By Rob Bricken in
Daily Lists, Nerdery
Wednesday, Jan. 27 2010 @ 8:02AM
I think all the rules people suggested were marvelous, and narrowing down 20 was nearly impossible for me. But there was one law that struck me as so true, and was so well written and explained that I knew instantly I had the winner. Ladies and gentlemen, our final Commandment comes from chapka:
20) Thou must obey the Law of the Golden Mean. What is it? Glad you asked:
• Any thing that can be purchased, achieved or obtained that consists of a discrete number of individual parts, issues, episodes, or location; such as issues of a comic book, trading cards in a set, or action figures in a line is subject to the Law of the Golden Mean.
• Any nerd in possession of more than 61.8% of the individual items in such a series must, if at all possible, either proceed to acquire each of the remaining items so as to complete the set, or sell one or more items on eBay until the nerd again owns less than 61.8% of the total series.
• If the items owned make up a complete set of a more specific series, the law is satisfied.
But that's not all! You know, the Bible certainly has its commandments, particularly in the Old Testament. But in the New Testament, Jesus explains how people should live through parables. I didn't ask for any parables, but long-time commenter Zortt1 took it upon himself to write one which is feel is too long to be a Commandment, but certainly has a lot to teach us. I like to call it "The Parable of the Nerd Bastard and the Fox:"
20) Thou must obey the Law of the Golden Mean. What is it? Glad you asked:
• Any thing that can be purchased, achieved or obtained that consists of a discrete number of individual parts, issues, episodes, or location; such as issues of a comic book, trading cards in a set, or action figures in a line is subject to the Law of the Golden Mean.
• Any nerd in possession of more than 61.8% of the individual items in such a series must, if at all possible, either proceed to acquire each of the remaining items so as to complete the set, or sell one or more items on eBay until the nerd again owns less than 61.8% of the total series.
• If the items owned make up a complete set of a more specific series, the law is satisfied.
Example 1:I suppose there's some nerds out there reading this that don't have that completionist compulsion, but I do not know them. I am absolutely this way, and all my enrd friends are the same -- I even think Chapka got the percentages of when it goes from fun collection to MUST-BE-COMPLETE correct. Well done, sir.
Peter owns seasons one, two, three and four of Babylon 5 on DVD. Peter owns 4 of 5 (80%) of Babylon 5 on DVD, and so must also purchase Season 5 to complete the set, even though it kind of sucked.
Example 2:
Clark owns the first nine of sixteen collected volumes of Dave Sim's "Cerebus the Aardvark." Clark owns only 56.25% of the Cerebus books, and therefore may stop purchasing them without violating this Law once he realizes that they've gotten longwinded, incomprehensible, and obnoxious.
Example 3:
Logan owns all of issues 27 through 860 of Detective Comics except for Issue #449 ("Midnight Rustler of Gotham City"). Logan owns 96.7% of all Detective Comics issues and would ordinarily be required to complete the set. However, by buying Issue #449, Logan can complete the more specific set of all Detective Comics issues published since the introduction of Batman, after which he does not need to purchase issues 1 through 27.
Example 4:
Reed has photographs of himself with William Shatner, Majel Barrett, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, and Walter Koenig. His photographs comprise only 55.6% of the original nine-member regular cast of Star Trek: The Original Series, and it is unnecessary for him to stalk eitherMichelleNichelle Nichols or Grace Lee Whitney, although I bet that won't stop him.
Example 5:
Bruce has 300 issues of Fantastic Four from the 1960s through the 1980s in plastic storage tubs under his bed. Because Bruce owns less than 61.8% of the 500-plus Fantastic Four issues, he is not required to purchase the entire set. However, Bruce's collection likely includes more than 61.8% of those Fantastic Four issues inked by Joe Sinnott, and if Bruce is aware of this, he will be required to complete that subset.
For most nerds, failure to abide by the Law of the Golden Mean will result in madness, obsession, and eventually a drunken late-night sale of the entire remaining collection on eBay.
But that's not all! You know, the Bible certainly has its commandments, particularly in the Old Testament. But in the New Testament, Jesus explains how people should live through parables. I didn't ask for any parables, but long-time commenter Zortt1 took it upon himself to write one which is feel is too long to be a Commandment, but certainly has a lot to teach us. I like to call it "The Parable of the Nerd Bastard and the Fox:"
"And from the high mountains of the realm known as internet came a traveler. He was a normal man, but one of great size and mainly of gerth. This man was a prophet of Nerd Law, and he went by the name of Bricken. In his hands he carried great tools. In his left hand, a device known as a laptop, which he claimed he had direct contact with all of his people, even if his grammar wasn't exactly correct.Zortt1 gets a shirt for this wonderful and thought-provoking fable. Now, my children, go, and spread the word of the 20 Nerd Commandments. For I believe if we are righteous and follow them, the nerd race will grow, proud, strong, less obnoxious and generally less creepy than ever before.
Walking through a nearby village, he stumbled upon several children gather around a viewing screen that was called, television. Bricken stopped to watch what the children were viewing. On the screen a show, was a wondrous show that appealed to all the aspects and laws contained in the book of Nerd Law. It had vibrant characters and interesting stories. However, a Fox was sitting in wait a few paces behind the television.
Bricken intrigued, turned to a boy near the front, 'Boy, how long has this show been running?'
The boy smiled and said, 'Why, Master Bricken! This show is first run! Would you enjoy it with us?"
Bricken was overjoyed! 'Yes! I shall!' Sitting, Bricken watched the show with the children and found himself entranced with the show.
Three episodes in, a Fox slipped into the crowd and began to count those in the audience. Bricken was puzzled, but ignored the Fox. When Fox was done, it slipped behind the television and pulled the plug. The children were horrified and Bricken howled at the Fox, 'Fox! Why have thee killed our show?'
The Fox, cackled with laughter, 'This show was creative and slowly gaining an audience. However, not quickly enough. Therefore, I shall replace it with this!' Lights flickered on the television and the creative, interesting, well thought out story that appealed to every aspect of Nerd Law was gone. In its place was a show that only a heathen would like.
The children ran away to their homes, hiding their televisions from the dreaded Fox. Bricken stayed behind and spoke to the Fox, 'That was a cruel, cruel thing to do Fox. Was not your audience large enough.'
The Fox smiled, 'It was, it was. However, I have decided to go another direction. Another dancing program where people are judged. What are you going to do about it Bricken?'
Picking up his mighty laptop he began to write to his people. Posting after posting, he warned his people of the cruelty of the Fox. The Fox's powers grew weaker, but they didn't go away entirely. 'Bricken, you have weakened me, but I can never truly go away.'
Bricken nodded, 'This is true, for there is even a place for you in this book of Nerd Law, and I, only lowly prophet Bricken, can do nothing to defeat you entirely. Even with the threat of skull fucking. It would take the entirety of the following of the Book of Nerd Law. However, I can do this!'
