Somewhere, there is a real Tekken movie being made, or it has been made, or it's going to be made. I don't care enough to look it up. You know why? Because Tekken sucks. It's a horrible button-masher fighting game starring a fucking bear, and yes, I know my beloved Soul Calibur is goofy, but Tekken makes Soul Calibur look like Shakespeare's Richard the III. I'm still pissed that fuckwad Yoshimitsu is cluttering up my SC roster. Go back to fighter Puma-headed wrestlers and kangaroos, you shit-borg.
My point is -- the official Tekken movie will suck. Suck ass. It'll probably make the recent Dead or Alive movie also look like Richard the III. So watch this fan-made trailer for a Tekken movie -- it's was made for some G4 contest, but was entered too late -- and tell me this isn't as good as it's going to get. Bandai Namco? Write these guys a small check and just quit while you're ahead. It's all downhill from here, I promise.
Fucking Tekken. (Via Kotaku)
Comments
Victor Delacroix said:
Rob, you're wonderful, but Tekken and Soul Calibur are essentially the same games. One just has weapons. Different plots, characters, etc, but the gameplay is very similar. Like, so similar I felt the need to actually come in and post about this. The short-range nature of arms and legs just makes Tekken feel like a really different game, is all.
They're very similar, and I love them both alot. Just re-think your opinion on Tekken, okay? Both are great games...although Tekken really only got good at 5.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 05:37:53 PM
Arsenal said:
You love SC yet hate Yoshimitsu who is one of the best people to play in the game.
Logic fail.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 05:48:23 PM
emerson999 said:
I actually kind of liked the dead or alive movie. Might help that it was just from netflix and I came in with as low expectations as possible. But it was a movie based on a fighting game where they actually remembered to have a tournament, fighting, etc. Got to give it credit for that.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 05:50:44 PM
Dan Marek said:
@Victor Wow. Tekken just started getting good at 5? Took them long enough. I might have to check it out again. I remember they totally redid the fighting engine in 4, but I was already on my out of Tekken by then.
What's up with the magic wands and shit in Tekken 6 btw?
Posted 10/08/2009 at 05:50:58 PM
Blind AL said:
Why do I have this feling that Rob is a Killik spammer on Soul Cal? And when he gets beat online he instently marks them for something.
I can also believe that he has made a 12 year old cry, after losing as well.
Side note Soul Cal is great, but Tekkin is exactly the same thing just with out weapons or the Star Wars crutch.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 05:51:05 PM
JimmyZappa said:
I don't usually do this but: fuck you, Tekken owns.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 05:56:02 PM
emerson999 said:
Oh yah, that said this fan trailer looks like it would make an awesome feature length movie. I like how they even had the bobbing around.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 05:58:45 PM
Matt said:
The Tekken games suck, but the "lore" could make an interesting movie, judging by this fan flick trailer.
I just doubt it'll ever be done convincingly.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 06:13:05 PM
Incognito said:
Sounds like somebody lost one too many bouts of tekken.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 06:30:34 PM
Wolfgang said:
I'm tired of people saying Tekken and Soul Calibur play the same. They have very distinct styles, and I'm not speaking of the weapons/no weapons aspect. Tekken blows and is VASTLY unbalanced. Probably the most unbalanced fighting game I've ever played.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 06:45:56 PM
Wolfgang said:
Oh. And isn't anyone else bothered by the fact that the Asian characters aren't Asian (Aside from the girls)?
Posted 10/08/2009 at 06:51:43 PM
Captain Spadge said:
I bet the Tekken movie would suck. They failed with Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter more than once... Stiil the game is not exactly bad. The lore is the typical anime crap we've seen quite a few times, but the game mechanics are pretty good and each fighter feels unique.
Still, some things should never leave the games or the comic books, because they are just too stupid for live-action movies. Tekken is one of those things.
I'm still waiting for someone to make the ultimate fighting game... STREET KOMBAT TEKKEN! Dhalsim vs. Sub-Zero! Blanka vs. Scorpion! Zangiev vs. a bear! Eddy Gorgo vs. Kung Lao! Damn... I'm drooling.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 06:56:17 PM
Violence Jack said:
I applaud when fans work hard to do something like this on their own time. But man, with as much work they put into the costumes of the main characters, I really wish they didn't use paintball masks for the henchmen. Whatever, the bigger crime is when larger budget movies go to the paintball masks, cough .. Blade 3...cough....
Posted 10/08/2009 at 07:46:37 PM
clark said:
I just love that they went all-out and gave everybody the characters appropriately ridiculous hair. "Street Fighter" would have automatically been better had Jean Claude been sporting a foot-long, fanned out flat top.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 08:02:20 PM
Christian said:
I'm actually a huge Tekken fan, so I'm a bit obligated to tell you to go fuck yourself, and that it's one of the better fighting franchises out there. To the guy that said Tekken 5 was when the series started getting good, Tekken 3 ftw. And no Nina in this trailer, which sucks :(
Posted 10/08/2009 at 08:35:57 PM
Hugo said:
There's also some king of fighters official movie material on line, and I've just seen it. If I cared about KOF just a little it would have felt like shitting a whole pineapple.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 08:39:33 PM
Big Money B.G. said:
Hmmm...from watching one of my best friends play Tekken for HOURS ON END, practicing move-after-move and combos for several different characters on the hardest difficulty, I call B.S. on you, sir.
"Horrible button-masher" can apply to ANY fucking fighting game if you don't, you know, try to actually play the damn thing. I'm so very certain Soul Caliber is just THAT much better, too. Like defending your dog's shit over another dog's shit: At the end of the day, they're both shit.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 08:41:00 PM
Karma said:
Unlike JimmyZappa, I actually do and say this ALL the time, but...
