This is quite a thing to find in your inbox:
"Check this out! blingsting® pepper spray is the most fashionable way to stay safe! Soon to be featured in Mall Cop 2, it's the ultimate accessory that serves a purpose, too! More information and photos are below. Can I send you a sample?"Question: how am I expected to test and review this product?
Now, before you get huffy with me, I KNOW Paul Blart 2 is not the kind of movie I'm meant to be writing about. I know this because I had to fucking review the first one. But weird merchandise is, and sparkly pepper spray makes me think our nerd movies - which all but INVENTED the modern merchandising tie-in, praise be to Lucas - need to step up their game.
Come to think of it, I don't know if these pepper sprays are meant to be bought by fans of Paul Blart, or people who want to keep away fans of Paul Blart. That's pretty genius marketing, right there.
If, as many pundits believe, opening weekend grosses for a movie are primarily based on the marketing, then Jupiter Ascending was fucked from the beginning. Opening in February with no merchandise whatsoever is fine for a Kevin James comedy, but with a massively budgeted space opera, it's a sign of cutting one's losses.
Yet it seems to have garnered enough fans for some unofficial merchandise to surface, like this version of the 3 Wolf Moon shirt with Channing Tatum's human/canine hybrid howling at our solar system's biggest planet. It's not quite Eddie Redmayne screaming, which would be the best, but for dogged fans who want to sniff out something pointed, it's 'ere.
h/t Marc Heuck via Dailydot
Not a great swimmer? Well, now you don't have to "Klingon" to the sides of the pool for dear life, as this inflatable Captain Kirk chair is coming out later in the year, allowing you to boldly go into the deep end without hell "toupee."
Bonus: while Kirk only got shirtless occasionally, you can be shirtless all the time in this chair, like you know Shatner wanted to be (unless you believe those hideous rumors that he wore a girdle, which we would never in good conscience spread).
via Laughing Squid
With Garbage Pail Kids attempting a comeback in the pop culture sphere, I'm surprised they didn't get to this first, as they always have tweaked familiar icons a bit. As Garbage Pail Kids always have two names, allow me to suggest a second run dubbed "Sean Beaned." There would seem to be near limitless possibilities for more like this - Tiny Tyrion, Jerk-Ass Joffrey, Low-Cal Drogo, Incesty Cersei...and of course, a character shaped like a sexually suggestive entryway that we could dub "Ho Door." Or maybe Khaleesi in a Nazi uniform as "Aryan Targaryen."
Since neither property maintains good taste, it seems a solid match, is what I'm saying. Here's to more.
Thirty years ago, on January 23rd, ThunderCats were on the move and ThunderCats were loosed upon us for the first time in animated form. And even after a well-received reboot was prematurely canceled a couple of years ago, the characters are still a pop-culture touchstone - turns out Mumm-Ra wasn't the only part of the franchise to be ever-living.
Thanks to our friends at TV Store Online, we're celebrating the landmark with a snazzy T-shirt and metal belt buckle set. And thanks to a recent weekend thread, I have the perfect contest notion: Nerdy Limericks! Post your best in comments below, and I'll pick a winner next Friday, Feb 6th, 2015, around noon. Again, my apologies to international readers, but prizes ship to U.S. and Canada addresses only.
My example went something like this:
There once was a jar with a pony
Whose owner would bop his baloney
When a stray bit of heat
Spoiled the beat of his meat
And his dreams leaked like emails from Sony
You can do better. Can't you?
Who among us does not wish to have, as the seller puts it, "[t]he flawlessness that is Benedict Cumberbatch all over yo bodeh <3"? Poprageous, known for female clothing that depicts trendy, geeky things from all eras like Pac-Man, Frida Kahlo and raccoons, has the sheer luck to bring the popular actor into your homes, on your butt.
These doctored, strange leggings look to be quite form-fitting, so you'd best have on underwear beneath to keep them from inching into darkness. What, son? You say that's elementary? We Khan dig it.
Of course I'm worried. And you should be too. Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof never returned from that awful place! What? What T-shirt? What are you talking about? What makes you think there are fanboy dollars over there? It's much too rocky!
You know Threepio always wanted to call Artoo a Bad Robot. Now, with JJ Abrams owning both of them for the next movie - as well as new rolling droid BB-8 - he can, and you can.
Now all we need is for somebody to call their production company "Prissy Robot," so Threepio can get a shirt for himself.
"Me Grimlock no fool! Me cute!"
Sometimes big dumb guys can be the most lovable in the end, and these classic prehistoric Autobots take all the sharp edges off, replacing them with big baby-blue button eyes and soft pawses. They're made by Etsy seller MythfitCreations, in "a smoke-free, pet-friendly house with button eyes that are not child-safe."
Whoah...their house has button eyes?