From this story, the Nerd Law was written, "Thou shall never fully trust a program presented by Fox, no matter how closely it follows the rules within the book of Nerd Law, for it could go away without warning. Even with the threat of a skull fucking."
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209 comments
Comments
CG said:
Truly words to live by.
Now to chisel them onto stone and spread the word old school style.
davesnothereman said:
I do number 19 with everything. food, clothes, hardware, it doesn't matter. i can't take the first one on the shelf, rack, whatever. frozen waffles, ferchristsake.
boredatwork replied to davesnothereman:
Me too. But I don't know why. Maybe it was born of the necessity of things to be 'mint'. I don't know.
I, however, do know that I don't like to eat food with fucked up packaging... or even any evidence that somebody has touched it prior to me. And we all know the good milk is hidden by the shit due to expire soon.
comicshopgrl replied to boredatwork:
I do this too. I once faceplanted into a freezer trying to grab a pizza. =/
Bob replied to boredatwork:
It's not the touching thing for mne, but if I'm getting a box of crackers or anything in cardboard, the one in front is usually full of broken ones. The ones in back have less broken ones.
Cans don't matter, they're hermetically sealed.
C-squared replied to davesnothereman:
I had to add this rule because I remember as a really small kid, buying comics from the newstand, it didn't bother me as to the condition of the book. But when I started going to comic book stores with my best friend, who is also a collector, he was being selective. I asked why and he basically said the rule, he wanted his books in mint condition. So I started doing that, and to this day, as davesnothereman said, I have ended up doing that with everything. Even when I used to work at a comic store and stocked the racks, I would still not take the one in front even though I placed it there.
GUMBERCULES! said:
I still think DMs should be tested of their proficientcy before running a game, or risk being flogged with a dice bag. I really think role playing would be bigger and more socially acceptable if people didn't have so many bad experiences associated with it. I love gaming regardless of how bad the DM is, but I hate to think of a player giving it up for all time because his DM was a jerk.
DWP102589 said:
Oh yeah, I totally suffer from that nerd completest attitude, and for several nerd franchises like Neon Genesis Evangelion (own the show, the movies, and the mange), Doctor Who (want to own every season of the new series, plus every season of Torchwood and The Sarah Jane Adventures), Sandman (own all four absolute editions and want the Absolute Death collection), and especially Robotech (own the Protoculture Collection of the TV series, The Shadow Chronicles two-disk collector's edition, the tpb of the From the Stars comic, The Art of The Shadow Chronicle book, and want to own The Shadow Chronicles RPG, and impatiently awaiting tpbs for the other Robotech comics published by Wildstorm).
ZADL said:
So say we all.
Dork Loser replied to ZADL:
SO SAY WE ALL!
B.C. Cakes replied to Dork Loser:
YEAH! What ZADL and Dork Loser said!
Bob said:
OK, that settles it, I'm not a nerd!
Although Batman DOES beat everyone, ever, anywhere at fighting. That's right, everybody. Even Snake Eyes. Even Wolverine. Even James Bond. He'd find a way. He's the Batman.
K4T4N4 replied to Bob:
I gotta disagree with the Batman one. Batman is not the smartest being in the universe and he is a human. Here is a short list of people Batman could maybe beat, but would more likely lose.
-Dr. Doom
-Mr. Fantastic (Smarter and has the stratch thing)
-Cable (when he was in "Jesus" mode during Cable & Deadpool)
-Silver Surfer (Can fight at nearly Light Speed, can manipulate matter)
CrimsonDeath replied to K4T4N4:
But Batman is so smart and cunning that he would find the way to defeat those smarter than him, and Batman is so self-righteously accomplished that he would find the way to defeat those with mystical, godly powers.
K4T4N4 replied to CrimsonDeath:
I'm not saying he would lose 100% of the time, but if we were taking bets there are dozens of beings I would take over Batman in 1v1. If the fight doesn't allow for preparation before hand there are hundreds I would take over Batman.
What if Batman fought a 100% identical copy of himself? Who wins that fight?
Danger Monkey replied to K4T4N4:
What if Batman fought a 100% identical copy of himself? Who wins that fight?
Please don't ever ask these kind of questions again, they could create one of those antimater vortex thingies or something...... at the very least give us a headache
Danger Monkey replied to K4T4N4:
What if Batman fought a 100% identical copy of himself? Who wins that fight?
Please don't ever ask these kind of questions again, they could create one of those antimater vortex thingies or something...... at the very least give us a headache
Baddog Monkeyboy replied to Danger Monkey:
If Batman fought and identical Batman the the winner would obviously be Batman.
lewen replied to CrimsonDeath:
Its not just that he is smart. Its that he's is clever as well.
Some clever people are not very smart and some smart people are not very clever.
DoctorSmashy replied to K4T4N4:
I think he could. Look at the gadgets, for one thing: The amount of power all the Batmobiles and Batsuits he's had over the years put together would completely whoop, say Optimus Prime's ass.
K4T4N4 replied to DoctorSmashy :
He could possibly beat Optimus, but would you say the same thing if he were going to fight Galactus, Apocalypse, Phoenix Jean Grey, Thor, Kratos, Arthas, Sargeras, Neo etc...
DoctorSmashy replied to K4T4N4:
I'm gonna make things real easy for you, pal. He. Is. The. Goddamn. BAT. MAN!
Geoff replied to DoctorSmashy :
And there's your actual answer.
Batman. Always. Wins. May take a while, may not be obvious at first, may result in three sidekicks being killed off and half a city destroyed, but Batman. Always. Wins.
Monkey replied to Geoff:
I've read some Batman stuff I liked but I always figured that Batman was the DC equivlent of Captian America. He just wins because he just does. Not because he is so smart or so clever or any actual atribute of the character Batman, but because the writers just decided that he shall never lose. So the Captian hits Wolvie with his sheild once and Bats flashes some lights at Barry or whatever and they win and no one ask questions because they always win. Sure, sometimes its cool but usually it just seems lazy to me more than anything else.
Monkey replied to Monkey:
Before anyone goes crazy, I only meant that they are the same in that they always win and everyone is all like "Of course. Hes Batman/Captain America."
My favorite part of the Gotham Knight DVD was when he was all bleeding in the sewer and found all those guns and couldn't put them down. Thats my view of Batman.
My least favorite was when he had a magic device that made bullets go around him.
Thats my point in a nutshell, if it makes any sense.
micdog2001 replied to Monkey:
Batman is almost always prepared and knows people weaknesses. I think Batman discovered ways to take down every member of the Justice League just in case one of them went bad, even superman.
If say Batman did not know of the exisetence of Silver Surfer and randomly ran into him one day and a fight insued then he probably would lose the fight. But if Batman knew about Silver Surfer he would probably find some device of way to beat him.
