TR Review: The Clone Wars
Posted at 9:57 AM Aug 18, 2008
Okay, guys, you know the drill. The short version: it could have been worse. Not a ton worse, but certainly there was more room for awfulness. However, I can wholeheartedly recommend you simply wait until the movie airs as the first three TV episodes—not only will you save the money, there’s a decent chance you’ll enjoy it more. Now, with that out of the way, hit the jump for the lengthy, spoiler-filled full review.
If you were waiting for me for to tear the Clone Wars apart in an insane rage, I’m sorry to disappoint. Unlike, say, Indy 4, my expectations for Clone Wars could not have been lower. So by not shitting on me constantly throughout its 90 run time, Clone Wars did somewhat exceed my expectations. Now, that’s not to say it was good, or that I liked it, especially. But rather than an F, I can see giving it a C- or a D.
Let me put it another way—at its best, Clone Wars had me thinking, “Well, this isn’t terrible.” While that’s kind of a pleasant surprise for someone who expected to be tortured the entire time, compared to any of the “real” Star Wars movies, is it wrong to want more than "not terrible"? Even the prequels—whatever faults you did or did not find in them—showed us a lot of new worlds, new villains, new battles, etc.
But in Clone Wars, there’s absolutely nothing we haven’t seen before. Clones fighting droids? Anakin fighting Dooku? Anakin and Obi-Wan bickering? Jabba the Hutt? All stuff we’ve seen before. Besides what might be an early prototype for the B-Wing and an AT-TE walking up a cliff—neither of which is that astounding—it was all shit we’ve seen before. Or worse, it was new shit we didn’t want to see. Unless you’ve desperately wanted to know what a Hutt baby looks like (thus forcing you to think about Hutt sex), there’s not a single one of the moments of awe in Clone Wars that the Star Wars movies have usually provided us.
Worse, the movie doesn’t matter in the slightest—by the end, the status quo is maintained, meaning you could skip the movie entirely and not have missed anything. Now, part of that is the problem with setting it in-between two movies; you can’t do anything too drastic because the past and future have been previously set. But that doesn’t mean nothing has to happen. There’s absolutely zero characterization in this Clone Wars; no moments of growth, hell, no moments of Anakin even looking perturbed. You’d think, on his journey to the dark side, there might be a moment of him being a tiny but evil, but no. He simply sasses back to his new padawan Ahsoka.
Speaking of, Ahsoka straddles the fine line between sassy and outright annoying, and spends time on both sides—about half her banter with Anakin is okay, and half is pure shit—particularly her calling him “skyguy”—which set my teeth on edge. Aren’t padawans trained not to give their masters lame nicknames? It just flies in the face of everything Lucas has presented about the Jedi order, if I may be that nerdy.
As for the flamboyantly homosexual Hutt….holy fucking shit. Ziro the Hutt is even worse than you could imagine. I actually prayed for my head to explode during his speaking scenes, partially to escape from the pain, and partially because I assume someone would have to tell George Lucas that he created a character so wretched that it killed a man. I just can’t conceive how, in 2008, Lucas would make a conscious decision to have a character—any character—talk like five terrible stereotypes in one. Worse, no one at Lucasfilm had the balls to tell him what a terrible fucking idea it was.
Aside from Ziro, the film’s biggest problem is that it’s so clearly three TV episodes strung together. There’s zero reason to see it in the theaters. First episode—Anakin takes out a deflector shield. Second episode—Anakin and Ahsoka rescue Jabba’s kid, who they refer to only as “Stinky.” Third episode—amidst turmoil, Anakin and Ahsoka return Stinky to his dad. You’ll know exactly when each episodes ends and when each new episodes begins. You’ll also hear the same information repeated a dozen times, since they want to recap things from the previous episode. This is sheer laziness on Lucasfilm’s part—I would sincerely doubt that anything was edited to make this a movie; it really is just three episodes strung together with absolutely zero effort done to turn them into an actual film. It’s so galling that Lucas cares so little about the “movie,” when kids and us emotionally stunted adult SW fans care so damn much.
