Posted at 11:05 AM Jul 03, 2009
R2D2 has done many things in his storied career. Carried Death Star plans. Slaughtered battle droids. Shot lightsabers out of his head. Served booze. But now, thanks to Japan, he can help keep your anus clean as this toilet paper cozy, which... I don't know. I'm just too dead inside today to feel much of anything. I wish it were because I want to already be on holiday, or because I'm still sleepy, but no. I know what's coming up. The Pokémon story. And my body is trying to desensitize itself so I don't spend the entire weekend crying and cutting myself.
...
...oh. Order the R2D2 Toilet Paper holder
here. (
Via Galactic Hunter)
Posted at 2:01 PM Jul 02, 2009
Seeing that "Ghost Buster" short got me wanting a
Ghostbusters entry for Geek Apparel of the Week, and it wasn't hard to find my choice. I'm not generally a huge fan of the costumes-as-t-shirts thing, but I feel like the Ghostbusters' understated brown jumpsuit is a nice exception to the rule. Plus, Stantz, Spengler and Zeddemore all get screwed this time, since on Venkman gets a shirt -- equality for everybody but Bill Murray! It's $25 over at
My Tee Spot.
Posted at 9:57 AM Jul 02, 2009
Oh, for fuck's sake. That's your Optimus Prime speaker idea? Just use make his severed head, and have two pieces which have never moved before swing out to awkward reveal speakers and make Optimus looks like his head's been smooshed by Bruticus? That isn't
worth $50; hell, it isn't worth $10.
This isn't that hard, people. Either make a full body Optimus, and hide the speakers in his cab, or -- and this would be even easier -- hide them in his cargo trailer portion, like the Japanese did when they made that sweet Optimus Prime MP3 player. The only person I can think of who would want to buy this piece of crap is Megatron, so he can have a laugh while listening to the new Wilco album. (
Via Gizmodo)
Posted at 12:05 PM Jul 01, 2009
Shoes are pretty cool. A lot of cool artists design sneakers, and limited edition shoes can go for hundreds or thousands of dollars to hipsters and art freaks and so forth. So I very much understand why Wizards of the Coast is launching a "Design the first D&D shoe" competition, along with shoemaker RYZ. Basically, you download a template, draw whatever you want -- I imagine that's likely a fighter-mage elf chicks with large breasts, but that's just a guess -- and if your design is chosen, you win $1000 and you never, ever get to pretend you're anything approaching cool ever again. Because you designed a goddamn Dungeons & Dragons shoe.
The contest has just started, and you can enter
here. Meanwhile, the real tragedy is that these demo shoes that Wizards mocked up for the contest, shown here, are so awful they're actually kind of awesome, and I would actually consider buying them and wearing them. But I just know the instant I put them on, some 15-year-old bullies would come around the corner and beat me up and take my lunch money -- a scenario that's going to come standard with the shoes. Hell, they might as well market them as Cursed Shoes of Beatings and Thievery, because ain't no one keeping their lunch money with these things on. (
Via Geek Orthodox)
Posted at 11:30 AM Jul 01, 2009
What you're looking at are four Slurpee straws promoting the
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra movie. Now, I know other movies have done this exact same promotion before, so I really can't say that Paramount and Hasbro are trying to subtly get the general populace ready for the movie to suck. (Straws? Sucking? Get it? Hee hee hee!) But, if you examine the straws closely, you'll see that the straws might be more indicative of the movie than you'd think. Notice the characters include Snake Eyes, Duke, Storm Shadow and the Baroness. Well, please take a closer look at these magnificent toys:
Yes. Unless the movie itself somehow rocks my world, I believe this image will be the entirety of my
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra review.
Posted at 8:06 AM Jul 01, 2009
By Caleb GoellnerSummer is a time for many wonderful activities, most of which involve pretending it's any season other than summer. As sure as sunshine, unpleasant heat merits the pursuit of cooling oneself with efficiency and, if possible, fun. That's where swimming pools come in. But cool water isn't really enough, is it? Most folks demand more of pools than simple refreshment and plastic pool toys respond in kind, delivering the best in floating, squirting and swim-inspiring technology. But that's not all; many pool toys bear the marks of nerdom's greatest licenses, providing boys and girls a blessed incentive to prevent personal heat stroke. Continue reading to discover why, when it's time for fun in the sun, it's best to beat the heat with these nine nerdy peripherals.