Emily replied to micdog2001:
Now now, everyone. Let's not get too carried away. We all know there is just ONE person Batman *couldn't* beat, and that person is: DEADPOOL.
(Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway it's totally true. Deadpool! Wins! Witness the entire TPB entitled "Deadpool vs. the Marvel Universe," in which Deadpool comes out on top. Heh.)
Monkey replied to micdog2001:
I get that he plans ahead and all that. I'm saying that more often than not when I read Batman using his smarts to take someone out, its more often lazy than cool. Anything a particular opponent does is countered with "I knew you were going to do that and thats why yesterday I came to this location and installed....THIS!" or "I freed everyone with a ball point pen because I. AM. THE. GODDAMN. BATMAN. and don't worry about details. Just enjoy it. Turn your brain off. Who cares. Im Batman. It does not need to make sense" and all Im saying is that its lazy to me. I have read plenty of good Batman where the writers actually thing stuff though that has spoiled me.
Anonymous replied to K4T4N4:
name someone who isn't in the marvel universe.
Batman can beat anybody....
except Captain America. Cap doesn't give up. He would have to kill Cap to stop him, and Batman doesn't kill.
Sam W replied to Nick:
Fucking right he could. He might not be as smart as Batman, but he is the best at one thing, and that is kicking people's asses.
Pork Soda replied to K4T4N4:
To go along with number 11, every time someone says the words "Who are you going to call/Who ya gonna call/etc," you must proclaim "GHOSTBUSTERS!"
Jeweled said:
All hail the 20 Commandments of Nerd Law!
Bad Horse replied to Jeweled:
But lo and behold, for commandment the fourth and commandment the fifteenth doth contradict! For verily those who name their children after nerdy properties hath crossed an invisible but important line.
Nokken said:
I have yet to fulfill the commandment of attending a convention, as I am stuck far away from any large gathering of nerds. But I am young, and shall make my pilgrimage soon!
AnotherJason said:
This list basically described me better than I could ever describe myself. I don't know how I should feel about that.
Geoff said:
Number 15... hey, that's not bad, that's...
... Vince Carter's number. Aw, fuck.
Anonymous said:
Number 13 is unimportant if your with a Nerd Girl. In that case, say as many nerdy things as possible. And ask her afterwards to tell you "I see why they call you the best bounty hunter in the galaxy."
Megan replied to Anonymous:
I am in total agreement about Commandment 13 being not so important....unless you happen to not be having sex with the nerd girl of Commandment 3. In which case, go you but as a nerd girl myself I heartily welcome nerdy comments during sex and in fact may or may not have quoted an entire episode of Firefly while performing said action.
kryptoknight replied to Megan:
Ha! That may be the hottest thing I've ever heard.
Anonymous replied to Anonymous:
Nerd girls can fire off their own, too. I mean what girl hasn't said "stay on target....stay on target!"?
RGC said:
So, let all nerds be united as the Chosen People of Haruhi Suzumiya, Reshaper of Worlds, and Doctor Manhattan, Lord of Time. We shall be the First Church of Nerdology.
Or maybe some people will take that idea too far. You can never tell with religions based on Science Fiction...
KatiePunkin replied to RGC:
I disagree with that commandment wholeheartedly. Nerd speak is the dirty talk of my dreams!
Dork Loser said:
We must spread the word among the unwashed, who dwell in dark pits 'neath which they were sired and gather together to worship the dice gods and complete collections.
Sarah said:
Who on earth is Michelle Nichols? Any relative to Nichelle from ST:TOS?
chapka said:
Victory is mine!
Furious George said:
I thought I'd come out of lurk mode to proclaim my adherence to many of these commandments, except for #17. I've never been to a nerd convention before and I must go to one before I die or procreate, whichever comes first.
Echo219 replied to Furious George:
Lets be realistic here. You'll die long before you procreate.
Furious George replied to Echo219:
Well, I have my nerd girl, and we don't utter nerdy quote during sex, so I think the odds of producing an offspring are in my favor.
PJ said:
As someone who watched the original Battlestar Galactica, I've frequently invoked rule #2 to justify refusing to watch the remade Battlestar Galatica.
Hugo said:
"10) If two nerds ever find themselves holding cylindrical objects of at least 9 inches in length they must immediately make lightsaber ignition noises and face each other down in mortal combat. --Bronson"
Disturbing thoughts of FFF material took my mind half way in.
zeonxavier said:
I art a slacker in regards to few of these precious commandments, yet easily I may discern their obvious truth.
I fear I may be treading closely to the line spoken of in the 20th Commandment, and thus be enticed to follow all Nerd Commandments religiously.
Ought I be frightened by this realization?
Bad Horse said:
Star Trek, Picard, Marvel, Mac, Baker, and Joel.
HBCat replied to Bad Horse:
Star Wars, Picard, DC, Mac, Tennant, Joel
That Neil Guy said:
Re: Number 5. One of the most horrible moments of my life took place ON NATIONAL TV as I sketched the Enterprise on the game show Win, Lose or Draw. My phrase was Beam Me Up Scotty, and in my nerdliness I could not figure out how to parse up the phrase into chunks that the "celebrities" could then guess. So I started drawing what I thought was a passable Enterprise, hoping the celebrities would get the Trek reference and start throwing out catch phrases. It did not happen. Vicki Lawrence, the host, complimented my drawing afterwards, but it didn't help. My celebrities were Peter Marshall, aged host of Hollywood Squares, and Marc Summers of Nickolodean game show fame. He told me when I sat down on the couch that he had never seen even a single episode of Star Trek. Sigh. Nerd fail. But, in the end, I did win the game as a whole. Woo hoo!
Borg-Cylon lovechild replied to That Neil Guy:
Don't feel bad, even if you used the official symbol ( male figure with arrows pointing up and down) they still wouldnt have got it-the fail is THEIRS. BTW if you check, the official transport symbol used in Star Trek 2009 dates back to ST:TMP.
Lithroe said:
I follow all of these, and shall continue to do so for the rest of my life. They are true law.
MattK said:
With all honesty, #2 I cannot follow faithfully, at least all the time. There are many examples where certain properties were superceded by later properties. Batman, for example. I was weened on the Adam West 60s series, but I consider The Animated Series to be the best incarnation of the character. Doesn't mean I hate the Adam West series, I just like TAS better.
Same with Star Trek and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The nostalgia love is there, but the later series I found more enjoyable an intelligent.
SoonerMagic replied to MattK:
#2 would also mean that someone who saw Phantom Menace first would have to argue that it's his/her favorite Star Wars movie even if they despised it after seeing the original trilogy later.
Cptpost said:
Due to my strong choice in rule number one, I cannot, and WILL not abide by rule number 7. I'm sorry, Captain America would destroy Batman
SoonerMagic replied to Cptpost:
As would Superman in a true battle, I don't care what other people say.
comicshopgrl replied to SoonerMagic:
But he has Kryptonite and he's the goddamned Batman. =P
SoonerMagic replied to comicshopgrl:
Superman could sit back a few miles and fry Batman with his heat vision or just fly/run at him full speed. The kryptonite wouldn't stop his momentum from splattering Batman all over Gotham.
