Jeebus. When I posted that Kylie Minogue thing, I had no idea how close to the truth it actually was.
This one is real. And it's not fantastic.
h/t Eric Diaz
And a big negative on this.
Vampires are not a "species" or a "race." They're dead, buried people who are cursed and rise from the grave to feed on the living. They're not supposed to be pretty or suave. They're rotting, cursed monsters. They're not supposed to be powerful, noble and proud. They're supposed to slink in the shadows and attack while people sleep. They don't refer to the living as "humans" because they're humans, too; They're just undead. Like a zombie, not like a goddamned pretty elf.
Stoker started us on this path of confusing the vampire with the incubus. Lugosi being cast was a huge strike against vampires (he looks nothing like Dracula as described in the book). Anne Rice took the prettying-up even further. Stephanie Meyer and the producers of various modern vampire movies and shows completely destroyed the vampire.
There are only two decent vampires in all of cinema: Max Shreck's Count Orlock, and Christopher Lee's Count Dracula (from Jess Franco's Count Dracula, not from the other Dracula films he made.)
In Jess Franco's Count Dracula, he actually looks like the character in the books. Older man, white hair, facial hair, hairy hands, feral and unpleasant-looking. SCARY.
And Orlock-- He looks like a vampire from European folklore, before Stoker mixed things up. He's VERMIN; A ratlike undead creature that hides in the dark and brings plague. A creature that, if discovered, can be easily destroyed by a smart person. No special tools or training required to defeat him, and he's not attractive in any way.
The preview for this show INSTANTLY tells me the producers, writers, casting directors, and makeup artists didn't even fucking read Dracula, or they chose to ignore it in favor of just cribbing off of the old Bela Lugosi look. Once again we get a dark-haired, suave, pretty, non-scary Dracula. Not ONE THING about him reflects the description of the character in Stoker's novel.
Let's face it: This is going to be a soap opera with a wimpy fop Dracula in it. The story will be about the socio-political standing (and drama) of such-and-such family, and not at all about the curse of being a walking corpse who has no remorse, no will to fight his nature, and little in the way of defense against those who would hunt him down and destroy him.
Here's a simple test to know if someone is a vampire... Ready? Here it is:
1. Is he pretty or handsome?
If yes, he's not a vampire.
If no, then go on to Question 2.
2. Does he look sickly, dead, or rotting?
If yes, he might be a vampire (or maybe a ghoul or zombie).
If no, then he's just an ugly guy.
Somebody has to say it....
Jonathan Rhys Meyers is the most pussy-ass-lookin' Dracula EVER. The pouty little perpetually-pursed lips, pansified soul patch and he's skinnier than a gibbon's dick. Sorry, NBC, but Photoshopping red eyeballs does not make him scary. This guy wouldn't scare me if you set him on fire and dropped him into my lap.
Am I the only nerd who's sick to death of vampires and zombies? I've haven't seen a new spin on either concept in 20 years.
After seeing the promo my first thought was this... They spent all that money on sets, props, and costumes, yet they couldn't come up with enough cash to pay for a decent script. I'll pass on this.
Alex Grayson? What, is this a Revenge prequel? :)
Cut, print, gay.
I am guessing that it won't even make it to a season finale. It's not NBC's kind of thing to let this kind of show move forward. It feels more like a BBC program, well from this trailer anyways.
I was thinking about Dracula the other day in the regards to him being a Christian Warrior, and that he fought the Turks. So his views, no matter how long ago would still probably be strong with him currently. So does that mean that Dracula would fight a war on terror? Where was this idea in the "America F*** YEAH!" stage?
At least with Downton and Tudors its makers have got a fair pedigree
I didn't think NBC needed a Dracula. I thought they sucked on their own.
I saw this announced at the NBC upfronts and this is supposed to be a companion show to Grimm (which for the record I have become bored with the show thanks to the mid season break format). I do not see this lasting very long but because this is NBC, it'll be on for three or four years.
As far as the monsters go, Dracula was always my favorite. However, nothing in this trailer made me want to watch this show. Actually, it just made me miss Forever Knight.
