This is officially, the worst week for nerdy/geeky Blu-ray releases since I started doing this. I mean, there have been some weak ones before, but usually there's at least one in there I wouldn't mind owning if someone gave it to me.
Today, though, the best I can say is that some of this momentarily raise an eyebrow of interest, and if you gave me one I'd put it on The Stack, to be looked at once if I ever find the time. But no rush.
Now, in genres that are outside our wheelhouse, you get Inside Llewyn Davis and some James Dean and John Wayne classics. But as far as the stuff we cover, well, consider that I thought the best choice to lead off was, in fact...
Enemies Closer - In which Jean-Claude Van Damme reunites with his favorite director Peter Hyams to play a wacky, evil environmentalist nutjob who squares off against park ranger Tom Everett Scott. Yes, the guy from That Thing You Do is now considered a worthy opponent for JCVD, but no longer worthier of anything better than DTV action stuff. Seems a bit of a comedown for Mr. Scott, but for Van Damme, it's...wait, what day of the week is it again?
First off: this is a (relatively) sincere article, and not just Buzzfeed-esque a list of screencaps with the hashtag #truedetectiveseason2 next to them to be clever. If you haven't watched any of HBO's latest goldmine True Detective, a glance around social media might have you thinking that the second season could basically be about any two characters from anything sitting in a car, or not. Well, the actual show is an ambitious and moody anthology miniseries thing, which will consist of multiple seasons of standalone stories told over the course of several episodes. The first season was the creepy, sad, and brutal saga of two Louisiana cops, the venal "guy's guy" Martin Hart (Woody Harrelson) and Nietzschean whackadoodle Rustin Cohle (Matthew McConaughey), attempting to solve a series of occult themed murders. Since we're getting a new story next time, the psychosphere is wide open for all sorts of bizarre ideas to some rushing in.
If series creator Nic Pizzolatto is reading, I've got a few suggestions. And no, none of them contains Cthulhu, at least not directly...
One of the biggest challenges in a relationship is the whole sleeping together part.
I don't mean sex. I mean sleeping together. It can be an adjustment: literally so for your muscles as they adapt to new positions, and figuratively if you have different strategies for falling asleep. Mine used to involve either complete silence or music that I like.
I married someone who prefers TV on all night.
I often sarcastically use the phrase, "How could that possibly go wrong?"
In all seriousness, this time, how can it possibly go RIGHT?
The show stars newcomer Gerald "Slink" Johnson (Grand Theft Auto V) as Jesus living in present-day Compton, CA on a daily mission to spread love and kindness throughout the neighborhood with the help of his small but loyal group of downtrodden followers.To those who'll say that there have been modern-day updates of the Gospel that have worked, I say yes, I agree. But this is a comedy on Adult Swim that will likely air between Tim and Eric pissing on people, and cartoon squids being racist.
It could make for a real Holy Shit moment, in many ways. And by the way, I'm actually quite anxious to see it.
Via our colleague Ali Lerman over at the OC Weekly - whom Sheik insists on referring to as "the Muhammed Ali daughter" - here's a look at the poster for his crowd-funded documentary, which premieres at the Hot Docs festival in Toronto next month.
Normally I avoid post-movie Q&A sessions at film festivals like the plague, but I would strongly suggest not missing this one..."accept" if you are the jabroni Mel Gibson. I know it will be a serious documentary about his career and health issues, but honestly, if it were just 90 minutes of him reading his Tweets aloud I'd pay to see it twice.
Somebody in Toronto please make sure your mayor is invited.
When it comes to the movies we love, loathe and anticipate, Honest Trailers has become a go-to source for the ultimate smart-ass commentary on all their failings and overuse of tropes. And now that their parent YouTube channel Screen Junkies has partnered with Smosh Games, they're doing it for video games as well from here on out.
Now, granted, a none-too-timely skewering of Mario Kart may not be the up-to-the-minute, topical satire you were expecting. But I think it's an okay start...
Get ready to, uhh, brew some brown Boba tea as you crap in Carkoon with the Toilet Sarlacc sticker sheet that turns your tidy bowl into Star Wars' most famous vagina dentata! It's enough to make Han Solo go blind again. Creator Robbie Rane has this to say:
One day I was making poop jokes with a buddy, you know the kind: "go drop the kids off at the pool", "end the search for Brown October", and someone said "toss Boba Fett in the Sarlacc", ever since I've wanted to make this.
You ever notice how toy company logic doesn't seem to hold from one company to the next? Like, Mattel will say, "Oh no, we can't do a new Castle Grayskull, that would cost $250," and then Icon Heroes makes a tiny one for $300 that people actually buy? (Mattel learned on that one.) Or Hasbro might say, "We can't do a large Sandcrawler; it would cost over $100, and it's not a dynamic enough vehicle for kids to play with, especially in a non-movie year," and now Lego busts out a $300 version featuring mini-vehicles, secret compartments, working winches, steering column, secret cockpit and more?
This thing rules - it is the droid transporter you're looking for. We've got more pics and a video that showcases everything it can do...
You lost an hour, but don't miss out on these stories from the past two days! Highlighting some of the Weekend Open Thread's top tips, compiled with the help of Kyle LeClair.
Toy collecting can be one pisser of a hobby...
FUCK THE #DaylightSavings— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) March 10, 2014
This week's tipsters include: troi, Anyone00, SlyDante77, Gallen_Dugall, skrag2112, DrAbraxas, Dr.Gonzo82
How do you do a whole episode in flashback that never comes back around to where you began things?
This is starting to give me a Lost season 2 vibe. Which, I trust even the non-jaded will remember, is not a good thing. Whether it's about the characters or about the sci-fi premise, if you forget that it's about having a good script, you lose the point.