GIVEAWAY: Tusk Swag Signed by Kevin Smith and Friends

Thursday, September 18, 2014 at 11:30 am


Put away the eggs, because with this latest opportunity, you are (potentially) the walrus. So let us talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings...none of which you'll be winning from me. What you can take home, however, is a grand prize package of: a Tusk poster signed by Kevin Smith, Genesis Rodriguez and Justin Long; a metal Tusk grinder, which can potentially be used to, let's say, crush larger pieces of dried plant into smaller pieces, should you have a reason for doing so; and an "I don't want to die in Canada" T-shirt. [Sorry, I tried - but this swag ships to US addresses only.]

Five runners up will get a T-shirt and a plastic Tusk grinder. To enter, here's what you do...

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10 Creepy Awesome Things We Saw at "Son of Monsterpalooza"

Wednesday, September 17, 2014 at 6:00 am

Liz Ohanesian
Masks by artist Casey Love, spotted at Son of Monsterpalooza.

At Son of Monsterpalooza, things got creepy in the best way possible. The convention, which took place in Burbank, California, last weekend, is dedicated to horror films. Tom Savini was there, so were Chiodo Bros, the folks behind the cult classic Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Booths spilled out from the exhibit hall and into the area that would normally be a lobby, almost all of them filled with spooky stuff, from horror flick memorabilia to Day of the Dead-inspired art to fantastic, handmade creatures.

I'm a sucker for anything creepy and found it difficult to get away from the booths. Numerous attempts to venture outside of the vending area failed when my head cocked to the side. OMG, look at that Bride of Frankenstein! Holy crap, that's the coolest alien I've seen! Dude, it's Annabelle! Spooky artists make my day and, hopefully, some of the finds will make yours too.

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GIVEAWAY: Officially Licensed Karate Kid COBRA KAI Costume!

Friday, September 12, 2014 at 10:00 am


Fear does not exist! Pain does not exist! Defeat does not exist! Unless you let some punkass kid trained by the janitor get into a crane pose, and then you're totally screwed. But show no mercy in this giveaway, and you can walk away in a $90-value Cobra Kai Halloween costume complete with shirt, pants, belt, headband, and interchangeable name tags which read "Tommy," "Bobby," "Johnny," & "Dutch." Awesomely blond hair is your own responsibility.

Yeah, you've got real nerve entering, but the reward could be an outfit even better than a "Jaden Smith is not MY Karate Kid" shirt (I don't think anyone makes those, but they should). Here's your assignment - in comments below, pitch me your best sequel to any '80s movie you once loved. Not a reboot - a SEQUEL. So if you go with Karate Kid, for example, it needs to have old Danielsan, or Johnny, or whatever the hell Hilary Swank's name was in that terrible spin-off. My favorite entry wins. Our sponsor,, wants this to run for a while, so you have a week and a half - we'll close entries Wed., Sept. 24th at noon. BANZAI!

That Time Howard Johnson's Made a 2001: A Space Odyssey Tie-in Kids' Comic & Menu

Wednesday, September 10, 2014 at 4:00 pm


When you think Stanley Kubrick, you don't necessarily think "hotel chain restaurant kiddie meal." But that's exactly what happened, and the folks at Dangerous Minds have scanned, in its entirety, the hybrid kids menu/2001 comic book, featuring incongruous meal specials like "The Happy Clown" and "Little Boy Blue," and a retelling of the movie's story that - to put it mildly - glosses over a few things.

Why Howard Johnson's? The answer is provided, in case you hadn't already noticed.


As far as I know, no plans were ever made to do A Clockwork Orange Julius. But check out the entire 2001 menu - it, and not the movie it's based on, is truly the ultimate trip.

TR Readers Remake This Summer's Movies: Voltron T-Shirt Contest Winner

Tuesday, September 9, 2014 at 5:34 pm


Who goes home with this handsome pair of Voltron T-shirts? I'll tell you in a moment.

But first, the assignment: it was to pitch me an alternate version of any of this summer's big movies (using "summer" very loosely) using none of the original talent involved. I tried to pare this down to just the absolute best, and that started with ruling out any entries that used pre-existing artwork or videos.

Without further ado...

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Weekend Hangover: 15+ Stories You May Have Missed - Official Kevin Smith Weed and Cinderella Porn

Monday, September 8, 2014 at 6:00 am


It's Hangover time again! Start your week right with some of the best reader-submitted stories from the weekend, compiled with the help of Kyle LeClair. We'll start with the official medical marijuana tie-in to Kevin Smith's newest movie Tusk, pictured above.

This week's tipsters include: franciebrady27, Anyone00, Gallen_Dugall, Edwin Santos, SlyDante777, troi, andre_morelo, FakeAssName, skrag2112

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GIVEAWAY: Badass 30th Anniversary Voltron T-Shirts

Friday, August 29, 2014 at 4:42 pm


We ain't lion - these TV Store Online Voltron shirts are pretty sweet and you can win the pair of them, doing your part to defend the universe from the scourge of naked torsos. As a special bonus, this offer isn't just open to U.S. residents...but Canadians too! You folks probably need a couple extra layers for winter anyway.

Labor Day ends the summer movie season, so here's what we'll do: in comments below, tell me what you'd do if you had complete power to remake one of this year's summer films, but were forbidden to use anyone involved in the original (i.e. you can't remake Captain America 2 and still have Chris Evans play Cap). Use your powers for good or evil, and for the sake of argument, we'll define "summer" as loosely as you like. Just be entertaining.

The entry period closes next Friday, Sept. 5th at noon. Enter as often you like, remembering that quality usually triumphs over quantity.

Image above is for illustration only - sizes up to XXXL are available.

New TR T-Shirt and New Motto

Thursday, August 28, 2014 at 5:30 pm

No, this isn't the contest prize, but I finally updated the Topless Robot Cafepress store with a T-shirt. More will come.


Cafepress makes these to order, so I have none to hand - but they are selling AT COST, with no markup on my end. So they ought to be the cheapest shirts of their kind on that site.

Now, on to the new site motto. As crazy as it was to go through all those entries, it made for a record-setting traffic day, so I can't complain.

Let's look at all the finalists:

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7 Hilarious U.S. Rip-Offs at England's Drayton Manor Theme Park

Thursday, August 28, 2014 at 6:00 am


One of the ways to lure my wife to England for a vacation was the promise of seeing the Harry Potter studio tour outside of London. The other was Thomas the Tank Engine Land, which is a small corner of the larger theme park called Drayton Manor. Thematically, the larger park is a bit disjointed - it wants to have something for everyone, and thus there's no overarching theme. You have the Thomas rides for kids, from which adults without accompanying minors are actually banned; a small zoo tucked away from everything else that mostly seems to have emus; various high-intensity thrill rides, various not-so-thrilling rides, and rather disappointing food stands.

One thing that is clear is that whoever designed the park based parts of it on popular American theme parks...apparently without entirely understanding why. If Disneyland and Universal Studios are Superman, Drayton at times feels like Bizarro's cube-world...or an Axel Braun porn parody without any naked people. Here are its strangest interpretations of American attractions...

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Assimilate Beer Faster With the Borg Cube Fridge

Wednesday, August 6, 2014 at 10:00 am


Resistance is futile. Tolerance is irrelevant. The Borg want to get you fucked up in the best way, with this refrigerator that holds 9 of 9 beers. Because screw tea, Earl Grey, hot, am I right? Beer, ice cold, from a Borg Cube cares not for your objections.

Although if your capacity for booze is closer to that of a Klingon than an Ensign Crusher, you might need two.