Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. This is probably old news for some of you, but it's somehow the first I've heard it of it -- He-Man Whisky exists.
​I could not be more astounded if "Also Spake Zarathustra" was playing. It's an Indian whiskey, which admits makes my booze-soaked soul uneasy (India makes whiskey? Since when?) and it's clearly unlicensed (ya think?) but it has a picture of He-Man on it, so my concerns are instantly negated. Topless Robot readers, please, please, please if you know how to get your hands on this stuff, let me know at toplessrobot(at)gmail(dot)com. Drinking it is clearly the next stage in my evolution. I have no doubt that with a single drink I can throw a bone in the air and make it turn into a spaceship. Thanks to Chris W. for shining this light into my life.

• Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vol. XVII
You know if there's a new MST set out, I'm gonna pimp it pretty hard. Luckily, this set is worth all the praise I can heap on it; it includes The Crawling Eye (the very first MST episode!), The Beatniks (a classic Joel joint), and The Final Sacrifice and The Blood Waters of Dr. Z (two of the most bafflingly awful films they ever did). Indeed, The Final Sacrifice is one of MST's gems, starring as it does the mulleted Zap Rowsdower, whose highlight reel is above. Zap Rowsdower, I LOVE YOU.

• The Twilight Saga: New Moon
I just thought you should be aware this comes out this week, although it's actually being released Saturday and not today. I have to admit I'll be ordering this on Netflix, just like the first one. Why? Here's why.

• Ninja Assassin
The Wachowski brothers/siblings' faux ninja movie starring Korean pop star/Stephen Colbert nemesis Rain. I didn't see it, but I'm interested. Any thoughts?

• The Princess and the Frog
Disney's return to 2-D animation. I doubt it's going to hurt for cash, but again, I thought you ought to be aware.

• Astro Boy
Meanwhile, the abomination that was the American Astro Boy movie is also out today. Again, be aware it's out -- not so you can buy it, but so you can urinate on it when you see it at Target, Best Buy, etc.

• The Vengeance Trilogy
If you've seen Oldboy, you know that it is a truly awesome film. but you might not know that it was part of a trilogy, based on one story or set of characters, but about people getting the most insane vengeance possible. I think this is the first time all three movies, including Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance and Lady Vengeance, have been released in one set. Highly recommended.

• Gladiformers
I have no fucking clue what this is, but it's called Gladiformers and it has a big, stupid-looking robot on the cover. I can't even imagine how terrible it must be.

This person -- and countless, countless friends -- recreated the opening of A Goofy Movie in live-action, shot for shot. I have five questions for those responsible:

• Why?
• Was A Goofy Movie your first choice?
• No, seriously, why?
• Wouldn't a heroin addiction have taken up less time and been more respectable?
• Were there any off-camera romances? (Via /Film)

Yeah, it's another Transformers: War for Cybertron video preview; I hope you're not getting tired of 'em, because I'm sure not. I don't know what the talking heads are really saying -- probably something about how they all love Transformers and are honored to be working on the game/toys/etc. -- because I was too busy looking at the gorgeous Cybertron environment. It looks totally fantastic, enormous and alien and filled with Autobots and Decepticons kicking the shit out of each other. I don't know how the game will end up playing, but if it's this pretty the entire way through, I may not even notice if it happens to suck.

​Erg... wait a minute... I just gave myself a little nerdgasm akin to Batman wielding a lightsaber at the idea of Jango Fett actually being a Green Lantern. Pffuhh... okay. Okay. I'm done.