SuperDevil replied to SoonerMagic:
If Batman always wins and Superman always wins, is this Nerdology's version of "Can God create a rock, so heavy he can't lift?"
DoctorSmashy replied to SoonerMagic:
Okay:
What if Batman built a giant Kryptonite Bat-bot in the secrecy of the Batcave. Superman wouldn't know what hit him and. Or, Batman would use Superman's boyscout personality to bring him down somehow.... like I said, HE'D FIND A WAY.
Reading this list is like a big nerdy group hug, and everyone's head blows up afterwards.
Geoff replied to SoonerMagic:
Batman would have a letter in his pocket reading "WHY DON'T YOU JUST FRY EVERYONE WITH HEAT VISION."
Superman may well win, but he'll be driven insane by winning. End result - Batman wins.
(Why, yes, I borrowed that joke from something I recently reviewed, thank you for asking.)
Note that "Batman always wins" is rule number one of the DC Universe, but admittedly gets demoted a bit when all of pop culture in general is considered.
Sonya replied to Cptpost:
Nerd PLEASE
Kevin replied to Cptpost:
Batman and Captain America fought in the Marvel/DC crossover. Batman won. The fight exists, deal with it.
It was voted on by fans. The same reason could be used to say that Storm could beat Wonder Woman.
Kevin replied to Geoff:
It doesn't matter why it happened but it did. It is part of the marvel and dc universe, albeit not the regular one. You must remember that these characters are fictitious. What the writers say they are, they are. When you create a universe, you can decide the rules.
THE PR0F3550R said:
Thou must obey the Law of the Golden Mean.
Never heard of it before, but it does apply to me and I do agree this should be commandment #1 for the Nerd-mandments.
Ben Crawshaw said:
I remember my first nerd experience. I was around four years old and my dad would watch Star Trek every Saturday (we still have the recorded video tapes). Back then I was confused about the timeline becuase Next Generation came on first, and then TOS. What didn't help matters was that the first episode I remember was "Unification."
Autumn said:
Another side that should be chosen by age 20 is gryffindor/slytherin
PinballWizard replied to Autumn:
Ravenclaw ftw
Neodymium replied to PinballWizard:
Hufflepuff forever.
I believe it's the only house one can choose for themselves and do so accurately. All other houses can only be chosen for other people, for those are the ones that people with something to prove want to be in.
FoReals? replied to Neodymium:
I'm not sure I follow. Are you saying people can't be driven by courage, power, or an incessant need for knowledge and know it about themselves? Not everyone is different than you because they're are trying to be different.
Personally I like Slytherin for their style and class. Not everyone in Slytherin was evil or brooding, just the ones that get talked about the most.
StoneMaven replied to FoReals?:
Indeed. Slytherin is all about being driven by ambition, not evil.
demoncat said:
the only topless robot contest that wound up where the best way for a winner was its own top list and no doubt the parable by zorrt1 was most fans views over fox and what they did to dollhouse.
Zortt1 said:
AMAZING ORIGIN!
I was just in a creative mood that night and since I couldn't come up with just a sentence nerd law, all the good ones had been taken by then. I knew I had to do something extra ordinarily creative. With everyone going the biblical theme I decided to write a little story that would reflect, what I felt a major issue that nerds everywhere could take to heart. Thus, "The Parable of the Nerd Bastard and the Fox" was born.
princeofdorkness said:
I don't normally post here, but I just gotta say thank y'all. This will leave me smiling for days.
As someone with a girlfriend who occasionally does the Hoth Imperial scout drone noise, just to make me happy - I gotta say hells yeah to #2.
I keep forgetting the lessons of the Parable of the Fox. Maybe you should send this to Joss?
And as for one of your examples in the Golden Mean? I gotta be the guy to say it. Season 1 of Bab5 was so, so much worse than Season 5. And I liked how they showed what could happen after a great intergalactic war. And the part about humanity sliding back into the Dark Ages for awhile, before pulling itself out again still makes me smile, in that theoretical "hope for my species" kinda way.
Keep up the good work.
MKUltra said:
Not into anime, so I'm not sure I even understand number 18. Now I'm feeling a little guilty for having broken a commandment. I need to get right with the nerd gods.
Also, number 3 ftw! You get it, Rob, you really do. Being a Nerd Girl is both a blessing and a curse.
Ryn replied to MKUltra:
I often think being a Nerd Girl is more of a curse, it seems to scare off guys when you out-nerd them.
Then again, I'm probably sending mixed signals, what with my propensity to pair my nerdiest shirts with 5" stilettos.
Sonya replied to Ryn:
Agreed!
I outnerded this comic book guy adn he had the guff to break off our date. I should have punched him and left a Black Lantern shaped welt on his face.
And so much WORD to the whole "don't stop being friends with Nerd Girl just because she won't date you" vibe. I mean, SERIOUSLY, guys; would you stop hanging out with your guy friends with whom you can have entire conversations in movie quotes just because they won't go out with you? NO. So why do you do this to Nerd Girls?
(Sorry, this makes me so mad.)
dWhisper said:
So, with twenty, do you also get below the line by rendering those items into something outside the completionist vein? I collect Lego sets, and when it became clear that my "have to have them all" was going to result in "having a mix of awesome and complete shit," so I decided I would part those sets out. It gave me the nerdy addiotions to building my own absurd things, and took me below the line. Technically, I still have the sets, but they are in no discernable form...
sal said:
"Joel or Mike..." HAHA. Like there's any argument there...Joel.
Total Fan Girl said:
You need to make this into a poster. It must look like it is a parchment scroll and the lettering should be in some snazzy font and look like it's been written with a quill. Ah, and it should be numbered and reissued periodically so we all know how close we almost came to getting ay 1/1000 and cry that we didn't. Especially the poor schmuck that gets 2/1000.
Jason said:
Batman over Optimus Prime? Not so sure...Optimus would find a way.
Also, thou shall endlessly debate on the issue of Enterprise versus a Star Destroyer. Or everything in Star Trek versus everything in Star Wars. Not the quality of the movies/show, but simply the ability to defeat each other in combat.
Jedisilk replied to Jason:
In the context of everything star wars vs star trek, Q would be the trump card. Jedi are cool, Sith even cooler, but they could not make an entire universe disappear with the snap of their fingers. So, although I will always be a bigger Star Wars Fan than Star Trek (and it is a VERY close call), Star Trek wins because of Q.
StoneMaven replied to Jason:
Imperial Destroyer, BattleStar (TOS)...who wins?
R3MY said:
The Law of the Golden Mean was a clear winner - congratulations to chapka.