@nix.nightbird Agreed but fuck you for dissing on Lugosi.
To elaborate. Lugosi's Dracula was in itself it's own thing. That is fine. It is fine that there are those interpretations. However, I would agree that there is some issue with the fact that more and more that has become the definition of the character when it strays fairly far from the original works of Brom Stoker and older folklore. That said, be thankful this isn't another Twilight inspired property.
@nix.nightbird Seems to me they cribbed from the little additions Coppola made in his allegedly "faithful" movie version that SOOO wasn't.
@nix.nightbird Have you ever read the Fabien Nury/John Cassaday Graphic Novel "I Am Legion"? It really had an amazing take on the vampire myth.
The vampire isn't a undead body of a human walking the earth drinking blood, fearing sunlight, churches, garlic, etc. But instead it was living blood. That did need a host to pilot around. It would force it's way into another person, bleeding them dry of their blood. It would wear the body around until such a time a better one came around, or the "vehicle" they were piloting began to fall apart. In the story the Nazi's have access to one such vampire, and realize that if they steal drops of the vampires blood, and place it in prisoners then the vampire from which the blood comes can posses the infected prisoners. Minions do do it's bidding. Eventually when the minion dies, the blood can make it's way back to the main body, granted they are in touching distance. Great ideas I say.
@nix.nightbird Check-out Warhol's Dracula...He fits your rules, and will not be what you expect.
@theshadow I thought The Revenant was a nice new take...but at least one reader thinks I'm wrong on that :)
@theshadow I actually like the meek and mild Dracula, it's a perfect way to blend in and be unassuming.
Then Rar! Bite yer Face Off!
It's mildly more interesting than a tall brooding frowny domineering man.
@theshadow My impression was that they were going for "Sexy" rather than "Scary" admittedly what the female mind might find alluring is quite beyond me although the symbolism was quite explicit
as for the second part - you are not. Vampires that do not exist as a disease metaphor bore me, and they haven't since they were reinvented as "forbidden sex" metaphors. Zombies I'm more tolerant of because those stories are about the people and not the monster - problem is that the people in those stories are all generic and have become boring... except Ellis, who I find endlessly entertaining. Just my opinion.
@theshadow I for one would love to see something live action that was based off the "Blood" games from Monolith's early days; now there was something new with the undead, namely that you were one.
@theshadow what about vampires who are also warewolves who turn to sparkling fast zombies in the daylight
@badwolf1996 This is not gay: for one "gay" would mandate that they dressed better, and for two the fighting would involve less sissy slapping.
@badwolf1996 gay harder, dude, gay harder
@badwolf1996 Do I get to stomp on your face yet?
Stoker's Dracula was not meant to actually be Vlad the Impaler. People decided to mix the two together over the years. Stoker only took the man's name and some basic concepts.
Frankly, I hate it when movies, books, and TV shows assume he was Vlad the Impaler. It's lazy.
@earthmanprime Better the John Carpenter's Vampires take on the legend...good movie but that reasoning as to how he became a vampire shot it all to sh*t
@earthmanprime I think the idea of sending vampires into war zones is one that could be expanded on for sure. Maybe even have them fear Islamic symbols rather than Christian ones.
@vbanej I sincerely doubt that any future projects by the people involved will ever be trumpeted as being "from the makers of NBCs Darcula!".
@Someguy Early contender for Comment of the Week...right out of the gate.
@Canadian.Scott I'm still enjoying it, but I wish they would move the story along. I'm kind of bored with Juliet's loss of memory (note: I have not watched last week's ep)
@rkwsuperstar I'll acquire it soon and check it out. Not to mention IMDB also posted up Millenium which means I'll have to download that and rewatch it since I can't remember Jack of it.
@rkwsuperstar Forever Knight was amazing. Great concepts, cast, the writing was great. Didn't watch the show until more than a decade after it aired. My mind was blown when I realized that Natalie was played by the woman that voiced Jean Grey in X-Men: TAS, and Jill Valentine from Resident Evil 3: Nemesis.
