No Russian, No Foolin' Around

By Rob Bricken in Nerdery, Video Games
Friday, Mar. 12 2010 @ 11:19AM

I don't know who Michael Barnes is, nor why he decided to make the world's most badass machinema with Modern Warfare 2, titled "No Russian." However, he did, and even though I haven't played the game, I can't even imagine how much work went into getting these shots and editing it all together. Help me out -- is all the dialogue here from the game? Is this all from one mission or several? Because right now I'm impressed, but I'm pretty sure if I knew more I'd be totally blown away.

Sony Reveals the WiiStation or Something

By Rob Bricken in Video Games
Thursday, Mar. 11 2010 @ 4:02PM
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Or the PlayStation Move, which is Sony's PS3 motion controller, and for all intents and purposes a Wii-Mote. It's due out in fall, and is used with the PlayStation Eye camera which is already out. Kotaku has a good article on it, but I can sum it up for you:

Good Things:
• Better motion tracking than Wii
• Longer, rechargable batteries than the Wii-Mote in both controllers
• It'll be motion control for a system that doesn't look like a GameCube

Bad Things:
• I stopped giving a shit about Motion Control a year and a half ago

I know many of you enjoy your Wiis immensely (hee hee!) and I don't begrudge you that. But for me, the lack of PlayStation 3-level graphics were not the reason I got bored with the Wii; it's the with the exception of a few first-party games (e.g. Super Mario Galaxy) no one really knew how to make a game for the controls that wasn't just a regular game with a few motion-control gimmicks thrown in. The same people who are making Wii games will be making PS Move games, and frankly, Sony's not have the game developer Nintendo is. So the games may be prettier, but I don't think they'll be any less dull to me. Is anyone losing their mind over this thing?

Geek Apparel of the Week: Boom Box

By Rob Bricken in Merchandise, Video Games
Thursday, Mar. 11 2010 @ 2:02PM
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Maybe because it makes me think of Scott Pilgrim and the greatest non-FFF-inspired band name ever -- Sex Bob-Omb, of course -- but I immediately fell in love with this t-shirt. It's $18 over at Threadless, and if history is any indication, you have about three seconds before it starts flashing, and three more seconds before it explodes.

Get a New Pair of Underpants, It's Another Transformers: War for Cybertron Video

By Rob Bricken in Toys, Video Games
Thursday, Mar. 11 2010 @ 10:30AM
I know I just did a TF:WfC post yesterday, but once you watch this, I think you'll forgive me. This video is half an interview with Game Director for High Moon Studios Matt Tieger, but since the other half is more gameplay videos and cutscenes, I don't think anyone will mind. I defy any Transformers fan to not fill their britches at more footage of Omega Supreme and Trypticon kicking unholy ass; but the real joy is seeing some more of the game's combat -- both ground vehicle and flying -- in action. Hell, I don't even count myself as a TF fan -- I like the franchise in general, but I own none of the cartoons and maybe two TF toys -- and I'm literally salivating at this video. Madness.

Transformers: War for Cybertron Details Revealed to Also Be Awesome

By Rob Bricken in Toys, Video Games
Wednesday, Mar. 10 2010 @ 4:04PM
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The kids at TFormers got an ealy look at Acitivision's War for Cybertron game, and I'm totally jealous. Luckily, they were kind enough to write a lengthy article about what they saw of the game, which I can summarize part of here:

• The game will be primarily focus on teams of 3
• It's made for co-op play, but the computer controls your two Transformer partners when you don't have other players
• There will be campaigns for both Autobots and Decepticons
• Each bot has a class, a la Team Fortress; e.g. Optimus is a brawler, Ratchet's a medic, and Bumblebee is better at long-range fighting
• Each Transformer has a replenishible ability and an ability that needs Energon
• Energon will be in cube form, straight out of G1, and there will be different types
• Weapons actually transform themselves as part of the bots -- and bots transform themselves into things such as turrets
• You will fight either Omega Supreme or Trypticon

...and there's more, but really, you owe it to yourself to read the TFormers article -- not only are there more details, but there's more new art, too. The big worry about this game is that it's been rushed, because we only first heard about it a few months ago, and it's due out in May. However, we don't know that it has been rushed for sure, and we do know that every single detail about the game released so far is totally, totally rad. So I'm saying the odds are looking good, people. The odds are looking good.

Boba Fett Has Fallen on Hard (But Awesome) Times

By Rob Bricken in Movies, Nerdery, Video Games
Wednesday, Mar. 10 2010 @ 12:00PM

Looks like ol' Fett did escape from the Sarlacc Pit after all, but not without suffering some professional damage. Now the famed bounty hunter has been reduced to playing the accordion in New York City subways stations. But don't feel too sorry for him -- he's still badass enough to be playing a Legend of Zelda piece, meaning he's neither lost his sense of style or sense of humor. Thanks to everyone who sent this video in.

