Warp 11 is a band that plays -- exclusively, as far as I can tell -- Star Trek-themed sex rock, whose new album "I Don't Want to Go to Heaven as Long as They have Vulcans in Hell" hits on May 5th. This is a little video promoting the album, which has blown my fucking mind. Please be warned before you watch it that is full of horrors for which no man can ever truly prepare himself, yet also so much awesomeness that it almost end up okay. I've divided them up for you:
HORROR BEYOND COMPREHENSION
• A pudgy man in a terrifying Spock mask in a hot tub
• A pudgy man in a terrifying Spock mask caressing the male lead singer of Warp 11 while in a hot tub
• A pudgy man in a terrifying Spock mask possibly masturbating the male lead singer of Warp 11 with a Klingon spaceship toy while in a hot tub
AWESOMENESS BEYOND UNDERSTANDING
• A song called "Jim Beam Me Up"
• A song with the lyrics "I'm gonna tap that ass like George Takei"
Even though I never want to see this video again, and every think I think about those guys in the hot tub I'll probably cry, this band is clearly awesome (and contains a hot chick, for those too chicken-shit to watch the video) and I approve wholeheartedly. Check out their site for music videos and tour dates and tell 'em Topless Robot sent ya.
Comments
Darren said:
I wonder if they cover "Star Trekkin'"!
Other great hits:
"She Cannah Take Any More"
"How Illogical"
"Dammit, Jim!"
and "Spock, Analysis!"
Posted 04/22/2009 at 01:09:46 PM
Frito said:
I dont see any DS9 themed songs. This is an outrage!
Posted 04/22/2009 at 01:29:45 PM
Snoodle said:
That was somewhere between sexy, terrifying, and amazing.
Posted 04/22/2009 at 02:13:36 PM
Patrick said:
Wow. That is awesome beyond words. While part of my brain is trying desperately to shut out the image of the naked guy in the Spock mask, the rest of it is reeling at the awesomeness that is the very concept of Star Trek Sex Rock.
And the hot chick singing Show Me Your Nuclear Wessel in a thick (and horribly fake) Russian accent is just about the most amazing thing ever.
I must own this album!
Posted 04/22/2009 at 02:16:57 PM
Captain Dunsil said:
And I thought I served no useful purpose..
Posted 04/22/2009 at 02:36:17 PM
Kaibosh said:
Sam, Wiz... I am with you on this. Not only does that music suck, I am disapointed by the wank happy ones who think this is even 'fair' sounding...
Posted 04/22/2009 at 05:59:48 PM
Frito said:
I bought all their albums today after reading about them here. This stuff is the shit.
Posted 04/22/2009 at 06:27:40 PM
YamiEridani said:
Wow, I'm not sure if I should be afraid or not.
Here's a fun song/music vid about Spock
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwXKoV08994
Posted 04/22/2009 at 07:13:01 PM
Tater said:
I can't believe you didn't know about them already. All of their other albums are awesome, my favorite song has to be "Belt Buckle Tractor Beam."
Posted 04/22/2009 at 11:12:46 PM
Photoboy said:
Let's just hope that microphone wire they've got trailed through the water is very heavily electrified...
Posted 04/23/2009 at 04:44:14 AM
varrior said:
This is fucking great. And I'm going to hide under my bed once I go home.
Posted 04/23/2009 at 06:07:08 AM
Kamereon said:
Freakin' Awesome! Hot looking redhead singing about Star Trek - proof that there really is a God.
Now I know exactly what to get my friends for Christmas - Thanks TR.
Posted 04/23/2009 at 06:19:29 AM
Church said:
Meh. Warp 11 is a bland rip-off (seriously) of No Kill I.
http://www.nokilli.com/
Posted 04/23/2009 at 09:31:31 AM
Spelkuka said:
LOL!!! Saying Warp 11 ripped of "No kill I" is like saying Boeing ripped of the wright brothers! They Obviously Ripped off S.P.O.C.K.
http://www.subspace.se/spock/
Posted 04/23/2009 at 09:44:24 AM
Church said:
@ Spelkuka: You may be right about the musical stylings, but the conceit for the band was essentially stolen (and I hate to use that word) after the W11 guys tried to hire NKI, and found out that NKI was actually punk rock (i.e., drunk and disorderly.)
Posted 04/23/2009 at 11:58:43 AM
Spelkuka said:
Are you saying No Kill I has the rights to Star Trek Music and were the first ones to do Star trek songs? I think the guys who wrote Star Trekkin may have something to say about that. Or an older band called the Shatners. You may as well get mad a Cinderella for ripping off Poison. I've checked out No Kill I and other than the fact that both bands are funny and sing Trek songs there are NO similarities. I like warp 11 cause I like good music. 2 chord punk songs just can't compare.
