The 8 Worst Things in the Star Wars Expanded Universe
Posted at 5:06 AM Aug 07, 2008
By Patrick Cooper
Being a Star Wars fan used to be easy. There were the movies, some books, a comic series, and of course, the toys. Nowadays, it’s easier to be a “Fan of Star Wars” rather than a true “Star Wars Fan.” Die-hards need to keep up with several different mediums including e-comics, guidebooks, online content, an asinine amount of books and graphic novels (many of them insulting and trite), and now a computer-animated television series is slated for later this year. This is all very time consuming, and keeping up with the Skywalkers ain't cheap, either.
This landfill of books, comics and other ephemera makes up what is known as the Star Wars Expanded Universe; essentially, it's any Lucas-licensed product that is not a part of the six Episodes. With over 30 years of none-movie stories being told, it should be no surprise that some of this content is pure bantha poodoo. So for those interested in taking their Star Wars fandom to the next level, or for those already trapped in the Sarlacc pit of non-canon Star Wars stories, here’s a quick look at the worst the EU has to offer. (And no, the Holiday Special doesn't count.)
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8) The Coruscant Nights I: Jedi Twilight Novel
This 2008 novel is the latest SW adventure that deserves its own seat in the Shit Senate. Why? Well, just read this excerpt from the back cover of this genre-bending tale:
“Jax Pavan is one of the few Jedi Knights who miraculously survived the slaughter that followed Palpatine’s ruthless Order 66. Now, deep in Coruscant’s Blackpit Slums, Jax ekes out a living as a private investigator, trying to help people in need while concealing his Jedi identity and staying one step ahead of the killers out for Jedi blood. And they’re not the only ones in search of the elusive Jax. Hard-boiled reporter Den Dhur and his buddy, the highly unorthodox droid I-5YQ…”
And there we have to stop, lest I go mad with rage. Yep, author Michael Reeves has used the limitless possibilities of the Star Wars universe to tell a shitty, run-of-the-mill hardboiled detective story in, with a Jedi private eye at that. I pray that somewhere in this novel Jax runs into Sam Spade who slaps him around before snatching his blaster and embarrassing him in front of I-5YQ.
7) The Jedi Academy: Leviathan Graphic Novel
After the fall of the Empire, Luke starts up the Jedi Academy on Yavin Four and all types of hijinks ensue, explored in countless books and comics. But in this particular throw-away adventure from 2000, Luke and a handful of his pupils (including the minstrel Tionne and an old prospector named Streen) travel to the world of Corbus where a mining excavation has awakened a slumbering evil, which happens to be a clichéd, uninspired monster story we’ve seen a billion times before transplanted into the SW Universe. But that's not the real problem. The real problem is the Leviathan itself:
The Leviathans were bioengineered serpentine sithspawn created by fallen Dark Jedi during the Hundred-Year Darkness. Living superweapons, leviathans roamed battlefields and drew the life-energies of enemy soldiers into blister traps that dotted their wide backs. When they killed a being, they could absorb all of his knowledge. They also could travel through lava unscathed.
Yes, the Leviathan is basically a Sith dragon that eats souls, which is absolutely the most evil thing an 8-year-old could possibly imagine. The rest of us aren't as impressed.
6) The Clone Emperor
In the early '90s, Dark Horse Comics attained the rights for the SW franchise. Their first foray in the Galaxy was the Dark Empire series, which continued the story of Luke ‘n’ Friends post-RotJ. Awesome, right? It has Luke turning to the dark side to stop a reborn Emperor (who cloned himself into a new, young Aryan body) which collectively blew our nerd minds right out the backs of our heads, and seemed like the SW movie sequel we'd never get.
Now that we're older, we can see the flaw in the story—specifically, the Clone Emperor. Not only does he pull some seriously bogus shit when he bends space and time using a “Force Storm" to capture Luke, but why the hell would the Emperor—who walked with a cane and was gorilla-slammed by Vader into a shaft—not put himself in a young clone the minute it was available? What the hell was he waiting for?
5) The Ewoks Cartoon
Most franchises in the ‘80s eventually shat out a cartoon in order to sell more toys and that’s exactly what SW did with the Ewoks cartoon show. Running from '85-'86, it followed the mediocre Saturday Morning formula and featured Wicket saving the day every episode. The staple goofy villains of the show were the naked, Grinch-looking Duloks who were led by the lice-infested King Gorneesh. Through 35 episodes Wicket palled around with Teebo, Latara, Shodu, and a doofus shape shifter named Mring-Mring, who was the king of the Gupins until he was outcast for being born without wings. Basically, it's the sort of story you tell a particularly stupid child at bedtime...if you're drunk and want to get back to playing videogames. (Seriously,get drunk and Google “Gupins.” It’ll cheer you up).
