Fan Fiction Friday: Elmo in "Lessons Learned on Sesame Street"

By Rob Bricken in Nerdery, TV
Friday, September 24, 2010 at 2:00 pm
"Emily, it's your turn. Did you pay attention when Sarah did it?"
"Um, is fucking my knee a necessary part of the temperature taking process, ma'am?
"Uh, huh."

"Great. Elmo, please lay across Emily's lap."

Emily had been VERY observant, and being a year older she knew that Elmo had just used Sarah's knee to ejaculate. Emily knew how babies were made and how penises and vaginas fit together, and watching Elmo hump on Sarah's lap made her fantasize about his humping something else.
Yeah, how could you watch a two-foot tall underage muppet hump a child's leg and not get totally turned on?
She at least wanted to be able to taste his semen as well.
Burn in hell, The Camel Hump. Burn in hell.
As Elmo approached Emily, she casually swept her hand across her lap and spread her legs wide giving him a full view of her white cotton panties. He could even make out a deep crease in the front outlining her labia. Instantly Elmo's penis began extending from its sheath. Smiling, Emily beckoned him over and he laid down compliantly. Maria handed over the thermometer and she inserted it deftly. While the minutes ticked by Maria busied herself with the newspaper. Emily saw her chance and reached down, grasping his penis.

"Uh,Emily, what are you doing?" whispered Elmo.

"Elmo, be a good baby and lay still!" said Emily, loud enough for Maria to hear.

"Elmo, you behave and listen to Emily or you'll receive a spanking!" snapped Maria from inside her newspaper.
Can you tell me how to get /
How to get to the liquor store
Elmo quieted down and Emily began to slide her fist up and down his penis. He knew it was useless to resist and he started pumping in and out of her soft child's hand. The lubrication from his penis made it very easy for Emily accomplish her task, as she heard Elmo gasp, she felt him ejaculate hard. He squirted again and again for almost half a minute until finally his penis began to soften. With a handful of semen she lapped up a mouthful like a dog in a dog dish. It tasted delicious! Without even trying to hide it, she began scooping up any trace of the semen, unaware that Maria had been watching the whole time, and was pretty impressed at the brazenness of the little twelve year old.
For the first time ever, I'm glad Jim Henson is dead. At least he never, ever had any chance of reading this.
"Time's up kiddo!"

Emily withdrew the thermometer, examined it, and gave it back to her teacher.

"What's next Maria?" asked an eager Emily.

"I'm sorry girls, that's all for today. I'm afraid Elmo needs to rest and you two still have time to learn the basics before the summer begins."
Well, they learned handjobs and dry-humping, so I'd say it's been a pretty educational day for them.
Sarah rose first and left to go explore her newfound itch. Emily got up quickly and made a beeline for her room, where she could finger herself in private. Lastly, Maria stood up and made sure Elmo's diaper was pulled up properly. By this time she was thoroughly horny, and having observed Elmo achieving orgasm a total of three times during the course of the last two hours, she surmised that monsters didn't have the refractory period humans had.

"Elmo, would you come with me please?"

Maria's tone of voice was quite a bit calmer, more sensual, though at this point Elmo obeyed simply as force of habit. She led him back inside and back into her apartment, where she led the way back into her bedroom. When she got there she unzipped her shorts and kicked them over to the corner. She kneeled down in front of Elmo and slowly pulled down his diaper.
If this gets any sexier I'm going to die. Seriously, I'm going to kill myself. I can't take much more of this.
"I don't think you need this anymore, do you Elmo? I know you're older than three years old, and I know you have feelings that are much older than that. In fact, maybe some of those feelings are the same as mine."

"Maria, Elmo doesn't know what you're talking about."

"Hmm, I understand Elmo. Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about when I tell you I need to slip my finger inside my pussy because I'm so horny."
S is for Statutory Rape
She moved her panties aside, licked her middle finger, and began to rub her pussy. As Elmo watched her finger disappear inside her vagina, his penis began poking out of its sheath again. Maria notice and moved closer to him.

"I suppose you also wouldn't understand if I took your penis and put it in my mouth."
Makes Katy Perry's tits seem like no big deal at all, right?
She wrapped her mouth around the head of his penis and he jumped. His erection however became almost instantly hard and Maria began to give him a full blowjob. As she bobbed up and down on his cock she pumped it with a free hand and it was clear that he was close to cumming. She stopped, got up onto the bed, and pulled her panties down and off.
Thought: Elmo is like two goddamn feet tall. In order to give Elmo a blowjob, Maria would have to pretty much be lying on the floor. Also, how big could Elmo's cock really be? Could she really get a hand and her mouth on it? Also WHY GOD AM I THINKING OF THESE THING SWEET JESUS END MY SUFFERING
"I'm also sure you won't have any idea what I mean when I ask you to please put that monster cock deep inside my shaved pussy and fuck me silly."

