Awesome, the collection of 10 toys which has been given over here is looking so beautiful. All these toys are best fun giving toys for kids, I would love to buy some of them for my little brother.
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That distinction seems entirely lost on the companies behind the toys on today's list. Sometimes this happens because the toy was made in a simpler, more naive time. Sometimes, the marketing people are just dumb as rocks. The result is 10 toys with names that would make any self-respecting 8-year-old laugh out loud (and adults with the maturity of 8-year-olds, too).
10) Monster in My Pocket
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9) Spongebob Squarepants Bikini Bottom Groom & Go
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8) Smurf Punch Balls
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7) Probe
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6) Toypedo
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5) Ding-a-Lings
The Ding-A-Lings were robot toys made in the 1960s. They were actually kind of neat, but there was definitely some oddness. For instance, you'll notice that the Ding-a-Ling spy keeps his hidden camera in his crotch. And then there's the whole "King Ding" thing with the "control lever."
4) Ballbuster
Okay, so this ad is all too aware of the joke. Made by Mego in the 1970s, an audience of toy and game store buyers were allegedly stunned into silence at its first screening. We're not sure whether this ad actually aired on television back in the '70s, but it would never fly now.
3) Belly Bongo
What does this thing even do? There's some suggestion that it's supposed to be some sort of drum, but all I see is people writhing with a cutting board and a ball on a string hanging over their junk. Anyway, it's on this list because "belly bongo" sounds like a tropical euphemism for sexual intercourse.
2) Balzac
The Balzac was basically a balloon with a cloth coating. The idea was you put air and water into it and the water would slosh around when thrown, making it whip around in odd ways. It might have been a pretty neat toy, but what made it memorable was the name. Maybe it was the last name of the company's founder. Maybe the designers were big fans of the famous French novelist and playwright. But look: you cannot name a toy aimed at middle-school kids -- particularly boys -- something like "Balzac." It's just not going to go well. Though a lot of kids kind of did want a Balzac, if only because the name was so damned funny.
The early '90s rap is the icing on the cake. The best part of the ad: "Us two Balzacs are where it's at!" Cue the totally missed high-five.
1) Pull-Along Cock & Pull-Along Pussy
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111 comments
Balzac alone explains why I almost got banned from French class for laughing whenever Balzac was mentioned.
My brain remembers there being a "Winnie the Pooh Chutes and Ladders" game.
Heh heh, "Pooh Chutes".
I not quite sure I get the joke about the Toypedo... Is it that it resembles a dildo and that "Toypedo" can be flip-flopped to read something like "Pedo toy"?
Somewhere in my vast, disorganized comic book collection are a few issues of the "Monster in my Pocket" series. I picked them from the quarter bin as a lark, and since I enjoyed laughing at horrible comics. To my surprise, at least one of them was pretty decent. The story involved some kid mistaking the (tiny) monsters for vermin and calling an exterminator, who when he arrived was revealed to be a spot-on parody of the Punisher, deploying overwhelming firepower in an effort to take out the monsters. I think his name was even "Frank Rook"!
It wasn't a masterpiece, but it was way better than any comic based on an unremarkable toy line had any right to be.
Still not as funny as Mattels Harry Potter's broom with special effects. It vibrated :D
" The result is 10 toys with names that would make any self-respecting 8-year-old laugh out loud..."
Perhaps a very grown-up 8-year old.
Not to be a party pooper, but aside form maybe #1, none of these would strike a kid as weird. Maybe the writer experienced some unpleasant things as a child, but when I was 8 I didn't thnk about testicles, pubic jhair grooming, pedophiles, or any of that.
Hey Rob, you should look at this...http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Nexus_M...
The Hasbro Exclusive Transformer that shares the same name as a DILDO!!!!
I used to have so much fun with the monster in my pocket when I was a little kid. I'd forgotten all about it till you posted this list. But it was a blast. I remember each monster that was in my pocket had a points rating. Sometimes I'd pull out a weak monster and other times I'd pull out a humongous monster and just beat all over my friend. Who, let's be fair, was at the time, also trying to pull a big a monster out of his pocket to beat me with.