@rkwsuperstar I LOVE Forever Knight. I will act against my own survival when Chiller runs a marathon (they haven't in almost a year). When John Kapelos popped up on Psych I hit a note so high when squealing "Schanke!" my girlfriend left the room and yelled at me when she could hear again.
@rkwsuperstar I'm still pushing for a Kindred: The Embraced reboot.
@LYT @nix.nightbird Ah man, don't crap on that movie because I love it (minus Mr. Reeves' accent).
@LYT @theshadow I was just suggesting to a friend of mine who hates "pretty, pretty, vampires" as much as I do that he checks out that movie. I loved it.
Dracula is not supposed to blend in. He's a monster. He's supposed to hide when he can, send out servants to do his bidding, and kill when he's discovered.
The tall brooding frowny domineering man is ALSO wrong.
@FakeAssName@badwolf1996I interpreted gay in the actual sense (merry - cheerful - jolly - joyful - blithe - mirthful) and so I read the comment as approval
the alternate interpretation would seem to be inaccurate as the sexual overtones of the clip were decidedly hetero or is the word "gay" considered a pejorative in and of itself without context?
Personally I find the whole "vampire" genre to have been bled dry
@nix.nightbird @earthmanprime Well seeing as the character has spilled over, and thus been pretty much brutalized over the past 100 plus years, mixing Dracula with Vlad, vice versa is seen as nothing new. I am just keen on the idea of giving some sort of depth to a dead guy that macks on women, and drinks blood.
@Canadian.Scott@earthmanprimethe only Dracula movie I give a crap about is Blacula - they make that into a series and I'll watch it
@Canadian.Scott @earthmanprime Ugh, or Dracula 2000 that claimed Dracula was Judas.
@LYT @earthmanprime The only thing that comes to mind was this MI-13 story arc by Paul Cornell, where Dracula in a Moonraker-like base declares war on the UK's Muslim/Islamic populace, or something akin to that.
@LYT @earthmanprime Speaking of this type of thing, I recently watched a movie, 'The Revenant,' and it was terrible. SPOILER (if you really want to watch the terrible movie and be surprised) But it turns out, it was a military experiment to create unstoppable killers to unleash on the enemy. Zombies that actually couldn't be killed. Again, I can not stress how awful this movie was (this experiment stuff was not introduced until the very end of the movie)
@Captain_Lizzardo @Someguy HIT THE BULLSEYE! GIVE THE MAN A SHORT LIVED TERRIBLE TV SERIES!
@rkwsuperstar @Canadian.Scott That is why I stopped, the Juliet memory loss was dragging that show right down for me but also mixed in is the DVR messing things up and didn't record for a couple weeks. I watched the one with the "alien" episode and then stopped midway and then last week's i'm still watching but there is two weeks left so i'll watch it again.
If you haven't seen it it's a vampire living in what is it, Montreal? Vancouver? The mortician, Catherine Disher, her voice should be familiar to X-Men fans, she's Jean Grey.
@Canadian.Scott @rkwsuperstar I've never heard of that, but I looked it up and now I want to watch it.
@Gallen_Dugall @FakeAssName @badwolf1996 ehhh, I don't know about the hetero slant; that "Dracula" was giving off some pretty major vibes of it being played by a hot chick in unconvincing drag.
Maybe the intention behind the "Gay" statement was supposed to lean more towards "Lesbian" than "queer" ...
How could you forget Wereblack in that lineup? It provides the perfect pun for multiple catchphrases.
@earthmanprime @Gallen_Dugall if Blammy doesn't exist, it should
@Gallen_Dugall Truth be told, I had never seen the trailer for Blacula, and I must say it is totally awesome! I really would prefer a Monsters United! Series starring Blacula, Blackenstein, Blammy(the black mummy(if that exists)).
@LYT @rkwsuperstar @earthmanprime I honestly didn't find anything comedic about it. I know it's subjective, though, both humor and horror.
@rkwsuperstar @LYT @earthmanprime Thanks for the heads up. I will avoid it like garlic, and holy water.
@rkwsuperstar @LYT @earthmanprime Oh, I disagree completely. LOVED The Revenant. It was a zombie movie that actually did something different. The twist didn't matter to me - the comedic reality of what one would have to actually do in that situation was the appeal.
