10 Stunningly Misleading NES Box Art Covers
Posted at 5:07 AM Sep 23, 2008
By George Bently
Drugs. One can only blame illegal substances for the exceptionally large number of bat-shit insane, totally weird, fantastically awesome or otherwise completely misleading (yes, they’re all part and parcel of the same grouping) cover art designs to original NES games. Sometimes hilarious, sometimes tragic, these covers often had nothing to do with the game, as if the people bringing it over had never seen a single screenshot from the cartridge inside.
Trying to narrow the list of the hundreds and hundreds of NES game box covers down to the Top 10 Most Ridiculous is nearly impossible, considering that roughly one out of every three covers has a reasonably high “What the fuck?” factor. So let’s dive in and highlight 10 completely ridiculous NES Box Art Covers and we can call it a day.
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10) Xenophobe
The game, according to the cover art: Alien: The Videogame!
The game, in reality: Well…kind of Alien: The Videogame, albeit a horrible, horrible ripoff of the Alien concept (Little creatures hatch from eggs and attack by latching onto players. If the creatures aren’t killed, they turn into bigger, meaner, more lizard-like beasts) whereupon players battle the alien Xenos from different levels and violence happens. Whatever. It worked pretty well in the arcade, but was utter shit on NES.
What the fuck? factor: 7/10. This could’ve been a simple footnote in silly NES covers but god damn that is one fucked up completely abysmal hack-job swipe of H.R. Giger’s xenomorph designs.
9) Bomberman
The game, according to the cover art: An explosion-fest maybe mixed with some sort of future football-type game. With bombs and explosions. Aces!
The game, in reality: A puzzle-y game with lots of explosions. Seriously, you just firebomb the shit out of those 8-bit levels.
What the fuck? factor: 7.5/10. Aside from the, ya know, bombs, there’s no real correlation between the game and the cover art. Which sucks. Explosionball would be a kickass game. Still, it’s not as disparate as our No. 1 choice. (Don’t skip ahead!)
8) Clu Clu Land
The game, according to the cover art: Undecided. There’s no fucking way any sane human could guess as to what this game could be by looking at the cover art. No way.
The game, in reality: It’s a puzzle/maze game where the player is a fish and has to find gold. I think. It’s kinda like Pac-Man, but totally fucking whack.
What the fuck? factor: 7.8/10. Holy shit, even knowing what this game is about and seeing the fish dude in action, I’m still not sure what’s going on with this cover. It has that cool NES style thing where most of the box art is just a black void, so that does reduce its weirdness a bit.
7) A Boy and His Blob
The game, according to the cover art: A raucous adventure starring a wide-eyed boy and his creamy, gooey—yet hard—milky white blob pal get into mischief.
The game, in reality: A side-scrolling platformer where you feed a semen monster named Bobert.
What the fuck? factor: 8/10. My first thought was, “Who the fuck is David Crane?” After Googling him, I know that he created Pitfall, but I still don’t care. I’m more concerned with the fact that a parent would not only let their child hang out with a semen monster, but this semen monster likes jellybeans and said boy is the only one who can save the semen monster’s home planet/dimension. I also worry this is a fairy tale told by Michael Jackson to his young visitors to the Neverland Ranch.
6) Zanac
The game, according to the cover art: There’s a ship that shoots things…and has radar…and some optical illusions maybe? If you start looking at the image from the top down, you’re screwed. Go from the bottom up. It’s the only part that makes sense.
The game, in reality: It’s a hardcore (as explained by the fine folks at Destructoid) vertical shoot-em-up where your goal is to survive against some maniacally evil AI. And apparently there’s a story somewhere in there about the System and saving the universe.
What the fuck? factor: 8.5/10. The game kicks ass, but boy howdy there’s something fucked up about that box art. It reminds me of that movie In the Mouth of Madness. The more you explore it, the more twisted and nasty things get. I swear, it gives me the willies.
