We probably didn't need yet another company to make Darth Vader, but it happened anyway. A few more things before everyone chips in...
-James Deen is presumably Dick Reckard in this NSFW Blade Runner porn pictorial.
-Bill Nye endorses this time-travel documentary Kickstarter.
-GWAR replaced Oderus Urungus with a woman named Vulvatron.
-David Ayer may do a Suicide Squad movie.
-Laser cannons on planes are already a thing.
-A Top Cat origin movie isn't the movie you need, but the prequel Mexico deserves.
-An L. Frank Baum biopic? Word to the wise - he's a little harder to whitewash than Disney in Saving Mr. Banks.
-Game of Thrones theme, '80s synth-style version, is the best thing today.
The special effects in the live-action Spawn movie were never that great even for their time - a massive irony since it was made by special effects people - but now they are surpassed times a million by a guy on YouTube.
Not that effects are everything. The tone here is also perfect, with a gradual build-up towards the demonic stuff, the way the cinematography switches from gritty realism to fantasy, and the way Spawn is treated precisely the way Todd McFarlane has long claimed he wanted in a movie - a ghostly, urban-legend sort of bogeyman.
Todd, just let this Michael Paris guy do a feature for you. Seriously.
They're pretty common in Tokyo - cafes full of cats, where people with or without pets can feel like the temporary owners of a whole menagerie of purring, face-rubbing, string-batting cuties. Catfe wants to bring this concept to the U.S...but the first Kickstarter failed.
Now they're trying again, with a new stipulation that assuages the concerns of animal-rights folks - some of the cats will be adoptable right then and there. This also ensures that I WILL NEVER EVER GO THERE.
Why? Simple: I have a wife who would gladly adopt every pet she sees. I have an apartment with limited space. If we go to a Catfe where the cats are on offer, it is a near-certainty that I don't get to leave without one. I realize it may have been a requirement to get the necessary support, but I'm warning you single guys who don't know any better: take a woman on a date to Catfe, and you'll be choosing between looking like a callous asshole, or bringing home one or more of the four-legged residents.
Ever After High is basically the result of somebody at Mattel saying, "Hey, you know how great our Monster High stuff sells? Let's do the same thing but with fairy tales." And because the concept is almost exactly the same as about five other things out there (many of them owned by Disney), it's going to be a movie already.
Meanwhile - and I say this fully aware there will one day be innumerable "Zombie LYT masturbates to He-Man" comments, somewhere - Masters of the Universe continues to not happen. Because the best director they got decided it would be quicker and easier to get Jem made instead. When Hasbro raids your A-list to make their C-list, you have failed. I'm resigning myself to the fact that we'll probably see a live-action Equestria Girls before we get Eternia.
If you want to submit fan fiction for me to read, please send it - or a link to it - to toplessrobot-at-gmail-dot-com with subject line "Read my Fanfic!"
Title: "A song of fire and iron" by Gabriella5Greene551
Logline: Optimus Prime and Giselle Yvonne Delacriox continue their cross-species, post-apocalyptic love, even as they are beset by xenomorphs...and the jealousy of Ratchet and Megatron.
Acts Involved: Lots of sex metaphors involving a naked Giselle "sliding in and out" of Optimus in truck mode. Also, she's a werewolf. And she's still underage, so it's robosexual statutory rape.
Participants: Giselle Yvonne Delacroix, Optimus Prime, Aliens, Ratchet, Megatron, Sentinel Prime.
The Live Reading/Performance...
Popeye was not just the reason I first tried spinach as a child - I'm sure I wasn't the only one - but he was also a comfort on shitty school mornings. As part of the British "Breakfast TV" program my dad always wanted to watch as part of our morning routine, they'd follow news, entertainment and whatever with a Popeye cartoon right around 8 a.m., last thing before I was out the door. Some of them were the mediocre color ones, but when they busted out the original black and white Max Fleischer toons, I was transported. The rubberiness of the entire world, the occasional mixture of 3D backdrops, the weirdly deformed way every character was drawn - there was nothing like it.
No Johnny Depp dressed like a crack-addicted Martian clown. No black spirals on white backgrounds. Realistic architecture. True story. Total absence of Helena Bonham Carter.
Where is the real Tim Burton, and whatever you've done with him, can you keep doing it so this apparent impostor with the same name can have a shot?
Big Eyes is written by Ed Wood writers Larry Karaszewski and Scott Alexander, and tells the story of artist Margaret Keane, known for painting those creepy kids with the big eyes. The rest I won't spoil if you don't already know it - but getting Terence Stamp, Christoph Waltz and Danny Huston all together in the same movie is quite cool indeed. Just watch.
Fox Gotham premieres Sept. 22 on Fox
Gotham has been one of the year's most anticipated shows, and while everyone will finally get to see it on September 22, I've seen the first episode. I'm here to tell you it's really September 29 you should be looking forward to. It's not that Gotham has a bad pilot; it's just a lot of stuff we already know. The show is well done and the cast is great so I have every faith that once all the noobs are caught up, Gotham could be a great show.
Episode two just has to deliver.
Yep, that looks like a modern redesign, all right. I don't think the square eyepatch makes a lot of sense, but then nor does a talking mouse who's a spy. The new DM will have an initial run of 52 episodes, and be broadcast on CBBC in the UK. No word on a US date yet.
He'll be voiced by UK TV host Alexander Armstrong, and if you want to know what he sounds like, well, keep reading...
If this movie doesn't suck, we probably have whoever leaked the test footage to thank for it. The movie is now set to open on February 12th, right before Valentine's Day, in 2016. Visual effects animator Tim Miller will direct; Ryan Reynolds is not officially confirmed but it's pretty clear he still wants to do it if they'll have him.
Rob Liefeld may be looking for suggestions as to what to Tweet about from here on out.