@EliasAlgorithm @rkwsuperstar I was a fan of Forever Knight as well... The idea was unique, a vampire who becomes a policeman to battle evildoers. Both human and vampire. His adversary was a true creep who made Hannibal Lector look like a boy scout. The flashbacks in each episode were well done, told a good separate story all by itself, and DIDN'T leave me confused as to what was going on. The insights into vampiric society were equally terrifing, as in a special squad of vampire executioners whose job it was to KILL any human that discovered vampire were real, and also tragic and disturbing, as when the real reason for his turning on vampire-kind was revealed. I still miss it.
Everybody knows the Frankenstein bit, so I figured boobs.
@Canadian.Scott @rkwsuperstar @EliasAlgorithm I liked it. I was disappointed that was the end of it. Great re-imagining of the Munsters.
I see now that Koontz withdrew from the show over creative differences. That doesn't bode well.
@rkwsuperstar @Canadian.Scott @EliasAlgorithm I would also count The Munster reboot as an attempt at bringing the Frankenstein creature to TV. But i think I was the only one who liked the show.
@Canadian.Scott @rkwsuperstar @EliasAlgorithm I've read those books. But I thought there were 3. ???
I looked it up. There is the original trilogy, then 2 more. Um. It ended in the 3rd book of the trilogy. VERY anti-climatically, I might add..
@Canadian.Scott @rkwsuperstar @EliasAlgorithm Oh HELL no.
@rkwsuperstar @Canadian.Scott @EliasAlgorithm Frankenstein's monster in JLD isn't so bad. You just have work around the idea that SHADE is an organization and yet there are two other characters with that name that are way WAY more interesting.
@rkwsuperstar @Canadian.Scott @EliasAlgorithm Frank. N. Steinway. I make pianos out of spare parts...of people!
@Canadian.Scott @EliasAlgorithm @rkwsuperstar I would love some sort of Frankenstein's monster show...and please don't let him be named Frankie.
@EliasAlgorithm @rkwsuperstar I kept expecting it to turn into the Angel theme.
@EliasAlgorithm @rkwsuperstar Movie monsters kind of run in cycles, Vampires and werewolves were in but slowly faded and gave way to zombies but World War Z will burst that bubble. I figured that witches would be the next to hit the wave but nothing seems to be coming out with that kind of movie monster. Unless you count that movie Beautiful Creatures and Paranormal Activity series.
@rkwsuperstar I agree, the vampire thing was old when Angel was still on and then they just kicked it to death with Moonlight.
@EliasAlgorithm @rkwsuperstar I would be fine with some sort of prime time vampire series (not geared towards teens, like Vampire Diaries), if they actually took the time to re-imagine it. Give me something new. Victorian vampire in love/lust with a woman who looks like his murdered love is not new. Or interesting.
I argued for a week, even suggested a way to light the place up without setting it on fire. (it took three days before I figured that was the problem). The guy who ran the game was fine with it but most of the group wanted him out but they were being nice cuz the comic shop we had died.
They said no, I wasn't allowed to turn the lights off in a crowded old church where everyone was playing vampires.
@Canadian.Scott @EliasAlgorithm @rkwsuperstar It hangs low for me because I sat in on a LARP game set in an old church. I had to admit that my roommate scared the crap out of me then. I suggested getting involved but I wanted to play as John Constantine and they wouldn't let me.
I talked my way down the Spectre, but it involved knowing where the power box was and getting to play with it.
@Canadian.Scott @EliasAlgorithm @rkwsuperstar WEll they all can't have the longevity of such shows like Firefly... *sob*
@EliasAlgorithm @rkwsuperstar there is not a lot of video on the show but that is what happens when a show is cancelled after 8 episodes.
@rkwsuperstar @Canadian.Scott It's got it moments. If you know the difference between C. Thomas Howell and everyone else on Earth.
Unofficial Sponsor of Your Inner Childishness
Edited by Luke Y. Thompson
© 2014 Voice Media Group Inc. All rights reserved.