A Movie with Deadman, Swamp Thing and John Constantine? Directed By Guillermo Del Toro? Yeah, Right.

By Pete Vonder Haar in Comics, Movies
Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 10:01 am

That looks uncomfortable.
Real Name: Zatanna Zatara
Abilities: Sorcery, rocking one hell of a leotard.
Looks Like: a busty Claire Forlani, or a bustier Katy Perry. "Busty" being the operative word.

Real Name: Giovanni Zatar ... he and his daughter should probably try a little harder when it comes to maintaining a secret identity.
Abilities: Magic, often performed by saying the effects of the spell backwards. This is in no way annoying to his colleagues.
Looks Like: a shorter-haired Dr. Orpheus.

Real Name John Sargent. That's more like it.
Abilities: Again, magic.
Looks Like: Professor Quirell from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

Etrigan the Demon
Real Name: Jason Blood
Abilities: Superhuman strength, sorcery, telepathy, breathes hellfire. Demon stuff, in other words.
Looks Like: Well, a demon. Oh, and did I mention he speaks in rhyming couplets? Combined with the backward spellcasting, things are going to get tiresome pretty quickly.

When you consider del Toro's track record, the fact next to no one has heard of these characters, and WB's lack of initiative to get any of its super team properties off the ground, I really don't see this happening. And if it does, I'm afraid you're going to be looking at a bigger budget Mystery Men.

This piece originally appeared in Art Attack, a Houston Press blog. While we look for a new editor for Topless Robot, we'll occasionally be publishing stories from Voice Media Group sites.

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