5) Kabuki Quantum Fighter
The game, according to the cover art: A cyberpunk Kabuki fighting game. With a demon dog thing. Sweeeet.
The game, in reality: A Ninja Gaiden-style action game where you’re a dude who has to save the world by going into the Matrix to battle an unnamed enemy while harnessing the Kabuki powers of his ancestors…in the form of long, deadly hair.
What the fuck? factor: 8.8/10. It’s like a car crash between cast-off second rate William Gibson ideas, bad graphic design and Kabuki. It’s totally gruesome, but I can’t stop staring. Fun fact: If Wikipedia is to be believed (and it should be, always), KQF has gained some recent cult status, having shown up in Lost, Arrested Development and Garden State.
4) Blaster Master
The game, according to the cover art: There’s a sick monster! You either play as it or you have to defeat it, but either way, that’s gonna be off the hook!
The game, in reality: One hard motherfucking game. Sometimes you’re in a ship, blasting away. Sometimes you’re a big-headed dude, blasting away. Usually, you’re dying. I don’t think I knew anyone who beat it when I was a kid. As for that sick monster, he’s equally as sick-looking at the end of the game.
What the fuck? factor: 9/10. The game’s cover really gives no clue as to what lies ahead, which in and of itself is messed up. Toss the messed up looking creature on top and that’s pretty fucked.
3) Galaga
The game, according to the cover art:: It’s very confusing. Galaga is a well-known game, a vertical arcade shooter. But this? Demons of Death? Something that looks like one of the Insecticons? It must be Galaga on acid!
The game, in reality: It’s Galaga. No acid.
What the fuck? factor: 9.5/10. This definitely hits that sweet spot of misleading cover art. By bridging the name recognition of Galaga with that blocky font and the weird ship design, the mad minds behind Bandai cooked up something nice and twisted.
2) Stinger
The game, according to the cover art: Who the fuck knows? Laser-firing space ships with boxing gloves? Flying coat hangers with googly eyes? A bell? A pyramid? This could go anywhere.
The game, in reality: A spectacular shoot-em-up with levels varying between vertical and horizontal. Yes, you control a laser-firing space ship that wears boxing gloves. Yes, you fight flying coat hangers (and pretzels and boots and other previously inanimate monstrosities). Yes, there are pyramids. Yes, bosses include pit-spitting watermelons and a boom box (okay, those aren’t pictured on the cover).
What the fuck? factor: 9.8/10. The cover art is pretty fucking wild, but, strangely enough, it pales in comparison to weird shit found in the game—and the other games in the mostly Japanese series.
1) Mega Man
The game, according to the cover art: Well, there’s an old dude with a gun and maybe a palace or a city in the background. A pretty standard failure.
The game, in reality: One of the most beloved and easily recognized franchises in videogames. The main character is a robot boy with a gun for an arm who has to battle enemies and save his scientist father. It’s like AI but not as pretentious.
What the fuck? factor: 10/10. C’mon, this one was a no-brainer. I’m pretty sure there are academic papers dedicated to the cover art to Mega Man and how utterly atrocious, yet beautifully chaotic it is. For added fun, check out the covers to Mega Man 2 and Mega Man 3 to see how long it took Capcom USA to get their shit together.
Comments
Don't knock on Clu Clu Land to hard. That was THE best multi player game to come out with the release of the NES.
The box may be misleading, but they all were that early in the systems life. They were still trying to compete with the Atari for interest and I don't think a lot was spent on the art.
The game plays like a mix between Pac-Man and Bomber Man. It is fast and odd, but a great time.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 06:46:36 AMGreat article. I didn't really get into gaming until the SNES and I seem to remember some misleading box art for that system too.
By the way, you like to the Mega Man 3 box art sends you to the Mega Man 2 box art.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 07:07:54 AM(first off, EXCELLENT live blog last night)
that Mega Man shit is hilarious... i remember always being SO confused by the Mega Man 2 box as a kid.
and if anybody at Nintendo is reading this, they better be fast-tracking Explosionball.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 08:02:36 AMStill, it’s not as disparate as our No. 1 choice. (Don’t skip ahead!)
