Unboxing Geekfuel's March Package [Video]

Monday, March 30, 2015 at 8:00 am


Let's try this again - this month, as soon as we get it, in nicer weather and a cleaner place.

Want to sign up for Geekfuel and get an extra free bonus item? Watch the video to find a special URL just for us.

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Edible Sex Lube Based on Cartoon Ponies Is in the Works

Wednesday, March 25, 2015 at 8:00 am

Take a vacation for a couple of days, thought I. What could possibly happen? Mission: Impossible trailer? No biggie. X-Files doing six new episodes? Great, but I know anyone filling in for me can handle writing about that.

Seems it's just another uneventful...HOLYWHATTHEFUCK??


This thing isn't available to buy yet, but the Etsy page is already set up. Are you ready for the product description?

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You Can Now Officially Propose to Your Sweetheart. The Star Wars Hoth Ring is Here.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015 at 9:15 am


What you are looking at is a Thorsten brand tungsten ring that depicts the Battle of Hoth. You can buy this. Why aren't you?

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Geek Apparel of the Week: Han Solo Crossplay Dress by Her Universe

Friday, March 20, 2015 at 6:30 am


Joss Whedon recently wrote that all the beautiful women who dress as Mal Reynolds at conventions really confuse his otherwise complicated feelings for Nathan Fillion. For anyone who has a similar man-crush on Harrison Ford, Ashley Eckstein's latest creation will make your synapses wonder which of them should fire first.

It's certainly not scruffy-looking, and coming in regular and plus sizes, the dress has definitely got it where it counts no matter what kind of cargo you're packing. If you can't afford a full-on replica costume, it's a great way to - I don't know - fly casual.

GIVEAWAY: Catwoman OR Robin T-Shirt From TVStoreOnline!

Wednesday, March 18, 2015 at 9:48 am


For all the talk we've been having this morning about the Joker's 75th anniversary, let's not forget that 1940 introduced a couple of other key Bat-family characters as well. Robin and Catwoman are looking good for their age, and to celebrate, in partnership with TVStoreOnline, we have a couple of pretty sweet shirts to make you wholly catatonic with joy.

There have been many, many iterations of Robin and Catwoman over the years: not all of them Dick Grayson or Selina Kyle, even. To win one of these shirts, find an image of any one you like, add text to make it a meme, and post it to comments below. NOTE: you can choose either character and win either shirt, i.e. a Robin meme can win you a Catwoman shirt, or vice versa. The winner chooses which of the two shirts he or she wants. Entries will close next Wednesday, March 25th, 2015, at noon Pacific time. Open to readers with a U.S. or Canada address.

Monocles Packaged Like Condoms Have More Than Doubled Kickstarter Goals Already

Tuesday, March 17, 2015 at 12:15 pm


There aren't many things hipster-douchier than wearing a monocle ironically, but packaging one as a condom and trying to make sex jokes about it comes close. And because there is never not a market for douchey things, the Kickstarter for "The Gentleman's Single-Use Monocle," by a fellow named Zachary Weiner, hit its target almost immediately.

We figure this product is a joke you tell with a prop. So, rather than having you open a new one every time you show it to a friend, you can just show off the clear back. That way, everyone can see that (yes really) there is a monocle in that suspicious little wrapper.
So, the goal is to make us all into Carrot Top-style prop comics?

You know what? I'll take that. Dude used to be funny.

Even though the pitch video below is hide-your-face embarrassing...

ADDENDUM, from comments below:


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For Three Grand, a Lifesize Lance Henriksen Torso From Aliens Can Be Yours

Tuesday, March 17, 2015 at 8:00 am


This is the question of your life, you pawn: will you take Bishop?

This is a full sized replica of Bishop as played by Lance Henriksen right after being ripped apart by the Queen Alien. The body is made of fiberglass. The head and arms are made from high end FX quality silicone. The eyes are acrylic and matched to Lance's eye color. The hair is matched to Lance's hair and is a combination of hand laid and punched one by one. The base is made of wood, but created to look like a slab of concrete from the hangar where Bishop was ripped in half by the Queen Alien. All of his tubes and inner body parts are made from high grade silicone. The suit is custom sewn to match Bishop's suit complete with arm patch and dog tags engraved specifically to match his dog tags. The watch on his arm is a close replica. The real watch costs thousands of dollars, so this one was as close as possible.
The second-biggest question of your life: how come we're only making semen jokes now?

via Laughing Squid, which hilariously has to qualify ALIENS as "the classic sci-fi film."

Unboxing Geekfuel's Monthly Mystery Package [VIDEO]

Monday, March 16, 2015 at 12:27 pm


The folks at Geekfuel sent me one of their monthly subscription boxes to review - due to my apartment flood making it hard to find things like my camera, it took a little longer than it ought to.

Now that things have settled, watch us unbox.

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Superhero Nightlight Looks Like Cap Just Threw His Shield at You

Friday, March 13, 2015 at 1:00 pm


This actually made me do a double-take at first, but it is apparently a thing now across several licenses - a battery-powered nightlight that looks like something either crashing through your wall or embedded in it after a battle, from Thor's hammer to Raphael's turtle-face.

Although I'm kinda hoping they never, ever do My Little Pony versions, for reasons that ought to be obvious to regular readers.

via The Awesomer

The Official Sparkly Pepper Spray of Paul Blart 2

Tuesday, March 3, 2015 at 12:11 pm

Thumbnail image for blartblingsting.png

This is quite a thing to find in your inbox:

"Check this out! blingstingĀ® pepper spray is the most fashionable way to stay safe! Soon to be featured in Mall Cop 2, it's the ultimate accessory that serves a purpose, too! More information and photos are below. Can I send you a sample?"
Question: how am I expected to test and review this product?

Now, before you get huffy with me, I KNOW Paul Blart 2 is not the kind of movie I'm meant to be writing about. I know this because I had to fucking review the first one. But weird merchandise is, and sparkly pepper spray makes me think our nerd movies - which all but INVENTED the modern merchandising tie-in, praise be to Lucas - need to step up their game.


Come to think of it, I don't know if these pepper sprays are meant to be bought by fans of Paul Blart, or people who want to keep away fans of Paul Blart. That's pretty genius marketing, right there.