She lifted up her shirt and began to squeeze her breasts together. This was too much for Elmo, and he wordlessly climbed up on the bed and between her legs. She felt him position his penis against her vagina and slip the head just past her labia. Grabbing both side of her hips be penetrated her as deep as he could go in a single stroke. Maria was shocked at how fast and how deep he had gone into her pussy, and he began to plow her in earnest.
On the other hand, Plow Me Elmo did sell pretty well back in 2005.
"Now Elmo, you can fuck me as much as you want but make sure you pull out because I'm not taking any birth control."
toht face melting.jpg
WWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Elmo didn't care what she wanted. He been taunted all day and had been forced to cum three times and had only now been able to screw a pussy. He wanted to cum deep inside her vagina and she wasn't going to stop him.

"Elmo's going to cum!!"
IMAGINE IT IN THE VOICE
"Elmo, take your penis out of me, I don't want to get pregnant!" She tried pushing him off of her but he wrapped his arms around her waist and held tight while he gave her the roughest fucking of her life.
R is for Rough Sex
Soon Elmo rammed his penis inside her as far as it could go. To Maria's horror, she could feel it grow longer push itself inside her cervix. Once the head was firmly side, it then began spewing copious amounts of semen inside her womb. Elmo spurted again and again, filling her up so fully she felt distended. After ten minutes she felt him retract, and only then did he loosen his grip on her waist.
Where the fuck do all these erotic fan fic writers get the idea that sex directly involves the womb? Why the hell do they invariably think that the womb is at the end of the vaginal canal, and that's where semen immediately goes? Is it Wikipedia's fault? Is there one site they all read that has it wrong? Do they get a pamphlet containing this erroneous information when they sign up to write this shit?
"Elmo, why did you do that?! What if I get pregnant and Luís finds out? I hope humans can't get pregnant from monster sperm."

"Maria was very mean to Elmo, and that wasn't nice. Because of that Elmo treated Maria like a whore."
scanners-headexplode.jpg
Let's just savor that for a second.
"Because of that Elmo treated Maria like a whore."
"Because of that Elmo treated Maria like a whore."
"Because of that Elmo treated Maria like a whore."
"Because of that Elmo treated Maria like a whore."
"Because of that Elmo treated Maria like a whore."
"Because of that Elmo treated Maria like a whore."

e8fab17c-946c-40fa-8008-944a77c18e4b.jpg
Oh my god. There's not enough liquor in the world to make me forget this nightmare.
"If you don't want Luís to find out sooner than later, then you will take Elmo's penis whenever he wants you to. Maria will also tell her daughter Gabi that Elmo will fuck her too and will also carry Elmo's baby. And Maria should know that humans CAN get pregnant from monsters, and monster sperm is always 100% accurate, so you will have Elmo's baby in eleven months. Have a nice day!"
Lesson... learned.
Elmo got up and left the room, satisfied for the moment at his conquest. Maria lay there naked but for Luís' t-shirt pulled up above her breasts. Elmo's cum began leaking out of her pussy and she felt used and disgusted at how badly the game she initiated had gone so horribly out of hand. What was she going to tell Gabi? She was only 14 and hadn't even been out on a date yet? Maria had to see Luís. Just being near him would clear her head, and then she could plan her next move. For now, she decided to sleep, and deal with that later.
THE END. Of the chapter. Actually, there's a second chapter, where Maria spies on her husband Luis at The Fixit Shop, raping with his daughter Gabi and Prairie Dawn, a muppet who looks like this:
Character.prairiedawn.jpg
...so it's just as horrible as the first chapter in its own way, because at least Elmo looks like an anthropomorphic creature, and Prairie Dawn looks like a sock with a wig on (admittedly, the guy raping his daughter part is also horrible). You can read it here, but I am fucking done. Seriously, I think I'm going to go to Madcon and see if I can talk Harlan Ellison into a double suicide. If he says no, I'll just tell him I think Roddenberry's "City on the Edge of Forever" was better than his version, and I bet he'll put me out of my misery quickly enough.

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