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Late-comer. I think you mean BLOOD BOWL.
Mutant League was a rip-off. I still don't understand how Sega didn't get sued. That said, it was a better video game version of Blood Bowl than any official Blood Bowl games were!
3. Pod Racing.
Very fast, very dangerous and you need Jedi-like reflexes to do it. But never mind that last part; pay competitors enough money, and they'll be glad to strap themselves to jet engines. The only thing easier will be to find hillbilly Tusken Raiders to volunteer for the duty of taking rifle pot-shots at the drivers.
Plus the involvement of Sebulba proves that any and all cheating is justified. Not enough real sports are no-holds-barred, especially those which involve rocket jets. And if it makes you feel better, in real life Jake Lloyd would not win.
2. Quidditch.
You might think I'm crazy to suggest that a game played on magical flying broomsticks is something that could ever reasonably replace football. Why, there's no way something like that which relies on sorcery and a semi-sentient flying object of gold could ever be replicated in real life.
You'd be reckoning without some pretty resourceful Harry Potter fans. It seems some people still think it's a fun thing to play even without levitation, just like some people think football games are fun to watch on days when there aren't brand-new commercials involved.
There's no accounting for taste.
1. Joust.
No, not the horseback stuff you see at Medieval Times. That's too easy. I demand that scientists quit working on nanoprobes or whatever, and get to the all-important task of training ostriches to fly and allowing armored knights to ride on their backs. Because dammit, that's the future I was promised.
Besides, since everything you see in video games is true, think of the world famine that would be relived every time the flying ostriches lay an egg upon being struck in the front. "Omelet" you imagine such a planet without hunger, bitchez...(and I mean that in a non-gender-specific-yet-still-insulting way)
Seriously, though - "Go team!" Because I'm backing the same team as you this Sunday. You have my word as a gentleman.
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46 comments
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no doubt peta would have a fit about flamigo croquet . and actully are close as one is going to get to mortal kombat known as ulimate mma fighting. though surprised death race and rollerball did not make the cut.
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I wouldn't mind if we just kept our "classic" sports...as Starship Troopers taught us.
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We need The Running Man. Pull death row prison inmates and put them in a urban nightmare and have bounty hunters hunt them down. If they make it from one end of the city to a certain point they win their freedom. I'd also watch A Hard Target type. Strap $10,000 on a homeless man and one rich person gets his weapon of choice to hunt him down.
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I'll second the 1975 version of Rollerball. The game in the remake was incoherent.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGwE-uDao7Q
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My vote is for Blood Bowl as well http://youtu.be/oI4aPRFXTH0?t=14s
And perhaps Pyramids from Battlestar Galactica
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I remember reading The Long Walk years ago and if they didn't maintain a walking speed of 3.5 miles per hour they would be shot. I thought, I'd be dead within the first couple of minutes.
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What about those 23rd century game shows/reality shows from Doctor Who, where the losers get vaporized and turned into Daleks? That could be interesting. . .
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@rabidronnieAn excuse to bust this out...
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/qEixf.jpg[/IMG]
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I keep proposing Pit Full of Money, with Knives as a sport (or game show), but no one seems to want to pick it up.
But for real world sports, I'm just waiting for F1 to start up again.
Here is a cheeky proposal: Line up 100 people that are ardent Big Bang lovers in a row. Line up 100 hulked out straight up lunatic killers on the opposite sides in metal boxes in front of contestants. Here is where it gets good. Have them all start singing the theme song from the show repeated over and with the original playing and see how long they go. Once the mess up in any way bells and buzzers go off on the loser's opposing box exploding off the hinges with ribbons and confetti and crap and have the lunatic run straight for the loser and just choke the life out of them. Now while this is going on the other contestants see this and will probably start to mess up, which in turn makes for more carnage. If anyone survives past the first killing random noises and distractions will be brought into play to mess the players up. Last one standing wins a life time of emotional trauma, a hatred of Barenaked Ladies and rare twinkie fried with shallots.
@da_bearon @Dudley_Dawson you misconstrue what I'm saying. I have no hate for it. The song just becomed fast paced. It could be for any song. Just try to imagine singing it hundreds of times over and over with death all around you.
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Good God someone else knows about The Long Walk? One of my favorite King/Bachman stories. Chilling concept, edge of your seat moments, and it's also the predecessor to both Battle Royale and The Hunger Games. Honestly better than hunger games.. it's just th game, no romantic BS.
@thehuntress1967 I think there would be a market to have a "The Long Walk" reality show. Maybe you're not killed but definitely start with 100 people and have them perform goofy obstacles and keep the cameras rolling until there is one...okay wait, i think i just described Wipeout and any given Japanese game show but you know what i meant.
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@thehuntress1967 you are not alone. I keep a copy here at work. always a great read for me.
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@FabioRezende I don't think there is a hard drive big enough for us to all upload in order to watch the races...
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To make standard sports more interesting, here's my humble suggestion: Instead of punishing athletes that use performance-enhancing substances I think we should encourage, nay, REQUIRE it. I'm talking bodies 'roided out to the limit. Get science on this. Augs, altered genetics, whatever it takes. Professional athletes could all be, like, their own elite class of superhurman. Then maybe I'd watch a little football.
@bothgunsblazin All that, make them crazy, pit them against each other, and arm the audience with everything from melee weapons, to military-grade weaponry Two teams enter, let them go until 3rd down, and then let the audience open up.
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@bothgunsblazinThis works even better if you re-legalize Gladiator matches, too.
"NEW Inaugural Narcotarii vs. Robotarii matches, only at City Arena! Ave Nielsen, morituri te salutant!"
(Hey, it's not much worse than what MOST network programming decays into.)
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Football in general would be a lot more entertaining if it was as LYT describes. Instead it's outcome is determined mainly by rules lawyering nonsense and thirty minutes of actual play padded out into a two hour ordeal.
as for my contribution Dream Park - part LARP, part sport, all nerdy goodness -
OH
MY
GLOB
they released a new one back in '11 WHY DOES NO ONE TELL ME THESE THINGS?
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Others to note: 43-Man Squamish, Blernsball, Whackbat, Speedball (the video game, not the drug or the New Warrior), Monday Night Combat, & The Running Man, if it counts (too much game show in it?), just to name a few. Possibly Thunderdome as well, but that's more of a judicial system that just happens to have chainsaws.
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@10glfan59Somewhat- Hanna-Barbera produced, although not with Dastardly, Muttley, Pitstop, etc....
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Death Race 2000. The only part I can't figure out is, why would anyone go out in public if they knew the race was going on? Were all those�
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I would love to see Death Race brought to life and not the weak remake but instead the Death Race 2000 version. I would also like to see a non-violent version (maybe with Paintball or rubber bullets) of the game in Gamer.. Let me just say I'm glad you didn't say The Hunger Games...
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@Canadian.Scott Even the remake version would be awesome to watch. They need to start putting belt fed machines guns, mini guns and rocket launchers on NASCAR to make it more interesting. Who gets excited watching 4 hours of turning left?
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Death Race 2000. The only part I can't figure out is, why would anyone go out in public if they knew the race was going on? Were all those people suicidal?
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Don't forget Rollerball - the 70's version.
After seemingly every kid in my neighborhood saw Rollerball on HBO we started playing it, only with bicycles instead of motorcycles. Several trips to the emergency room later and the neighborhood parents put an end to it.
Yes! One of the problems critics had with the movie was that the sport was genuinely exciting, helped along by Bob Miller, voice of the Los Angeles Kings.
