​I'm still reeling from the nightmare that was today's 4,000-word-plus FFF, so forgive me if I keep this brief (and if I mostly copy/paste it from last year's valentines-themed contest). This weekend's contest is to think up Valentine's Day cards that videogame characters might give to other videogame characters. Pac-Man to Ms. Pac-Man. Commander Shephard to Tifa Lockhart. Samus Aran to the Saints Row guy. The Gears of Wars guys to each other. Whatever.

I figure there's two ways these entries can go: Either hilariously stupid, or incredibly inappropriate. Either is fine. I don't know how I'll judge, but I'll probably give extra points if you make up a rhyme. Beware of the dreaded Rob-invariably-skips-over-any-entries-that-are-too-long rule -- these are cards, and the text should be short.

Three entries per person. Contest ends at 12:01 am EST on Monday, February 13th, 2012. If you're lucky enough to be in a relationship, I hope you have an excellent, romantic time; if you're not, fuck those guys, and make sure you get good and drunk. But if you find yourself looking longingly at your bean bag chair, please either seek help or keep drinking until you pass out.

• Someone made a mash-up of the latest Avengers trailer and that old, somewhat terrifying Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue anti-drug cartoon special. I'm not going to say it works out disturbingly well, but I find the fact it works out at all kind of disturbing. Thanks to Vdr for the tip.
• Topless Roboteer Emil J. is putting everyone in Middle-Earth into one massive family tree. To say it's impressive would be a bit of an understatement. Check it out here.
• Topless Roboteer Alex Hluch has decided to make his MFA graduation project a web series about the universe's other Time Lord. Unlike the Doctor, he's been stranded on Earth for quite some time, and he's horrible in a much less fun kind of way. The series name is Doctor What, and if he doesn't get it funded, he doesn't graduate. You can watch the trailer and donate here. I find this incredibly impressive. Not necessarily very well thought out, but still, impressive in its ballsiness.
• Super Mario Crossover 2.0 is now available to play. Yes, the one with Blaster Master.
• Last but certainly not least, some made a shockingly impressive cover of Greed Day's 9-minute song "Jesus of Suburbia" all about the first episode of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic... an episode that, it's worth mentioning, was only 20 minutes long. Seriously, even if you don't like Green Day or MLP, it's worth listening to just for a couple of minutes to hear how unbelievably well done it is. Thanks to JM for the tip.

​One piece of business before we begin: Topless Roboteer Gareth is running an informal poll on the worst FFF stories of all time. If you'd like to be a part of it, here's the deal:

• Everyone has 5 votes to use on voting for "the worst" FFF to date. How you define worst is your choice.
• It has to be a fanfic that has actually been covered on Topless Robot.
• You can spend as many votes on any one entry as long as your total is not above five (i.e. 3 for "Without a Cause", 1 for "Room of Romance" and "Deleted Scene").
• You do not have to use up all your votes.
• When you've picked them, email them to gazzyw007@hotmail.com with the subject "FFF Poll," and whichever fic earns the most votes will be "crowned" the "champion."

I support this endeavor, as I'm curious to know exactly which FFFs hurt you the most. But! Before you vote, I highly recommend you read today's FFF, a ludicrously long and agonizingly awful story by Ignatious. I'm not saying it's the new worst, but... well, let's just say I'm pretty sure it needs to be put into consideration. Hit the jump, but remember, it's dangerous to go alone! Take this! And by "this," of course, I mean a stiff drink.
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​The pic you see is real. IDW will be publishing a Doctor Who/Star Trek: The Next Generation comic in May. Holy shit. I'm not even that big a Trek or Who fan and that pic made me squeal in a disturbingly sexual way. If only because the chances of Picard wearing a fez are probably 1-in-5 minimum. (Via Bleeding Cool)

Here's a wacky little revelation from George Lucas, from an interview with the Hollywood Reporter:

The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn't. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down.

So Han Solo never shot first, eh? All right. I guess we'll just ignore what we actually saw in the movie that was released in 1977, and all the TV broadcasts between then and the special editions, and also the VHS releases during that time, and also that non-anamorphic widescreen DVD release you crapped out a few years ago, and then the YouTube video above. Yes, all those things clearly and empirically show Han shooting first -- mainly because Greedo never fires at all, and thus cannot possibly be first in a race he didn't enter -- but because obviously we should trust a single comment made by George Lucas in 2012, which he never felt worth clarifying in the 20 years between the original release of Star Wars in 1977 and the Special Edition in 1997, nor anytime in the 15 years since then. That... that makes sense.