And regarding the character designs: They look like wood. No, seriously—every character model has extra pigmentation on their clothes, their flesh, whatever to make them look like they have been carved out of actual wood. Lucas has gone on record as saying that we wanted to make Clone Wars look a bit like the old Thunderbirds puppet show from the ‘60s, and in fact, the characters move like they’re puppets. Some of you have claimed that since Lucas intended the characters to be this way, it’s fine.
Fuck you people. The fact that Lucas is intentionally making his 2008 cartoon look like a ‘60s puppet show is fucking ludicrous. It’s another terrible idea that no one told Lucas he shouldn’t do. The audiences of 2008 do not want their CG movies to look like ancient puppet TV shows. Who would possibly think otherwise? Apparently, George Lucas does—or again, he does not care one iota what you want.
I have one last argument to make, and it’s for the benefit of all of you who have defended Clone Wars—and many other animated films—because they’re “intended for kids.” This is a bullshit argument. Just because something is a kids’ film, that doesn’t mean it has freedom to be stupid, or to suck outright. Is it hard to make a film that is equaling appealing to both kids and adults? Absolutely. But it can be done, and I don’t I’m being unreasonable in wanting that now. You know why? Because the original trilogy was like that. Parts of prequels were like that. And most importantly, the first Clone Wars cartoon was like that.
Yes, Genndy Tartakovsky’s Clone Wars was awesome for young and old alike, and I can’t suggest more strongly that you skipped watching the new Clone Wars (at least until it hits TV) and go find the two cartoon Clone Wars DVDs. They actually made me squeal with nerdy delight, a feeling I never even came close to achieving during the new movie. They were loaded with awesome things Star Wars fans had never seen before. A Hammerhead-alien Jedi? Mace Windu taking an army of super-droids out on his own (even using the Force to remove every single screw in one of ‘em), shown above? A lightsaber being used underwater, or even more awesomely, in the rain? All in there, and all amazing. And even though they were only 5 or 15 minutes long, Tartakosky managed to have battles that were far more epic than anything seen in the new movie, villains that were genuinely scary, and most importantly, there was actual character development in terms of Anakin slipping ever more closely into the Dark Side. And it was certainly for kids.
The fact that this clear, obvious example of how awesome the new Clone Wars could have been—should have been—has existed for years, and Lucas and his team ignored every single part of it is what makes Clone Wars so maddening. It’s like Tartakovsky drew Lucas a map, and Lucas burned it, and just drove at top speed straight off the nearest cliff.
But, hey—it could have been worse.
Comments
I would ask you HOW it could have been worse, but I'm scared of what you might answer. It was all very lame for me. And I found all the Ahsoka thing very disturbing. And Ziro, well... fuck. I'll just pretend it never happened.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 07:54:22 AMI had little desire to see this "film," and the more I hear, the more I want to actively avoid it. Thanks for giving props to Tartakovsky's Clone Wars series. It was easily the best Star Wars fiction since the original trilogy and apparently remains so. I always got the impression Georgie Boy has mixed feelings about the original Clone Wars cartoons since they were mostly created by someone else without a lot of his input and they ended up being awesome, something his prequels were not. I remember getting jazzed up about seeing General Grievous in Revenge of the Sith after seeing Clone Wars and then being horribly disappointed in how he was portrayed in the movie.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 07:54:45 AMI just can’t conceive how, in 2008, Lucas would make a conscious decision to have a character—any character—talk like five terrible stereotypes in one. Worse, no one at Lucasfilm had the balls to tell him what a terrible fucking idea it was.
I've said it before, and I'll most likely say it again, but you want to talk about balls? Saying "this show really needs a flamboyantly homosexual bad guy" took balls, my friend, or possibly batshit insanity, but then again the two are often interchangeable. :P
The fact that Lucas is intentionally making his 2008 cartoon look like a ‘60s puppet show is fucking ludicrous.
Some might have said that Lucas intentionally making a sci-fi epic patterned after the cheesy old Commando Cody serials was ridiculous... ;)
Posted 08/18/2008 at 07:56:41 AM"I actually prayed for my head to explode during his speaking scenes, partially to escape from the pain, and partially because I assume someone would have to tell George Lucas that he created a character so wretched that it killed a man."