I had to laugh at that line, given you'd already told us what the number one choice was with the Megaman box art at the top :P
Great article though!
Posted 09/23/2008 at 08:03:14 AMThe fish dude in Clu Clu land is actually a lady. Again, not that you could tell.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 08:58:48 AMLeaving NES-land, I am reminded of the box art for Breath of Fire. I actually did not buy that game based on that alone. Then somehow I ended up seeing the game itself and seeing that it looked completely and utterly different than the box art I actually purchased it.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 09:13:41 AMSEMEN MONSTER! Ahhhhh!
Gold, brother. Gold.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 09:41:39 AMHate to say it, but #1 was entirely too predictable; these lists would be far better if at the outset, Mega Man was exempt, given a "Lifetime Achievement Award" for the worst/most insane boxart ever, and is mentioned at the start (as the image at the top seemingly implied). Otherwise, it just takes all the fun out of it.
And no mention of Mega Man 9's "box art" as a retro love letter to the sheer WTF-ness of the original? For shame.
Other than that common pitfall, good article.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 01:53:41 PMA lot of these games are from before my time, but I remember thinking that A Boy and His Blob was sweet. And what about EVERY NAMCO GAME EVER MADE? Those games were fun, but the box made them look so much cooler than they really were.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 02:36:49 PMYour grandma likes FilthyRichmond.com
Posted 09/23/2008 at 02:37:15 PMThanks for the input, Joss.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 02:41:40 PMi think i was the only one of my friends to own xenophobe. the game never ended, as far as i knew. that game, and deadly towers. someone please tell me they played deadly towers. and tell me if there was an ending.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 03:02:56 PMThese covers are very misleading, but I guess it was the time. It's not like they could put horrible 8 bit graphics displaying a point and a circle, firing a tiny line at something and expect to sell the game.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 03:03:03 PMWhy on earth does this article exist without any screenshots of the game in question?
Posted 09/23/2008 at 03:27:18 PMcheers on referencing STINGER, a game I thought no one knew about or appreciated like I did...wow!
Posted 09/23/2008 at 04:31:52 PMI loved most of these games. What is with all the profanity in your reviews? Makes you sound unintelligent, not cool.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 05:10:18 PMMegaman series does not look like that at all in Europe atleast. the first game is with megaman standing on a hill with his gun waving. the second game, megman 2 is beatufil over here with him firing at a wall or something. And the 3rd game was megamans face i think with the evil boss minions in the background. the fourth one is with pharaoman and megaman battling it out on some rooftops. the fifth and forward is the same as the japaneese covers afaik.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 05:33:45 PMfuck that.
a boy and his blob delivers what is promised
Posted 09/23/2008 at 06:38:58 PMI was expecting to see Phalanx.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 07:20:16 PMFor Tom and Sven, the article I think doesn't seeks to compare the beauty, or "reality" of the box art to the 8Bit game inside, let's be real if you print 8Bit images on the box it would sell a lot less... thus also including images of the games albeit easy would let people easily fall onto the pitfall (haha) of comparing the graphic "quality" between the box art and the game art.
The idea here is to talk about misguided box art, it's not that the graphic quality changes, but that the ideas or logic behind the art has nothing to do with the game PLAY of the game... thus it's very interesting to see for example in the case of megaman, how a youngish gun-for-arm robot plataform game is depicted in the boxes for two consecutive versions as an old looking human with a hand held pity of a gun... not to mention that in box art for megaman 1 the guy looks to be utterly perplexed at being abandoned (quite suddenly it seems) in a tropical techno hell that could only be inspired by drinking too many piña coladas after doing a load of LSD.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 10:41:35 PMWell, as a matter of fact, I played some of these videogames and guess what: this list is misleading as well.