4) The Domestic Tranquility of Han and Luke
In the EU, Han marries Leia (surprise) and Luke marries Mara Jade (ex-chief assassin of the Emperor and now Jedi Master, naturally). Both couples have kids. Both couples get really, really annoyingly dull. They have guests over for dinner. They fight with their children about dating issues. Granted, on their own the characters still have depth and are damn interesting (Han goes berserk after the death of Chewbacca in the novel Vector Prime), but this married shit is like ever bad family sitcom ever written. Here’s an excerpt from the novel Betrayal:
“Han,” Leia said. “Not nice to argue in front of a guest.”
“Zekk’s not a guest. He’s the man chasing my daughter all over the galaxy.”
“Dad.” (Jaina Solo)
“I think-“ Han paused and looked around the table, finally aware of all the eyes on him. He plunged his fork into the last piece of spiceloaf on his plate and hurriedly swallowed the piece of meat. “I think I’m done. I think I’m going to wash some dishes.”
Not exactly the battle of Yavin, is it? Seriously, if these lovebirds are in a novel, then a good percentage of the chapters end with “Oh ,You” moments; “Same old Han,” Leia thought. “Always a politician,” Han said to himself. "I saw this in Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter," thought the reader.
3) Rokur Gepta
The Expanded Universe is full of new characters, some good, some evil, many of them hot alien Jedi chicks (especially in the comics). But none are more wretchedly awful than Rokur Gepta, from the 1983 novel Lando Calrissian and the Mindharp of Sharu. Gepta is a Croke; a species of multi-legged slugs from the planet Crakull in the Unknown Regions of space. The Croke are crazy good magicians (nothing to do with the Force) who can use their slug-magic to disguise themselves as full-size humans. Gepta does so and infiltrates a coven of Sith-friendly sorcerers on the planet Tund. This slug-bastard then annihilates all of them, which obviously makes the Emperor go “What’s up?”
Palpatine (who, despite being a Sith Master, cannot see through the slug’s illusion) gives this conjurer an Imperial cruiser and the authority to supersede all Imperial government and authority. Gepta uses his insane power to con Lando into trying to steal the Mindharp of Sharu (which is used to call back to life the Sharu; humanoid slaves who built some plastic pyramids, obviously). Lando figures his shit out and has a laser duel with Gepta in the vacuum of space. Homeboy shoots Gepta in the ankle (where the slug is hiding), destroying Gepta’s façade. Lando crushes the slug in his hand, heads back to the Falcon and pounds a Colt 45, well-deserved after starring in this incredibly convoluted and ridiculous story.
2) The Darksaber Novel
In ’92, Timothy Zahn’s masterpiece novel Heir to the Empire was released which reasonably seamlessly continued the story of SW beyond Return of the Jedi. Once Zahn proved that SW could be lucrative in novel form and crack the bestseller lists, pandora’s box was opened. I’m not sure the exact amount of novels that have been published since Zahn’s masterpiece, but the classic-to-crap ratio is insane. So many re-hashed plotlines which blur together keep coming up that should make fans slap their foreheads and say “Another $7.99 down the toilet!”
Take for example Darksaber by Kevin J. Anderson (who, in defense, is a great author that manages to capture the pace and feel of the original trilogy). In this 1996 novel, Bevel Lemelisk, chief engineer of the original Death Star, designs a new superweapon known as Darksaber. This time, he’s working for dirtbag Durga the Hutt (like Jabba, but with goals beyond drug smuggling and strippers). The former Rebels stopping a superweapon that threatens the galaxy?!?! No shit! Still, it's hard to ignore that the big villain of the book is a fucking civil engineer. He doesn't have a blaster. He's not a Sith. He's just got a drafting table, and as such, watching the New Republic scrambling to find him is akin to watching a town meeting discussing zoning issues on your local cable access channel. (Incidentally, for more an equally boring protagonist, check out Fall of the Sith Empire in which a hyperspace cartographer manages to foil the sinister plot of a Sith Master).
