Cap’n Crunch to Host Late-Night Talk Show

I’m not sure I can fully express how exponentially stupider I feel as a human being for having typed those words above. Nevertheless, they are true.

For those not native to this country, Cap’n Crunch is a breakfast cereal mascot. His arch-enemies are “the Soggies,” though it appears they’ll be a tad friendlier on this show.

The Cap’n — whose full name is Cap’n Horatio Magellan Crunch, an iconic animated figure which starred in commercials during Saturday morning cartoons from the 1960s to the 1980s — will conduct interviews with animated celebrities and fictional characters within a giant cereal bowl. He gets out of the bowl too, but only when not with guests.

I don’t know if “animated celebrities” means famous cartoon characters like, say, Bart Simpson, or something along the lines of a hand-drawn William Shatner. Either way, they’re sitting in a big bowl of milk for this. That’s kinda stupid. The Cap’n may keep the soggies out of his cereal bits, but do you trust him to keep ’em out of your underwear?

The new online animated series called “The Cap’n Crunch Show” will feature nine episodes throughout the spring and summer on its YouTube channel. Just like other late-night shows, it will air at 11:35 p.m. ET/PT and is aimed at an adult audience.

An adult audience, you say?

The cereal box this summer will feature a call out for the show, directing consumers to YouTube.

Oh, the kids’ cereal box will be directing them to a show for adults, on past their bedtime. I don’t see how that could possibly lead to family arguments, at all.

You want cereal mascots who can talk to both kids and adults? Let me dig up a UK gem from my childhood…

…skinheads made out of compressed wheat flake bricks!

The trailer for the Cap’n’s show is after the jump. Plus you can follow him on Twitter now.