Yes. Fuck you. Tekken owns.
Haha, I mean come on. Seriously. Is there a person that comes here regularly who thought that I would be able to resist getting my own shot in?
You knew I would want in on this shit.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 08:48:25 PM
Shawn said:
I love both the Tekken series and Soul Calibur series. Both can get ridiculous, but both are also great games. And you can button mash to success in Soul Calibur almost as much as you can in Tekken.
That said, the fan-movie looks pretty good. It probably will be much better and more faithful to the characters than the "real" Tekken movie.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 09:32:02 PM
jeffers3000 said:
Why is it than when I first heard Kazuya's voice in this, the first thing I thought was that he should play Vegeta? (If, god forbid, a second dragonball movie is made)
Posted 10/08/2009 at 09:37:43 PM
niafabo said:
fan made trailer looks tops if only the industry could pull the essence of a game out like that.
Posted 10/08/2009 at 11:33:36 PM
Batzarro said:
Military Squads wearing Paintball masks and the Mishima Family seems more jewish than I remember. Still, fairly decent. Though it brings to the forefront an important fact: Hairstyles in Tekken are ridiculous and should never be brought to Live action.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 12:38:10 AM
EVula said:
The only good movie made from a fighting game was Mortal Kombat (the first one; the second was an abomination).
Posted 10/09/2009 at 01:02:59 AM
Julian said:
I think the fucking bear (and kangaroo) are probably some of the best things about Tekken. It generally sucks - the character design is, to put it gently, uninspired - but I'll take a rampaging panda over "generic angry red-clad white dude #438" or "generic cutesy kung-fu girl #810" any day.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 01:12:01 AM
Giselle said:
If you have a small group of friends who are a fan of tekken and on low budget, and just happened to be white.
What would you do?
Work with what you have! ITS A FAN TRAILER.
They are not actors, nor are they making the REAL tekken movie. Cut some slack.
And TEKKEN is awesome....
Posted 10/09/2009 at 01:48:03 AM
Red Joker said:
huh boy, nitpicking a fan-project? jeez you must be bored... anyways @1:15 is that sum john kerry??
Posted 10/09/2009 at 07:02:17 AM
satur8 said:
The fan trailer was cool.
BTW - Anyone who thinks Soul Calibur and Tekken are the same probably isn't very good at either.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 07:05:43 AM
Des said:
Fuck the What?? I normally respect your opinions Rob, in spite of the fact that you don't seem to want to read my e-mails but, to me, the Namco games and Dead or Alive are the 3D version of the old SNK games.
Tekken 2, 3 and 5 were tight, and trust me on this since I'm not a button masher, I use a little something called "tactics", "strategy", "timing" and "psychological warfare". You can't do that in Mortal Kombat because you inevitably stand there both holding the block button waiting for the other person to eventually juggle you until your life bar is totally depleted.
By the way Virtual Fighter has always had potential, but the time and effort it takes to learn the moves you might as well learn a real martial art.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 08:56:18 AM
Dorota said:
well, Tekken is certainly a shitty game. Soul Calibur is decent for a 3D fighter.
The only acceptable fighting game for me is Guilty Gear X (or XX), though.
Well-balanced, wacky, with unique characters (I hate character redundancy, very much present in SC - if two of them are similar in gameplay/style and have pretty much identical combos is there a need for both?), "story" with side-splitting funny character interactions and featurs which are inventive and hard to master (fucking Roman Cancel)
had to barge in with a pretty much OT post, sorry
Posted 10/09/2009 at 10:03:53 AM
facepalm said:
3D fighters all suck ass.
Also there are two Tekken movies that have been released. The anime which wasn't very good and an 'official' movie where Namco pulled their support late in the making of it so a few names and things were changed, but it was Tekken.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 11:08:05 AM
Dan Marek said:
I think the voiceover and music was the first thing in this trailer that immediately made me think of Tekken. Didn't realize that was such an important part of the games for nostalgia's sake.
And yes, Tekken is a button mashing game, kind of like Marvel vs Capcom 2. It's not necessarily a bad thing since someone who knows what they are doing will win all day against a guy who picks Eddie and jams forward + both kicks to no end and there's some technical stuff in there for hardcore players. But compare Tekken's button buffering system (which lets you buffer ALL KINDS OF SHIT with no consequences) with Virtua Fighter's you'd-better-nail-that-combo-precisely-as-fuck system and there's a world of difference.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 11:48:52 AM
kryonik said:
I play both Tekken and Soul Calibur in tournaments and although I don't like one anymore than the other really, saying Tekken is a button mashing game is not even close to true. A button masher will mash buttons in any game.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 12:20:24 PM
Dan Marek said:
Some games are button-mash friendly, like Tekken and Marvel vs Capcom 2. Tournament play is always going to be different than causal play. Mashing buttons will work at a causal level very well in Tekken as opposed to Virtua Fighter.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 01:55:47 PM
Alder Knight said:
Holy SHIT, that trailer looks FUCKING AMAZING.
I wish they were going to make a full length. This is like Sandy Collora's mind-blowing World's Finest fanmade trailer - amazing concept, with no intention to actually make the film. Woe.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 03:37:22 PM
Anonymous said:
Aside from the very good martial artist fights, what was so great about this?
Posted 10/09/2009 at 04:33:23 PM
JimmyZappa said:
I remember reading some guy saying he "mastered" one of the characters and got beat by a button smashing Eddy and said Tekken was a broken game.
I was like "dude, maybe you just suck". I never got beat by a button smashing Eddy since I actually got good with Jin, Heihachi, and Asuka.
Posted 10/10/2009 at 04:43:43 PM






