​So. You watch Metalocalypse? You know Dethklok's blood fountain? Well, Adult Swim is now offering it for sale on their website. For $40,000. For real.

Are you the world's biggest Metalocalypse fan? No, really, their BIGGEST fan? Well, time to put your money where your mouth is by blowing all of that filthy, dirty cash you have lying around on this incredibly decadent purchase: a perfect replica of the fountain that decorates the nightmarish foyer of Dethklok's luxurious and deadly estate. Nothing will boast your dedication to animated death-metal more than this disgustingly lavish and entirely unnecessary conversation piece squatting in your front yard. It will also do your neighbors the courtesy of informing them that yes, you are 100% balls-out crazy. Both shipping (and, of course, blood) are not included.

CLICK HERE TO CONTACT US IF INTERESTED; SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY

• Order a replica of Dethklok's fountain
• Marble fountain; approx. 66" in height, 96" basin diameter
• 8-12 weeks production time
• Ships anywhere in North America or the Caribbean
• Price does NOT include shipping, will vary by location
• $13,000 security deposit required upon purchase to weed out the jokers
• Fountain is non-refundable
• Seriously, this is real

I... yeah. I have no words, I just needed to let you know about this insanity to make sure I'm not hallucinating it or anything.

​Teextile is an online shirt company that offers four designs every week; I've had my eye on them for a little while. But I still feel that the above shirt is their masterpiece, and at $14, not a bad deal at all. Quick quiz -- if you looked at this shirt and, within two minutes, wondering how many points each icon was getting for their height when grabbing the flagpole, you are a huge, huge nerd.

​Yes. A Hello Kitty chainsaw. I admit I have my doubts as to whether this is real, or nerd-made, or just photoshopped, but I am so fucking terrified that it might be real that I'm thinking some very dark thoughts. You know those lunatics who freak out, kill their entire families and then themselves without any reason or warning? I think this is what happens. I mean, you see a Hello Kitty chainsaw, and suddenly murdering your family in their sleep seems like an act of mercy, doesn't it? (Via Great White Snark and Kitty Hell)

​As the awesome, Daft Punk-featuring commercial promised, Adidas has been churning out the Star Wars goodies, and not just shoes. Some of the shirts are kind of lame, like that art of Luke and Vader fighting but inside the Adidas logo, but I'd be lying if I didn't think this Star Wars Superstar Track Top Darth Vader jacket was totally awesome. I wish my Buddha-like nerd belly wouldn't make me look extra-nerdy while wearing this thing. I also wish I had a spare $100, since that's what it costs.

​We've seen Cthulhu perfume before, but now the lunatics at ThinkGeek are in on the :
here is a place in the Pacific Ocean - the farthest place from land on all sides. In the depths of this pole of inaccessibility a sunken city sleeps. And in that city of R'lyeh, far below the waves and the sunlight and the happiness, dreams the Great Cthulhu. And what does the Great Malignant One dream about? Companionship. See, Cthulhu is in love with love. And the Great One exudes a scent to attract lovers. Three sailors went mad making sure this scent was bottled and shipped to our warehouses. We think it was well worth it, though, because now we can offer you Cthulhu in Love Perfume. 

Working with the brilliant scent-ologists at the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (you know 'em; you love 'em), we are ever so proud to present this unique and totally ThinkGeek Exclusive perfume. The scent is intoxicating, described by its creators as "an amorphous mix of oppressive, piceous ritual incense, macerated kelp, sea salt, sticky dark ocean plants, and . . . mixed chocolates." That means this is what Cthulhu smells like when he wants to get it on. Seriously, you're going to adore the magic, ancient, sensual, and (dare we say) arousing scent of Cthulhu in Love Perfume.

Seriously, even at $20, this is the worst idea ever. You want to wear a scent that the dark Elder Gods, the horrors at the end of imagination, find sexy? Why not make it easier on yourself, find a giant squid with a bad attitude and a penchant for sadism, and ask it to rape you? I guarantee it'll still be more pleasant than if Cthulhu sees you and starts singing Flight of the Conchords' "Business Time" song.

Offered without comment a slew of new outfits from Costume Craze:

• Sexy Wolverine
​• Sexy Cobra Commander (although it's obviously an officer)
​• Sexy Transformers
​• Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
​You know, there's a line between "sexy" and "prostitute" -- and it's not even that fine a line. It's pretty thick, actually. And yet these costumes have crossed over it, leaving "Sexy" far behind to stand firmly on the "Prostitute" side. Also, I am genuinely afraid that Sexy Care Bear is on its way, and, upon seeing it, all of us who read last week's FFF will burst into flames.