"A Boy and His Blob": I regret having purchased for this little piece of shit. I was a kid and we hadn't much choice back then: you had to choose quick if your parents opened a window to buying a videogame, so I spent little time in deciding. The whole idea for the game wasn't that bad: you had this semen-like alien creature that shaped in several things depending on some colored gum pills that you gave to him. Thing was, the game itself was so simple that it didn't matter that you had the Blob, the situations where he was useful were stupid.
"Kabuki Quantum Fighter": Your review about this one is totally wrong. This was an awesome game when it came out: a side-scrolling plataformer as well, but you controlled some sort of kung-fu dude that kicked ass. Seriously, the game let you fully control your character and that gave you a sensation of actually BECOMING a kung-fu master. No surprise that it has reached a cult status ;)
Posted 09/24/2008 at 02:22:24 AMhey man, your article made me laugh, and remember how crappy some old games art were.
but i remember i loved a lot some of these, even if the box art was crap. like kabuki, or blaster master.
anyway, you forgot one hell of a megaman cover here!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v316/dirtyhippie7818/megaman20f.jpg
and this one, to the left
http://www.retropelihuolto.com/kuvat/kokoelma/helmet/nes_megaman2_cib_palnoeusa.jpg
and that pacman here, worst pacman box ever. it owuld be in the top 10 for sure....
Posted 09/24/2008 at 06:36:29 AMhttp://scottthong.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/pacman.jpg
How are some of these bad or misleading? Clu Clue land... it's a screen shot. Stinger shows, as you admit yourself, EXACTLY WHAT'S IN THE GAME. Yes, some of these are horrible (mainly Mega Man, but at this point, saying that the Mega Man box art is bad is like making a joke about GW Bush being stupid... everyone's done it already), but on the whole... not a great list..
Posted 09/24/2008 at 08:14:28 AMI dunno. i thought the list was really good.
Posted 09/24/2008 at 05:19:58 PMThere is also an alt cover for Mega Man 2 http://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-media/product-gallery/B00004SVS3/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_images_2?ie=UTF8&index=2
The Game 3d world runner was an abomination with ridiculous cover art
http://www.amazon.com/3D-World-Runner-Nes/dp/B0009JOA1M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=videogames&qid=1222306741&sr=1-1
How about a "shooting game" that shows exploding dishes?
http://www.amazon.com/Barker-Bill-nintendo-entertainment-system/dp/B00004SVYD/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=videogames&qid=1222306964&sr=1-1
If you want some NES accessories that didn't live up to what they were suppose to be look no further than the power glove and R.O.B the robot! What a waste of money those were!
Posted 09/24/2008 at 06:48:06 PMGod I wish white people would get over the Mega Man box already. It's ugly. Get over it.
Posted 09/24/2008 at 07:27:48 PMThanks dude! I laughed my ass off. Absolutely hilarious. I would love to see this list expanded to even include the top 50 most misleading boxart.
Posted 09/25/2008 at 08:57:56 AMI actually beat Blaster Master 6 times as a kid in middle school. First time was after 3 months and 1 broken NES controller. The next 5 times was to prove to friends who didnt think I actually beat it. This was, by far, the hardest game I have ever played.
Boy and his Blob was only frustrating(missing the jelly bean lay-up into the blob's mouth then having to back track to get another because you cannot progress in the level without him changing into a ladder) but delivered on the cover art.
Posted 09/25/2008 at 12:48:27 PMWow Tom, thanks for putting in your two-cents on what white people care about, you fucking stupid piece of shit.
Posted 09/25/2008 at 04:43:51 PMWow Tom, thanks for putting in your two-cents on what white people care about, you fucking stupid piece of shit.
Posted 09/25/2008 at 04:45:02 PMWow, I totally forgot about most of these games, nice post.
Posted 09/27/2008 at 11:40:08 AMhahahahahah lolz this was funny
Posted 09/29/2008 at 01:02:42 AMYou left out Meldac's "Zombie Nation," a game with cover art made from miniatures and toys. The problem is, as f***ed up as the cover is, it can't even begin to describe the weirdness that is "Zombie Nation."