1) The Ewok Adventure and Battle for Endor TV Movies
These two gems take place somewhere between Episodes V and VI, and fuck knows where in relation to the Ewoks cartoon. The Ewok Adventure (1984) was originally intended to be a one hour television special, but was then extended to two hours when Lucas himself decided to spearhead the project (probably shitting himself over having another Holiday Special debacle). The movies revolve around the Towani family, a run-of-the-mill nuclear family who crash on Endor while on their way to a Space Costco. In Adventure, brother Mace (not Windu) and sister Cindel must gain the trust of the Ewoks to help rescue their parents Jeremitt and Catarine from the giant, axe-wielding Gorax.
In the sequel, Battle for Endor, Jeremitt is abducted by reptile-humanoid King Terak who is in search of “The Power” (which has nothing to do with Greyskull or the Ark of the Covenant, but is instead the hyperdrive from the Towani’s busted shuttle). In league with Terak is sorceress Charal, who looks like an ugly Anjelica Houston and can turn herself into a crow using a magic mood ring. The movie also features a bipedal, bucktooted-rodent-dwarf named Teek who has a righteous metabolism and is homeboys with Wilfred Brimley. That’s right, Wilfred Brimley (who I have honestly never seen in anything else except old-people insurance and Quaker Oats commercials). Brimley plays the cranky-old hermit Noa, who cooks biscuits and plays the recorder. He fucking hates Ewoks at first but then teams up with them to raid Terak’s castle and get that “Power” back. I could keep going, really. I’m just typing out what literally is in the movies. Look, just go buy the double feature DVD at Target. It’s like 8 bucks.
Comments
Just wanna point out that Wilford Brimley was in The Thing. Because he was badass in it. That is all.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 05:57:20 AMA fantastic article. And that spiceloaf bit from "Betrayal" reminds me of when Leia was drinking hot chocolate in one of Timothy Zahn's books. I think it was even referred to as an old Earth drink, if my foggy memory serves me.
Anyways, this list is wonderful!
Posted 08/07/2008 at 06:08:58 AM"Yes, the Leviathan is basically a Sith dragon that eats souls, which is absolutely the most evil thing an 8-year-old could possibly imagine. The rest of us aren't as impressed."
Then the rest of you probably should stop being obsessed with things that are for eight year olds.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 06:29:27 AMAw man. cummins beat me to the spiceloaf line.
Han eating spiceloaf with company. Jesus that is lame.
But yea, this is a fan-damn-tastic list. Better to have bowed out of the SW thing in 1999 after Episode 1 I think and avoid at least half this crap.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 06:30:40 AMI recall the ILM special effects in the "Endor" shows were still more impressive than anything in episodes 1,2&3. They actually looked like they fit in with the original 3.
...or maybe my memory is failing me.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 06:45:57 AMThe saving grace of the second Ewok movie is the underlying horror that Cindel's entire family from the first movie is DEAD. And not just dead - slaughtered by the main bad guy.
"Hey kids, enjoying the film? Aren't the Ewoks cute? Wasn't it great when the bad guy killed the little girl's ENTIRE FAMILY and left her an orphan on a strange planet?"
Posted 08/07/2008 at 06:55:31 AMyoure forgetting the entire atrocity that was vector prime. hey kids, this book is great, huh? we got a whole new bad guy race that everyone is gonna have to fight and defeat somehow? oh look, they just dropped a planet on chewie! whoa, scary, huh?
more like worst series ever. things went downhill right after that.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 07:18:48 AMyeah this article was good, but how about you flip the script and give us 8 things from the EU worth our time? i'd like to see that list, too.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 07:22:14 AMTake for example Darksaber by Kevin J. Anderson (who, in defense, is a great author that manages to capture the pace and feel of the original trilogy).
Kevin J. Anderson?
"Great author"?
Dude, WTF?
Posted 08/07/2008 at 07:36:12 AMC'mon guys Wilford Brimley was also the chief hit man for the law firm in the Tom Cruisde movie THE FIRM, based of course off the Grisham novel, and not a bad flick I might add
Posted 08/07/2008 at 07:40:35 AMWhat about Dash Rendar? He was nothing more than a lame carbon copy of Han Solo, minus the cool.
And I can't believe you left out the Yuuzhan Vong. They are the worst "big bad threat to the universe" that the Star Wars folks ever faced.
Basically, a freaky race of extra-galactic beings who hate technology and use genetically engineered weapons and ships. Their starships were nothing more than flying rocks, with their bigger ships being giant boulders. Their personal weapons were living things.
