a movie about singing dogs, crossed with a complete lack of a reason for existing. And there?s a musical number called ?Good Doggy, No Bone.? Ew.

2) Beauty and the Beast: Belle?s Magical World

Plot: A series of vignettes that take place after Beast held Belle hostage, but before she succumbed to a case of Stockholm syndrome and fell in love with him.

Misguided Casting: Angela Lansbury as Mrs. Potts is replaced by Not Angela Lansbury as Mrs. Potts.

Worst Crime: Avarice. This film (the second Beauty and the Beast sequel, following a Christmas-themed film) started life as a Disney TV show which was deemed too crappy to ever air. It was not, however, deemed too crappy to string together into a feature and sell to gullible consumers.

Leftover evidence of its low birth includes the fact that it?s four separate stories strung together, the presence of commercial fade-outs, and the fact that it looks like it was animated by Disney animators drawing with their left hands on a dare. The audio quality is awful, but just check out this video clip, particularly the terrifying living oven mitts at 41 seconds.

1) Cinderella 2

Plot: None to speak of. Rather, witness a series of vignettes about the experiences of Cinderella and her friends at the Castle after she consummates her relationship with Prince Charming. Note: actual consummation does not occur onscreen.

Misguided Casting: Frank Welker as Lucifer the cat. Not that Frank does a bad job. It?s just that the guy was Megatron?he deserves better than this crap.

Worst crime: Oh, name it. Even the glass-half-full folks at the website Ultimate Disney, who can find something nice to say about almost all of these sequels, note that this is the one most likely to send ol? Walt aspin in his grave. Aside from being totally and utterly unnecessary (what story has a more definite ?happily ever after? ending than Cinderella?) the movie blatantly ignores characterizations set forth in the original movie whenever it suits its thin excuse for a story. Worse, the movie is a series of vignettes about Cinderella trying to find her way around castle politics (okay?), one of the evil step-sisters trying to find love (if you insist?) and one third of the entire film is dedicated to one of the mice being turned into a human. Again. Only this time, it, like, explores the psychological significance of it, you know? Like the Beauty and the Beast sequel, it was clearly adapted from a failed TV show, which raises several fascinating questions. Such as who thought a Cinderella TV show was a good idea. Okay, that?s only one question. But it?s mystifying enough for several.

Just check out this video clip for enough blatant telegraphing of plotlines that you?ll be able to guess the entire rest of Cinderella?s 1/3 slice of her own movie.