It was a well thought out expression of a nerdly compulsion that rings true on so many levels. Seeing it presented with such accuracy (including exact percentages) makes me feel that perhaps my mild OCD is shared and understood by other members of the nerdom community.
Zade said:
I can agree with 3, as for the rest... I think they are safe to ignore.
Also I can't help but think how funny it would be to do the opposite of 13. Has anyone ever done this for a laugh? It seems like saying "The force is strong with this one" during sex would be so funny.
Metal Soldier said:
So say we all.
maachubo said:
oh HELL no
If this is what it comes to, where I have to follow some ridiculous "rules" just to enjoy my recreation time, I'm done. I quit being a nerd.
You can take your laws and shove 'em.
Star Trek vs Star Wars? They're not even similar, and I like them both because they are awesome! Why do I have to choose? Who the hell are Trukk and Munkey?
And I don't like Nerd Girls. While I acknowledge the theoretical possibility, I have never seen one that wasn't A.) bug ugly or B.) a complete bitch.
Girls, like all humans, upon realizing that they are the most popular and desirable people in the room, will remove all sense of decency and respect from their personality, and treat everyone else like pure shit.
Watch a movie on television? No. Edited for content, and commercial breaks. No thank you.
And, lastly, why throw the "can afford it" qualifier on the fansubs? If a copyright has been issued in the US, further fansubbing is piracy. Period. If a show will be released stateside, but a copyright has not yet been issued, watch all the fansubs you want. We don't need Nerd Law to cover areas already governed by Copyright Law.
maachubo replied to maachubo:
oh and I forgot: The first Batman I saw was the Superfriends. So now I have to claim that Superfriends is better than the Paul Dini cartoon? Or Justice League Unlimited? No. Just... no.
Wow...taking this a wee bit too seriously, aren't we?
And don't worry. Should you trangress, all you need to do is accept Nerd Jesus as your Personal DM and Savior and he'll throw the saving roll to keep you out of hell (which consists of a locker room with a towel to small to cover your junk from all the homophobic jocks laughing at you and calling you a sissy for all eternity.
ducky replied to MattK:
Nerd Jesus man I need to make a pic! He shall rule mightier then raptor Jesus!
Zidel333 replied to maachubo:
As a nerd girl I take offense. Not theoretical offense because you haven't personally insulted me but the conceptional offense, because I'm now made. HOW CAN YOU JUST INSULT A WHOLE GENDER?!?! Sure we're a minority, and sure because they're so few of us there's an increased propability that you've met a few bad apples. But it's disingenuous at best to uninsult the multitides you haven't met!!
*grumble grumble*
P.S. I'm inclined to agree with your other concerns, but I suppose that makes me a nerd sinner. And as we all know, one must sin before we can all go to Nerd Heaven.
....Does Nerd Jebus, my personal savior and DM, absolve me of my sins or does Rob ? Now I'm conflicted....
Kevin replied to Zidel333:
He insulted all humans, not just your gender. Perhaps you should reread his post and bash him for something that he actually did.
Rob is Nerd Jebus' prophet, a Nerd John the Baptist, if you will. He wanders the desert of the internet, feeding on cheetos and honey and wearing the rags of retro-nerd shirts, preaching against your wicked non-nerd ways, and offering to baptize you in Moutain Dew Game Fuel.
Jedisilk replied to Zidel333:
Word. I did take offense to that trash on nerd girls, being one since the moment I watched Star Trek. However, he probably thinks we are proving his point by flaming him. Such small mindedness deserves pity not flames.
Sonya replied to maachubo:
I suspect the quality nerd girls ignore you if you walk around with that attitude.
maachubo replied to Sonya:
Which attitude is that, specifically?
The one where I refuse to "conform" to the standards necessary to join your "clique"?
Or are you referring to my refusal to place a girl on a pedestal for what she is instead of who she is?
But it's all wrapped around itself, isn't it? I, as many others (although I might be unique, I don't think I am), didn't want to follow the popular kids rules to join their clique, so I was labeled "nerd". Now the nerds are becoming cool, so they lay down a set of rules... that I am expected to follow... to join the clique. I wouldn't then, and I won't now.
And back then, I wasn't interested in the popular girls because they were too busy being popular to bother with being decent human beings. And now the Nerd Girl has become popular enough, as a concept, that the actual (non-conceptual) girls are too busy being popular to bother with being decent human beings. But, Oh Noes! The "quality" girls are going to ignore me because I've "insulted the multitudes" with my attitude of valuing substance over style.
PS - I just reread Zidel333's comment, where technically speaking I "uninsult the multitides", and I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me smile.
NotYetDissedByANerdGirl replied to maachubo:
...must avoid eye contact with angry #15 nerd...
Sonya replied to NotYetDissedByANerdGirl:
And how!
micdog2001 replied to maachubo:
calm down dude. It's not even that serious.
On behalf of Nerd Girls everywhere, I would like to say: if you think we are all bitches, it's probably because any woman (or person) you approach with the attitude you display here is going to be insulted and/or affronted from the get-go by such unreasonable and unprovoked hostility, and react accordingly. I know I wouldn't meet it with cheerful goodwill, although that is my normal approach to meeting new people. I'm never too concerned with trying to be popular to be nice to people; in fact, I'm never concerned with being popular (or not) at all. As one of my favorite geek podcasts says, "We were unpopular before it was cool," and I am sure that most of us Nerd Girls (or guys) don't care about popularity; we care about the nerdy things that we love, whether it's in vogue to care about them or not.
I would suggest that perhaps you need to reevaluate your own attitude before assuming that an entire half of our species has the attitude or traits that you describe.
P.S. Along with not being bitchy, I am not ugly, either.
P.P.S. This whole post was meant to be tongue-in-cheek and humorous, not meant to suggest that those who don't follow the list are "uncool" nerds or that nerd-dom is a clique where you have to conform.
Oeste replied to maachubo:
Jeezee Creezee, is someone bitter. Damn, I knew I didn't exist because I was a lesbian, but as a (usually) non-bitchy nerd girl who's not unattractive (got myself a nerd girlfriend and everything) I guess I'm really not statistically possible. As for the popularity thing, what is this, high school still? With an attitude like that I more pity you than anything. It's got to be rough finding other humans that fit your standards exactly when you see people in stereotypes.
*poits out of existence in a cloud of impossibility*
Kevin replied to Oeste:
Not only did he offend nerd girls but he offended attractive lesbian nerd girls. As a not unattractive straight male nerd, I am pissed off on your behalf. This has gone too far!
Necronomic Forecast replied to maachubo:
You may not believe in the 20 Commandments, but the 20 Commandments believe in you.
Also, clam the fuck down.
Necronomic Forecast replied to Necronomic Forecast:
Clam.
Awesome.
I meant "calm."
Calm the fuck down.
Total Fan Girl replied to Necronomic Forecast:
Oh, you just made me laugh... Clam! I think I like that better and may use it next time the opportunity arises.