They are the Star Wars equivalent of the Cobra-La! And how many books were devoted to that stupid series? Way too many.
And I agree with Robert, I'd love to see a top 10 things to come from the EU. My suggestions would be the X-Wing novels. Wedge Antilles and a squad of pilots being a bunch of Top Gun style badasses = good times.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 07:54:36 AMand don't forget Wilford from Remo Williams
Posted 08/07/2008 at 07:56:39 AMHudson: Brimley was fantastic in The Firm. And Tom Cruise beating him senseless with a briefcase is up there with the most surreal film moments of all time.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 08:02:09 AMBrimley's best role? The Cajun, horse-riding archer in Van Damme's "Hard Target." You haven't lived until you've heard the old fart attempt a Louisiana bayou accent.
Yuuzhan Vong at least brought something new to the SW Universe, as lame as their organic bullshit was. Being immune to the Force? Destroying Coruscant? Using dog creatures that hunt down Force sensitives? Pretty sick.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 08:10:37 AMAnd Vector Prime was awesome solely because they killed off a major character from the Trilogy, which needed to happen.
I had the exact same reaction when I read the back of Darksaber when it came out. "Oh, look, yet ANOTHER book about the Rebels/New Republic having to fight a superweapon." That was the precise moment I officially stopped giving two shits about Star Wars books.
Frankly, you're really limiting yourself here with just 8 things. The EU as a whole is pretty awful.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 08:14:44 AMTwo things:
"an ugly Angelica Huston"--is there another kind?
And I can't believe everyone is forgetting Mr. Wilford "Dia-Bitties" Brimley in "THE THING"!
Seriously!
Posted 08/07/2008 at 08:49:52 AMI'm sorry, but "Coruscant Nights: Jedi Twilight" sounds like the first Expanded Universe thing I've ever wanted to read. (And I used to read Star Trek novels! One of them was actually a musical. A musical novel.)
Maybe it's my love of Asimov's "Caves of Steel" series, or this pulp-novel kick I've been on, but the idea of a hard-boiled Jedi detective with a protocol droid partner sounds awesome, although I don't know how he stays undetected on Coruscant with the Emperor and Darth Vader around.
And on the cover, the protocol droid is carrying a freaking lightsaber -- "unorthodox," indeed. Does he speak kick-ass?
Posted 08/07/2008 at 09:18:19 AMZach,
Posted 08/07/2008 at 09:29:11 AMDo you remember the name of that musical Trek novel? It sounds like something worth checking out in an odd way.
Did every EU Jedi survive Order 66? Sure, some of the most powerful Jedi perished in the initial attacks, but are you telling me that these also-ran's maanged to slip under the radar? Maybe if Stackpole or Kevin J. Anderson created Ki-Adi-Mundi, he would have miraculously survived too. He also would have opened a bed-and-breakfast on Tattoine and dipensed sage advice to young newlyweds.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 11:16:24 AMDid every EU Jedi survive Order 66? Sure, some of the most powerful Jedi perished in the initial attacks, but are you telling me that these also-ran's maanged to slip under the radar?
Why wouldn't they have? The first priority would have been to eliminate the most powerful of the Order, from the Council Masters downward, so Mace, Yoda, Obi-Wan, Ki-Adi-Mundi, Plo-Koon, Kit Fisto and so forth, with the less powerful but still-prominent lower-ranks like Aayla Secura and Quinlan Vos (who should totally die already) forming the next tier.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 11:25:02 AMClone Emperor should have tipped me off back then for the shitstorm of bad ideas that would come out of the EU.
Also, the fact that Han Solo is eating Spice Loaf is a good enough reason not to read any EU book. Just f'ing call it meat loaf.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 02:08:19 PMLove the domestic scene with Han and Leia. Leia sitting on the toilet while Han shaves...the possibilities are endless.
Dash Rendar does suck pretty bad as well. There wasn't a kid alive who played the Shadows of the Empire videogame and didn't wonder why he had to be that goofball instead of a "real" Star Wars character. Hell, I would've preferred being the Rancor keeper...
