By Rob Bricken in
Daily Lists, TV
Friday, Aug. 21 2009 @ 8:00AM
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The creators of Red Dwarf, Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, gave themselves a monumental storytelling challenge when they made the edict that their space-faring show would include not one alien being. In spite of this, Red Dwarf had enough conflict between its main characters to fill several episode. When various monsters, robots and other adversaries and friends did show up, they were cleverly the warped progeny that a now (almost) extinct human race had left behind. And some were created by the hapless "Boys from the Dwarf" themselves. Here are the 10 most memorable:
10) Mutton Vindaloo Beast
A DNA-modifying machine was the probably not the best thing to fall into the hands of the Red Dwarf crew. Kryten was accidentally turned into a human, but soon realized he missed being a mechanoid and asked to be changed back. The crew stupidly decided to test the machine on a dish of Lister's favorite food and naturally unleashed a beast that was "half man, half extra Indian curry!" The beast met its match when the DNA machine was used to turn Lister into a mini Robocop, who figured out (in a death scene that was an homage to Jaws) the surefire way to kill a vindaloo -- a nice, cold lager.
9) The Grim Reaper
Death's appearance in Red Dwarf was brief and in the last scene of the series before it went on hiatus for a decade. He menacingly approached Rimmer, who was trapped in Red Dwarf as a rust virus ate it away and fires raged. But Rimmer was not so ready to meet Death again, and promptly gave him a swift knee to the gonads. "That's never happened before!" Death muttered in surprise as he collapsed in pain and Rimmer did what he did best -- ran away.
8) Epideme
If a virus could talk, what would it say? It would probably give you sass and taunt you about how it's succeeding in its job of turning you into a walking ball of puss, which is pretty much what happened when Lister got to talk with the virus that was infecting him. He got infected when the frozen body of a former crush was brought on board and sprang to life so it could force the virus into Lister's mouth with a really gross kiss. As Lister complained to Kryten, "I've just been molested by Tutankhamun's horny grandma!" Leave it to the ever practical Kristine Kochanksi to come up with the solution -- trick the virus into moving down her ex-boyfriend's arm and then cut off said arm! Yee-ouch!
7) Pete
All that the Red Dwarf crew's fellow Tank prisoner Birdman had in this universe was his pet sparrow Pete. When Pete suddenly dropped dead and the Birdman was devastated, the Dwarvers did what any good-natured prsioners would do -- they used a Time Wand to bring Pete back to life. Of course, this plan backfired and devolved Pete into a Tyrannosaurs Rex that went on a rampage through the ship and ate his former owner. Pete was reverted back to his former harmless self, but not before he consumed the Red Dwarf's entire supply of mint-choc ice cream, orange ice-pops and Coca-Cola, resulting in a sore dino tummy and a tidal wave of diarrhea that drenched the ship's captain.
6) Cassandra
Cassandra, a computer that could see the future with 100% accuracy, was such a bummer to have around (since she had no hesitance about telling everyone how they would die), that the ship containing her was abandoned at the bottom of a sea. When the Red Dwarf crew found her, she revealed that Rimmer (since he was alive again at this point) had but minutes to live, and furthermore that Lister would kill him in a jealous rage when he discovered Rimmer in bed with Christine Kochanski. Rimmer saw getting laid as a reason to celebrate, however, and Kochanski became convinced to go along with fate despite her disgust. Kryten, however, figured out the whole scenario was a revenge scheme by Cassandra to get back at Lister for killing her. Lister balked at this idea, then accidentally set off a Rube Goldberg-esque mini-disaster that blew up Cassandra with an electrical discharge. Oopsie!
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49 comments
Comments
Hmmm... said:
It's too bad you couldn't figure out a way to include all the evil wax sculpture robots from ("Rimmerworld" was it?)
Kevin said:
11. The Evil Wax Sculpture Droids from Rimmerwold
Done.
;-)
Boobgene said:
This is written like a bad promo. Oh dear. Americans who watch Red Dwarf.
mythbri said:
I was glad to see the Polymorph on this list, but what about the alternative versions of the Red Dwarf crew? Surely that counts as unusual and memorable (and also hysterically funny)!
cummins said:
Terrific list. I just wish we had gotten some Red Dwarf action figures at some point.
rj472 said:
Duane Dibley
Kevin said:
Cummins, I recall seeing a Red Dwarf set at some point that came with a Starbug you could open and little figures of the entire crew. There's a similar product in diecast, but I don't think it's the one I remember. Maybe it was a dream, lol.
kris said:
@Boobgene
Oh dear, pompous Europeans who think they're superior to everyone.
the Doctor said:
I've seen the diecast versions of Starbug and red Dwarf at cons but I haven't seen any action figs besides bobbleheads of Lister and Kryten.
simon said:
I really hated the Pete two parter.
