Alert TR reader James M alerted me to this in-progress fan film about Casey Jones, being made by some nerds in Austin, Texas. This is less a proper preview than some various footage cut together to some music that sounds suspiciously like part of John Carpenter's score for Big Trouble in Little China, but it does feature a herd of ninjas and a dude (a party dude?) in a swell Michelangelo costume, so they get an A for effort in my book.

It's a new Kick-Ass trailer. It actually has more new footage, and that new footage also looks great. I don't want to sound ungrateful here, but I think I've posted more Kick-Ass trailers than I did for Transformers 2, and unfortunately, I don't have anything shitty to say about Kick-Ass because everything about looks great. So please. Stop. Stop with the previews and trailers and TV spots and just fucking come out already. Your consistent entertainment value and apparent high quality is really getting annoying. (Via FilmDrunk)

​Before we begin, let me acknowledge the fuck elephant in the room -- The Other Story obviously did not scar you nearly as much as it did me. I promise I posted it with the utmost sincerity; for whatever reason, no other FFF has wrecked me as much as that one (even The Pokémon Story pales in comparison, to me, at least) but obviously, many of you disagree. So I've had to rethink the way I do FFF, and based on the input of many TR readers, my own thoughts, and the advice of some religious cartoon bunnies, I've decided to stop trying to find the most horrible fan fics ever, and just post the weirdest. It makes sense on a lot of levels: 1) many people don't want to read the horrifying fan fics; 2) I clearly have a different criteria of what's horrifying from many readers; and 3) trying to find these depraved fan fics has been making me want to kill myself anyways. So there we go.

Now, please rest assured that FFF will remain at least partially soul-crushing; I'm still game for tales of armies of gibbering cock-monsters raping the students of Hogwarts, but basically if it's not entertainingly horrible, I'll give it a miss. But enough about last week; it's time to move forward, but while remembering the majestic FFFs of times past. This is why I've chosen to select a story from one of my favorite FFF authors, Godzilla. You might remember him as the auteur behind the epic Godzilla/Lion King crossover. Well, he sent a chapter of his newest work to me personally, and I'd be a cad if I didn't run it. The magic begins on the next page.

​No no no no NO NO NO NO NO

Paramount Pictures is remaking the 1987 film The Monster Squad. Rob Cohen, who produced the original, hopes to direct the remake. Cohen will produce with Platinum Dunes partners Michael Bay, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form, and they're meeting with writers. (Via Deadline)

FUCK THIS SHIT. Do you know what Rob Cohen has directed? The Fast and the Furious, Stealth, and the third Mummy film. Yes, he was someone's second choice after Stephen Sommers. And we all know what evil Michael Bay can and has wrought on beloved nerd properties. I don't want to advocate murder, but... no, wait, I do. I do want to advocate murder. Bay and Cohen deserve to have a fat kid shove a stick of dynamite down their pants, and then kick them in the nards. (Via FilmDrunk)

Dammit, this opening cinematic to Lego's Harry Potter Years 1-4 game isn't very clever nor particularly funny. And yet, such is my good will to all the Lego franchise games that I can't help but post it, and furthermore, be kind of excited about despite the fact that I don't really give a shit about Harry Potter. I mean, if it's even half as fun as Lego Star Wars and Lego Batman, that's a hell of a lot of fun, and well worth $40.

Speaking of my obvious withdrawal for some kind of videogaming fun, expect my Final Fantasy XIII review on Monday.

See? The first official trailer for Predators is out, and I love it. Think it looks great, although I'm still nervous about Topher Grace's wormy dude and why he's there in a ship full of criminal badasses. My hope is that Grace is playing the Goddamn Sexual Tyrannosaurus, in which case  everything will be fine.

​Since 1977, George Lucas licensed companies like Del-Rey, Marvel, Dark Horse, and Bantam Publishing to sell you paper with the words "Star Wars" somewhere on the cover. He's also allowed several companies to make videogames with "Star Wars" on the title screen, and then created LucasArts to churn them out more efficiently. And it was only a year later that the first Star Wars cartoon came out, although they got significantly better after 2002. In all of these, we've seen epic tales of bravery, joke stories about the droids, and some truly wonderful little tales that, for one reason or another, you might have missed (shame on you). The good news is that there's a lot of badassery there, and in this age of trade paperbacks and DVD sets, you can catch pretty much all of the best ones. For the purposes of the article, we're sticking to the eras of the movies; surely you can find other nerds who can  direct you to Kinghts of the Old Republic if you're looking for a Star Wars adventure minus anyone from the movies. This way, we get to show more really awesome stories about Boba Fett.

​Note: The real news is that Sir Ian McKellen has announced on his website (really, mentioned, but every nerd site everywhere is reporting it so it might has well have been a press release) that The Hobbit will start filming in New Zealand in July, and will take a year to film the two planned movies. However, since director Guillermo del Toro and producer Peter Jackson have yet to select/announce a young Bilbo, I wonder if this production date is wishful thinking on someone's part.

Really, it doesn't matter. I just wanted to be able to use the horrible headline "Ian McKellen Can't Kick The Hobbit," so that everyone who uses it after -- AND THEY WILL -- will have to bow down before me and hideous pun mastery. And so I have.

​I have to admit that this shirt made me laugh out loud when I saw it. I think this is probably because I hate E.T., and the idea of Eliot doing a wicked flip on his Huffy and E.T. falling out to his death (or at least extreme discomfort) makes me really, really happy. Writing Topless Robot has a lot of perks, and learning that other people had my childhood fear of E.T. and subsequent hatred of the movie is certainly one of them. So guys? This shirt's for you. It's $14 over at Teextile.

​Bryan Singer, director of the two good X-Men movies, is now officially signed on to direct the X-Men prequel First Class. All well and good, right? Wrong. Because -- you know, all I have to do is repeat the article title of the LA Times' recent interview with him:

Bryan Singer on 'X-Men: First Class': It's got to be about Magneto and Professor X

NO. NO IT DOES NOT, SINGER. The whole point of the fucking movie is that it's about the formation of the X-Men, their early days. There's no absolute need to have Magneto involved at all. Plus, it might be noted, that MAGNETO'S BEEN THE BAD GUY IN ALL THREE X-MEN MOVIES, INCLUDING THE TWO YOU'VE ALREADY DONE. We've seen Magneto. We know his deal. I think I speak for most nerds when I say PICK SOMEONE ELSE. It's not like the X-Men are hurting for enemies here. Apocalypse, Mr. Sinister, the Hellfire Club... hell, I'll take Mojo at this point. Just something new, please.