Posted 08/07/2008 at 02:59:40 PMBy far the absolute worst thing about the expanded Star Wars Universe is the sad fact that, despite having an EXPANDED UNIVERSE to play in, they keep re-hashing and regurgitating the same tired old, worn out ideas (Sith, Hutts, bounty hunters named Fett, Tatooine, heroes avenging dead parents, aliens who "have a great affinity for the force". Seriously, after seeing the 1,084,359th guy named "Darth", the Jedi hardboiled detective looks fresh and new.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 05:52:25 PMThe Shadow—I couldn't have said it better myself. And I technically get paid to say it better. You fucker.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 05:58:54 PMYou obviously didn't even read "Coruscant Nights: Jedi Twilight". The book has absolutely nothing to do with the lame cover blurb, and I'm annoyed that you felt as though you could add it to your list without having read it. Jax Pavan isn't a Same-Spade-esque detective at all, he's more of a bounty hunter, and once the plot begins he quits. And Den Dhur is anything but hard-boiled. The book itself is actually all right. It's not going to be winning any prizes or anything, but it hardly deserves the criticism it gets from people who didn't read it. It has some great characters including Xizor, Nick Rostu and I-5YQ. Perhaps the best part of the book is that it actually explores the concept of Droid sentience and whether they are appliances or people. It's something that's been surprisingly rare in a franchise which has such beloved Droid personalities as R2-D and C-3P0.
I also object to your mention of "Domestic Tranquility." There's no domestic tranquility at all, but there is an element of family life. That's a necessary component of any story, and it's always been a part of the Star Wars universe, or don't you remember Luke whining at his aunt and uncle in A New Hope? That one scene you quoted is fairly brief and _very_ tongue-in-cheek, anyway.
Other than that, I agree with the rest of your points, but I fee
Posted 08/07/2008 at 08:31:14 PM(sorry, part of the last comment got eaten)
Other than that, I agree with the rest of your points, but I feel like the article is damaged by your unreasonable objections the the family elements of Star Wars and Jedi Twilight, which I doubt you read.
Posted 08/07/2008 at 08:35:22 PMWell, I actually bought Jedi Twilight and got about half way through... It's pretty bad folks. Jax is just an uninteresting character, and the I-5 the protocol droid is annoying and the story is just stagnant. and the dialog is worse. For instance, Darth Vader is searching for Jax and actually says: "I must find the Jedi Jax Pavan, we have issues". Really could you immagine Darth Vader saying that?
Posted 08/07/2008 at 10:02:22 PMAnyway the only redeeming part of that book is the story about Prince Xizor and the bird humanoid guy thats trying to assassinate him. But dont bother guys, The Force Unleashed comes out in a few weeks.
You shouldn't bash a book that you haven't read.
I haven't read Darksaber so I won't comment on it but I have read enough books from that era to know that plots were pretty lame like The Crystal Star and The New Rebellion.
Han and Leia were doing something that a family does: eat dinner togather. It's not an old concept in Star Wars. Anakin, Shmi, Qui-Gon Padme and Jar Jar had a meal togather and talked about their lives. Deleteed Scene Anakin and Padme had a meal with her family and talked over it. And last but not least Luke , Owen and Beru had supper and talked.
As for the spice-loaf authers are trying to covay the closest thing to what their eating. And maybe they are eating spice-loaf. But remember Naboo has ducks (not kidding!!!) and a staute of a horse like creature.
I will amit that the Ewok movies weren't too great, plot wise.
I agree about the Emperor's clone and since Anakin Skywalker is the Chosen One (Mr. Lucas said so) he shouldn't've died if the Emperor had escaped death since it is his (Anakin) job to kill him.
I will diss the fact that Tionne(sp) is a bard and barters for things with songs.
Sidious not sensing an illision??? When Hoth melts, Tatoonie becomes green, When Mustafar cools down and when Obi-Wan, Anakin and Yoda walk on our moon and come visit us
The Vong were a new fresh idea so I won't go there.
Other than my complaints I agree.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 04:34:17 AM
Posted 08/08/2008 at 05:25:57 AMI really think you forgot about Alan Dean Foster's Splinter of the Mind's Eye. That novel was maybe the only one that made me want to gag. No matter how bad Darksaber and Planet of Twilight were, they still had a better plot than Splinter.
Leia acting completly irrational in public and getting caught by an emperial Captain who has no ideea about proper interrogation technycs (he actually tells them that he can't hurt them because he'll get reprimanded...wow,way to go! I'm sure Vader would be proud). Luke understand a very rare language, Yuzzem?, which he learned on the farm. And in all the time when they were trying to escape ( a week or more) Leia's only thought is that she has to be on time for a meeting on Circarpous. That's all very plausible, right?
The only thing that saves it from beeing the worst SW book ever is the fact that it was the frist EU and written right after Episode 4.