God of War and Inappropriate Sexual Conduct (NSFW)

By Rob Bricken in Video Games
Tuesday, Mar. 9 2010 @ 3:05PM
Now that God of War III's come out, its sex mini-game has made its way to Gametrailers. Apparently, the game's director Stig Asmussen didn't want any kind of sex scene in the game at all, but when someone pointed out how much people love breasts, even digital ones, he relented and decided to make a GoW sex scene that "It's not just you going in there, finding some corner and having sex with somebody. It's something that guides you through the story. You get information and more than just a fluff moment." Here's the scene, totally NSFW:
I hate to break to you, buddy, but unless some info-laden, character development-filled moment of humping got cut out here, this redefines "A fluff moment." Hell, you even have two horny bisexual hotties for the players to watch while the mini-game is being played instead of a vase a rockin' or a fountain -- and it's probably worth noting the mini-game can be played with one hand. Oh well. Digital boobs, everyone.

Oh, that was the video of when you fail the mini-game, because I laughed out loud at the look of horror on the two horny bisexual hotties' faces when you fuck up. It's like Kratos started taking a dump all of a sudden in the middle of the fucking, assuming the ladies would be down with it, and they very much weren't. If you'd like to see him "win the game" -- which simply includes a few more seconds of the same digital tits -- have at it. (Via Kotaku)

The First 10 Minutes of God of War 3, with Extra German

By Rob Bricken in Video Games
Monday, Mar. 8 2010 @ 9:49AM
A lot of people are losing their shit over God of War 3 in general, and this video of the game's first 10 minutes in specific (yeah, it's in German, because I think Sony keeps pulling all the English language versions). I liked the first game, and managed to play through the second game even though it was just the first game again, and graphical majesty aside, God of War 3 looks... just like God of War 2, which of course looked exactly like God of War 1. Now I'm a big Greek myth fan, so I feel like I should be into this series -- clearly, something is either wrong with me or with God of War. I admit it could be me, but I'm not the one covered in clown make-up. Just sayin'.

Fan Fiction Friday: Fox McCloud in "Urine"

By Rob Bricken in Nerdery, Video Games
Friday, Mar. 5 2010 @ 3:04PM
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I'm not really sure what to say about today's Starfox-inspired FFF entry. It was suggested by J M (along with a few others, including one from the same author where Fox and Falco go to a gay bar, give a mouse amyl nitrates, fuck it to death, and then dispose of the corpse in a river), and it's not that depraved. Actually, there's no sex in it whatsoever, and it's well-written in the sense it has complete sentences and proper grammar. So why am I running it, to ask? Well, partially to keep cushioning the blow for when I eventually run The Other Story, but also... well, let's save that to the end.

Moonlight fractured through the blinds, across the sheets where Fox lay, in his boxers, comforter up to his navel. His body was sprawled in a dead man's pose, but his chest rose and fell.

Krystal padded to the bathroom in her blue lace panties, only... in her blue lace panties, groggy, eyes half closed. She flipped the switch and her eyes stung from the intense fluorescence. She cringed and turned around and lowered herself, pulling her panties down to her ankles. Her blue furry butt plopped on the seat and then she felt it. Wetness. Warm wetness. Warm uriney wetness.

On the toilet seat.

Better there than a lot of places, actually. But let's continue this after the jump.

More Crafts of Warcraft

By Rob Bricken in Toys, Video Games
Friday, Mar. 5 2010 @ 10:30AM
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Let me point out that I think DC Direct's World of Warcraft toys are great. They have great sculpting and great paint jobs, so much so that more than makes up for the lack of articulation. If I were at all into WoW, I would buy these things in a heartbeat. But since I'm not, all I can do is marvel at the characters' incredibly stupid names. Now, Garona the Orc Rogue is certainly the most normal of the bunch (above left, although I find it disturbing that female orcs can be sexy). But check the other figures in the series over at ToyNewsI, which include:

• Worgen Spy Garm Whitefang
• Human Paladin Judge Malthred (above right)
• Troll Hunter Taz'Dingo
• Orc Warrior Garrosh Hellscream

Ignoring the whole wolfman-who's-a-spy (although it seems to me he could only spy in very limited situations), Judge Malthred? More ridiculously, Taz'Dingo? Did someone's kid do a report on animals of Australia that day? I won't make fun of Garrosh Hellscream, because I grew up next to Kyle and Ryan Hellscream, of the Connecticut Hellscreams. The Hellscreams are good people.