An 8th Grader Turns His Math Homework Into Star Wars

Wednesday, October 1, 2014 at 5:30 pm

Reader Bob S. writes in: "My son's homework was to make an algebraic expression into a word problem...this is the end result with zero input from me."

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That the 13 year-old kid knows his Shadows of the Empire references is what impresses me the most.

Jeff Goldblum Wants to Seduce You Into Buying Lightbulbs

Tuesday, September 30, 2014 at 3:30 pm

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The video description calls Mr. Goldblum "an over-the-top celebrity." Umm, yeah...

I've heard things I can't repeat, but suffice it to say this probably isn't anywhere near over the top when it comes to our pal Brundlefly. All GE really needs to tell me is they have a bulb I can throw in the trash without worrying about mercury poisoning, and I'm sold.

Is this one? I don't know. I was distracted by the chestiness. Which I guess is the point. Stupid sexy Goldblum.

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: How CHiPs Gets It Wrong. Also, Pet Detective!

Thursday, September 25, 2014 at 11:36 am

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Martha Boyd is not just Luke's mother-in-law - she's also an ex-cop, a landlord, a self-described crazy cat lady, a major Star Trek geek and the widow of a green beret. So go ahead: ask her anything. And we mean anything. Just be polite when you do.

Wow, it has been busy since we last chatted. I went to the First Joshua Tree Film Fesitval. Have sent a pic of the fest's founder, "Q" (no not Q from Star Trek). He is on the right and the pet detective Mr. Jack Tyler on the left. We saw the documentary " If Only Cats Could Talk" by Signe Veje from Denmark. It is the story of 2 cats - one a missing one out of Huntington Beach, CA and the other a cat who lives in a library. Anyway I got to speak with Mr. Tyler prior to the screening. He is a cat naturalist and tracks missing cats in their ecosystem. He said that missing cats don't generally wander too far from home unless they try to hide in something like a truck bed or open car. Cats like to hide and will generally lay low. Generally a house cat when it escapes will return and come out of hiding in about 8 days.

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Revoltech Darth Vader Welcomes the Weekend Open Thread

Friday, September 19, 2014 at 7:29 pm

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We probably didn't need yet another company to make Darth Vader, but it happened anyway. A few more things before everyone chips in...

-James Deen is presumably Dick Reckard in this NSFW Blade Runner porn pictorial.

-Bill Nye endorses this time-travel documentary Kickstarter.

-GWAR replaced Oderus Urungus with a woman named Vulvatron.

-David Ayer may do a Suicide Squad movie.

-Laser cannons on planes are already a thing.

-A Top Cat origin movie isn't the movie you need, but the prequel Mexico deserves.

-An L. Frank Baum biopic? Word to the wise - he's a little harder to whitewash than Disney in Saving Mr. Banks.

-Game of Thrones theme, '80s synth-style version, is the best thing today.

Japanese-Style Cat Cafe Seeks Kickstarter Funds to Open in L.A...Again

Friday, September 19, 2014 at 3:13 pm

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They're pretty common in Tokyo - cafes full of cats, where people with or without pets can feel like the temporary owners of a whole menagerie of purring, face-rubbing, string-batting cuties. Catfe wants to bring this concept to the U.S...but the first Kickstarter failed.

Now they're trying again, with a new stipulation that assuages the concerns of animal-rights folks - some of the cats will be adoptable right then and there. This also ensures that I WILL NEVER EVER GO THERE.

Why? Simple: I have a wife who would gladly adopt every pet she sees. I have an apartment with limited space. If we go to a Catfe where the cats are on offer, it is a near-certainty that I don't get to leave without one. I realize it may have been a requirement to get the necessary support, but I'm warning you single guys who don't know any better: take a woman on a date to Catfe, and you'll be choosing between looking like a callous asshole, or bringing home one or more of the four-legged residents.

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Ask Luke's Mother-in-Law: How Realistic Is Battlefield Hardline?

Thursday, September 18, 2014 at 8:00 am

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Martha Boyd is not just Luke's mother-in-law - she's also an ex-cop, a landlord, a self-described crazy cat lady, a major Star Trek geek and the widow of a green beret. So go ahead: ask her anything. And we mean anything. Just be polite when you do.

Happy Thursday all. Hope you have all had a great week so far and are looking forward to the weekend; I know I am. Last week I posted about the new nail polish I tried, and one comment was I should have done the Vulcan salute. So here it is. As you can see the polish did not last 2 weeks, as advertised - it was really great for about a week and then started to fall apart between last week and this week's rants. But it did last longer than any other polish that I have ever tried. So I would buy it again.


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A Look at the Children's Book the Satanic Temple Can Now Legally Hand out in Florida Schools

Tuesday, September 16, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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Due to a recent lawsuit to allow equal access to all religions into the public schools of Orange County, Florida, the Satanic Temple will now be handing out The Satanic Children's Big Book of Activities, among other materials.

I wrote to the Temple's publicist and asked if we could have a look. We can indeed. After doing so, I'm convinced the devil may indeed have the best sense of humor...

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EXCLUSIVE REVEAL: Wrestling Artist Rob Schamberger's Newest Painting - The NWO!

Friday, September 12, 2014 at 3:00 pm

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Yes, I normally try to keep the wrestling stuff to Monday - but WWE is going to announce this officially on Monday and Rob wanted to give us the exclusive first-look.

Rob Schamberger is a Kansas City-based portrait artist who specializes in the world of professional wrestling. Along with his goal to paint every one of the sport's world champions, he has also begun a partnership with WWE, who now sell his work. A who's who of wrestlers own his work, and he has also been named the official artist of the George Tragos/ Lou Thesz Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame. He has painted live for WWE at WrestleMania and SummerSlam, and had the distinct honor of hand-painting the jacket worn by The Ultimate Warrior in his final appearance on Monday Night Raw. He also utilizes the interest in his work to raise money for various charities and causes.

Ready to see his new one? Read on...

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"Fall of Grayskull": Teaser for Masters of the Universe Fan Film Has the Power

Friday, September 12, 2014 at 12:00 pm

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This is one of the better looking fan film teasers I've ever seen, and it ought to be - filmmaker Daniel Benedict is a renowned He-Man superfan, having designed Castle Grayskullman and thereby won Mattel's Create-a-Character contest in the Classics toy line.

His movie, funded on Kickstarter, takes most of its stylistic cues from the 2002 cartoon and action figures, though the blonde bikini version of Teela comes from the original minicomics and the modern Classics toys, and Skeletor's voice is closer to Frank Langella's than the nasally whine common to both animated versions. With Mattel dragging their feet on ever approving anything for the proposed live-action movie, this is the next best thing we have...and fortunately, it would appear at this early stage to be pretty decent.

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I READ YOUR FANFIC! "A Song of Fire and Iron"

Friday, September 12, 2014 at 8:00 am

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If you want to submit fan fiction for me to read, please send it - or a link to it - to toplessrobot-at-gmail-dot-com with subject line "Read my Fanfic!"

Title: "A song of fire and iron" by Gabriella5Greene551

Logline: Per reader Anya Glass, who sent in the tip, "You must read A song of fire and iron. It's a transformers fanfic with singing, zombies, xenomorphs, and a terrible Mary Sue named Giselle Yvonne delacriox."

Acts Involved: Skull splitting, zombie biting, interspecies romance, and Optimus Prime considering sex with an underage human, which is to say statutory rape. Guess he didn't get the memo from Michael Bay about carrying a copy of the law around in his wallet.

Participants: Giselle Yvonne Delacroix, Optimus Prime, Aliens, The Walking Dead.

The Live Reading/Performance...

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