One word: Callista. I hate that damn character.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 05:32:20 AMWhat a jaded little man you are. Can you not accept the stories for what they are...stories? Star Wars was designed...for 8 year olds!! I love that because you are a little blogger on the internet you can spout this venom and feel safe from retribution. Typical internet tough guy. Take a walk on the forest to clear your mind of all this hate.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 05:50:57 AMAnything within the EU that 'repels' or 'rejects' the Force, such as the Yuuzhan Vong and the ysalamiri piss me off.
And 'The Crystal Star' deserves to be at the top of this list; worst friggin book ever.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 07:38:19 AMctrad45: Safe from retribution? If I were to read this out loud in the town common would I be attacked? But you are right, I am jaded. I've been madly in love with SW since I could walk and when you care about something that much, you don't want to see it go down the toilet. In regards to calling me an "internet tough guy," you couldn't be farther from the truth. Being openly critical about something does not make me tough. But thanks for reading.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 09:13:32 AMPS: How does one walk "on" the forest?
And your answer is to attack typo? Good job, internet tough guy. It's cowardly media types like you that ruin the world for real media types. Instead of just leaving you comment you, you had to attack a typo of all things...
It's to bad theforce.net ran a link to this. Otherwise my ignorance would have been bliss. Instead I'm left with the realization that in the world of the internet credibility and accountability are null and void...
*shrug*
Posted 08/08/2008 at 09:56:48 AMhmmmm, I actually kinda liked Darksaber, if only because of the continuance of the Admiral Daala, Captain Pellaeon, and Jedi Knight trainee plots. Of course, I did read it in 9th grade, but still.
IMO one of the worse novels that hasn't been mentioned is The Courtship of Princess Leia. That was a stinker.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 10:19:08 AMThere was a bit more in my answer than your typo, you comment you.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 10:29:00 AMZach, if you look closely, it's the Jedi Jax Pavan's hand holding the lightsaber, not the droid on the cover of Jedi Twilight. Now isn't that supposed to be the son of Lorn Pavan from the Darth Maul Shaowhunter book, hanging out with his own sidekick droid? If I'm wrong, fine, but that's what I thought.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 10:59:19 AMI also thought that some of the Darkhorse comics portraying the knights of the old republic could be a bit dry at times and could have to stood to have better artwork. I was attracted to them at first because of the x-box games (which I loved) but that was my impression of the comics.
The death Of Chewbacca should have been on the list.My girlfrined and I were both pissed when we saw that mentioned in the Star Wars Insiders top 100 things under Chewbaccas listing.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 11:01:53 AMKevin Anderson was the sole purveyor of those "superweapon of the month" stories. "Darksaber" should be lumped in with the Jedi Academy Trilogy for that reason.
Anyone remember the Sun Crusher? Could there be a more Star-Trekkian idea in Star Wars? Anderson, McIntyre, and several others seem to be missing the point that Star Wars isn't about technology.
KJA and everything with his name on it is therefore one of the 8 worst in my book.
And Patrick, you really should read books before you trash them. I agree with much of your list but it's clear you didn't read "Coruscant Nights", and that reduces your credibility.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 12:10:03 PMI suggest the author of this article read Jedi Twilight before putting it on the list. The back cover excerpt is misleading. Jax is not really a "private investigator" and the story has very little in common with traditional detective stories. In addition, there are far more things that are worse in the EU universe than that book.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 12:15:37 PMYou know the worst thing about these "Best" and "Worst" lists? The fact that people find time to write them. Honestly, I guess I have better things to do with my time than come up with reasons to bitch about someone else's work.
You didn't like it? Great. I care? Time to move on folks. Life is too short.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 12:27:10 PMThe whole EW thing started moving toward stupidity with the Jedi Academy trilogy, and then never recovered.
I think they explained why the emperor never took a clone body in the comics, but other than that, this list is great. Just too short.
I quit reading EU crap after Vector Prime. Damn, that was one boring book. Almost as boring as the Crystal Star. I mean, okay, you killed a second banana. Big deal. All you did was make room for more domestic Han.
I picked up an EU book not long ago and read the synopsis, and damn. No names were even familiar. The EU needs to be flushed to the garbage compactor and dumped.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 01:55:30 PMI like the EU as a whole, but that is just me, they introuce new characters (some good and some bad as in interesting or not) and they have their ups and downs with it just like any long lasting franchise. Look at Final Fantasy games, most people like certain games and then despise other games. It is going to happen when you have so many hands dipping into the same pot. There are going to be holes and contradictions in the EU that can only be explained afterwards, but oh well. You have to take the good with the bad if you are going to be a true Starwoid......