Easily my favorite line from your review, Rob. And if it's any consolation, apparently not that many kids and SW fans were fooled by the fact that a thinly veiled TV pilot made its way to the big screen. "Clone Wars" pretty much flopped out of the gate, as I'd call $15 mil very disappointing. I mean, shit, "Space Chimps" made half of that in its opening weekend.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 08:12:28 AMWow. That is pretty bad. Too bad the original Clone Wars DVD's are out of print. They are about the only good thing to come from the SWU since about 1983.
Clearly stopping production on the DVDs is another fucking Lucas attempt to wring more money out of the franchise...pull them off the shelves for 6 month, "re-release" with about 8 seconds of new "special features" and cash in again on the suckers. Again.
Ive said the following two things before but I will repeat: As stated in the review Lucas is just too insulated and surrounded by suck-ups to tell him some of his ideas are just awful.
And secondly, it is better to have bowed out of this universe in 1999 (or 1997) and save yourself a lot of outrage and heartache.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 08:50:43 AMI'll second the General disappointment (Grievous as it may be). Clone Wars made him a Jedi-slaying god, but Revenge nearly killed him before Obi Wan walked in the room.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 10:02:47 AMArcane, do us all a favor and never, EVER write a pun again.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 10:17:49 AMI saw this last night and I actually liked it a lot. The stuff that's driving everyone else didn't bother me that much. I thought it was pretty fun overall.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 10:44:20 AMmy big complaint (since all the other ones have been covered) is that these "huge" battles generally consisted of one or two capital ships and about 6 fighters or a handful of tanks... a big let down compared to the opening of Revenge of the Sith.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 10:56:18 AMAhsoka...Ziro...the script...the music...the CG quality...UGH! This is a heap of crap that should have never been made. I hope the TV series fails horribly and vanishes quickly. The sooner we fans can return to fond memories of the live-action movies the better.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 11:01:57 AMWhy were the droids such frickin' idiots in this thing? They were played for comic relief where none was warranted. Unlike C3PO and R2. They just came off as being programmed to be dumbasses.
My 5 year old son got bored half way through.
He lasted longer than I did.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 12:34:23 PMThe review is dead on. I complained and complained about the Clone Wars after I saw it, but it was really better than what I expected.
I think the way Ziro got past the quality control was that they thought it would be funny "for the adults" to put a Truman Capote character in the guise of a Hutt. It doesn't work, but it could've been worse: Robin Williams ad libbing, for instance.
For me, the worst moment is something that most people haven't singled out: the "text crawl" at the beginning being replaced by a really bad and quickly read voiceover. "Jedis and clones...blah blah...Jabba's son...clones and jedis...blah...blah." Cue a collective "Huh?!" from the crowd. It's almost as though they didn't want to put the story in writing, as its paper thin plotline would be all the more evident.
The Clone Wars cartoon - as the above clip shows - was really great, and I would've been happy to see something similar (or exactly the same, for that matter) on the big screen.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 01:08:03 PMThe review is dead on. I complained and complained about the Clone Wars after I saw it, but it was really better than what I expected.
I think the way Ziro got past the quality control was that they thought it would be funny "for the adults" to put a Truman Capote character in the guise of a Hutt. It doesn't work, but it could've been worse: Robin Williams ad libbing, for instance.
For me, the worst moment is something that most people haven't singled out: the "text crawl" at the beginning being replaced by a really bad and quickly read voiceover. "Jedis and clones...blah blah...Jabba's son...clones and jedis...blah...blah." Cue a collective "Huh?!" from the crowd. It's almost as though they didn't want to put the story in writing, as its paper thin plotline would be all the more evident.
The Clone Wars cartoon - as the above clip shows - was really great, and I would've been happy to see something similar (or exactly the same, for that matter) on the big screen.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 01:09:02 PM"Lucas has gone on record as saying that we wanted to make Clone Wars look a bit like the old Thunderbirds puppet show from the ‘60s, and in fact, the characters move like they’re puppets. Some of you have claimed that since Lucas intended the characters to be this way, it’s fine.
Fuck you people."