Honestly, this isn't George Lucas being oddly obtuse anymore, it's him being insane. Nerd ladies and gentlemen, it is official; we need to stop being mad at Lucas and start pitying him, because the man is at best delusional, and more likely losing his mind.

I keep telling myself I'm done posting Lollipop Chainsaw videos -- the game from Suda51 and James Gunn that thinks Bayonetta is too high-brow -- but they keep getting me, man. Look, any time a girl decapitates her (hilariously unprepared) boyfriend out of love (and also zombie infection), I'm going to post that video. And if the video shows additional gameplay, like how the cheerleader can kick her boyfriend's severed head at zombies as an attack... well, I'm not made of stone, people. (Via Kotaku)

​• Original Walking Dead artist Tony Moore is suing Robert Kirkman for compensation for the Walking Dead TV series and its merchandise, specifically because he's not getting any. Moore says he was "duped" into signing over his WD interest to Kirkman. I don't know the particulars here, so I'll refrain from comment (for once), but apparently Moore and Kirkman were friends from childhood, so it's all just kind of sad. (Via Newsarama)

• Buffy just got herself knocked up in the Buffy the Vampire Season 9 comics at Dark Horse. This would be more noteworthy if it hadn't been blown completely away by the news that Buffy also announced she'd be getting an abortion in the latest issue. Yeah, this'll go smoothly. Feel free to freak out over the news, but not the politics, in the comments. If you can. (Via USA Today)

• I'm not going to put this one better than "Starman" Matt Morrison, who brought it to my attention:

1. The guy who created the demonic, biker version of Ghost Rider for Marvel asked if they'd credit him and give him a slice of the pie when they put out the Ghost Rider movie.
2. Marvel said "Ha-ha! You're funny."
3. Creator took Marvel to court.
4. Marvel counter-sued, won and is now trying to take away said creator's last source of income and deny him the right to sell Ghost Rider merchandise or ever promote himself as having created Ghost Rider.

The judge ruled Gary Friedrich owes Marvel $17,000 for all the Ghost Rider things he's sold at cons over the year, mainly sketches and signatures. Note that attending cons and selling these things is Friedrich's main source of income. Note also that this is happening one week before the second major motion picture starring Friedrich's incarnation of Ghost Rider is released, which even if critically panned will undoubtedly earn Marvel tens of millions of dollars.

Look, maybe Friedrich had no legal right to getting his name on the movie, or any of the film's profits. But to go after Friedrich's very limited funds in return? $17,000, a drop in the bucket to a company owned by Disney? A week before a Ghost Rider movie comes out? That's fucking evil. Well done, Marvel -- you've finally done something more mercenary and awful than Before Watchmen. I hope you're happy. (Via CBR)

​HBO just released a bunch of new official pics from Game of Thrones season 2. Most of them are of the characters we met in season 1, without any real appreciative change. There are a few faces to put to new characters, such as Balon Greyjoy and Davos the Onion Knight. But the real glory here is Gwendoline Christie as Brienne, the Maid of Tarth, seen above -- my mind is blown with how perfect she is. I swear, she walked self-consciously right out on my head onto the GoT set. What do you other ASoIaF fans think?

College Humor noticed the similarities between Andrew Garfield, star of The Amazing Spider-Man, and Jean-Ralphio, the amazing minor character on Parks and Rec. Yes, these similarities are mostly in the "massive hair" department, but whatever. I swear, if this were real, I'd go start waiting in line to buy Spidey movie tickets today. (Via Comics Alliance)

​Hey. Did you know that Superman is actually from another planet named Krypton? That his father Jor-El put him in a rocket and shot him into space right before Krypton exploded? Or that the baby landed on earth, was found in Kansas by two kindly folks named the Kents, then raised in Smallville before moving to the big city of Metropolis? Or that sometimes he puts on tights and cape and helps people as Superman?

Of course you did. That's Superman's origin, and everybody knows it. Not just nerds; your mom could tell you Superman's origin without thinking too hard about it. Chances are your grandmother could, too. It's just one of those things that's become completely ingrained in the collective pop culture.

However, that doesn't stop people from explaining it to us... over and over again. When DC announced that Grant Morrison would tell Superman's origin again in Action Comics #5, Rob jokingly mentioned someone write a top 45 list of Superman Origins to highlight how overdone it is. Having a whole lot of time and nothing to do with it, I undertook that task but came up short of 45 entries... but not by much. A special thanks goes out to Tom Foss at "Fortress of Soliloquy" for compiling a list of Superman origins back in 2010. which was a great help in researching this article. More >>