Read more "The 9 Greatest Water..." >>
Posted at 11:27 AM Jun 30, 2009
Quantum Mechanics is making a line of animated-style
Battlestar Galactica maquettes; that's Starbuck up above, and you can head over to
ToyNewsI to see a Cylon in the same style. They're $65 each, 6-inches tall and due out in September. Frankly, I'm not really stunned by them, except for the fact that the line is seriously called Little Frakkin' Toasters (for the Cylons) and Little Frakkin' Colonials (for the humans), and this actually made me laugh. it's like
Precious Moments for the
BSG set. I can only dream that they start doing actual scenes, like of Tigh poisoning his wife or Athema's husband having mistakenly rough sex with Boomer while a tied-up Boomer is forced to watch or a drunk Adama vomiting all over himself on the street. I would buy the living fuck out of those.
Posted at 12:14 PM Jun 29, 2009
"Look, I know you want to be Luke Skywalker, son, but let's face facts -- that's probably not going to happen. Now, I know the Empire are "the bad guys," but at least they're probably getting a regular paycheck. You might not understand this until you're older, but having health benefits is a lot better than saving the galaxy, all right? What's that? You want to be Darth Vader? Sorry, your daddy is Darth Vader, especially when he comes home drunk. Just play in the goddamn playhouse while mommy lies down for a while."
This glorious little TIE Fighter is currently 45 pounds (roughly $75, I think) at
Play.com; if anyone knows where we can get it from a U.S. vendor, please say so in the comments. Also, if anyone can tell me why they badly Photoshopped three kids in the cockpit for the pic, I'd love to know. (
Via Nerd Approved)
Posted at 1:57 PM Jun 25, 2009
If you recognize the item on this shirt, then I probably don't need to tell you why it's awesome. The only thing I rocked harder than a Speak n' Spell was the Speak n' Math, and yes, I
did get all the ladies in third grade, although these plastic tablets of learning were so much better than having real friends or a Nintendo. The shirt is $20 from
Wire & Twine, who I discovered this past weekend after by this even awesomer (but technically less nerdy) shirt of a
guide to men's facial hair; there's also a shirt of
badass women's hairstyles. I humbly suggest that any of them would be well worth your $.
Posted at 10:09 AM Jun 25, 2009
Twilight: The Cosmetics line.
It's happening, beginning with Lip Venom V lip gloss. Read this description from its makers and just try not throw up in rage:
Be transformed. Let the alchemy transcend.
This special limited edition Lip Venom is a sneak preview of our highly anticipated Twilight Venom, debuting this Fall. Lip Venom V is not your typical DuWop venom. Instead of a gloss, Lip Venom V
is a shimmering crimson lip stain suspended in a venom-laced liquid lip
conditioner with a bite, and contains argan, avocado, olive oils and
vitamin E.
This product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of
the human and vampire worlds and applied repeatedly until lips are
plumped, revitalized and the desired intensity of color has been
reached.
Only a limited number of Lip Venom V
have been produced. Vampires may live forever, but this offer won't.
Due to limited quantity and exclusivity of this offer, limit 2 per
customer.
The first time I read this, I blacked out at its awfulness, and when I came to, I was punching a baby -- that's how horrible it was. I can't articulate my utter disgust -- especially at "this product should be shaken before use to represent the blending of
the human and vampire worlds" -- because I need to save all my hate-words for my
Transformers 2 review later, so I'll ask you to please register your feelings in the comments. (
Via Geekologie)
Posted at 3:03 PM Jun 24, 2009
No sirree! As it turns out,
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has some of the stupidest product tie-ins that the world of cinema has ever scene. Let's start simply, with the above pic of the
Burger King Kids' Meal toy of Devastator (courtesy of
Great White Snark), which should easily make any child weep at realizing the cruel indifference of the world. Even by fast food toy standards, this thing is godawful and atrocious.