How about the despair squid from better than life?
Dr. McNasty said:
Kevin, that Starbug would have had lights & sounds, along with 2" versions of the crew. Sadly, it was never produced, but it looked awesome.
demoncat said:
love the list and nice to see the polymorph on it though would have had legion hire switched with mr. Fibble and the pete story was creepy mostly when all the food pete ate got payback.
Andy said:
I have to ask the same question as Simon... What about the Despair Squid? Personally I would put that at No2, with Mr Flibble at 1 and move the Polymorph down to 3.
@kris shall I mention the American take on Red Dwarf.... LOL
Kevin said:
Dr. McNasty, I'm really bummed about that set not being made. But at least the Mr. Flibble puppet got to store shelves.
The main reason I didn't include the Despair Squid in the Top 10 was because you never actually saw it. At least until "Back To Earth," which aired after I wrote this.
Geoff said:
11. Whichever exec decided that Robert shouldn't host Scrapheap Challenge anymore.
Kip said:
Epic list!
Glad to see RD back in the news again.
VerbalGurl said:
YES! Great List! And what, pray tell, is so very wrong with Americans who watch Red Dwarf? If you prick us, do we not bleed Vindaloo...?
Seb Patrick said:
In reference to a couple of comments above :
1. The wax droids were from Meltdown. Rimmerworld was populated merely by clones of Arnie J.
2. The Starbug playset *was* produced. It's sitting on my shelf, and very nice it looks, too.
Agent Gents said:
Lol @ above comment, gotta have the person who knows everything in minute detail chipping in at some point! "Did you know that the bandoozle gun wasn't actually used until episode five, before that they were just using a similar looking prop that they hadn't given a name to yet?" In the words of Harry Enfield's aliens: "REALLY? HOW INTERESTING!" :-)
Namely Dawson said:
Too much series 8 in this list. I can't believe the Grim Reaper from Only the Good (about as relevant as the exploding mayor in Confidence and Paranoia) and the dinosaur from Pete (crap CGI in a repetitive, stupid story, not memorable at all) were included, whilst the squid from Back to Reality and the Self Loathing Beast from Terrorform were left out. There are so many other monsters you could have picked, but maybe you just went with your memory of the older series after accidentally watching series 8 first. It kills your interest in the programme, and leaves your IQ lowered by several points, all in one fell swoop!
Namely Dawson said:
> The main reason I didn't include the Despair Squid in the Top 10 was because you never actually saw it. At least until "Back To Earth," which aired after I wrote this.
You saw its shadow, and you saw the effects of its ink on the crew. Surely you don't measure Cassandra by the way she looks on screen?
Dr. McNasty said:
That Starbug was produced? Damn, I've gotta track that down. I remember seeing the proto at the UK Toy Fair a few years ago, and was told that it was unlikely it'd go into production (limited appeal, high price). What's it like?
Seb Patrick said:
@Agent Gents : Yeah! How dare I tell people something (the existence of a toy that they wanted but didn't know existed) that would be useful and interesting to them! And as for the Rimmerworld/Meltdown thing, I wouldn't call that a "minute detail", given that it involves the ENTIRE PLOT OF TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EPISODES.
@McNasty : It's a lovely set, if very fragile (I don't know anyone who hasn't broken at least one of the legs), and there's an infamous problem with the sound chips on most of them, where the sound clips play incredibly slowly. A review of the playset, from back when it came out, is here : http://www.ganymede.tv/indepth/starbug-electronic-playset
Agent Gents said:
"it involves the ENTIRE PLOT OF TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EPISODES."
REALLY? HOW INTERESTING! :-)
Agent Gents said:
And in the episode Rimmerworld what colour was the sky compared to the sky in the episode Meltdown? And what was the main difference in the knives used? This information please, for someone who would find it useful and interesting.
Seb Patrick said:
You really are completely missing the point, aren't you? This isn't nerdy nitpicking information - this is the most basic, fundamental plot point of the episode.
It's like if someone had said "You didn't include the evil killer robots out of The Sound of Music in your list of evil killer robots!"