Posted 09/29/2008 at 08:09:20 AMI love the way you tell us not to skip ahead to #1, all the while the Mega Man box art is up top. You aren't surprising anyone.
Posted 10/03/2008 at 10:33:59 AMI love how bent some of you got over this article. Man, thanks for the laughs.
Posted 10/15/2008 at 07:54:31 AMone boy's blob is another mans wife-
Posted 10/21/2008 at 09:49:56 PMBlastermaster fucking rocked
Posted 10/25/2008 at 08:31:00 PMGreat article thanks.
I was always confused by the old man holding a gun and just assumed that it was Mega Man since you never saw the old guy in the game. MegaMan 2 & 3 have to be my all time favorite from that franchise especially the music.
And I have to say CluClu Land was a damn good multiplayer game. You use those wrench like hooks to make 90/180 degree turns the trick was in the timing. The point of the game was to connect the dots and make a picture. You just didn't know until you flew/swam thru 2 dots on the board that you completed a line. Each line you connect gets you a coin and whoever completed more of the picture won that level.
And then there was Captain Skyhawk...
Oh and don't forget Mappy or City Connection.
Posted 11/10/2008 at 03:09:04 PMGreat article thanks.
I was always confused by the old man holding a gun and just assumed that it was Mega Man since you never saw the old guy in the game. MegaMan 2 & 3 have to be my all time favorite from that franchise especially the music.
And I have to say CluClu Land was a damn good multiplayer game. You use those wrench like hooks to make 90/180 degree turns the trick was in the timing. The point of the game was to connect the dots and make a picture. You just didn't know until you flew/swam thru 2 dots on the board that you completed a line. Each line you connect gets you a coin and whoever completed more of the picture won that level.
And then there was Captain Skyhawk...
Oh and don't forget Mappy or City Connection.
Posted 11/10/2008 at 03:09:05 PMAll I did was read the title and boom Mega Man jumped into my head. That's always been a big WTF for me over the years. I'm willing to bet that's the first game you thought of when you came up with this list as well.
Posted 02/13/2009 at 05:35:34 PMthe worst i remember was the back of the box of the T&C surf and skate game. it showed a picture of a half-pipe skating board that, to my knowledge, did not exist in the game.
Posted 04/02/2009 at 02:55:51 AMI think the name of the game in NES box art was featuring artwork "inspired by" the game...I always laughed at how the box art had nothing to do with how you would actually play.
Posted 04/15/2009 at 04:42:54 PMNo, No, No. Six thousand times no.
I'm sorry to say this, but this list is a cataclysmic assorted sampler of epic fail.
Not only are most of the games you ridicule actually great games, but again, hardly ANY of these covers are misleading at all.
I cannot possibly fathom what, in the recesses of any sort of absolutely crack addled mind could conceive of such a terrible list.
...but the fact that the article itself is poorly written, and filled with nothing but complete ignorance of the games themselves, while you seem almost proud of not knowing what you are talking about as you type it, effectively renders any point that you might be attempting to make from this failed list, null and void.
Nearly every word of this sounded like the ignorant, self-centered rantings of an unintelligent 6 year old who never owned an NES until 1 week ago, bawing on about "misleading" game covers that actually aren't all that "misleading" whatsoever.
The only thing that could possibly fix the nearly consistently egregious errors strewn throughout this nonsensical so-called list, would be a time machine.
More specifically, the kind of time machine that allows one to go back in time and stop oneself from writing such an overwhelmingly embarrassing article by causing it to never have existed.
Posted 05/05/2009 at 04:17:44 AMSwearing doesn't make you cooler. You watche too much shitpark/southpark. go delete this article.
Posted 05/25/2009 at 01:59:34 AMyou're a druken meany. drunk people sucks
beer sucks
adults sucks
I rule
I'm sort of thinking Chrono Trigger for #11...just what does the cover have to do with the game? There's Chrono, the hero, and a weird creature...game's WAY different.
Posted 06/23/2009 at 11:43:31 PM