Temuera Morrison, who played Jango Fett in Attack of the Clones, has signed on to be alien ring-passer Abin Sur in the Green Lantern movie. I was about to type that I didn't think much of Morrison's acting ability in AotC, but then I realized practically no one had a good performance in the Star Wars prequels because George Lucas is a terrible director of actors, so honestly, I have no idea how talented Morrison is or isn't. Anyways, he'll assumably be pink. Also, actor/quirky indie comedy-romance Eagle Vs. Shark director/fellow New Zealander Taika Waititi has been hired to play Hal Jordan's Eskimo buddy Rex Dart Thomas Kalmaku. (Via Hollywood Reporter)

...and it looks like gin for breakfast again. I don't know how Avatar is managing to still inspire such insanity, but now this pastor is certain it is the work of Satan. I'm curious how that works. Is Dances with Wolves or Disney's Pocahontas satanic, since Avatar has the exact same story? Is Transformers 2 satanic, since The Beef goes to Fake Autobot Heaven and gets resurrected? (Answer: Probably.) Does this make James Cameron a knowing agent of the devil, and is this why he keeps talking about making a Battle Angel Alita movie but never doing it? (Prince of Lies!) And what about moves that actually include Satan, like that recent but unpopular Legion film? Aren't those more satanic than Avatar, kind of by default?

And most importantly, why do people think Avatar teaches anyone anything? It's about blue cat-men who have hair tentacles. That doesn't seem satanic, just kind of gross. (Via FilmDrunk)

​Game Informer magazine ranked Kingdom Hearts as one of the top games of all time, and in almost every sense, it is. No one knew ahead of time how wonderful it would be to combine Square Enix's popular Final Fantasy games with the sure-fire hit of Disney properties in one mega action-RPG, but the result worked together like chocolate and peanut butter, except sold for $50-60 a pop. Disney fans, Square Enix zombies, and even regular gamers loved the result

The series has already based levels off classic Disney worlds like Wonderland, Atlantis, and the Beast's Castle, but also oddballs like Tron, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Monstro's gastrointestinal system. So what's next? Surely the series won't end with only two major games (no need to count the many, ridiculously named handheld games), and Square will need some new lands for Sora and crew to explore. Where should the Kingdom Hearts franchise go? We have a few ideas.

Continue reading...

The insane odyssey that Dolph Lundgren has been on since his amazing Elvis/drum solo/karate tour de force appears to have ended, not with a bang, not with a whimper, but Dolph Lundgren coming out in boxing robes and singing "Eye of the Tiger." I assume the only reason the world did not crack in two at the sheer awesomeness is because Dolph didn't sing it solo, but with the contestants of whatever crazy Swedish talent show this has all been part of. However, Dolph does join a group of cheerleaders for a second (FYI I've seen actual cheerleader-themed hardcore pornography that was less suggestive than their routine) so that's fun. Oh, and Sylvester Stallone sent a video congratulations to Dolph for whatever the hell it is he's been doing. It's very kind of Sly, especially given the fact his face seems to be melting. As always, thanks to Tomb for the tips.

If you weren't swayed by my review of the Pride & Prejudice & Zombies prequel Dawn of the Dreadfuls, Quirk offers this trailer, which, to be frank, is totally, totally awesome. It might be better than the actual book. I mean, I liked the book a lot, of course, but man I would love to watch a movie about give Victorian girls with samurai swords who train in their dad's dojo and wander the English countryside decapitating the undead. This is like Kill Bill but in the 19th century and with zombies. Which makes it largely unlike Kill Bill, but there are still girls with swords. Gotta give me that.

Last time the ladies of L.A. burlesque group Devil's Playground did a Star Wars-themed strip show, they did a sexy Stormtrooper (yay!) and a sexy Jabba the Hutt (wha?). I certainly appreciate a sense of humor, but given the strong feelings we have about certain characters, it can be... jarring to have them suddenly turn "Sexy." Long story short, Devil's Playground did another SW strip show this weekend, and, well...
​This freaks me right the fuck out. Also this:
​It's worth pointing out that there's another underdressed young woman inside the R2-D2, of course. LA Weekly reports on the show here, and has a gallery of the above and more reasonably sexy Star Wars characters such as Slave Leia and a sequined Boba Fett, right here. I'm going to hang back, because these pictures are forcing me to ask some serious questions of myself.