I want you to think long and hard about old, lovable, deeply religious C.S. Lewis, hunched over his typewriter, packing as much Jesus into his stories as he could, while reading this week's installment. It appears to be set somewhere in Prince Caspian (he's on the fringes of the story), but basically on a scouting mission, the eldest Pevensie daughter Susan cuddles up next to two female centaurs named Diversita and Velocita (sisters, natch) when somebody breaks out the hard cider. As anyone whose had more than three Woodchucks in a sitting can tell you, homosexual centaur sex is pretty much a foregone conclusion.
The two centaurs just curled in closer to the “Queen of Narnia.”
Susan now realized it must have been something in the drink that had made the three of them feel so…. Horny.
Velocita slowly moved her hand up Susan’s waist, gently stroking her abdomen, and then, in a daring move, she moved her hand over Susan’s breast, and gently touched it.
“Ooohhh,” moaned Susan, who was shivering with pleasure.
Diversita was even bolder. Her tan arm reached down to Susan’s panties.
“What are these?” asked the centaur.
“It’s underwear. We wear it where I come from. It’s kind of dumb actually.”
I'm definitely willing to put "sex with centaurs" on the edge of the furries camp, but you have to know that the story has to get weirder for it to make Fan Fiction Friday. Remember the 1/2 mentioned above?
“What’s wrong, Diversita?” asked Susan.
“My queen,” said the centaur, with a nervous quaver in her voice, “I have something that I have not told you about. I am afraid I have not been totally honest.”
“Why, Diversita, whatever is the matter?”
However, Susan noticed that Velocita had grown very quiet.
“Susan, I have a strange… condition that has been known to affect my kind. Some view it as a curse, so those who are struck with it keep it hidden.”
“Well,” said Susan, whose curiosity had been aroused, “I’m not one to be prejudiced. What is it?”
Diversita, with a sad expression, rolled slightly, and lifted one of her rear legs into the air. Susan gasped.
Sprouting from between the FEMALE centaur’s legs, was a massive penis, at least 13 inches long.
HERMAPHRODITE CENTAUR. But Susan displays the leadership befitting a Queen of Narnia.
High Queen Susan was sucking on her cock. Diversita felt incredibly embarrassed.
Susan, on the other hand, viewed Diversita’s big cock as a challenge.
Oh, it's not over. Enter a realm of whimsical wonder (i.e., anal sex) after the jump!
Susan brings Diversita's man-bits to climax, and the HERMAPHRODITE CENTAUR thinks the magic is done. Not quite!
Susan looked at the slightly limp organ standing between Diversita’s legs and thought for a minute. Then she shrugged.
“Diversita, if you thought THAT was amazing, wait until we’ve done THIS!”
Susan turned around, and presented her ass to Diversita’s massive dick. The centaur got up and straddled Susan, allowing Susan to position the huge dick right in front of her anus. Susan wasn’t sure why she was doing this. No girl in their right mind would even CONSIDER anal sex with that huge dick, but Susan felt REALY horny, and needed something up her ass.
Susan had had some pretty big stuff up her back door before (Including her brother’s 9 inch dick) but she had NEVER taken anything this big up the butt.
Again, please remember little, God-loving C.S. Lewis, trying to bring children to Jesus in an entertaining fashion. I also love how the author really brings the situation to life; I mean, we've all had times where we've decided to let ourselves be fucked in the ass without really knowing why, right? Best line of the scene:
“Ok, Diversita, Thrust! Now! Stick that centaur log in me!”
Suffice to say, what happens next would make Aslan weep. Although Susan and Diversita fall asleep, there is hope for a sequel—why, who was doing a little scouting of his own nearby?
Meanwhile, out in the bushes, Peter had created a small puddle as he was masturbating to the intense sexual activity playing out in front of him. When it was all over, and he saw Susan and Diversita asleep, but Velocita awake, he decided to go over and introduce himself.
The end! And as horrible as this has been, you have to give credit to author Satyr for not including little Edmund and Lucy in the carnal festivities. Of course, I'm sure they'll show up for Chapter 3 and beyond. That said, if there's a moral to this story, it's that drinking hard cider leads inevitably to centaur sodomy. Someone call Woodchuck Cider, because I think they need to put a warning label on their bottles.