Did you know that David Lynch was offered the chance to direct Return of the Jedi by George Lucas himself? I can't even imagine how fucked up and twisted we'd all be if that happened, because I'm thoroughly traumatized just by seeing the above fan-made video, as if Lynch had directed RotJ. If you survive, at least you'll have the consolation of knowing it will be the most fucked-up thing you'll see all week, and at least you got it out of the way early Monday morning. There's another video after the jump, if you can handle it.
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LOL at Michael Bay directing Star Wars!!!
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@Alice: you're slightly wrong - yes, ROTJ would've turned out almost exactly as the Xmas merchandising fest we see today, which is why Lynch turned down Lucas' offer. Unless of course Lynch accepted and put his foot down... Irvin Kershner (who directed Empire) and the cast took advantage of Lucas being away from the set for long periods and deviated from the original script with ad-lib's and improvised lines. Kershner dispensed with Lucas' guidelines and did the film his way. When Lucas saw what they'd done, he was horrified and had a hissy fit but it was too late lmao George Lucas has said The Empire Strikes Back is his least favourite of the original three films - probably because he exerted the least meddling and that's a clue to it being the best of the original trilogy. As for Michael Bay directing Star Wars, just imagine what he'd do with Lando: "Vader, you low down lyin' mo-fo, I'mma eat some grits, come back and blast ya' ass - cos ma word is bond!" etc
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If David Lynch HAD directed "Return Of The Jedi" it wouldn't have been any different than the film it is now. Even he admitted that George Lucas had "already made the film in his head". So there you have it. It pretty much says it all about the people who "directed", "The Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi" they had pretty much no say in teh way it turned out and George Lucas did everything but say "Action". Thus this was the reason David lynch rejected the opportunity to do it. Obviously he didn't want to be another Tobe Hooper working on a Spielberg film - Poltergeist!
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Oh god, I barfed a bit. D:
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Oh, and might I add... I'd take EVERY Star Wars movie being directed by David Lynch if the alternative were Michael Bay. You don't wanna know what Michael Bay's Star Wars might be like...
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@FuryOfFirestorm: You missed something: "If DL made ROTJ... 1) After Luke finds out that Leia is his sis, they fuck on Han Solo's carbonite frozen body while Chewbacca watches from inside a closet" ...While a Leonard Cohen song is being played in the background by Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes.
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And how can this be? For he IS the kwisatz haderach!
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lynch's dune rules. nuff said.
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It would still have Ewoks, it is just that you'd find out the Ewoks were really dwarves who dressed themselves in the flayed skin of Teddy Bears.
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if David had made rotj it might have convinced Lucas not to have made phantom menace which would have spared the world jar jar. not to mention the ewoks would have not looked like deranged teddy bears. and jabba would have proably been looking like a dune sandworm. but it was not ment to be
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Why does a David Lynch Star Wars film sounds like an expensive FFF?
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I'm with heather on this one.
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<I>"3) Leia masterbates using Luke's severed hand"</i> ...Nah, just his lightsaber, and Yoda's little one for a buttplug.
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I'll take Lynch's Dune over any of the Star Wars movies.
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Emperor Palpatine would have been cross-faded with - i don't know, Padme? - slurping creamed corn. There would be no Ewoks, because the freaking <i>forest</i> would kill the storm troopers, with its mind. There would be no glowing ghosts telling Luke what to do: instead, someone carrying a rock would come up and tell Luke what the rock wanted him to do. Suddenly, all the actors would switch roles, and you'd realize most of the film was actually someone's desperate escape fantasy, and none of it was real. I can not even begin to imagine how awesome a Lynch RotJ would have been. Furthermore, it would be avant-garde.
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If DL made ROTJ... 1) After Luke finds out that Leia is his sis, they fuck on Han Solo's carbonite frozen body while Chewbacca watches from inside a closet 2) Vader makes that heavy breathing sound because he's huffing nitrous under the mask 3) Leia masterbates using Luke's severed hand 4) Luke uses Transcendental Meditation instead of the Force 5) The Ewoks are now deformed lizard babies 6) Instead of killing the Emperor, Vader serves him delicious quinoa 7) Bobe Fett rides a lawnmower instead of a jetpack
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I think the first video is exactly how Lynch would have ended up making the movie.
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and then Luke busts out a sax and plays some scorching free jazz, with random shots of the highway going by and a naked Laura Dern hitchhiking with that creepy old bat from inland empire. and bunnies. big, evil bunnies.
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Dune isn't hard to follow at all-- but it's certainly not his best picture. I guess these videos are kind of funny. They just take some of David Lynch's hallmarks and push them to extremes. Go watch the youtube video for David Lynch's "A Goofy Movie" for a better time.
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I absolutely love the fact that David Lynch is known for his body of strange works, but he has also produced easy to follow tales. Remember, he directed both The Elephant Man and The Straight Story. I haven't seen Dune, but I assume that one isn't difficult either.
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I agree, the emperor would have made a bigger impression had he actually been satanic. That said, I wonder what he would have done with the Ewoks.
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Yeah, ROTJ definitely would have been better with a creepy floating monkey head terrorizing the Rebels. What could have been...
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Yeah, I think I'm going to cry too. That would have been COMPLETELY AWFUL! Look, in the grand scheme of things RotJ wasn't that bad. Two things to change would have been the death of Boba Fett and yes, the Ewoks... but not entirely the Ewoks. Make them feral beasts that partner with the Rebellion for the battle and then have them go their own way after the fight. But this Lynch crap would have been a mind f%#$ that none would have enjoyed... except maybe for the pure insanity of it all.
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I'm... I'm gonig to go cry now.
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...that was...I ...I think I crapped my pants.
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Yeah, Lynch would have made an excellent director. He'd clearly have scrapped the Ewoks, so fans of the original trilogy wouldn't need to be embarrassed about saying they like the movies anymore. And, I'm fairly sure that Lynch's Emperor would have died in a far better way than being picked up and thrown down a hole by Vader. The emperor of the galaxy really should be immune to being picked up and carried. I'd personally imagine that Lynch would have had Vader use 'Force Head-Explode' on the emperor or something.
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I'd pay to see this film. :)
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