That's pretty lame reviewing right there. You didn't have enough to attack on the actual movie that you have to attack your readers? That's really sad. Seriously.
Anyway, I did see the flick this weekend and I'm glad I didn't listen to the fanboy reviewers "who whine like Luke" because this movie was actually really good.
Considering that they have this paced for 97 more episodes I'm sure they didn't want to have their largest battles quite yet (considering that since story-wise this is the early part of the war) or max out the character arcs in the first three installments.
I liked the style of art. I admit I was a huge fan of the first series' style and was hoping that this new series was just going to follow that vision. I have to give them credit for taking what worked in that and improving on it. There was a period adjusting to it but as the action and story unfolded the style choices were made clearer.
Being a painter I really liked the choices of having brush strokes shown on the models and the backgrounds. The colors were amazing and the sequence of the battle at the monk stronghold going from day to night was a nice touch in that respect.
There was some amazing camera work using pans that can only be made in animation. The blend of realistic visuals with abstracted objects was nicely done and made for a good balance. The models held up well in both long shots and close-ups.
Hints to the Imperial Navy's visuals were given with the Republic Navy's look. I thought the inclusion of the Rebel Alliance General Doneeta (the guy who gives the mission briefing on blowing up the first Death Star in ANH) as a Republic Navy Officer was a brilliant move and expect to see more of him interacting with the likes of Yoda, Mace and Bail. It will be interesting to see where his story goes as things unfold in the war.
There are other hints to things like the moving robots in the hanger that look like the start of AT-ATs that are placed in the back so they don't scream "Look at me!!" but seem perfect to the pace of the story telling as well as rewards those familiar with all the movies.
The message in the first three of the importance of being a teacher and passing on your skills, of teachers and students not getting along and the need for students to respect those who teach was fitting in the Start Wars universe.
I thought the new characters were fine and not insulting. I think that there are plenty of bad people in the real world that are flamboyantly gay so I didn't find Ziro to be an insult. I'm pretty sure that evil, like good, has no limits to what type of sex you like or how you carry yourself. Anikin's apprentice was not annoying at all and I thought she was a solid head strong character that will provide a good foil to her master in many up coming stories.
Overall the voice acting, story and art were top notch. When this series unfolds and all you whiney punk ass fools understand how wrong you were to pan this first three part story I hope you do the right thing and recant your original reviews. But honestly I expect you not to and instead keep whiney and pissing about how awful everything is while you create nothing yourself.
I feel sorry for the people who trusted the reviews and will have missed seeing this on the big screen. Once they see it on TV they will be kicking themselves for being deceived by faulty reviews.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 01:34:18 PMYou've pretty well expressed how I feel about this film. Ziro the Hutt...holy fuck. I didn't think someone could have the stupidity to include something so stereotypical and offensive by *specific request*. His employees must be afraid of him to not tell him what's a bad idea. That or he just doesn't listen...or both...
Posted 08/18/2008 at 01:44:15 PMI'm done with Star Wars. The Clone Wars is the straw that broke the camal's back.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 05:10:45 PMDidn't mind the animation, except during normal human interaction. CGI movies ALWAYS seem to mess that up. Ziro didn't bother me. He was obviously just intended to be sleazy and creepy, not gay, and that's what I got from it. Asoka was the first Star Wars character that actually offended me. Asoka. Just awful. It completely ignores everything about the Jedi from the REAL movies. Idiots LOVE to bitch about the prequels, and for the first time ever, I understand how horrified they must have felt.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 06:52:01 PMI thought it was a fun movie but it did seem to drag on. On the one hand, it was nice to see the detail on the big screen. But like you said, it might be more enjoyable at home where you can pause, take a break and watch more later. Overall, I was pleasantly surprised though. I actually prefer this cartoon Anakin a great deal more than the live action one.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 07:06:53 PMCube, it's General Jan Dodonna... Doneeta would be Tott Doneeta from the "Tales of the Jedi" comic series. I hope this establishes my geek cred, because I am a hardcore fan and have been for over 25 years. That said, I'm sure you'll hate me when this is done, and for that I'm sorry.
