Well, boy-o's, open your minds wider than your mouths and prepare to have both completely decimated by flavors coming out of machines that, by all good taste and reason, shouldn't. Here's a look at the oddest delicacies that can be yours for a couple quarters.
You'd have to be a grade A-dingus to miss what Italian company Let's Pizza is all about. If you're still confused, yes! They're Italian, so they make pizza. Let's Pizza is a line on vending machines that'll give you a piping hot pie in fewer than three minutes. It's billed as a "mini-pizzeria that's open 24 hours a day," but the number of times the commercial boasts about it being made "in a human-free environment" makes me wonder if the machine is actually just a bunch of tiny humans with dozens of hands touching the pizza I waited an entire three minutes to eat just because I didn't tip.
Beverly Hills-headquartered cup-cakery Sprinkles recently introduced an honest-to-God ATM that dispenses cupcakes. It has a screen that lets you watch robotic arms and evil demons fetch the cupcake you asked for in real time, and has proven so popular that another one was introduced in Chicago without the demon parts. It doesn't affect the knee-weakeningly sweet taste of these little guys, but, hey: It beats going into a bakery and talking to a human to ask for one like a jerk or something.
2) French Fries
You know that feeling when you just got off work, you missed the train, it starts to hail, and you just found out your favorite TV show about aliens who have sex with each other was canceled? The good people at Mars, Incorporated would have you believe you should reach for a Snickers bar, but they're wrong. You should reach for a nice, delicious egg. Mmm, eggs! Nothing beats their eggy taste. These machines are only in Japan, and for a mere 300 yen (about $3), one could be yours to help turn your entire life around. Each compartment in the machine contains a bag of 10 to 12 eggs, which means they do run out rather quickly. So, to slightly tweak the conventional wisdom: In some cases, the early bird could actually get a deadly case of salmonella.