GIVEAWAY: Star Wars T-Shirts From Shirts.com

Tuesday, July 28, 2015 at 2:30 pm

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Episode I - The T-shirt menace.

Turmoil has engulfed the galactic closet. The status of which shirts best cover your torso is in dispute.

Hoping to defuse the situation, Topless Robot is sending you two T-shirts for being one of two winners in this giveaway. So how do you force-push the odds into your favor?

It's simple. Assume, for the sake of argument, that JJ Abrams indulges all his worst impulses and that The Force Awakens is terrible. In comments below, describe what you think the worst scene will be (and if you make a lens flare joke, it had better be a damn good one). Two winners get to pick two Star Wars shirts apiece from Shirts.com (each one must be valued at $25 or less; shirts can ship to US or Canada addresses only).

Now get creative! I'll close the contest at noon on Tuesday, Aug. 4th, 2015.

TR Review: Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation Doesn't Quite Have Cruise Pegged

Tuesday, July 28, 2015 at 10:55 am

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The official villain in Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation is a man named Solomon Lane, who heads up a secret shadow organization called the Syndicate, but the actual villain that Tom Cruise is looking to pummel into submission is the aging process. Cruise's Ethan Hunt can still do parkour and shimmy up a pole using nothing but ab crunches, yet his attempt to dye and wrestle his hair into Reaganesque submission is a greater battle than his fistfights with various villains, and he can't hide the old-man nose that's starting to get too big for his baby-face.

That's just the literal part of the equation. On a plot level, there's more.

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12 Revelations From the Makers of Starchaser: The Legend of Orin in 3D

Tuesday, July 28, 2015 at 5:00 am

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Ask most science-fiction fans to list their favorite genre movies of 1985 and they'll name Back to the Future, Brazil, Cocoon and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Ask me and you'll hear the same list, plus one extra title... Starchaser: The Legend of Orin. I first saw the film theatrically when it premiered on over a thousand screens in the fall of '85, and its cutting-edge mix of traditional and computer animation blew me away. Here was an original, independently produced space opera, filled with dazzling 3D imagery and an adult storyline! What a pity, then, that Starchaser never found an audience. As its 30th anniversary approaches, I spoke with the film's director/producer, Steven Hahn, and its screenwriter, Jeffrey Scott, about the challenges of bringing this groundbreaking 3D adventure to movie screens.


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You'll Believe a Man Can Give Birth to a White Radish, in Chinese Hit Monster Hunt

Monday, July 27, 2015 at 12:30 pm

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Normally I'd say "Watch this trailer for China's biggest movie ever before Hollywood remakes it!" but I have a tough time imagining how a film in which a pregnant man pops out a sentient baby radish that sucks his nipples is going to get greenlit over here.

Directed by one of the animators of Shrek, this is an odd beast indeed, opening with what looks like a propeller-powered pineapple drone that resembles a Plants vs. Zombies weapon, and continuing with blobby monsters that look like refugees from a Dreamworks cartoon.

The movie's official synopsis, which is insanely long, can be read over at Slashfilm, but it also involves the radish baby being sold to a restaurant that uses monsters as ingredients. I guess the big question is whether eating an intelligent, pain-feeling radish is vegan.

Also, how many people will develop fetishes based on this movie?

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GI Joe-Scaled Aliens Power Loader Is Pricey but Nifty

Monday, July 27, 2015 at 10:49 am

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For $99.99 - it is an import toy, after all - at least you're getting an awesomely weathered look. I miss dirty washes on things - McFarlane still does them, but they were the biggest loss we suffered when Hasbro took over Marvel Legends from Toy Biz.

This Power Loaders is fully articulated, scaled to the 4-inch xenomorph figures Hiya Toys already makes, and is specifically made for their ugly, off-model Hicks figure, but if you're like me, you're imagining what Duke or Roadblock could get up to in that thing. Or maybe Jar Jar, who could use it to exterminate the entire alien race by accident.

Fake "Randy Orton v Superman: Dawn of RKO" Trailer Is the Best Randy Orton-Based Thing Ever

Monday, July 27, 2015 at 8:00 am

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Who's Randy Orton?
A WWE wrestler who comes off as a total douche and basically has one good move - the RKO - that's more or less a rip-off of Steve Austin's Stone Cold Stunner.