​Dear TR readers, the mystery has been solved. As it turns out, this Kotobukiya statue has nothing to do with the Captain America movie at all -- as I suspected -- but is a variant based on Bryan Hitch's '40s-version of Cap in the Rebirth series (it's clearly inspired by his look in The Ultimates, but it's NOT from The Ultimates. I promise). So it's from the comics, but stuff that already happened, not stuff that's coming up.

While I'm updating this story, I would like to apologize to ComicBookMovie.com. If you've been reading the comments from this article, you've probably noted that CBM's editor and several of its readers have been absolutely losing their shit because 1) I used a pic that CBM painstakingly crafted from two of the promo images Kotobukiya sent out to, oh, several hundred nerd sites and online stores, and 2) I didn't credit their story in the article, although I never saw it and I've credited CBM all the other times I've found material through them.

To address point #1, I have obviously changed the image to one of the many, many, many promo images sent out by Kotobukiya and found on countless sites throughout the internet. I can't even imagine how much time and effort it took for CBM to put two pictures next to each other and somehow, as if by magic, produce a single image from them, but obviously my use of it mocks the skills used to create it. My theft was inadvertent -- I took it from the Daily POP, which didn't mention they took it from CBM (a link has since been added) -- but I'm going to have to live with the shame of what I've done for the rest of my life.

To address point #2, I didn't see the story. The Daily POP didn't mention ComicBookMovie in its article, and thus I had no way of knowing that CBM's story existed, as the Daily POP's author admits in the comments below (he seems like a reasonable dude, FYI). I can prove that I never saw CBM's article because, if I had I would have realized the Cap statue couldn't possibly be from a Cap movie because CBM's article is so stupid.

You may see their article for yourselves, wherein they make the claim that since Kotobukiya has made many Marvel movie-based statues, perhaps all of their statues are Marvel movie-based. They show the Cap statue along with a Thor statue which are correctly labeled part of a Reborn-themed line -- and yet somehow, CBM thinks that these are going to be the costumes for the movies. Look, I'm fuzzy on comics, but even I know that Reborn statues are  based on Marvel's Reborn comic series, and even if I didn't, Thor's had that same fucking outfit for at least two years. The Thor statue is definitely not from the movie, so it stands to reason Cap isn't either. Had I read CBM's article, I would have come to that conclusion. But -- and here's the important part -- I didn't.

See, CBM? Proof positive I didn't read your article. If I had, I would have written a totally different article (the original is after the jump, for posterity), and I also would have credited CBM as I have every other time. Admittedly I would have credited your article as being incredibly fucking stupid, but rest assured it would have been credited. Hope this clears things up! And if next time you have a problem with TR, feel free to assume I have some dark ulterior motive and leave a comment for me beginning "Hey Jackass." I react really well to that, as you can obviously see.

​Totally worth the possibility that it will eat your wall-mounted flat-screen TV, don't you think? Unfortunately, it's from Italian designer Mirko Ginepro, isn't quite available yet, and I have no clue what it'll cost or if you'll be able to import it.
​Also unfortunately, since Ginepro is also making these Ghost wall-lamps, I'm not sure I have a choice in the matter. (Via Geekadelphia)

​Do you enjoy tequila? Do you like to shack that ass? Are you drunk as fuck? Do you believe " the girls must be hoes like these bitches up hear because with hoes you dont feel love for them"? Then you're probably Yoda, you're drunk as fuck, and you have no need for this shirt. But just in case you're not, Sunglasses Yoda is over at 80sTees for $20. Yes, to anyone who doesn't know the legendary tale of "Yoda and Tequila" you'd look a nerd who owns a shirt with Yoda wearing sunglasses on it. But your fellow Topless Roboteers would know that like Master Yoda, you like to "drink alot of tequila, do crazy shit and have sex with girls." Nothing wrong with that.

​
As required by nerd law, I have to post everything Slave Leia-related that comes across the TR newsdesk. Obviously, the fact that Slave Leia has finally joined the ranks of Gentle Giant's reasonably awesome animated-style Star Wars statues is worthy of note, even if the role of Slave Leia is played by Lara Croft circa 1995 Playstation. She's $85, due in August, and can be pre-ordered here.