HBCat replied to maachubo:
Are you Sheldon Cooper?
RebekahDay replied to HBCat:
The "real" Sheldon Cooper would have had several "actuallys" and "futhermores" in his response. Also, as a fan of TBBT, I know for a fact that Sheldon would love this list. I hope someone passes it along to CBS, hearing a reference would make my heart skip a beat.
HBCat replied to RebekahDay:
Agreed. The Nerd Laws can make a great TBBT episode. Howard can discover the Laws on topless robots and the rest can debate the merits of each law (the writers don't even have to do anything, just adapt the comments to the threads). And there should be a Nerd Girl scene where Raj remains speechless.
Heheh... then someone can write it up as FFF *evil laugh*
Q!aan replied to maachubo:
Lighten up, Francis.
Wooden Mango said:
For number 10... I could say so many wrong things to this one.
Manka Cat said:
Missing Nerd Law: Any nerd who sees a DeLorean anywhere in real life must immediately take a moment to say, "Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me that you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean?!"
Lawless said:
Yes a few ammendments to make the rules concrete:
Number 13 "unless of course, you're with a Nerd Girl. In that case, say as many nerdy things as possible. And ask her afterwards to tell you "I see why they call you the best bounty hunter in the galaxy" or some other nerd proclamation during such as "Make it so number 1" or "autobots transform and roll out!"
The basis for all Batman incarnations should take to heart and inspiration from Paul Dini's Batman.
There is only one trilogy (be it Star Wars or The Lord Of the Rings which ever side you fall on of the nerd spectrum - thus making it known where you stand definitively to all)
Thou must make one nerd-gastic constume for something other than Halloween or just to profess your undying devotion to the theology presented in said inspiration.
Thou must wear a shirt referencing some nerdgasm property at least once a week in public and proudly.
These need to be codified!
Q!aan replied to Lawless:
LOTR is, by far, superior to Star Wars and the chances are that anyone who disagrees did not actually read the LOTR trilogy. REAL NERDS READ, and Tolkien created such an incredibly rich background, including MULTIPLE written and spoken languages, he must be considered to be a Nerd God.
And BTW, the "Star Wars Trilogy" includes Ewoks, Lucas's pandering to children to make the movie more child-friendly. I won't even say the name of JJB, perhaps one of the worst characters ever created by anyone.
Ilyanna replied to Q!aan:
I have to agree that LotR far surpasses Star Wars. I dislike Scifi, so no Star Wars for me.
I own multiple copies of LotR, as well as the Hobbit and HoME. My First Edition copy of the Silmarillion is my Bible, and I can speak a little Sindarin.
I don't consider myself a Nerd Girl, though. I'm not nearly cool enough. T^T
matthew said:
Not sure if I missed it, but....
You should have a favorite Doctor.
And I DO think you should have to pick between Wars and Trek. Also, if I have kids I am not going to let them push, I will be exposing them to Wars. Having a kid turn out a Trekkie is worse than them turning out a Republican.
soulless1 said:
*sigh* as a female of the nerd species, I am glad to be here, because it makes me realize that there is hope out there. As with all commandments, some flexibility would be good. However, I know that some feel commandments are absolute, so I agree to disagree quietly. I currently reside in a non nerd-friendly environment, so have not begun collecting, so the Golden Mean rule applies only within the context of watching shows/movies in a given series.
I missed my chance to try out the commandment "Thou shalt know or begin learning how to eat using chopsticks"
wotness said:
Well, this settles it: I'm not a nerd. Or not nerd enough. I don't even make it to half the list.
I can't draw the Millennium Falcon and only roughly the other two. Am I prepared for the zombie apocalypse when I have played Resident Evil, L4D and saw a couple of older and 1 new zombie movie?
And about the Batman dilemma: He's the Batman. He owns everyone with the power of gadgetry.
...yes, realistic speaking Batman isn't invincible, has been beaten and there are "better" (anti-)heroes around, but the point (I am sure I am stating the obvious for almost everyone here..) is, that he is ridiculously overprepared and manages to beat others with something random that he just happens to have on his utility belt. Why? Because: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/im-the-goddamn-batman
danny boy said:
Man, number 20 is indeed a blessing and a curse for nerds like me. My drug of choice is video games, and that monkey on my back can get pretty exspensive. (over a hundred dollars for suikoden 2? Fuck YOU.) But that is my cross to bear and i bear it gladly. Batman can and will beat everyone. ALWAYS.
StoneMaven replied to danny boy:
Try having kids who get into things like Pokemon or Bakugan and having your #20 kick in.
Gotta get all of them for my little nerdling...Must collect full sets...
choHIlqoq said:
TOO.MANY.ERRORS
BRAIMS.EXPLODINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=*
WhiskeyM said:
Is there a by-law where breaking commandment 13 is allowed if it is requested by the before mentioned Nerd Girl?
Farglesnarf said:
Is it sad that I've been practicing number 8 for several years now? I've got my zombie plan already mapped out and everything...
JesseMXGangl said:
My law was truncated, and that's how sectarian violence starts.
Patracolos said:
While not a commandment a general rule to follow:
Wheaton's Law - Don't be a dick.
Rob replied to Patracolos:
I think it should be pretty obvious why I didn't include that one in the list.
Emily replied to Patracolos:
I like the (related) campaign, as coined by the podcast Made of Fail: the Do Not Be A Douchebag On The Internet Campaign.
duck said:
"If your obsession causes you to lose a job, significant other, or cause harm to yourself, GET SOME FUCKING HELP"
Of course, this rule assumes that all jobs and relationships are worth keeping, which in reality is not always the case.
DoctorSmashy said:
My Batman law at number 7? Cool! Glad to see it's causing a fuss.... After all, what are nerds for if not debating which fictional character would beat which?
ducky said:
Thank you for rule 18! Can we add no reading of comics and graphic novels in the store with no intention of buying them!
These mint killers need to be striped of their self-described otaku/anime fandum.
I am all for mint comics, etc. But in all fairness, allowing people to check out new comics and the like is how new nerds are created and how nerd culture spreads. So...I am all for letting people browse the front copy. IF there's more than one copy to be had. ;)
ducky replied to Emily:
That is why I said "with no intention of buying them!"
I love indoctrinating n00bs to the many pleasures of dorkness
but posers that leech off society and hurt the very thing I love need to be beaten with the media that they steal, and yes dog earring a graphic novel as you eat over it at the local Barnes and Noble is stealing!
It is not a library! The publisher eats the cost if it is not sold. Thus they go out of business.
Look at anime companies now they are going under at an alarming rate. Geon was a Sony branch made just to bring anime titles to the US they went under almost a year ago before the economy tanked.
I go to the store to buy a manga and I want to beat the leeches sitting on the floor with stacks of books next to them braking the spines and licking their fingers to turn the pages! Yes, I have watched them do it! and I have made a scene once or twice. It is like yelling at a wall!