We get it, you're a sneery smart-arse. But given that you're nitpicking on the internet about someone else's comments, you're hardly in a position to be sanctimonious about someone else nitpicking on the internet about someone else's comments, are you?
Agent Gents said:
The difference is that you're getting tremendously upset about it, whereas I see a list of monsters that doesn't matter in a comedy programme that was funny when we were fifteen but now doesn't matter either.
scuzgob said:
I had a feeling the Polymorph would be in the top spot.
tttttttttttt said:
Why is Cassandra a "monster" in this list? She's just a computer with an ability to predict the future. You didn't put the DNA altering machine on the list, did you, or one of the vending machines? A stupid list with too much emphasis on season 8 anyway.
Jobob said:
@Agent Gents. You're a bit of a prick aren't you?
Answering a question isn't really nitpicking
"Hmmm... said:
It's too bad you couldn't figure out a way to include all the evil wax sculpture robots from ("Rimmerworld" was it?)"
As it happens it wasn't Rimmerworld, it was a totally different episode. It's not a tiny nitpicky detail (colour of the sky?? Seriously?!) as you seem to be implying.
If you see a list that doesn't matter to you, then why are you bothering to read it and post comments? Clearly you're a troll and I think that makes you the pathetic one.
Agent Gents said:
Yawn. Seriously, read a book.
Dave said:
Rimmer likes rimming lol
For crying out loud said:
Why are Red Dwarf fans so bitter? Just accept gracefully that not everybody can love your programme as you do. I doesn't make us stupid morons who think "Rimmer = rimming" as the above parodist suggests. What isn't normal is all this bitterness, fifteen years too late, that we aren't all studying your comedy in immense detail like you all assumed we would be. It just never became the all-time classic that time would never forget, and we aren't eating our words, and only a select niche of sci-fi nerds now even remember it or care. We never realised you were "right all along". Okay, big deal. Get over it and grow up.
Dave said:
> I doesn't make us stupid morons who think "Rimmer = rimming" as the above parodist suggests.
It does because you can't even spell the word "it".
For crying out loud said:
Listen I am sorry events didn't work out for you and that Red Dwarf didn't spark a social, cultural and political revolution. I am sorry that you grew up with the mind of a bully but never had the physicality to push people around, and have to resort even today to sneering at people who most evoke "the cleverest in the class". Remembering football results and the details of Atari magazine didn't work out for you in the end, and watching Red Dwarf proved not to be as useful as actually doing some fucking work. And I am sorry.
Agent Gents said:
LOL. Hate to say it, but Fcol is right!
Anon said:
What about Mrs. Lister and the Gelfs? What about the Replicants?
Fatpie42 said:
Okay, the most ridiculous thing here is that most of the entries are from seasons 7 and 8 which, as any good Red Dwarf knows, never happened.... (like the Matrix sequels).
Here is a list of Red Dwarf bad guys strangely missing from the above list:
Caligula wax droid (series four - Meltdown)
Psirens (series six - Psirens)
Decadent Red Dwarf crew from the future (series six - Out Of Time)
Evil Red Dwarf crew (series five - Angels and Demons)
The Despair Squid (series five - Back To Reality)
Dr. Hildegarde Lanstrom - evil genius/ maniacly insane killer hologram (series five - Quarantine)
Arnold Rimmer's Self Loathing Beat (series five - Terrorform)
Hudzen 10 - insane killer robot (series three - The Last Day)
Rogue Simulant (series four - Justice)
Fatpie42 said:
"Why are Red Dwarf fans so bitter? Just accept gracefully that not everybody can love your programme as you do."
Why don't Star Trek fans have to put up with crap like this? No one's complaining about the f**king star date being wrong. We'd just like it if people had the decency to recognise which bad guy was in which episode. Heck, it's not like there are many episodes to choose from. British tv only has about six episodes per series....
Pudding and Dawes said:
"We'd just like it if people had the decency to recognise which bad guy was in which episode."
I lie awake at night flustering over why the wonders of velcro aren't exploited more. Let's become friends!
For crying out loud said:
"Why don't Star Trek fans have to put up with crap like this? No one's complaining about the f**king star date being wrong. "
So basically, you would hate to be put in a room with Star Trek fans because they are nerdy and horrible?
Unlike some of the people here I am not offended by the autistic fascination you have with the minute details of an old television programme, and indeed I understand and am sympathetic to the social problems that are attached to autism. What I object to (and what I understand to be separate from autism itself) is this finger pointing outside - this "Star Trek fans are far worse, look at them the NERDS," or the parody of people who never got into your programme as somehow not "getting" its nuances. "Getting nuances" is different from learning facts and repeating them to all within earshot, but there is nevertheless something incredibly smug about Red Dwarf fans doing the latter, as though they've someone transcended an everyday understanding of their subject.