Next we have official
Transformers 2 jeans. They have Autobot and Decepticon logos on the buttons, via
Robot Dreams. The only thing that excuses these things even a little bit is that they are Japanese, and thus I don't have to live on the same continent as them. I admit that these are more silly than horrible, but I'm in no mood to be forgiving with Transformers at this point.
Last and certainly least, we have the Snickers Nougabot Bar. Does the word "Nougabot" confuse and disgust you? Then consider yourself a sentient human being. I had heard tell of this Bumblebee-adorned candy bar, but not seen it with my own eyes until I picked it up at the grocery store yesterday. Like its inspiration, it is a candy bar in disguise, because although it looks like a normal Snickers on the outside, inside...
..the nougat is bright, unnatural yellow, as if Bumblebee had pissed in the Mars. Inc. nougat vat. It tastes like regular Snickers nougat... that someone had dyed a hideous yellow, making the whole thing weird and unpleasant and kind of scary. It's more than meets the eye, admittedly, but only in the sense that you'll be shitting yellow food dye for a week after eating it. Bleagh.
Posted at 11:17 AM Jun 19, 2009
Who will be the biggest audience for this item? Is it:
A)
Watchmen fans
B) Liquor store robbing enthusiasts
C) Serial Rapists
D) All of the above
Pic and half the joke courtesy of
Awesome All Day.
Posted at 3:57 PM Jun 18, 2009
Zach Oat is an editor over at
Television Without Pity, the former editor of
ToyFare magazine, a G.I. Joe fiend and a good, good friend. This is a conversation we had about a couple of hours ago on IM:
Zach: Have you seen
this?
Just when you thought Snake Eyes was the best-looking thing in the movie.
me: OH MY GOD.
That's just tragic.
Zach: "Can we accentuate his huge lips somehow? And his trousers?"
me: Really, why the trousers?
Why not... ninja pants?
Zach: I guess tights are too gay? For middle america?
I don't know how slacks are an improvement.
me: Me either. Those Dockers do not make me think of heterosexuality.
Zach: The lips bother me more than the pants.
me: Naturally.
Well, that's because only two types of masks have lips like that.
Old-school Halloween masks from the '80s and gimp masks.
Actually, not even all gimp masks have lips.
Just the extra creepy ones.
Zach: If it was a zipper mouth, I'd actually love it.
me: Sadly, a zipper would make the mask less creepy, wouldn't it?
Zach: Yes.
Because then I'd know if he could open his mouth or not. I'm worried he's going to.
me: If he does, you know they got Sam Jackson to do his voice.
Zach: "These are some
goddamn comfortable pants!"
Posted at 1:55 PM Jun 18, 2009
In a word: class. Nothing else need be said, other than its $15 over at
Snorg Tees.
Posted at 2:09 PM Jun 17, 2009
As per your request (and because I'm ding more posts per day) I'd like to welcome you back to Super Terrific Japanese Thing. For those of you who are new
TR, it's basically an excuse to post something odd or awesome from Japan, not that it stops me from doing other Japan or anime posts during the rest of the week. It doesn't make much sense, admittedly. You guys can puzzle it out after I showcase not one but two Things, courtesy of the gentlemen over at
Japanator.
• Samurai UnderpantsThese are a fad. A fashion. A rage, even. Ladies are swooning over guys who wear these traditional samurai-styled underwear, which seem cloest to boxer briefs intended for "working class males." They sell for about $85 a pair, which is well beyond what I would think the Japanese working class could aford for underwear, but whatever.
• Ecchi Onee-San RearingAfter nine years in the anime industry, even I know how to translate the title of this Japanese cellphone game: "Perverted Sister Rearing." Basically, you raise your "sisters" who, for reason I have no desire to understand, are physically mature but have the minds of 3-year-olds. Also, they're robots. The player must feed and care for them -- I have no doubt certain foods maximize certain "attributes" -- which includes bathing them, because
they're robots with big tits programmed to act like toddlers. How much does this pervsion cost you? A mere $3. The site is
here, and yes, you should feel ashamed when you visit.
