Half of All Children Between the Ages of 6-17 Are Satanic Witches Thanks to Harry Potter

By Rob Bricken in Miscellaneous
Monday, April 12, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Oh man. Where to even begin.
• I don't know what the fuck is up with the dude dancing in the skunk mask, but of all the possibilities, I'd be genuinely relieved if he turned out to only be a witch.
• So... Latin words are satanically and witchy now? Someone should've have informed the Roman empire.
• Cassettes? Those bastards!
• "...they can go to the website to get legitimate curses"? Excuse me, ma'am, but I'm pretty sure the Geocities page with the creepy goat mask isn't the official Harry Potter website for the books, movies or author.
• Yes, Harry Potter is actually Hitler. Good catch. And Hitler was evil... and a Satan-worshipping witch. So this argument truly comes full circle.
• "Africa... or some other country."
• Yes, it's just appalling that school also horrifying texts like Harry Potter and forbids the Bible, with its uplifting tales of sex, incest, murder, prostitution, slavery, infanticide (Hosea 13:16), genocide (2 King 10: 18-27), human sacrifice (Leviticus 27: 28-19), children mauled by bears sent by God for mocking a bald man (4 Kings 2:23-24), women raped to death and then dismembered by her husband (Judges 19:22-30), a man demanding his daughter's suitor bring him 100 foreskins and the suitor collecting 200 just for kicks (1 Kings 18:25-27), and God tormenting a human by killing his entire family just so he can win a bet with Satan (the entirety of the book of Job). Look, I'm not actually trying to knock anyone's religion here. I'm just saying people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones... even though God says stoning is okay (Deuteronomy 13:10) and Harry Potter probably wouldn't approve.

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