Knowing loads of pointless details is fine. Quoting them and shoving them in the faces of people that you meet is annoying. Doing so in such a way that suggests you're better than people who don't do the same puts the average Red Dwarf fan in the "cunt" category. Attach to this the delusion that Star Trek fans (for example, only because you brought them up) do something altogether different to you, as though you are not all being trainspotters in everything but content (I'm sorry, but this is true and I know you can't help it) and you get a group of people who don't receive much sympathy outside of their own community.
That's that, as clear as I can make it. Take from it what you will.
Fatpie42 said:
"So basically, you would hate to be put in a room with Star Trek fans because they are nerdy and horrible?"
Who said that?
"Getting nuances" is different from learning facts and repeating them to all within earshot, but there is nevertheless something incredibly smug about Red Dwarf fans doing the latter, as though they've someone transcended an everyday understanding of their subject.
I don't understand your complaint. No one here has been showing off their knowledge of tiny little facts. They simply know what happens in the Red Dwarf episodes.
If someone says "remember when Spider-Man fights Venom in the first Spider-Man" movie, surely it wouldn't be hideously pedantic to point out that actually it was the third Spider-Man movie?
Is someone refers to Frodo appearing to die in the Two Towers movie, surely it wouldn't be pedantic to point out that in the movies they saved that scene until the Return Of The King movie?
These aren't petty little things. They aren't hugely important either, but then how is that a surprise.
I don't know what 'nuances' you are talking about. I'm just pointing out that if people have gone the distance of naming the episode it's not unfair to correct them if named the wrong one. Red Dwarf lasted about 36 episodes before jumping the shark - so that's not an awful lot of episodes to mix up.
Pudding and Dawes said:
"Red Dwarf lasted about 36 episodes before jumping the shark - so that's not an awful lot of episodes to mix up."
This list attends mostly to seasons 7 and 8.
For crying out loud said:
"I don't understand your complaint. No one here has been showing off their knowledge of tiny little facts. They simply know what happens in the Red Dwarf episodes."
It's more Dave's parody of non-Red Dwarf fans that I was picking up on. The "Rimmer loves rimming lol" comment is why I started contributing to this thread. It occurs a lot now and is basically shorthand for "people who don't love Red Dwarf don't get Red Dwarf! They miss the nuances and think that the main joke is in the name Rimmer! And they puzzle over what we find funny about the word smeg!" And yet all that I ever see that is so great about these same people is that they've learned details from the episodes - they haven't seen anything below the surface that would be considered "nuances". It's hardly high art they're watching and when you've seen the episodes twice you've seen everything there is to see anyway.
So yes, I was extrapolating because I'm tired of what happens endlessly elsewhere more than here, not just on the internet but whenever Red Dwarf fans have made themselves apparent over the last fifteen years or so. The Ace Rimmer t-shirt wearers that stride up to you and just ask straight off the bat whether you love Red Dwarf as much as them and then demand to know why you don't. "What's wrong with it? You should watch it, it's great, they're on DVD now as well so you should watch them again, give them another go." I was heated because of Dave's smug comments above, and it's rarely the case that I've bothered to reply to these kinds of things, hence my conflation of lots of occasions into this thread. Sorry if you've taken it personally.
For crying out loud said:
"Who said that?"
Rather than admit Red Dwarf fans have a tendency to be anal, you pointed your finger at a different group. It's Star Trek fans who become the bearers of the point you want to make, "complaining about the f**king star date being wrong." You could have said "on most Red Dwarf fansites we are indeed picky about the kinds of details pointed out in this discussion. We talk about which style "H" goes with which series, for example, and we laugh at people who get it wrong; we just haven't done so in this discussion and Agent Gents should have waited until the discussion got like that before leaping in with his vindictive behaviour."
red dwarfs biggest fan said:
lol red dwarf is so funny i love red dwarf!!!!
Thursday with an F said:
You should do a list of ten best things of red dwarf that are not usually picked. Everyone chooses the polymorth but I would go with cat's teeth or the shape of kryten's head. Classics!
Red dwarf the biggest fan of it said:
I am clever because Red Dwarf is a clever comedy and I can grasp what is going on in it!!!!!!!!!!!
sssssssss said:
red dwarf is shit anyway