Fuck. Aren't you supposed to keep the stupid wrestling posts to one a week? You wrote about Hulk Hogan on Friday, and now this?
I'm sorry. But this is about superhero movies too. Also, Randy Orton has made movies as well as being a wrestler.

Like fucking what?
Well, he did The Marine 3...oh no, wait, he got fired from that after actual military people found out he was a dishnorably discharged former Marine. Umm...he was in that one movie about bullying, where Ed Harris played a gay teacher.

And who did he play?
A total douche. He doesn't stretch much.

Why are we even talking about this, again?
Because the fake trailer you're about to see is really funny, with a barely animated Randy Orton fighting Henry Cavill and everyone else.

So why are you totally ripping off Rob right now?
I didn't call this a spoiler FAQ, so it's totally different.

No it isn't.
I'll give you a magic kiss that will make you forget everything.

Please don't.
Okay. But you're missing out.

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3.75-Inch Figures WILL Be Made for Star Wars Episode VII, Plus More Hints [SPOILERS]

Monday, July 27, 2015 at 6:30 am

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If you saw our interview with Hasbro's Star Wars team at Comic-Con, you know that they're trying to keep completely secret which new toys will be revealed on "Force Friday" in September. You also know that apart from the 6-inch scale TIE fighter they revealed, we coaxed some tidbits out of them, like that an all-chrome figure isn't happening yet (sorry, Captain Phasma!) and an environment/playset probably is.

But over at the Jedi Temple, they found a Meijers that put out its shelf tags early by mistake. Assuming this is genuine - and it seems to be - we now know a few more things. If you want to remain unspoiled, don't click onward for more...

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TR Interview: Kevin Durand on Finally Being the Lead, and What Superhero He'd Like to Play

Friday, July 24, 2015 at 9:56 am

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Kevin Durand is one of those guys you've noticed a lot, usually in movies that aren't as good as he is like Wild Hogs or X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but he's starting to become a guy that can no longer be relegated to the back burner. On FX's The Strain, he steals the show from the ostensible lead character, and in Dark Was the Night, opening today, he finally takes top billing as a small-town sheriff dealing with both familial loss and a possible Wendigo on the loose.

The most surprising thing about talking to him is that, unlike almost all his characters, he's very soft spoken and has a smooth conversational flow. You expect a halting, taciturn tough guy, and instead this totally mellow-sounding, sweet dude is on the other end of the phone. Now - just wait till you hear what comic-book character he wants to play most.

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Ghostbusters Franchise to Include a Multiverse Now?

Friday, July 24, 2015 at 8:00 am

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It's starting to become the newest cliche idea. DC, whether acknowledging it onscreen or not, is getting a multiverse with the existence of separate, parallel TV universes. Terminator, if it continues as a franchise from the Genisys storyline, incorporates multiple dimensions in a way that is ultimately meant to allow all previous iterations to still exist in continuity. Star Trek now has two timelines plus the Mirror universe.

And now it seems Ghostbusters might, too. Over at Nerd Report, Fred Topel (who writes for us sometimes) got to talk to Drew Pearce, who wrote a draft of the Ghostbusters movie that's meant to follow Paul Feig's - the "male" one with Channing Tatum. Fred specifically asked about Venkman, Stantz and Spengler being in or out of continuity, and here's what he said:

"It's interesting, my idea may allow them the ability to connect everything," Pearce said. "It's kind of a choice above my pay grade but on a level of imagination and creativity, I would love to see a world where all of the things were a shared universe. It's just more attractive for a massive fan of Ghostbusters like me."
Since Spengler's dead and Venkman doesn't want to be involved, I'm not sure what the point would be - but fans of continuity porn might be happy. And if Marvel plans their own Multiverse, rumored to be a concept in Dr. Strange, they'd maybe better hurry up and introduce it before it's totally played out.

Lana Condor's Jubilee and Other X-Men Get Their Apocalypse Close-ups

Thursday, July 23, 2015 at 3:40 pm

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Fox just dropped a whole bunch of new images of the main cast, including Kodi Smit McPhee's Nightcrawler, Alexandra Shipp as Mohawk Storm (good lord, I feel for anyone playing a nerd-fave character and having a name like "Shipp"), and Jennifer Lawrence looking like she forgot to take off her Katniss costume while reporting to set.

Hitfix has the full gallery. I'm okay with most of it except the Katniss gear - are we never going to get Mystique in blue skin with white dress?