6 Things to Consider When Spending Your Entire Paycheck on a Star Trek Tricorder

Wednesday, April 15, 2015 at 5:00 am

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Most of us people of the geeky persuasion have a collection of some sort. With the seemingly infinite diversity of fan bases and the actual limitless lengths companies will go to make money, you can, for the right price, collect just about anything, geeky or mundane. For purveyors of Topless Robot, one might collect toys or comics, films or anime wall scrolls. As someone who loves film, science fiction and technology, my drug of choice for the better part of the eighteen years of my adult life has been movie props.

The problem with collecting props, as a married man with four kids, is that the prices involved with collecting props generally range from "I'm never getting laid again" to "Divorce Court." Therefore, my authentic prop collection is limited to a pair of screen-worn Caprica Buccaneers jerseys (a gift from my wife), and Eddie Griffin's briefcase from Undercover Brother. While I'd love the addition of some top tier props to my collection, the fact is that most cost more than my first car. [Hey, it's tax day - spend your refund! - LYT]

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Top-Down Smackdown: Best Bootleg Shirt of the Day

Monday, April 13, 2015 at 3:00 pm

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No lengthy column ideas today. Just this beauty of a shirt available in multiple colors on Amazon.com.

For those not into wrestling who don't get the joke: that individual pictured isn't Finn Balor, nor has he ever held the two titles you see him with right there. The comments, as always with weird shit on Amazon, are amazing:

"Finn Balor is the pride of the indigenous Samoan population of Ireland, so if you wear this shirt there you will be touched."

"As soon as I put on this shirt, I gained the uncanny ability to cock my arm like a shotgun and punch through brick walls."

"I do not recall Finn Balor losing his wrestling ability, getting a major tan, growing dingy hair, getting a large sleeve tribal tat, saying the "looney tunes" style promos, nor having two belts"

$23.99 is a bit too pricey for a bootleg, though.

h/t Heather Wixson

Geek Apparel of the Week: Body-Hugging Transformers Outfits by Mitmunk

Wednesday, April 8, 2015 at 10:59 am

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I wish I had the figure to pull that look off. Wait, no, what do I care? I'll pull that shizz off if I feel like it. Just like Tron Guy, you cannot body-shame a dude who is shameless.

What look like bodysuits here appear to be combinations of leggings and longsleeve tees, which will go on-sale at Mitmunk's website starting tomorrow. The company is not new to form-fitting robotic attire, but the official license from Hasbro adds a substantial shot of Energon in the arm for their designers.

I feel like the Optimus windows are a little high - they usually represent his pecs - but if the goal is to draw one's gaze to a level higher than the inappropriate one, I can respect that.

h/t Dr.Gonzo82

Tommy Wiseau's Underwear Ad Does for Commercials What The Room Does for Cinema

Friday, April 3, 2015 at 9:00 am

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You can take that headline any way you'd like. You can cry, you can laff, you can espress yurseff but pleeze doan hurt each udder.

One of the best things about the new sitcom The Neighbors is the way characters plug Tommy Wiseau underwear, and even spell out the website name where you can order it (look for yourself - I ain't helping). Because nothing says "NOW she'll totally bone you" like the name of a bleached-out vampire on your waist strap.

But at last, Tommy has filmed a commercial for his briefs. And it's everything you'd hope it would be.

P.S. Anyone who tattoos the phrase "Casino Goals" up the side of their torso - unless that is somehow the name of a family member - can frankly be pegged as the HUGEST DOUCHE IN THE WORLD. But doan worry about it. You tink abou eberyting, haha.

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Unboxing Geekfuel's March Package [Video]

Monday, March 30, 2015 at 8:00 am

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Let's try this again - this month, as soon as we get it, in nicer weather and a cleaner place.

Want to sign up for Geekfuel and get an extra free bonus item? Watch the video to find a special URL just for us.

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Edible Sex Lube Based on Cartoon Ponies Is in the Works

Wednesday, March 25, 2015 at 8:00 am

Take a vacation for a couple of days, thought I. What could possibly happen? Mission: Impossible trailer? No biggie. X-Files doing six new episodes? Great, but I know anyone filling in for me can handle writing about that.

Seems it's just another uneventful...HOLYWHATTHEFUCK??

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This thing isn't available to buy yet, but the Etsy page is already set up. Are you ready for the product description?

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You Can Now Officially Propose to Your Sweetheart. The Star Wars Hoth Ring is Here.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015 at 9:15 am

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What you are looking at is a Thorsten brand tungsten ring that depicts the Battle of Hoth. You can buy this. Why aren't you?


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Geek Apparel of the Week: Han Solo Crossplay Dress by Her Universe

Friday, March 20, 2015 at 6:30 am

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Joss Whedon recently wrote that all the beautiful women who dress as Mal Reynolds at conventions really confuse his otherwise complicated feelings for Nathan Fillion. For anyone who has a similar man-crush on Harrison Ford, Ashley Eckstein's latest creation will make your synapses wonder which of them should fire first.

It's certainly not scruffy-looking, and coming in regular and plus sizes, the dress has definitely got it where it counts no matter what kind of cargo you're packing. If you can't afford a full-on replica costume, it's a great way to - I don't know - fly casual.

GIVEAWAY: Catwoman OR Robin T-Shirt From TVStoreOnline!

Wednesday, March 18, 2015 at 9:48 am

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For all the talk we've been having this morning about the Joker's 75th anniversary, let's not forget that 1940 introduced a couple of other key Bat-family characters as well. Robin and Catwoman are looking good for their age, and to celebrate, in partnership with TVStoreOnline, we have a couple of pretty sweet shirts to make you wholly catatonic with joy.

There have been many, many iterations of Robin and Catwoman over the years: not all of them Dick Grayson or Selina Kyle, even. To win one of these shirts, find an image of any one you like, add text to make it a meme, and post it to comments below. NOTE: you can choose either character and win either shirt, i.e. a Robin meme can win you a Catwoman shirt, or vice versa. The winner chooses which of the two shirts he or she wants. Entries will close next Wednesday, March 25th, 2015, at noon Pacific time. Open to readers with a U.S. or Canada address.

Monocles Packaged Like Condoms Have More Than Doubled Kickstarter Goals Already

Tuesday, March 17, 2015 at 12:15 pm

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There aren't many things hipster-douchier than wearing a monocle ironically, but packaging one as a condom and trying to make sex jokes about it comes close. And because there is never not a market for douchey things, the Kickstarter for "The Gentleman's Single-Use Monocle," by a fellow named Zachary Weiner, hit its target almost immediately.

We figure this product is a joke you tell with a prop. So, rather than having you open a new one every time you show it to a friend, you can just show off the clear back. That way, everyone can see that (yes really) there is a monocle in that suspicious little wrapper.
So, the goal is to make us all into Carrot Top-style prop comics?

You know what? I'll take that. Dude used to be funny.

Even though the pitch video below is hide-your-face embarrassing...

ADDENDUM, from comments below:

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