Robotic Gaming Monthly - PAX, Gamescom, and Sad Signs O' The Times

Tuesday, September 2, 2014 at 6:00 am

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Artwork by CitrusKing46

And welcome to yet another edition of Robotic Gaming Monthly, Topless Robot's monthly column devoted to providing a peek into the latest happenings in the gaming industry, which I admit is hard to do monthly, but eh, we do what we can.

So you may have heard that Gamescom and PAX Prime, two massive gaming events, took place in the last few weeks. As such, we kind of have quite a bit of ground to cover, which is why we have an expanded section for trailers this month featuring some of the most notable games from the two shows! That's right folks, it's a double dose of Daily Lists...kinda! Still, yayyy!!

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Happy Labor Day! Here Are Two Furries Cage-Fighting.

Monday, September 1, 2014 at 12:00 pm

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Tomorrow is the first Tuesday of the month, which means an all-new, jam-packed Robotic Gaming Monthly feature will be coming your way, and among the topics covered will be PAX Prime 2014, which has been going on all weekend.

But neither Kyle nor I could resist giving you this early taste of Ubisoft's major contribution; the Far Cry 4 arena, in which volunteers can enter the cage as as an elephant, a snow leopard, a bear, or a honey badger, and get fast and furry-ous with the fisticuffs.

Hey, you worked hard this year. You EARNED this video of people dressed as stuffed toys trying to hurt each other.

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'80s VHS-Style Angry Birds Transformers Cartoon Is the Right of All Sentient Beings

Friday, August 29, 2014 at 12:56 pm

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The VHS distortions, that oh-so-'80s sparkling effect, the ghosting frames - what could possibly make this clip hit me even more in the childhood?

Oh yeah - a theme song that specifically describes what I'm watching. "Birds disguised as robots in disguise." So here's the big question: do these Autobots shit on their own windshields?

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Doctor Who to Officially Materialize in Minecraft

Wednesday, August 27, 2014 at 11:30 am

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Starting with skin packs of six Doctors each, Minecraft will begin adding multiple characters and aliens from the show starting in September. You've got to have those companions in order to teach the Doctor how to tame a horse.

While I love how they've captured Peter Capaldi in the simple block style, does anybody else maybe suspect that with a slight color swap, he'd reveal himself to love lasagna...and hate Mondays?

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I'd add the cat ears except that I have no idea how to do it and not make it look terrible.

Vagina-Controlled Video Game Alice in Continent Will Strengthen Your Kegels

Monday, August 25, 2014 at 1:06 pm

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I keep looking for signs that this is a put-on. From the insanely stereotypical pitchman yelling about his wife's inability to hold her piss to the fact that this product is based in Beijing, a place which one doesn't necessarily associate with sexual liberation, it feels like an April fool. Yet as far as I can tell, this is an actual Kickstarter that got fully funded.

In this game, you play the role of Alice in Continent (pun intended!). Alice needs to constantly jump around to chase Rabbit Leg-pullers, dodge Lava Leaks, and collect Collagen Elixirs. How do you control the jump action? Not by touching the screen, but by using your pelvic muscles to squeeze
Oh, and this part...
Skea "tickles" you every time it is squeezed, delivering a soothing pulse whenever you contract your pelvic muscles correctly. This biofeedback not only enhances the fun, but is also clinically proven to improve training results.
And six backers actually paid $500 to have avatars of themselves in the game. As the pitch says, "Now enjoy [Your Name] in Continent!"

Also, the term "stretch goals" somehow sounds a little different in this context.

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Mega Man's Keiji Inafune Has Yet Another Game That's (Legally) Totally Not Mega Man

Thursday, August 21, 2014 at 2:00 pm

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You know how Mighty No. 9 absolutely wasn't Mega Man, and Azure Strike Gunvolt was also really really not Mega Man, because if they were Mega Man then Capcom could sue so obviously they couldn't possibly be Mega Man?

Now they're both in Mighty Gunvolt (a free download when you order Azure Stirker Gunvolt) which is nothing whatsoever like a Mega Man vs. Mega Man video game, and even if it were they'd legally be unable to admit it. So quit talking about Mega Man, all right? What do you mean, we protesteth too much?

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Lego Joker Sings "I've Got the Whole World in My Pants"

Thursday, August 21, 2014 at 10:00 am

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Technically, this is a trailer for Lego Batman 3, setting up Brainiac as the big bad and establishing that multiple worlds are involved.

But if you're a regular TR reader, trust me- skip straight to the 1:15 mark. It's better without context, much like the image above.

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Sin City Fanfic Doubleheader: Special Edition With Furries, and 8-Bit Game Tribute

Wednesday, August 20, 2014 at 1:00 pm

I've seen the new Sin City, and while I'm not allowed to express anything resembling a reaction or review until opening day, I think it's okay to say that it made me really want a video game set in that universe. Grand Theft Auto in Sin City - perfect, right?

But I'll take a Final Fight version too - and while this video isn't playable, it does make me imagine the good times. To be truly Frank Millerish, though, it needs constant dialogue interjections, even if only in text form, that read like things hungover people say. Like...

"No games. God damn."
"She played my game good."
"Head pounding. Knife in my guts. Pass the Nintendo."

See? Not that hard. But that's not the only Sin City video I have for you today, and the second one is, uh, quite something...

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Pierce Brosnan Plays Nintendo 64 GoldenEye, Dies Almost Immediately

Wednesday, August 20, 2014 at 10:00 am

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In fairness, Jimmy Fallon is an unexpected opponent - there's no way Brosnan, or anyone else, could have lost against Sean Bean. But given Mr. Brosnan's lack of skills, well, he's not coming out Onatopp, because, Mr. Bond, we expect you to die. Another day. Because you only live twice.

To be fair, Fallon should bring out Roger Moore and see if he does better. What's the worst that could happen - would the sky fall?

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AC/BC - The Assassin's Creed With Cavemen That Needs to Happen

Tuesday, August 19, 2014 at 2:30 pm

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Considering all the different eras and places Assassin's Creed has been to, why not the stone age? I for one would be very interested in wielding the "bonus DLC weapon" shown at the end.

Or just a Flintstones crossover where you get to assassinate Fred and Barney. I'd be down for that too. Just take a lesson unlearned from the other games, and make sure there are cavewomen too.

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