Posted 04/23/2009 at 01:09:44 PM
Korndawg64 said:
I hated when Chef Boyardee Macaroni and cheese ripped off Kraft Macaroni and Cheese! :)
Posted 04/23/2009 at 01:25:06 PM
Kahn said:
Lol, it used to be relevant to talk about the whole No Kill I and Warp 11 thing about 4 or 5 years ago, but no kill I was just a joke, and Warp 11 got huge. In other words when people mention No Kill I these days it's, "What ever happend to them?". When people mention Warp 11 it's, "Can't wait for their new album, and can't wait to see them headline concert in the park!"
Posted 04/23/2009 at 08:28:41 PM
db said:
They are from here in Sacramento and they have been kicking around for at least ten years. They also suck. We get it - you make wacky sex songs about a 60's TV show and your lead singer (who was on the brown side of ripe at the beginning of those ten years ago) wears little clothing. How incredibly... um... enchanting.
Every couple a years these guys get some sort of attention (I think the last time was when they were featured in Trekies 2 - what a party that was!). They need to go away. They remind everyone why Sacramento sucks so bad.
Oh - "Kahn" - you are TOTALLY from Sacramento... nice "Concert in the Park" reference. OUTED.
Posted 04/23/2009 at 11:51:08 PM
Captain Karl said:
Wow. The Warp 11/No Kill I debate rages on and the No Kill I Team are still bitter after all these years. I never understood it. I like No Kill I. I think they put on a great show. I like Sacramento. I like to play songs about Star Trek. The reason the band is still around is because we enjoy doing it. We all have real jobs. Were not trying to get rich doing this. We just like to get our music out there. If it would make you guys feel better we can meet in an arena and you guys can attack me with Pon Far sticks. (Lirpa) Or we could just play another show together. The latter sounds like a better idea to me.
Posted 04/24/2009 at 12:08:49 PM
Xanthippas said:
They can stick me in the hot tub too so long as Kiki Stockheimer is serenading me.
Posted 04/24/2009 at 05:15:03 PM
Xanthippas said:
Stockhammer that is. I'm more likely to get the Klingon spaceship treatment than a serenade if I can't get her name right.
Posted 04/24/2009 at 05:19:13 PM
Jonathan Anarchy said:
No Kill I has been around since 1992. According to them, the guys from Warp 11 did a public access show (back in the pre-Warp 11 days) and asked No Kill I to play. No Kill I said sure and the Warp 11 guys went to see them. They got scared that No Kill I would fuck shit up. No Kill I are guys that played in 1980s hardcore punk bands. The singer lit off a firework fountain on his head at one of the No Kill I shows. Warp 11 decided to play it safe but they took their schtick straight from No Kill I. The Shatners had a different schtick than No Kill I. S.P.O.C.K. has a different schtick (they're not even a Star Trek band). NKI: TNG different schtick (mostly the 4 Eyes which is a great band). NKI: DS9 different schtick. Warp 11 SAME schtick. I'm trying to do NKI: Enterprise so I'm biased. We're also a different schtick. I emailed No Kill I and the bass player said it was fine but probably couldn't play with us because he was in Turkey riding a motorcycle around the world. I also asked about them about their feelings about Warp 11 ripping them off and he asked if they were still around. I don't think he could care less.
Stay tuned for NKI: Enterprise. We're hoping to get a show at Luigi's Funhouse when the movie comes out.
Posted 05/01/2009 at 10:00:56 AM
Captain Karl said:
You have it half right Jonathan. Let me tell how it really happened once and for all. Back in 99 we (Warp 11) made an internet streaming TV show for a high tech company that we worked for and that invented the technology. (Play Inc.) I did a Demo using the product that was about 2 super Star Trek fans. It was 30 minutes long. We did skits, news, whatever... when we were writing the first episode we decided to make a Star Trek band to fill time. We sat down and cranked out about 6 songs (We'd all been in bands together since high school) when someone told us there was a band called No Kill I that also did songs about Star Trek. Being inherently lazy we decided to check them out to see if it would save us the trouble of writing 13 songs (1 seasons worth) We went and checked them out and they sucked. Don't get me wrong, they're supposed to suck. I get it. That's their shtick. It's like watching a retarded toddler chewing on a live extension cord. You want to look away but you can't. We told them that they were just too "crazy" and that we were scared they would break our equipment but honestly... we were just being nice. Did we rip them off? No. Our "shtick" is to put on a great show. Our "shtick" is to put out 5 Cds that sell very well on Amazon and I-Tunes. Our "shtick" is to headline the Concert in the Park. Our "shtick" is to have our music used on Comedy Central, Dr. Demento and over 100 FM rock and alternative stations worldwide. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it. I like the members of No Kill I and I had a blast at their shows. We even played a gig together the night Enterprise premiered. If you get your band going and want to open for a large audience of people who love Star trek Music feel free to e-mail me and we'll set something up. Our shows are always packed.
Posted 05/13/2009 at 07:33:54 PM






