TR Contest: Fictional Character Assassination

By Rob Bricken in Nerdery
Friday, February 26, 2010 at 5:00 pm
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Back in my Wizard days, my co-workers and I used to play a game. The game was this: If you had six bullets, who at Wizard would you kill? Now, I had plenty of friends there, but then there were many "co-workers" -- and I use the term loosely -- that we all loathed and blamed for much of the company's bad decisions, evil policies and shocking stupidity. There were so many people who were so awful that we seldom agreed on who we could kill to do the most good. It took me a surprisingly long time to figure out how fucked up this was, and that if I was daydreaming about murdering co-workers, maybe I should just get another job. I'm a happier person now, and also I'm on medication.

So let's forgo the creepiness of real people -- 80% of you would likely pick Michael Bay, Uwe Boll or Robert Pattinson anyways, if last week's contest was any indication -- and you tell me the one fictional character you would most like to assassinate. Maybe it's because you think they're the low point of the franchise; maybe you think they're over-used; maybe you just hate them. But the point is you can destroy one character from ever existing, so you need to pick your shot wisely. I'm going to pick Snarf, not because I particularly like the Thundercats, actually, but just because I find him to be the most loathsome cartoon character ever created. His uselessness, his voice, his design -- he makes Orko look cool and competent in comparison, and Orko fucking sucks.

Any story in any medium is available for your brutal murder, so go crazy. You may assume that your bullet is magically deadly, so it will take care of vampires, Wolverines, even ghosts, etc, and be totally, irreversibly fatal. The contest ends on Monday, March 1st, at 12:01 am, and remember one entry per person -- anyone who shoots twice is immediately disqualified from winning a TR shirt. See you guys on Monday.

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