Cdaja replied to ducky:
I disagree, to some extent. Fansubs can be necessary... Not all series are translated and brought over. Also, not only is most anime obscenely expensive (fuck no, I'm not paying $30+ for a five episode disc), there aren't enough series out there good enough to buy.
I tend to view fansubs as "renting"... If I watch some of a series and like it enough, I'll try to buy it. It's just not a good idea to buy a series without having at least tested the waters first...
SoldierHawk said:
Brilliant, just brilliant guys.
I love#20, and totally agree that the percentages are perfect. What a great list, Rob. Thank you!
Darshane said:
Rob,
May the Lords look down upon you. May they let their light shine upon you, and may they bless you and keep you. Amen.
Awesome!
Lewen said:
#17 is very clever. likening a trip to a con to a pilgrimage to Mecca.
ANd I admit one of my goals in life is to go to a Con.
deadlytoque said:
I actually own 4/5 seasons of Babylon 5, and nothing less than an AMAZING sale could compel me to buy that 5th one.
J. John Johnstown replied to deadlytoque:
word
un lapin said:
Dammit, this reminded me that I never finished collecting the 2nd Ed. AD&D "Complete ____ Handbook" and Campaign Setting Boxed sets, and the last volume of the Gunsmith Cats manga. I guess I'm going to eBay.
Monkey said:
Well the good news is that I am apparantly not a nerd at all. The bad news is that Im not cool either. I don't get most of the first one or any of about half the others. Damnit.
matthew said:
lame faux nerdisms
REAL nerds do not misspell "stalk" as "stark" (commandment 3) and have more clever and nerdier ways to cuss than saying "fuck" (commandment 15), the lamest of all the overused-unto-lameness cuss words
lame
Bill Binder said:
I shall immediately inscribe these on two iPads
Marjorie said:
Ah, great list. I wanted to enter the contest myself, but for some reason when 400 comments showed up it messed up the page on my screen and wouldn't let me add a comment, not even as a reply to another comment. Ah well, I doubt I would've made the list anyway, but I would have entered "Thou must appreciate and value voice actors more than regular actors."
MKUltra replied to Marjorie:
If you're talking about Kevin Conroy, then I agree.
grant said:
Um, about #6 and shooting first: there is no "first"--Greedo doesn't fucking shoot. Period.
And that is the extent to which the Special Edition is corrupt.
Jedisilk replied to grant:
A mighty yawp in the form of WORD is sounded. Anyway a further addendum to #6. Anyone who has read the list and does not know what #6 means (if such a thing is possible) should not be on this website. period.
Skemono said:
Peter owns seasons one, two, three and four of Babylon 5 on DVD. Peter owns 4 of 5 (80%) of Babylon 5 on DVD, and so must also purchase Season 5 to complete the set, even though it kind of sucked.
Thank you for changing my name to protect my identity.
Erugalathon said:
Wow. I'm surprised and honored I got an honorable mention by the prophet of the Nerd Law.
Emily said:
This is my favorite internet thing of the entire week. So much WIN. Will be linking. :)
Scortia said:
I think #10 is the most true of all nerds of all backgrounds and interests. I'm not even that into Star Wars yet I can't count the number of times I've had a fake lightsaber fight out of nowhere.
Hell, I cosplay. Every prop sword, at some point, gets the sound effect placed upon it.
Keyboard Punch said:
Nice comic book names in #20!
Capsulesn'Coffee said:
I'm think I'll memorize the Parable of the Nerd Bastard and the Fox, stand on a soapbox on the corner of the street all mad prophet style and spread the good word.
Keechara said:
Thou must revere the Nerd Girl, because she is as rare as the diamond and just as valuable.
And Nerd Girls, thou must be careful, for thy power is great -- and can be used for both good and ill.
I would like to give greatest thanks to Rob and anyone else who helped with this law. I have just been asked to be maid of honor for a nerd girl friend, and I believe this will be a central part of my speech at her reception. Long live nerd love!
Xanthippas said:
#10 is dorkish, not nerdy, but the remainder I find acceptable, if not downright hilarious. I am especially obedient to #9, though the gods were often cruel and arbitrary in my day.
Fireball said:
Whew, since I only have the first four seasons of Ranma 1/2 on DVD, I don't have to get the rest. Which is good because they sort of suck.
Or do you include movies and OAVs in the Law of Golden Mean? That would put me at 63.3% which means... crap.
*heads to eBay*
Rykko201 said:
#4 is genius. My daughter's middle names are Rei and Lain.
ducky replied to Rykko201:
I have met a Leia and a guy who con his wife into naming his child James T she happily said that he was named after and important captain and no she had no clue.
TechnicolorNinja said:
Ahh... this list is beautiful, I'd love a framed copy on old parchment paper written in script. Or one carved in stone.
And THANK YOU for the Law of Golden Mean. I've always felt a need to complete collections, and it feels like I have an itch that can never be scratched. Having the rule quantified and explained in detail (with examples!) makes things so much more bearable and understandable. I'm living in a area not friendly to nerddom, and boy it's hard.
Hehe, my brother has every intention of fulfilling #4. He's planning to name his next two daughters Trinity and Niobe.
And love #3. Being a Nerd Girl can be tough!
Jedisilk said:
#17...Just one? Really?
Anonymous said:
Regarding number 20's first example of owning 1-4 of Babylon Five...I got season 5 because I felt compelled to complete the series...even though season 5 sucked. No Ivanova...no Marcus...wtf
Anonymous said:
Do you have to draw the millenium falcon, enterprise, and tardis WELL? Are basic sketches ok?
Brian said:
#7 is BS. A huge part of nerdery is the arguments, including the age old Batman vs Superman. You're saying you're only a nerd if you're a Batman fanboy?
DoctorSmashy replied to Brian:
It's not saying that at all.. There are lots of different kinds of nerd, and this rule only applies if you like Batman. And even then, these things are just for fun, it's not like you get kicked out of the 'group' if you don't agree with one of them.
That kind of goes against what it truly means to be a nerd.
Hagan said:
Woot, first entry and an honorable mention!
Stassja said:
And let us say, Amen!
#4 Our first was almost ALMOST named Roland. We did manage with our second, naming him Dorian. (Ok, so it's more book nerd than nerd nerd, it counts!)
#9 Tails. From Sonic the Hedgehog. I was 6 or 7. Don't even get me started on my teenage years and Vegeta.
Anonymous said:
Also the reason I got season 6 of Stargate SG1. Did anyone actually like that season?
Apokalyptika said:
The Commandments were sent down and we accept.
So mote it be.
And I named my kids after anime characters...
Duo-Gundam Wing
Rosette-Chrono Crusade
Almighty Spock said:
It shall be done. I will name my first son Spock, and since I own Detective Comics 1-676, I must collect the rest. God help my bank account.
rosina rubylips said:
I want The Parable of the Nerd Bastard and the Fox to be inscribed on a scroll and read unto my children and spread throughout the land.