Of course this was back when we were wearing onions on our belts. It being the style of the thing at the time. You couldn't even try to pull a monster out with out an onion on your belt, you'd get laughed right out of school. Proper school that is, not this poppy-cock soft school that you youngsters have now days. You'd have to be gosh darned careful where you put your Balzac or it'd get punctured like Johnny's lung during the war with the Charlies. They'd come screaming out of the tree's like a bunch of ball busters and boy didn't that scare the ding-a-lings out of you. Why I remember this one time I had my pull-along-cock and Johnny had his pull-along-pussy, we drew the short straws that day and had to head down to the local milk bar for treats. Proper treats, Smurf Punch Balls we called them, little blue sugary tasty things to nibble on all day long. We'd walk down Seventeen and Smith streets, playing out belly bongo's while nibbling on the tasty little blue balls, the girls couldn't stay away while we were beating it with an onion on our belt. Everything was fine and dandy till Johnny got a toypedo added to his collection. Boy did that day go south after it went off. We got probe'd left, right and centre all afternoon long....
*****
Sorry about the paragraph. It's an onion story, sposed to run together, also it's not my best work, but it's early in the morning here still.
Couldn't think of a way to work Spongebob's bikini in there either :(
I played with both the Balzac and the Toypedo as a kid. They were actually pretty awesome toys if very poorly named.
#2. That video showed two Balzacs rubbing together. And one's a little boy balzac. Sick! SICK!
Can't be the only one that first heard the "Ball Buster" Commercial on the first U.N.K.L.E. Album http://www.youtube.com/watch?v....That said the Add was on TV in the 70's. Check the Cinema Snob's Review for the made for TV-Movie "Satan's School for Girls".
I was planning on asking how the hell "Ball Buster" wasn't #1..
Then I saw "Pull-Along Cock"..... :-/
The whole ding a ling robot commercial looks to me like a SNL commercial parody... "See the ding a lings move on their tracks... Watch this ding a ling go up inside king ding and work his joystick in the cockpit... watch police ding a ling use his whistle and his nightstick... " and so on. Not to mention the fist-shooting ding a ling: And the fun the kids must have had trying to find the flying fists AFTER he had fired them off and lost them under the sofa. "And the secret of the ding a lings... Their power pack which fits every ding a ling" which means that if the kid lost, or stepped on and broke, the power pack, none of the ding a lings would work anymore. This true-life commercial makes the SNL parody toys like Big Red(The toy viking that spun around and sprayed red goop over everything) and Battle Cat(A toy that was supposed to be strapped to the back of a housecat... Good luck trying to do that the average housecat.) seem plausible.
I agree. A toy made by a company that disposes of toxic waste... EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH MOMMMMMMMMYYYYY MY HANNNNNND ISSSSSSSSS DISSSOLLVVVVVINNNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can do the belly bongo dance and get a similar sound while naked, I don't need some silly toy.
Pretty sure the Spongebob double entendre is intentional. The early episodes were full of them, especially considering some of the writing staff also wrote for Family Guy.
Now I know what Chuck Berry was singing about.........oh, I meant The Chipmunkshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?f...
Monster in my Pocket!!!! Now there's a trip down memory lane....
Seriously though, I'd pay good money to have the voice of the voiceover guy in that ballbusters commercial.
I once tried to find a Ball Buster game. An eBay seller was offering one in its original box but wanted $200. That's too much for me, but I admit that it looks kind of fun.
When the Brain robot was pulled up inside King Ding, I was momentarily horrified to see pictures of all the other Ding-a-Lings... as I recall another robot who had portraits inside himself like that...
A beautifully adorned rectal playset, lined with portraits of Ding-a-lings who have already visited.
My dad always remarked he was "pulling a pussy" when he pulled me in my wagon as a kid...that was before he nicknamed my little brother Captain Retardo (true story)...I guess he thought it would build character but the joke was on him when the psychiatrist bills started piling up.
My dad used to call my little brother C.H.U.D. He also still sometimes calls him a "faygallette" when he starts to get whiny. I'm not sure how he came up with that last one.
"I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling". - Bender, "The Breakfast Club".
lol. seeing this list one has to wonder if the toy execs who not only came up with these names but okayed where either on something or decided to full fill some sex fantasy by naming kids toys. espically number one.
