"Chocolate with SPRINKLES!" Knock Knock Looks Like a New Keanu Klassic

Friday, May 22, 2015 at 9:00 am

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Obviously listening to Wyld Stallyns

I kinda wish this were the actual Bill and Ted sequel. Ted has a family, but two bodacious babes have totally bogus designs on him. It's not, though - Eli Roth is directing, and Keanu Reeves appears to be yelling every line, which is as big an acting stretch as you'll ever see from him. It may not be John Wick, but he does get his Wick out in a john, so maybe it counts.

I just hope it's not a total Funny Games ripoff. That's already been done twice; I need to see a Neo fight.

Check out the international trailer...

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7 Ways the New Poltergeist Pleasantly Surprised Me

Friday, May 22, 2015 at 5:00 am

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It is perhaps possible that some full disclosure is in order.

The night before last, I was up so late writing the Annie list that before I knew it, it was 5 a.m. and I had not gone to bed. So I stayed up and wrote more. Sometime around noon I got a couple hours sleep. Then I wrote more because Disney's doing something dumb with Tinkerbell and I needed to be first to make fun of it.

I'm certain you don't care, but the point is this - by the time I got to see the new Poltergeist at 6 p.m., I may not have been in my right mind. Or I may have been disproportionately overjoyed that it was the first 3D movie in months to actually screen for press in 3D. On the other hand, the fact that it was one of those radio station promotional screenings where some big fat dude down front with some speakers keeps yelling "Make some NOISE!" and throwing T-shirts into the crowd ought to have been an effective counterbalance. So when I say I enjoyed the movie, you now have a certain amount of ammo you can use to prove I was not in my right mind. That said, I am going to make my case.

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Reese Witherspoon Will Be a Live-Action Tinkerbell for Disney

Thursday, May 21, 2015 at 3:55 pm

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So I guess since Peter Pan is getting remade by about a dozen other different people, Disney's going to the Maleficent well for Tinkerbell, which promises "'the story you don't know' and will offer a new perspective on the character."

As any hardcore fan of Disney's Tinkerbell (or her husband who got forcibly taken to see a Tinkerbell movie at the El Capitan) would know, however, Tink's background has been established in Disney canon already, with all the animated movies set in Pixie Hollow. I don't need to see her get abused in live-action like Maleficent to explain why she never talks in Peter Pan.

Given that Witherspoon's older than we usually see Tink, maybe this will be a sequel to all that stuff. At the very least, this gives every film critic alive the chance to use "Stinkerbell" puns.

EXCLUSIVE IN-PACKAGE REVEAL: NECA's Pacific Rim Chibis for Comic-Con

Thursday, May 21, 2015 at 9:00 am

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click all images to enlarge

Oh, happy day! After many years of funneling large chunks of my money to NECA in exchange for little (and not-so-little) plastic people and creatures who silently stare and judge me here in the TR-cave, I get to reveal one of their Comic-Con exclusives in the package.

The figures have been shown, but this is the first look at the final window-boxed product. These chibis, for those who don't remember, are the toys seen within the movie itself; the mini-kaijus and jaegers played with by children, much as the World War II kids had green army men.

Keep reading for more pics and the official description...

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8 Things Today's Comic-Book Movies Can Learn From Annie

Thursday, May 21, 2015 at 5:00 am

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This past weekend, I went to see a live, touring production of Annie for the first time since I was a very young child. It probably goes without saying that this was not my idea, though it may require uttering that I had myself a fine time. And that wasn't just because all the cocktails were doubles, and the concession stand, thinking that anything colored red could be considered Annie-themed, had liquid nitrogen on hand to make a sub-zero raspberry sorbet from what looked like a witch's cauldron. Nor was it just because my wife was taking me out and paying for everything.

No - the truth is Annie is a good show, and has endured for many years because of it. It is also a show based on a comic strip that launched in 1924, making its central character, Little Orphan Annie, a longer-running media franchise character than Superman, Batman, or anyone from Marvel.

It occurs to me that we could learn some lessons from that fact...

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Wednesday Night Open Thread: Farewell to Livefyre

Wednesday, May 20, 2015 at 4:55 pm

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I don't know when tomorrow the comments system will change, so this probably won't technically be the last Livefyre post - but it's here so you can have one to treat as such.

To those who vow never to comment again - at least until the next software change - we'll miss your presence, and hope you continue to read. Here's a tune for you...

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Robert Kirkman Will Write One of the Transformers Movies

Wednesday, May 20, 2015 at 3:31 pm

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The Walking Dead creator is one of several writers coming onboard Akiva Goldsman's expansion of the Bayformers movie universe, and will write either a sequel or a spin-off, which we can only hope will feature zombie Shia LaBeouf getting shot in the head by a Predacon played by Norman Reedus.

Other writers recruited to the shared universe include Incredible Hulk movie scribe Zak Penn, Iron Man and Punisher: War Zone team Art Marcum & Matt Holloway, and Jeff Pinkner (one of four credited writers on Amazing Spider-Man 2). In other words, "a bunch of people who've written Marvel stuff that we want to copy because we're doing that thing that they do, a shared something-or-other," and "That Walking Dead guy whose success we'd like to replicate."

I admit Kirkman's an interesting choice - but even speaking as one who likes some of the Transformers movies, I'm well aware the writing is almost totally irrelevant. Maybe he'll at least make the inevitable robot dick jokes actually funny.

TR Review: Tomorrowland Is a Messy, Fun Throwback

Wednesday, May 20, 2015 at 12:45 pm

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There are obvious jokes to be made about the first movie to be adapted from an area within a theme park - post credits, you may wonder, is Tomorrowland recruited by Parking Lot and Nurse's Station to join the Magic Kingdom Defenders? (Oh snap; I just remembered Jon Favreau is doing a Magic Kingdom movie, isn't he?) Fortunately, you may wonder in the best sense - if there's one thing Brad Bird's new movie is filled with, it's the w-word.

It may even have too much of it for its own good: like a cinematic Chipotle quesarito, it's stuffed with more than enough for one meal, and made unnecessarily complicated to compensate. Yet it still manages to capture some of the magic of older Disney live-action adventures, which were frequently sloppy even back in the day.

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Point Break Remake's New Johnny Utah Looks as Laughably Terrible as You Could Hope

Tuesday, May 19, 2015 at 1:33 pm

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BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Do you ever get the sense that people who design the Hollywood tattoos for stuff like Divergent and The Mortal Instruments have never actually met anybody with tattoos? Like, did these characters just up and get all their tats yesterday? Also:

There's surfing in this one but also motocross racing down steep mountains, dangerous rock climbing, extreme snowboarding and exhilarating flights in windsuits, all filmed in wide-open spaces over 11 countries and symbolizing the redo's larger-scale global view.
You could argue with me that the original was just as ridiculously "EXTREEEEME" in its day, and...well, you'd probably be right, actually. So bring it on.

Pixels Trailer 2: More Sandler, Less Interest

Tuesday, May 19, 2015 at 10:44 am

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Is it just me, or does the idea of Adam Sandler and Kevin James serving as avatars for '80s nerddom feel totally wrong? Like, I get that they might have been picked on and played video games, but for the past 20 years their material has played to the crowd that would likely have been the ones to beat them up back in school.

Peter Dinklage in a mullet with big gun, I can dig. But the more I see of this, the less I feel good about it. And yes, I know Futurama did it first.

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