Bob the Dalek said:
I must amend rule #18 to "or unless the dub sucks balls (lookin at you Dragonball)."
Russ said:
I have one that I didn't think to submit:
Thou shalt memorize--in detail-- the complete Star Wars saga from front-back..regardless of whether or not thou actually likes the franchise.
Ren Geek said:
I'm Geek Orthodox, so only some of these apply to me.
Alix said:
Mike is adorable, but Joel FTW! Not even a contest.
Jercimitsu said:
I am ashamed to admit I'm not half the nerd I'm supposed to be according to this list and to make matters even worse I have something to add: Chuck Norris would own Batman. I mean seriously the facts are there!! -http://chucknorrisfacts.com/
Ian70 said:
Thanks to #20, I now have an official explanation as to why I only own seasons 1-3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as to me that was the time when the show was consistently good: Willow wasn't a lesbian, Spike was still a bad guy, Dawn didn't exist and most importantly, they were working the whole "High School is Hell" metaphor that got lost once they graduated. That and I do not want to see fucking "Once More, With Feeling" again! Ever! And since seasons 1-3 constitute less than the 61.8% of the entire series run as established by the Golden Mean, I am not obligated (thankfully) to buy seasons 4-7.
dnwilliams said:
Star Wars, Kirk, Marvel, Mac, Trukk, Tennant.
This post was amazing! Loved it, even if it could do with an amendment here and there. It should be a series of articles. Maybe a book.
I know I'm late to the party, but the 21st commandments:
T H O U S H A L T N O T S P O I L!
Damian RIchards said:
Another commandment:
I am the book in which this character first appeared; thou shalt have no other media before me. (All movie/TV adaptations of a story or character will be judged on how faithfully they translate the book. If it is unfaithful to the book or comic--it is trash.)
Leigh said:
Thank you for making my day. I will share this with my son to continue his nerd education, though at 14 I think he has surpassed me.
With regards to the Batman commandment, I'm assuming you me the Bruce Wayne Batman. I'm not convinced the Dick Grayson Batman can kick anyone's ass.
Kristen said:
Well, I can't sketch, so: ENTERPRISE C blueprints, 1973 ed. I haz them and will produce them as required.
My first crush was on Han Solo, I was 4. Star Wars was the first movie I ever saw in the theater. Um...
I think I now have to sell my Dune Trading Card set on ebay, thanks to Commandment 20.
So, yeah.
Geeks, thou art my people and my people shall be free and less creepy!
Sevenvoices said:
YAY! I'm going to nerd heaven! Ive done all of the commandments!
dnwilliams replied to Sevenvoices:
What's your kids' name? Is it honorable?
AaronST replied to dnwilliams:
My first kids name is Kael (my wife woulnt go for Kal-el). My second kid's name is Anakin. My third kid is Eliel (my former christian metal band's name), my fourth and last kid's name is Lorelei (wanted something something from Lord of the rings but again my wife wasnt in favor).
Dorothy1985 said:
I'm pretty much cool by these rules... But can somone please email me the blueprints, material list and sourcecode for a time machine so I can fix 1 and 14? (my parents hate all things nerdy, and yes, there should be a capital, fiery punnishment for that)
soulless1 said:
If one finds themselves to bear the knowledge that life is not "real" thou shalt keep it to one's self.
TH White, not Matrix
Alanna said:
Words to live by. Though I have been told by my parents that they will not accept my naming one child Sephiroth and the other Cloud and allowing them to battle it out on a daily basis. I'll find a way, yes I shall.
noirakita said:
Love it. #20 is the epitome of nerddom, just by the long description. I live by most of these, and shall try my best to live by them all. Especially the Nerd Girl commandment. I know the power I have over my nerd male friends. I use it for good. mostly...heh...
pollardy said:
zort's story touched my soul >.>
True Nerd said:
Are you people serious?! There is a difference between Nerd and Geek. This describes Geek (nothing wrong with being a Geek, I myself am a mix of both). A Nerd is a "Geek" who is smart. To be a Nerd, you MUST be intelligent. Meaning, you wouldn't really care which is better, Star Wars or Star Trek, but what the underlying Philosophy of each happens to be. A Nerd knows Pi to the 20th decimal place, at least! Bookworms are Nerds, comic bookworms are Geeks.
As Geeks, you should know there is a distinction!
Josephine said:
Re: #20 I WILL NOT have the travesty that is ST: The Undiscovered Country in my house, even though I own all of the other movies. That movie is an abonination unto the eyes of all Star Trek fans.
However, I don't own any VOY or DS9. I'll have to see if what I have adds up to less than 61.8%.
Harp said:
We've got to get rid of this myth that Nerd-Girls are rare. It's just BS. My entire school career, I hung out with nothing but nerd-girls, I mean real nerd girls. I didn't even think nerd-boys existed until I went to college and found a few.
Tempted to write a very crotchety old rant on rule number eighteen about how you kids these days have it so good with anime. Back in my day, we had to catch the bus to Chinatown and pay five bucks just for four episodes on VHS of fansubs. Nowadays, you can get all that on the internet. Well we didn't have that luxury when I was growing up!
Get off my lawn!
Anonymous replied to Harp:
HA! Try RUNNING home (Uphill, both ways) from school so you could catch the last 15 minutes of Battle of the Planets or Starblazers because Akira hadn't been invented yet.
Crazy kids...
StoneMaven replied to Harp:
HA!
Try RUNNING home (Uphill, both ways) from school so you could catch the last 15 minutes of Battle of the Planets or Starblazers because Akira hadn't been invented yet.
Crazy kids...
renQuixotic said:
heh, #16 made me immediately think of this: http://i48.tinypic.com/2qbzl2g.jpg
i lol'd for a week.
anyway, the list was awesomeness.
Jinx said:
I STRONGLY object to #13!!
Being a fortunate nerd gurl who has a wonderful nerd guy, I had no objections to him viewing my lady regions before applying his mouth to them, and proclaiming in wonder, "My Gawd, it's full of stars!"
And his cry of, umm, triumph being "SPOOOOON!" means I must reply within canon and say, "Not in the face! Not in the FACE!" LOL!
The rest I approve of highly!
Rozon said:
Just cause I don't want to read through all the comments (didn't see any commandments about that, or using the "search" function on forums) I wanted to clarify if video game characters appease #14. I recall my first video game character crush, though I am unsure of my first Cartoon crush.
Marina said:
I stopped reading at #3 even though these were recommended to me. Frak you for assuming that nerds are men. I'm a proud lady geek, and there are many of us out there. We might seem like unicorns to boy nerds, but we're part of the community, too. Thanks for being a chauvinist. Hopefully you didn't assume that all nerds were White straight boys, too, but, like I said, I didn't bother to keep reading.
