Mario World Theme, Now With Yoshi-Abuse Lyrics

Friday, August 15, 2014 at 4:00 pm


Pete Holmes gave us one realistic take on Mario and Yoshi's relationship, indicating that an actual dinosaur would not be so friendly to the Italian plumber brothers.

Taking the alternate view, Fox ADHD suggests that Mario is the jerky one, and demonstrates this in song. Though considering the way they've drawn Mario, he looks like Family Guy's Stewie in disguise, and therefore it should be no surprise whatsoever that he's an evil jerk.

And yeah, "Yoshi Abuse" can totally be a euphemism know.

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Hideo Kojima, Guillermo del Toro and Norman Reedus! It's the Silent Hills Teaser

Wednesday, August 13, 2014 at 10:00 am


Yeah, this is name-dropping - but I worked with Norman Reedus years ago on a movie, and it's cool to see him finally become a "name." The guy is as genuine as it comes, and is pretty much exactly the same in real life as he is on camera. I'd been a fan of his since seeing Floating, and I hope someday he remembers the crazy "Teeth Guy" he went to CineVegas with.

But whether or not I see him again, it looks like now I can be the new Silent Hill game, with a plural title that suggests multiple realities. I'm not sure what to make of the text that precedes him, but I am intrigued, especially with Guillermo del Toro also on board. Maybe after this we can get a truly great Silent Hill movie, too - the original is still my favorite video game adaptation to screen.

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Robin Williams Will Live World of Warcraft?

Tuesday, August 12, 2014 at 5:30 pm


It certainly seems that way. Here's the petition.

And here's the response from Blizzard:

Could there be a better way to honor the man who was apparently an avid gamer in Azeroth?

Watch Kano Fight a Bee-Woman in New Mortal Kombat X Game Footage

Tuesday, August 12, 2014 at 4:00 pm


You know...when we get to ten games, with more characters and different move sets, and each character now has three totally different selectable fighting styles, I have to ask: how does anybody remember all that?

I like Mortal Kombat, and I trust that if I pick this one up, some of the moves will be ones I remember. But I feel like memorizing every single one of them is like an old-age test - if you can't do it, you're past your prime. And I may be...but this still looks cool.

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Snake Is a Dick in a Box in New Metal Gear Solid V Gameplay

Tuesday, August 12, 2014 at 1:00 pm


As Kyle LeClair (who tipped me off to this video) noted, "Bugs Bunny would be proud."

I can't wait for the outraged reactions. Seriously, if Konami is really unaware that Solid Snake posting photos of swimsuit models on the side of his cardboard box to distract enemies isn't just the teensiest bit problematic, they're in for a shock, methinks.

While I don't find it especially offensive, it is curiously cartoonish in a manner I never associated with Metal Gear Solid - and reminiscent of Cartman taunting Osama bin Laden. Check it out...

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Are You Ready for the Halo Channel?

Tuesday, August 12, 2014 at 11:30 am


Color me a tad skeptical that there's enough material here to support a full channel - WWE is having subscription problems for its channel even with a programming base that predominantly dates back as far as 1985, with occasional moments going earlier than that. I dunno; if the entire G4 network couldn't survive, can something even more niche-y do so?

Then again, you probably won't have to pay individually for it if you already own an Xbox. Are you down for this?

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Proposed Resident Evil TV Prequel Series Could Be the Movie We All Wanted in the First Place

Thursday, August 7, 2014 at 5:30 pm


I appreciate Paul W. S. Anderson's logic; really, I do. We've seen the story of the game play out already, so why not do something else that's in the same universe? Except that the result didn't really pan out for fans who wanted a movie that felt like the Anderson, who wound up marrying Milla Jovovich out of the deal (a double-edged sword since he now has to cast her in everything, but my heart doesn't exactly bleed).

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Assassin's Creed to Get Mega Bloks

Wednesday, August 6, 2014 at 4:30 pm


I'm surprised Todd McFarlane didn't snap this license up for his Nipple-O sets, but like Halo, I guess it got away from him. The video game often abbreviated, completely unironically as far as I can tell, to "AssCreed" will be getting its Lego-esque rendition from Mega Bloks, where it joins Halo, Hello Kitty, Call of Duty and Barbie. And with Mattel owning Mega Bloks, is it a matter of time before they take Todd's major licenses not called The Walking Dead away from him?

I'd love to see the reverse of that, with McFarlane getting Masters of the Universe. Total pipedream, but you know his She-Ra would be smokin' and his Skeletor would be scary as shit.


7 Reasons Why Remaking Final Fantasy VII Is A Terrible Idea

Wednesday, August 6, 2014 at 6:00 am


Whenever hallowed video game publisher Square Enix laments about their lack of profits from their latest, hugely expensive titles - the likes of Tomb Raider, Lightning Returns, et al - fanboys and girls from all walks of the internet are quick to shout in unison at their brilliant idea to fix Square Enix's money woes:

"Why don't they just finally remake Final Fantasy VII? They'll make millions!"

Except, for reasons that I will soon disclose, that is actually a terrible idea. Having recently revisited the game on a recent whim, allow me to discuss 7 reasons why remaking Final Fantasy VII isn't as surefire a success as most might think.

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The Most WTF "Pokemon vs. Mario by Way of Ken Loach" Fan Film You'll Ever See

Tuesday, August 5, 2014 at 5:30 pm


Two grown men with Northern England accents are dressed as Mario and Ash, and playing on their Gameboys. And they fight. But it turns out they really do have the powers of Pokemon and the Mushroom Kingdom...sort of. And this Ash's Pikachu is fucking terrifying, like a Jan Svankmajer creation on speed. Did I mention it's all shot like a cross between a silent film and a Power Rangers episode?

I'd actually watch an entire Pokemon movie if they were like this.

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