I was just like you for years... I saw Phantom Menace 13 times in theaters and told everyone what a genius Lucas was even as I knew something was painfully wrong with the direction the saga I've loved since I was four years old was heading. He will always be a hero to me for bringing me movies like "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Raiders of the Lost Ark", but you know as well as I do that he's doing us just as much of a disservice by allowing his stories to be endlessly cheapened and dumbed down like he has.
Clone Wars wasn't terrible, and Ahsoka didn't bother me at all, I thought she was fun. What bothered me is that 30 minutes after seeing the movie I'd forgotten most of it and I didn't even really care. That's truly underwhelming, and for a fan like me, that's sad.
It's painful that I can honestly say that the best Star Wars stories and experiences I've had lately are from material that has not been touched by Lucas. The plot of Knights of the Old Republic was far superior to anything that has come out of Lucasfilm in the last 10 years, and that is truly sad. He created this awesome universe that we all love being a part of, but like some wrathful god he seems determined to destroy it too.
Don't defend poor decision making, as a fan you should be horrified to see how the saga is being treated. Even my Star Wars maniac daughter (who is named after a Star Wars character (see "geek cred" above)) was underwhelmed, and when a computer animated Star Wars feature length film underwhelms a rabid 10 year old fan, there's truly a problem.
Posted 08/18/2008 at 07:25:45 PMLogan I think you make good points and I want to be clear on one thing--I do think that Lucas has made big mistakes and I am not trying to defend his mistakes.
Messing up the General's name aside, I became a huge Star Wars fan from the time I was four and saw Ep 4 on the second day of release. Unlike many though, I didn't care for Ep 1 the first time I saw it. I saw it only twice, once on opening night and the other time when I took my five year old nephew. I appreciated what it was doing (mixing classic fairy tale themes with sci-fi) but thought there was so much wasted opportunities. With Ep 2 I thought the first 3/4th of the flick was on par with Ep 1 and only the final battle was truly Star Wars. I feel that Ep. 3 was an improvement but had several missteps (like that horrible Vader "NOOOOOOOOOO!").
My problem however is with the reviews I have read that are basically telling people that this new cartoon is the new Black Death. This cartoon movie was easily better than Ep 1 and 2.
It's funny to see that some people liked Ziro or Ahsoka while others didn't care for one or the other. When it came to Jar-Jar nearly every hardcore Star Wars fan for the most agreed that he was a bad character. Where Ep 1 drags on and on I have read reviews that says this cartoon moves too fast. Where Han is cool for being a smart ass and loved for it; apparently a young Jedi can't have that trait and she is disliked for it.
So far we have only seen 3% of the entire series. That is like seeing the opening logos to Ep 4 and then saying it sucks. Every review plays up anything that anyone might not like but fails to mention all the cool stuff through-out the movie (and there is a ton of it).
-the opening battle has some great action and the stalling by Obi-Wan when he "surrenders" is classic.
-The assault on the monk stronghold is impressive as hell.
-The running gag of Ahsoka saving Anakin is well done.
-The battle between Obi and Ventress (and the Annikin vs. Dooku) are some great saber fights and the actual serve the story.
-The return of a "clunker" spaceship in Star Wars was nice to see along with the hyperdrive star field that is not seen once in the PT.
-The explosions that take out the officers when they try to get in the back hanger was awesome (this movie has a huge body count for a cartoon--HUGE)
-There are countless things for longtime Star Wars fans to identify that are used carefully to help the story. From the Biths in Ep 4 playing in Ziro's bar to the goons at Jabba's court.
This movie is closer in style and pacing to the OT than the PT. I feel it's a disservice to fans of Star Wars when reviews go out of there way to make sure that people will not see it. I feel that if you saw Ep 1 more than five times in the theater than you would actually appreciate seeing this cartoon at least once on the big screen.
Posted 08/19/2008 at 06:27:20 AMYou're all douches. If you hate this movie, you hate Star Wars. I love how so-called fans think because they're (allegedly) fans, they know the SW universe better than the guy who actually created it, and can second guess him at every turn.
Posted 08/25/2008 at 10:53:38 AMStevedave, do you need a hug?
Posted 08/26/2008 at 02:15:13 PM