Posted 08/08/2008 at 02:48:48 PMwow. this douche didn't even read some of the stuff he says sucks... did you even READ Coruscant Nights, or just type the back of the book, and say "well this sucks". actually if it was ANYTHING like the back of the book it would be better than it already was. as for the Palpatine Clones, you really REALLY didn't read Dark Empire if it makes the top 8 of worst EU stuff. sir actually read some of this stuff before you post about it, because there is ALOT worse stuff EU wise than some of this.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 03:37:58 PM[I]"I've been madly in love with SW since I could walk and when you care about something that much, you don't want to see it go down the toilet." - Patrick Cooper[/I]
I wouldn't really consider SW "going down the toilet." It is actually esculating, what with a new movie, 2 tv series upcoming, and plenty of visual and reading material being brought about! Granted, not everything is great or interesting to you, but many others [B]DO[/B] enjoy it.
Not everything in the world is of interest, right? I mean do you read the entire newspaper, or watch every single tv show, movie, read everybook? No! All things written in the Star Wars Universe is meant to bring life to the Universe and create new fans in... Not everyone likes the same things.
I also agree with everyone about Coruscant Nights! You can add something to a "Worst List" if you have not read it! Jax is a PI for all of 3 minutes, in fact he doesn't ever do any PI work! It's a good book, it has a great story, which has nothing to due with Private Investigating or Detective work! You might want to give it a try!
@Shawn - Yes, there does seem to be many Jedi that escaped and survived Order 66 and the Purge, but not every Jedi was @ the Temple, or assigned a clone army to lead in the War. Some, like Jax, had other small missions they were on, or overcame/escaped the clones. Remember in Ep.III, Vader sent out a message from the temple calling all Jedi back(obviously they hadn't killed them all), and later the message was reversed by Obi-Wan, so it is possible that many Jedi survived...
Posted 08/08/2008 at 04:19:01 PMIt's been very funny reading all this.
But seriously. For every person I've seen complaining online about how boring the domestic life of the Big Three is, there is another person complaining about how they've saved the galaxy and fought in wars too many times to EVER be believable, and there needs to be MORE domesticity. For every person complaining about how the cloned Emperor came back too many times and negated the entire meaning of the OT, I see another person who loved the series. For every person who complains about the lack of the old and familiar in the EU, there's a person complaining that they've seen enough of the same old planets, situations, and characters, and could we PLEASE have new planets, situations, and characters, please oh pretty please???
Moral: You cannot, no matter what you do, please all of the people all of the time.
What's too bad is that the SW brand is capable of much more than simply endeavoring to extend the soap opera for as long as they can keep the fans buying. With the mystical elements in the films and the deep universal themes GL wrote into the OT especially, SW could have branched much farther afield, into the sort of literature that T. H. White tried to do with the Authurian legends, for example, and appealed to a much wider audience in a much deeper way. I believe it's possible to write a real classic set in this universe.
But I don't see that ever happening, as long as all it's about is continuity, big name authors, and keeping the "story" going. Even "Dallas" ran out of gas after 13 years, folks, and it was pretty ridic at the end, too.
Posted 08/08/2008 at 05:09:13 PMcummins said:
> Zach,
> Do you remember the name of that musical Trek novel? It
> sounds like something worth checking out in an odd way.
That's got to be John M. Ford's HOW MUCH FOR JUST THE PLANET? Many people love it, while I think it's one of the worst exercises in self-indulgence that I've ever read.
Posted 08/14/2008 at 06:37:47 PMI'm surprised to see The Ewok Adventure as #1. The film works pretty well as a tween fantasy adventure, and features some really great artistic and effects work.
Posted 08/17/2008 at 07:06:26 AM
Posted 01/20/2009 at 06:55:06 AMStar Wars is seriously lacking in same sex relationships. I always secretly hoped that Chewie and Han would become lovers. I was really disappointed when Chewie died.
Haven't seen the movies forever, but the Ewoks are the only reason why I got into Star Wars in the first place. I don't get why people hate them other than the fact their in a nerd rage that their "pweshious" little series isn't "big, bad, and cool" anymore (like it ever was to being with).
Posted 07/02/2009 at 12:28:25 PM