10 Ridiculous Life-Sized Role-Play Toys

By Adrian Beiting in Daily Lists, Toys
Tuesday, March 1, 2011 at 8:05 am
5) Superman Returns Shield Blaster
5) Superman Returns Shield Blaster.jpg
Typical Superman - flying around, rescuing Lois and Jimmy Olsen, saving the city by blasting his shield-themed gun at his powerful adversaries - yep, just another day in the life of the Man of Steel. While we know it's just a summer toy, this weapon is still a pretty dumb concept and has nothing to do with Supes aside from the ridiculous S-shield projectile. But hey, at least it's not a utility belt that doubles as a machine gun.

4) The Dark Knight Wayne Tech Rapid Fire Utility Belt
4) Batman The Dark Knight Rapid Fire Utility Belt.jpg
You may have missed it, but when push came to shove in The Dark Knight, Batman unclipped his utility belt, fed it into a small, golden VCR and started mowing down the bad guys. Oh, you thought the utility belt was there to store his crime-fighting gadgets and throat lozenges? Wrong! It's a machine gun in disguise. If you were any kind of fan you'd know that shooting dudes with fragments of his belt is what Batman's all about.

3) Real Ghostbusters Ghost Spooker
3) Real Ghostbusters Ghost Spooker.JPG
Ignore the legitimately creepy threat ("I'LL GET YOOOOU!") on the box for a moment. The point of this thing is to spook ghosts? How does that even work? And it does this by making "your voice sound like scary ghosts"? Wouldn't they be comforted to hear the sound of a fellow ghost? But if it works, how is scaring a ghost useful? Aren't you supposed to lead ghosts to your trap, not away from it? And what happens if the ghost's fight-or-flight instinct turns to fight? The poor Ghostbuster's hands would be too full with this stupidity to defend himself. Yeah, bring out Vigo and get it over with. We're all screwed.

2) TMNT Don's Sewer Squirter
2) TMNT Don's Sewer Squirter.JPG
First, we'd like to give it up to Playmates. As monstrously idiotic as this thing's intended function is, its design is pretty sweet, demonstrating a lot of what we loved about the original TMNT toys. Alas, we still can't help but look at the Sewer Squirter's intended use -- namely soaking baddies in water contaminated with human urine and feces -- and cringe. This is genius machinist Donatello we're talking about here. Is making the Foot Clan smell worse the best attack he can come up with? Why not stick to the staff? There's no way to prove it, but we have a feeling things didn't end well for Donny or his shit sprayer.

1) Dark Knight Wayne Tech Tri-Fire Blaster
1) Batman The Dark Knight Wayne Tech Tri-Fire Blaster.jpg
It's a tale as old as time: vigilante swears never to use guns, toy manufacturer proceeds to make guns in toylines based on said vigilante forever. And why not? Guns sell. Or you'd imagine they'd have to, considering how often they appear in places completely out of Bat-canon. While this thing bears a passing resemblance to the sticky bomb weapon used in The Dark Knight, it's still clearly a gun that shoots (Nerf) bullets and missiles, famously a no-no in Batman's code of conduct. The gang behind this may have thought they'd found a way around the issue by calling it a Wayne Tech weapon, but they messed that up when they decided to emblazon the gun with the bat symbol. You don't have to be the World's Greatest Detective to figure that mystery out.

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